She was sobbing quietly, head against his chest. She was drifting between two worlds: one of stark reality, filled with horror, and one that coaxed her into oblivion. She did not know where he was taking her or why, for suddenly it seemed as though she were not really alive at all, merely caught in an eternal limbo of pain and confusion.
He set her on her feet. They were in a narrow alley between two buildings, and a dim light from the street cast shadows over them. She saw the way he was looking at her with eyes of thunder.
His right hand wrapped coldly about her neck as he pressed her against the side of a building. For long moments he just stared at her, and she could feel his hatred. Then he ground out the words: “I don’t know what that was all about, but I wish to God I’d never laid eyes on you. What have I ever done to you that you’d want me dead? You set me up. Dammit to hell, Julie, just what kind of conniving, cold-hearted bitch are you?”
He rushed on, giving her no chance to speak. “That man back there, the one who gave his life for me, who was he? He was supposed to kill me, yet he saved my life because at the last minute you begged him to. What was the reason behind that? Did you suddenly decide that you couldn’t add murder to your list of sins? Well, you did a good job on him…twisted his heart around your finger till he was prepared to die for you. And you murdered him the same as if you’d pulled the trigger yourself!”
“Listen to me, please—” She struggled as his fingers tightened about her throat, making it difficult to get the words out. “Derek, I never knew it was you. I swear. They told me they were after the Gray Devil. That’s all I was told. And Luther knew I was being held against my will, and he loved me. We were running away after tonight—”
He gave her head a shake, banging her painfully against the wall. “None of it makes any sense. You’re a conniving little slut, and you’re the one who should be dead. Hell, I could’ve overlooked it if you’d just turned to being a prostitute, if that’s what it took to survive this goddamn war to keep from starving. I could have accepted it, but to work for the Yankees? To help kill your own people? How could you do it?”
He slapped her then, hard, and his voice spun through blurring lights and spinning stabs of pain: “Damn you to hell, woman! I ought to break your neck and end your worthless life to save other men from your devilish tricks.”
“Then do it!” she screamed, suddenly boiling in a sizzling, rebellious rage. “Go on and kill me. What have I got to live for now, anyway? Everyone who ever loved me is dead. I never loved Luther, but he loved me, and he died because he knew it was you I’d always wanted. But now I hate you as I hated Gordon Fox and all the others who used me. So kill me! You’ll be doing me a favor!”
He squinted as he stared down at her in the shadows. She did not flinch as his fingers moved about her throat once again. “Yes, I would be doing you a favor.” He spoke in that quiet, dread tone she had heard him use so many times to intimidate his crewmen into trembling shreds of manhood. “But I don’t want to do you any favors. You’re going to suffer for what you’ve done. You’re going to have to face the one person who believed in you.”
He grabbed her arm and started jerking her along in the alley. “What are you talking about?” she cried, falling to her knees. He kept dragging her as she screamed, “Stop it! You’re hurting me, Derek! Have you lost your mind? There’s no one left for me. Just kill me and be done with it…“ She dissolved into tears once more, hating herself for being so weak.
He stopped to lift her in his arms as she beat at him with her fists in protest; but when he spoke, her arms fell limply at her sides as she stared at him in shock. “I’m taking you to Myles. I’m going to tell him how I found you, what you’ve become. When he hears the truth, that will be more punishment than any I could give you.”
“Myles is dead! I know he’s dead. He died months ago. Gordon Fox told me—”
“No, he’s not dead, but he’ll wish he was when I dump you at his feet and tell him what a slut his sister is.”
“This is a trick. You’re only trying to hurt me, torture me…”
He ignored her and kept striding purposefully on, holding her so tightly in his arms that she found it painful.
“Derek!”
Julie froze at the sound of the voice from the grave.
“Derek, what in hell? Oh, God, you’ve found her—”
“Yeah, I found her.” Derek all but threw her at his feet, not caring how hard her body landed upon the ground. “Here’s your precious sister you’ve been searching for all this time. And I want to tell you where I found her.”
