by Cooke, J. S.
He’d snuggled into me and said, “Okay then. Sunday it is.” We’d fallen asleep like that and when I woke up on Saturday morning it was to the smell of pancakes and bacon. For just a fraction of a second I thought he cooked. I realized after he presented me with a silver tray that he’d had it delivered, but it was the thought that counted. We spent the morning together and before he left to deal with some business before the fight, he handed me a bunch of cash and told me to buy whatever I needed for the wedding.
I drifted off to sleep dreaming of getting married. I was awoken several hours later by a beating on the door. I sat bolt upright in bed. My pulse was pounding. I felt myself instantly break out in a sweat. I looked at the clock at the bedside. It was 4:15 a.m. I looked at my phone. There were no texts or missed calls from Cruz. The pounding started again. I wondered if that was Cruz and he forgot his key. I slipped on my robe and went out to the living room. When I peeked out the hole my heart sank from my chest down into my belly. There were two men at the door. One of them was a uniformed cop. The other was in a suit and tie, but I could see the badge clipped to his hip.
“Can I help you?”
“Yes ma’am. I’m Officer Davis and this is Detective Jenkins. Does Cruz Diaz live here?”
“Yes, but he’s not here right now.” The next thing he said ignited the panic attack.
“Yes ma’am, we know. It’s you we really need to talk to. Are you his wife?”
“Fiancé,” I said in a shaky voice. Why do they know that Cruz isn’t home?
“Ma’am, can we come inside?”
I unlocked the deadbolt but left the hotel chain on and pulled it open a crack. “Why do you need to come in? Is Cruz in some kind of trouble?”
“I’d really like to come in and talk to you rather than tell you something like this out in the hallway.” That was when I threw open the door.
“Something like what?” I asked him. I was panting. I couldn’t get a full breath.
They both stepped inside. The uniformed officer closed the door behind us and the detective took over then and said, “Can we sit down?”
“No! Please, just tell me what kind of trouble he’s in.”
“Ma’am I’m afraid there has been an accident. Mr. Diaz is dead. He was killed instantly.”
All I heard was “dead.” Fate was a cruel bitch. Cruz and I had just started coming around to being a real couple after all of the years. He was going to marry me and we were going to have a baby and be a family, and just like that, I was alone. I must have looked like I would pass out because the detective physically took my arm and led me over to the sofa. I could feel the tears in my eyes but they weren’t spilling. Oh Jesus! I suddenly had to rock myself back and forth. Cruz was dead. Fuck!
“What happened? Was he in a limo or a cab…?”
“No ma’am, he was with his brother, in his truck.”
“His brother? Kane?”
“Yes ma’am. Somehow the driver lost control. They hit a power pole.”
“Is Kane okay?”
“He was taken to Las Vegas General.”
I held my breath with the next question. “Were they drinking?”
“We haven’t finished the investigation yet, Miss. Is there someone we can call for you?”
I shook my head. There was no one. Without Cruz, I was all alone. The grief began coming in waves, threatening to consume me. The tears finally began to spill and within minutes I was heaving gigantic, almost suffocating sobs that wracked my entire body. I was shaking all over and I lay down on the couch and curled up into a fetal position. I forgot the detectives were there. When I remembered, I pulled myself together long enough to show them out the door, and then I returned to the couch and my grief.
__ Chapter 14 __
KANE
My body jerked forward and propelled into the steering wheel. The airbag inflated and pushed me back, crushing me against the seat. I couldn’t breathe! I was hanging upside down against my seatbelt and the airbag. There was shattered glass everywhere. I saw the mark on the windshield and I reached up and put my fingers against my forehead. When I pulled them back, they were covered with blood. I could see steam rising from the front of the vehicle and the smell of burning fuel filled the air. I really couldn’t breathe. The seatbelt was suffocating me. I was pulling at it, trying to get it off but it was stuck. I reached out from behind the airbag to try to get to the glove compartment and that’s when I saw Cruz. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized he was with me. He was also upside down in his seatbelt, but the force of the impact had pushed the whole side of the pickup in and my brother was crushed against the side of it. I opened my mouth, and I heard myself screaming. I didn’t open my eyes, but I heard a commotion and the next thing I know I was getting really sleepy again. I finally closed them and succumbed to peace.
