by Ao Jyumonji
“You’re too imprecise.”
“I don’t sweat the small stuff, so call me magnanimous!” Ranta exclaimed. “It means kingly! Because I’m fit to be a king!”
“No, it doesn’t quite mean that,” Merry coldly corrected him.
With an “Urkh...” Ranta fell silent, though only momentarily. He recovered in no time. “—Well, what, then?! Haruhiro! What did you vote in favor for?! Spill your guts! Come on, puke!”
Yume grimaced. “That’s filthy...”
“...Yeah... His very existence is...” Shihoru said, looking at Ranta as if he were something unclean.
Hold on, his very existence is? Haruhiro thought. Little harsh there, Shihoru? Well, Ranta doesn’t seem to care, so it’s fine, I guess. Still, it’s impressive he can just take that. If she said that to me, it’d get me down, and I probably wouldn’t recover for a while.
“I’d like to know...” Moguzo took a sip of his beer. “I’d like to know your reason for it, too... maybe? I thought you were opposing it because you were concerned for all of us. You know... since you’re our leader.”
“He’s garbage at it, though!” Ranta knocked back his beer, then guffawed heartily.
“That’s not true,” Moguzo protested. “Haruhiro-kun is trying his hardest for us!”
“Yeah, yeah! Moguzo’s right! Haru-kun’s doin’ a great job!” Yume added.
“...I think so, too,” Shihoru put in.
“Agreed,” Merry finished.
“What’s this?” Ranta shouted. “Ganging up on me?! Well, I don’t care, it doesn’t matter to me one bit! Bring it on!”
Haruhiro covered his mouth with his hand. Oh, man. Oh, man. I must have the dumbest grin on my face right now. Somehow, they have a higher opinion of my work than I expected...? Well, Ranta’s opinion was a bit off. Then again, Ranta himself is a bit off.
But this isn’t the time to feel all giddy about it.
Haruhiro coughed politely. “There were various reasons...”
Like being worried about Choco.
He didn’t know much about Choco’s party, but he was sure they weren’t hyper competent rookies like Team Renji. If they were, the other volunteer soldiers would have talked, and Haruhiro would have heard about it.
Haruhiro’s party wasn’t particularly strong, but if an even more inexperienced group was planning to join an operation to attack an orcish keep, that was just reckless. It was clearly way too dangerous.
That said, even if they joined the operation as well, that wouldn’t mean he could protect Choco. After all, they weren’t in the same party. But if he were close by when something happened, he might be able to help a little.
I can’t say that, though.
I can’t tell my comrades that, of course.
Besides, Choco being there was just an added bonus.
More than anything, Haruhiro had decided they should accept the order for their own sakes.
“First, there’s the reward,” he said. “The fact that we’ll be getting one gold between the advance payment and the rest of the payment is a big deal. If it’s not wrapped up in a day, from the second day on we’ll be given a stipend of 30 silver a day. Also, there may be special compensation awarded in the field, too, right, Ranta?”
“Yeah,” Ranta said, shrugging his shoulders. He was probably trying to look cool, but he didn’t. “If we take down strong enemies, like their commanders, I guess. Sounds like there’s a lot of stuff like that.”
“Well, I don’t think we need to actively aim for them if it would mean pushing ourselves,” Haruhiro said, slapping his hands down on the table. “—That’s the point.”
“Hmm?” Yume asked, screwing up her face and tilting her head to the side. “What’s the point?”
“You know, for this order, we get paid just for participating in it, right?” Haruhiro asked. “Even if we can’t accomplish—or don’t accomplish—anything, we’ll receive the fixed payment. If things look bad, we don’t have to do anything crazy.”
“You gutless coward!” Ranta flipped him the bird and stuck his tongue out. “You loser!”
“Call me whatever you want. I don’t care in the slightest.”
“Haruhiro, you weakling!” Ranta shouted.
“Yeah, yeah.”
“You piece of shit!”
“...Come on, man.”
“You’re small, too!” Ranta added.
“That’s got nothing to do with this!”
“Small...?” Yume asked, puffing up one of her cheeks and tilting her head to the side.
“...Y-Yume, he means...” Shihoru began.
What was Shihoru trying to explain to her in a whisper? Haruhiro couldn’t say he wasn’t curious.