But Myles was not listening. He was on his knees, cradling Julie in his arms, rocking her to and fro and sobbing with joy as she clung to him.
Then she heard another familiar voice and realized with shock that it was Thomas speaking. And he was calm, not at all upset or disturbed, as he said, “I’m listening to you, Derek. Where did you find her? You didn’t tell us where you were going tonight. We didn’t know you were out looking for her.”
“It was something I had to do myself.” He stared down at Julie and Myles embracing each other on the floor of the livery stable. “I heard about the beautiful woman with the sweet voice who could be had for a price. Tonight I was set up to be with her, to share her bed. She’s not only a prostitute—she’s a goddamn spy for the Yankees. And she had me set up to be murdered.”
“She was held against her will!” Myles said tensely. “We told you that’s why we had to find her.”
“She was going to have me killed!” Derek cried in outrage. “There are three men back there in that hotel room dead instead of me, and one of them saved my life because he loved her so damned much he thought that’s the way she wanted it. Hell, he was crazy! She’s not worth living for, much less dying for!”
Turning, he slammed his fist into a post so hard that it bled. “She’s all yours!” he cried. “They didn’t kill me tonight, but the Gray Devil is dead just the same. I’m getting the hell out of this stinking war. I’ve had enough of the killing, the suffering, all of it!”
“They say it’s over for the South anyway,” Thomas said quietly. “I’ve heard Sherman is headed for Atlanta, on a march to the sea and Savannah.”
Derek walked swiftly to a stall, roughly threw a saddle on a horse, and then led him out. When he was mounted, he stared down at them. “I found her for you, Myles,” he said. “But God help each of you, because it would’ve been better if I hadn’t. From what I’ve seen, she wasn’t worth finding.”
And he rode past them, the horse’s hoofbeats echoing in the stillness of the night.
Myles continued to hold Julie, rocking her gently in his arms, trying to soothe her. Thomas watched in silence for several moments, then went and saddled his horse. When he was done, he murmured, “I think it’s time you two went home, Myles. Take Julie and get her out of all this.”
Myles nodded, staring up at his cousin with sad eyes. “And what about you?” he asked. “Where will you go?”
“I don’t know. Maybe back to the regular army, if they’ll have me. I’ll see the war out to the end. Maybe the South is dying, but I’ll die with it, if need be. Right now, I just need time to think about all that has happened.”
Julie lifted her face from Myles’s shoulder. “You must believe me, Thomas. They held me against my will. And Luther made sure none of the men brought to me ever actually…“ She paused to swallow, shuddering with the memories. “He made sure they were drugged—”
“I understand.” He gave her a sad little smile. “It’s over, Julie. Try not to think about it. God be with you both.”
He rode away, and Myles held her tighter and swore, “We’re going to make it, together. We’ll head west. Lots of southerners are leaving, running to escape the Yankees. For now, let’s just give thanks we’ve found each other, because we’re all we’ve got.”
The ashes of her life floated about her. Myles understood. He always had. Together they would make a new life.<
br />
But inside, she knew a part of her had died. She had found Derek, only to lose him, all in one night. And at long last, she knew that he was the only man she could ever truly love. But that love was not to be.
And there was another memory to haunt her…a deep love she had been unable to return. Tender, warm brown eyes crying in the rain, his life given for the love he had known she always yearned for, even if only in vain.
I’m sorry, Luther, her heart cried with anguish, so very, very sorry.
She closed her eyes, praying to God to forgive her transgressions and hear her plea—that one day, in the hereafter, she would once again see those brown eyes, and they would not be crying in the rain, but smiling with the knowledge that he had given his life for his love.
Somehow she felt God heard, and Luther heard, and so he had not died in vain after all.
For this much, amidst the ruins of her life, she was grateful.