EARLIER
I jogged out of the cage and up the aisle surrounded by my team. I was the light heavyweight champion by a knockout in the second round. Everyone was yelling my name. The music and the roar of the crowd were deafening. My security team and my fight team surrounded me so that I could make it back to the locker room and get checked out and patched up before I had to go talk to the reporters. Someone had brought champagne. It was flowing freely in the locker room. All I had were a few cuts around my eyes and mouth, none of which needed stitches. The team medic patched me up. I drank to several toasts that my buddies and even my brother made for me.
When Cruz and I finally got a moment alone he said, “I’m proud of you Pappy.”
“Thank you. That really means a lot to me.”
He smiled and said, “You showed that big son of a bitch what a border rat could do. I couldn’t have done it better myself.”
“If you keep training, you can take the heavyweight, I know you can.”
He looked over at Brock who was on the other side of the room. Nodding, he said, “Maybe. I have some other things going on in my life right now though Pappy. Is Papa here?”
“No, he watched from home. He doesn’t like to be here.”
Cruz nodded and said, “He’s afraid he couldn’t handle seeing his golden boy get hit in the face.”
“Cruz please don’t start tonight.”
“I’m not Pappy. There’s something I want to tell you both.” We were interrupted by someone then and while I talked I had another glass of champagne and forgot all about whatever it was Cruz wanted to tell me and Papa. I couldn’t imagine what that could be.
The party in the locker room went on for at least an hour before they cleared out and I was able to take a shower. I was higher than I’d ever been and I wondered if this was what it felt like to do drugs. After I dressed, I text Mila to let her know I was okay, I’d won and the after party was at a club at the MGM where the fight had been held. It was already late so she text me back congratulations and she was proud of me and, “I’ll leave the key under the mat for you, it doesn’t matter what time. Please come see me.”
I was just walking out of the locker room when Cruz reappeared. We walked up to the top of the hotel where the after party was. There were hundreds of people there. Most of them were coming up and talking to me like they knew me and I had no idea who they were. Every time I turned around someone was handing me another drink. I wasn’t worried about it because I’d ridden there in the limousine, so I took them and I drank most of them. Cruz was mingling and flirting, but he hadn’t left with any of the women, so we were getting along fine. Jacob was talking about me fighting for the heavyweight title some day, and all of it was overwhelming and thrilling at the same time.
Around two a.m. Cruz told me he had a car waiting downstairs. He wanted me to go with him to get something to eat. We got in the car and when the driver asked where we were going, Cruz gave him my address.
“Why are we going to my house?” I was a bit drunk or I would have protested harder. I should have known it was going to turn out all bad.
“I have something I want to tell you. I wa
nt your Papa to hear it too.”
“Our Papa. Cruz it’s two in the morning. He’s going to be pissed about being woken up at this time.”
“He’ll get over it. What I have to say is good news, I promise.”
I was skeptical, but like I said, I was drunk, so I didn’t protest too much. Before I knew it, the car was dropping us off in front of the modest three bedroom house Papa and I bought in North Las Vegas. Now I could probably afford to buy my own. I had that thought as I followed Cruz up the walkway. He seemed excited like I hadn’t seen him in a long time. He was always hyper and over-zealous about things, but there was something different about him.
I unlocked the door and let us in. He looked around the living room and I could see he was holding back a smart-ass remark. “It’s just me and Papa. Neither of us are interior decorators.”