Chapter Thirty-One
Hand in hand, they stood together before the once-proud mansion.
“It’s like a giant tombstone, crumbling and cracked and about to fall any moment to the grave over which it towers,” Julie whispered in pain. “I never knew it would be like this.”
“Look at the rose bushes.” Myles pointed around them. “It’s hard to believe they ever grew in regal beauty, showering our world with their sweetness. They look like scrubby weeds.”
“It’s still our home.”
“Was our home,” he corrected her. “The Yankees will burn it to the ground when they come. All I want is for us to dig up the things you and Sara and Lionel buried and then get out of here.”
She nodded, saddened at the mention of the two people she had lost along the way. They had not stopped in Wilmington to search for them, both agreeing that too much time had passed. The old Negroes would have found a home somewhere. She and Myles had to keep moving, get to Savannah quickly, then be on their way.
“I’ll go look in the barn and see if I can find a shovel.”
Myles started to walk away. “Everything looks as though it’s been stripped clean, and there may not be any tools left.”
“I want to walk through the house.” Julie began climbing the steps. “I want one last look.”
“I’ll go with you,” he said somberly.
Wordlessly they moved through the once great rooms, wincing at the absence of the expensive tapestries, paintings, furniture. The house was completely bare. Even the windows had been stripped of draperies.
“I’d like to know what happened to everything,” Myles remarked as they left the house and moved toward the barn. “Virgil probably sold off everything he could before he went back to England, and I’ve an idea that’s where he headed as quickly as he could. But it’s no matter. We can’t take much with us anyway. Only bare necessities.”
After much searching, they found an old pitchfork in a hayloft. Then they made their way through the brambles and weeds to the cemetery. “When we dig up everything, I’ll go into town and sell them for whatever price I can get. Then we’ll head for Brunswick. That wagon train we heard about is due to leave within the week, and we don’t have much time.”
Julie pointed out the spot where the jewelry and silver had been buried. Myles nodded, then walked to their mother’s grave and stood with head reverently bowed for a moment. Julie followed him, slipping her hand into his as she let the tears flow.
Myles began to dig, and in a few moments called triumphantly, “It’s here! Thank God! There’s enough here to get us all the way to California. We’re going to make it.”
She watched him scratching at the ground with the pitchfork, then stooped to help him retrieve each piece of buried treasure. When she was sure they had found it all, Myles said he would leave immediately for Savannah.
“Are you sure it’s safe?” she asked fearfully. “Someone might see you.”
“Who would care now? Everyone is preparing to run from the Yankees. No one is thinking about you or me. Now you go back to the house and stay there. I’ll try to get back as quickly as I can.”
“Promise me you’ll be careful.” She gave him a hug.
He placed his fingertips on her cheeks and flashed what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “All our worries are behind us. I’m going to buy a wagon, a team of horses, supplies. We’re young, healthy, and by God, we’ve got plenty to be thankful for. Now how about letting me see some sparkle in those eyes before I go?”
She tried, but she knew he was not fooled. They both realized it would be a long time, if ever, before she found peace and true happiness. He had told her how she called out Derek’s name in her sleep and wept over Luther’s death. And he had promised to heal her wounds. She wanted to believe, to hold on to what he was saying, but she knew nothing could ever remove the deep scars upon her heart.
Myles pulled a thatch of hair down over his forehead. “I’ve got to keep this damn brand hidden,” he sighed with bitterness. “That’s all I need, for someone to spot it.”
“Perhaps when we get out West we’ll find some way to have it removed,” she offered.
“I’m not going to wait that long. I’ll burn myself, or something. I’ll do anything to remove it.”
Gathering everything they had retrieved, they took the treasure over to the two weary horses they’d ridden on their journey from Richmond. “I won’t get a trade on these old slackers,” Myles said, patting the rump of the horse that bore the bags of silver and jewelry. “They’re worn out. I’ll do the best I can, though. Now you get along back to the house and wait for my return. I intend to do some serious bargaining and get as much as possible for each piece.”
After he had gone, Julie wandered through the house once again. It was hard to envision the gala balls and parties that had taken place there so long ago. Even more difficult was to recall herself as a child growing up within the high-ceilinged rooms. This was but a shell of a house, already dead and merely waiting to be buried.
Her stomach rumbled with hunger. She thought of the root cellar out back, where Sara had stored vegetables so long ago. In the gathering dusk she hurried there, but just as she had feared, everything had long ago rotted and was unfit for eating.
No matter, she thought with determination, climbing back up the ladder. Myles would bring food when he returned. She could stand the gnawing hunger cramps. She felt she could face just about anything these days.
Smoothing the skirt of the baggy dress she wore, she recalled how guilty she had felt when Myles stole it off the fence behind some woman’s house outside Richmond. But there had been no choice. The night Derek had carried her from the hotel, she was wearing only a dressing gown, and she certainly could not go traveling about in that. And Myles had no money with which to buy clothing for her.
She stared toward the silent, empty servants’ cabins as she walked by them. Where had all those people gone? She hoped they had found some kind of happiness, that Virgil had not made life miserable for them while they were there.
Virgil. The thought of him made her feel sick. He had to have been the one to strip the house so completely. She only hoped he had returned to England and was gone from her life forever.
The night was warm and she walked about the grounds, feeling pain at seeing the unkempt gardens. It would be a relief to leave, and she was glad when darkness finally came so she would not have to witness the decay any longer.
She went upstairs to what had once been her room and lay down in a corner of the hardwood floor, trying not to hear the noises of the night, the way the wind howled through the pecan and magnolia trees to push her further into loneliness.
Finally she drifted away to sleep, only to be awakened by the sound of footsteps creaking up the stairway. Joyfully she jumped up, calling, “Myles, thank God, you’re back…”
Hurrying from the room, she was washed over with relief. Now they could be on their way by morning, sooner than they had dared hope.
“How were you able to sell everything s
o quickly?” she called, laughing with joy. “And what time is it? I hope you brought food. I’m famished.”
There was no answer.
An icy finger punctured her heart. She froze where she stood. The footsteps were coming down the hall. When it was too late to run and hide, she realized with terror that it was not Myles approaching. But who? A stranger? And what was she to do? She had nothing with which to defend herself. She was helpless!
“I thought I’d find you here, Julie.”
She backed away, turning about blindly in the darkness as her brain screamed in rejection. It couldn’t be! Terror such as she had never known gripped every inch of her body. Her legs became wooden, immobile. It was like trying to run through a nightmare, fighting through a thick fog, with the wind in her lungs being sucked out by some unseen monster.
“I saw your dear brother in town. It was no accident. You see, I knew you would one day return. I stripped the house. Sold everything. Even the slaves and the mules and the chickens and the hogs. I got everything I could from this miserable place, so it wouldn’t be here for the Yankees. And they are coming, you know. Atlanta is in flames.”
The voice was smugly confident. It was coming closer as Julie clawed blindly to free herself from the invisible web that held her prisoner.
“I admit I had almost given up hope. It has been a long time. But I had nothing except time on my hands, so I waited. You cut me badly that day, my lovely lady. I almost bled to death. But I lived, vowing to have my revenge. Now it’s upon me, the moment I’ve been waiting for.”
She reached the end of the hall, her back to the window. She fought to slide it open, knowing she would leap out, not caring that death awaited her. The grave would be a sweet release from the torment bearing down upon her.
“You’re mine now,” he chuckled. “I’ll have you over and over and over. When Myles returns, I’ll be waiting to kill him. No one will ever know or care, because I’m going to take you away to a secret place I’ve found. Then I will have my fill of you, and when I’m done, I will take great pleasure in disfiguring that beautiful face of yours so you will never again beguile any man.”
Souls Aflame Page 45