He laughed then. “I can see that. Thank God for Our Lady of Fatima or your walls would be bare.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
He put a finger to his lips and said, “Shh, not in front of the Virgin Mary.” I rolled my eyes and could hear him laughing as I stumbled down the hall to wake Papa. I cracked open his door. He sat straight up in bed.
“What’s wrong Kane?”
I went over closer to the bed and I could see his face in the moonlight. He scowled at me and said, “You smell like booze.”
“Sorry Papa, we had a big party. I won!”
He softened then and smiled. “I know, I watched. I’m proud of you.”
“Thank you, Papa. Cruz is here.”
The smile fell off of his face and he said, “What does he want?”
“He needs to tell us something. Can we just hear him out, Papa, please?”
“What could he possibly need to tell us? Has he decided to stop being a criminal? Is he going to leave town so Alicia can be with the right brother?”
“Papa, please stop. He’s your son!”
“He’s a gangster. He’s a common criminal. I disowned him a long time ago and nothing he has to say means anything to me unless it’s that he’s leaving and going back to Mexico or at least somewhere far away. I don’t want him here interfering in your life. I brought you here to get you away from men like him.” I was about to defend my brother again when I heard the creak of a floorboard outside my father’s room. I shook my head at my Papa in disgust and I went out after Cruz. By the time I got out there, he was already going out the front door.
“Cruz, wait up!”
“It’s okay Pappy. Go back in there with your father. I’m going home to my wife.”
He was walking down the middle of the street and not in a very straight line. “Wait, please. Your wife? Is that what you wanted to tell us? You and Alicia got married?” I was trying so hard to feel some kind of happiness for him around the dagger that seemed to be penetrating my heart.
“It doesn’t matter anymore. She’s my family. She’s where I belong. I’m going to marry her and take her away from here so you can live your life in peace.”
“Cruz! Papa said that, not me. I always wanted you here. You can make it in this business and you can stop doing that shit that will get you killed or in jail one of these days.”
“No Pappy, I can’t. I can’t because I don’t know how to live any life other than the one I’ve been living since I was fourteen years old.”
“Stop it! You’re just making excuses. You’re an adult now. You can change anything about your life that you want to.”
We were walking up the street. I was chasing him and actually getting winded trying to keep up. We came to the corner, and a car came barreling around right towards us. Cruz saw him first and pulled me out of the way. We were both unsteady on our feet and we fell into the dirt alongside the road. Something about it struck Cruz as funny. I think it was just the alcohol in his system. He started laughing and his laughter was contagious to me, probably the alcohol as well. We lay there like a couple of drunken hobos and laughed over nothing. I don’t know how much time passed when Cruz finally sat up and said,
“How far are we from the strip?”
“About six miles.”
“Fuck, I’ll get mowed over or arrested by the time I make it that far.”
“Let’s go back to the house. I’ll call a Uber for you, or a cab.”
“Just take me home,” he said. “I want to tell you my news but not in front of that hateful old man.”
“Tell me now.”
He looked around. We were alongside the paved road in the dirt and gravel. Behind us there was nothing but desert for miles. “Take me home and Alicia can tell you with me.”
“You already told me you’re getting married.” I was still trying to be okay with that.
“It’s not that. Come on, Pappy. When was the last time I asked you to do anything for me?”
I laughed. “A few days ago.”
“Jeez, you have a memory like a fucking elephant. Okay fine, just do it for me because I’m your brother and you love me. It’s important. I never have good news.”
That was my window of opportunity right there. That was the point where I should have said, “No, nope, no fucking way. I’m drunk. You’re drunk. We can take a cab.” Instead I rationalized that since I was well aware of what was going on around me right then, I must not be too drunk to drive. I’m sure it’s what every drunk in history who has ever gotten behind the wheel of a car thinks, right?
“Okay, let’s go.” It was three-thirty a.m. when we left my house and headed back towards the strip. Conan’s apartment where Cruz and Alicia were staying wasn’t far off the strip. We were talking and laughing and I was just thinking how great it was. It was like old times. All I needed to do was get over the fact that Alicia had chosen him and maybe I could have my brother back. I heard Cruz whistle. I looked over at him. He was looking out the window at a group of girls who looked like rich, white college girls stopped along the side of the road. It wasn’t the best place for them to be that late at night, but I saw one of them puking on the side of the car. They’d partied too much. It wasn’t an unusual sight in Vegas.
“Wait Pappy, they look lost. Let’s stop.”
“No Cruz. They’re not lost, they’re drunk.”
He laughed and said, “All the better.”
“It’s the fucking middle of the night. I’m not stopping. I thought you were going to…” That’s the last thing I remember saying. Cruz reached over and grabbed the wheel and tried to get me to make a U-turn. I panicked and hit the gas instead of the brake. We were doing about seventy-five mph when I broadsided the telephone pole. If the girls hadn’t been there with their phones, I may have bled or burnt to death before help got there.
__ Chapter 15 __
SIX MONTHS LATER
KANE
Jacob was looking at me like he’d lost any respect he ever had for me as we made our way up the steps of the courthouse. My accident and news of my brother’s death was big news in Vegas and all across the MMA circuit. I killed my brother the night I won the title. It was the stuff that selling newspapers was made of. The courthouse steps were packed with reporters and lookie loo’s. I’d been to court three times already. The first time was a bail hearing. I didn’t request bail. My attorney, who happened to be Jacob’s brother, did. Jacob paid it, I assumed. The next hearing was about the DUI charge I was originally arrested on. Ian got them to drop that since I was below the legal limits. The D.A. argued that had that blood been taken at the scene it would have been higher. Ian argued that since it wasn’t taken at the scene, the D.A. had no way of knowing that. Ian won. That charge was thrown out. As soon as I walked out of the courthouse that day, I was rearrested for vehicular manslaughter/reckless driving. The D.A. wanted to make an example of me, Ian said, because it was an election year. I didn’t really give a shit. All I wanted was to get home so I could have a drink. I was back again to plead on that charge and I was determined to plead guilty and just get the shit over with. Jacob was livid about that. He wanted me t
o fight. Once we were past the reporters and inside he said,
“Kane, you can’t do this. You can’t just throw your life away like this.”
“I threw my life away the night I killed my brother, Jacob. Could you live with killing Ian and not having any consequences for it?”
“No consequences? You lost your brother. You spent three weeks in the hospital fighting for your own life. Then you were arrested as soon as you walked out of there. You were released and then rearrested. Look at you. Your hands are shaking right now because you need a drink. You drink like a fucking fish and you’ll probably drink yourself to death one day if you don’t get your ass into rehab. Your father died two months after you got out of the hospital and although he didn’t even have a relationship with Cruz, you blame yourself for that. You’re a fucking mess Kane. You paid for your part in that accident. You’ll keep paying for it, but not like this. Not in prison. Ian says if you walk in there and plead guilty you will spend at least two years in prison, and depending on the judge, you could get ten. Ten years, Kane. In a cage. You’ve paid enough.”
“Cruz paid with his life.”
Jacob sighed. He may have even growled. He was pissed. His face was red and the vein in his temple was throbbing. I didn’t care. I was so angry at myself I expected everyone else to be angry with me too. That’s why I couldn’t stop drinking. When I sobered up, I had to remember that I killed my brother.
“Cruz grabbed the wheel Kane! That’s what you told the police when you woke up no matter what you say now. He was drunk. His blood alcohol during autopsy was three times the legal limits. Yours was .07. Should you have been driving? Probably not. Would you have had the accident if Cruz hadn’t grabbed the wheel? Probably not. The witnesses to the accident didn’t see what happened inside the truck, but their reports are consistent with what you told the police when you first woke up. Ian says if you go in there and plead not guilty and tell the judge what happened, he might even just dismiss this.”
“And then what?”