“Anyway,” Haruhiro said, scratching his head.
He had agonized a lot before coming to this decision. Finding out Choco’s party would be participating in the operation had just given him an excuse. It had only been that, an excuse; it hadn’t been the deciding factor. This was the decision he’d come to after all that agonizing.
“Rather than try to pull off some glorious display of heroics, it’s better if we all make it out of this safely,” Haruhiro said. “That’s what I think. But our line of work isn’t so easy that we’ll be able to get through it without taking any risks whatsoever. If we want to live longer in this harsh environment, we have to get stronger. We need to build up more experience. They say you’re not a real volunteer soldier until you’ve killed an orc. So there’s going to come a time when we have to challenge ourselves to face orcs. In that case, why not do it now? During this operation, we’ll have other volunteer soldiers with us, so it’s not a bad situation to do it in, right?”
Shihoru gulped.
Yume said “Ooh,” her eyes widening with excitement.
Moguzo looked intently at Haruhiro while Merry listened quietly.
“Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh...” Ranta suddenly put on a villainous smile. “Wahahahaha! Gwahahahaha! Haruhirooo! Your really are a hoooooooopelessly, seriously, pitifully pathetic chicken, huh?! Aren’t you embarrassed to even be alive? Hmmmm?”
“...Right back at you. I’m amazed you can live with yourself with that awful personality of yours.”
“Awful personalityyyyyy? Huhhhhhhhhh? What are you talking abouuuuuuut? I just tell it like it is, you knoooooooow?”
If I see that line the next time I’m behind Ranta, I’ll Backstab him without hesitation.
Well, for now, I have to hold back. Yeah. Okay. Patience, patience, patience, patience. If I give him the time of day, he’ll just get worse. Ignore him.
“Besides,” Haruhiro said aloud, “say what you will about us, we’re the party that took down Death Spots. And the keep this time is called Deadhead. The names are close. I dunno, don’t you think it’s a sign? It could be.”
“Wow!” Moguzo’s huge body bent backwards. He must have been surprised, but he ended up surprising Haruhiro, too. “N-Now that you mention it, you’re right! Death Spots and Deadhead... I never noticed...!”
Yume looked excited. “Whoo. Yume, too. Yume, too. That’s right. Death Spots and Deck Rot, they’re real similar. But Death Spots sounds like date spot, too, huh?”
“...Not Deck Rot, Deadhead, okay?” Haruhiro corrected her, as if out of some sense of duty. “‘Death Spots’ and ‘date spot’ are kind of close, though... Anyway, are you against it after all, Yume?”
“Hmmmeow,” Yume said. “If everyone says they’re gonna do it, y’know, Yume’s gonna think it’s okay to try it, too.”
“How about you, Merry?” he asked.
Merry nodded with something resembling a smile. “If that’s what everyone’s decided, I’m okay with it. I’ll just do everything I can to keep you all alive.”
“M-Me, too!” Moguzo thumped his chest. “My role’s different from Merry’s, but if I do my job right, it helps to protect everyone! I’ll do it! I’ll work hard!”
“Well, then,” Ranta grinned. “It’s unanimous.
Everyone’s hugely in favor, right?”
Ranta, the man with a smile that pisses people off. Oh, how I envy that gift of his.
No, not really.
Like I ever would.
Haruhiro lifted his porcelain mug full of mead. “Let’s go with that.”
Chapter 7: Late Into the Night
Once the decision was made, the time flew by.
They went to the Volunteer Soldier Corps office to accept the order, went about their work as normal, waited nervously for the moment to come, and now the operation was tomorrow.
They were to gather first thing tomorrow morning—though, actually, because the assault on Deadhead Watching Keep and Riverside Iron Fortress began at dawn, they had to be at the north gate of Alterna by three o’clock in the morning.
The bells in Alterna only rang from six in the morning to six at night in two hour intervals, and Haruhiro and the others didn’t own a clock. They had seen them for sale, but apparently only dwarven craftsmen could make them, or something like that, so the price was high enough to make their eyes bulge out. Fortunately, there was a wall clock in the front hall of the volunteer soldier lodging house, so they could check the time there.
They aimed to rise from their beds at two o’clock—or thereabouts. Well, if even one of them woke up around then, they just had to go around rousing everyone else, so it’d work out somehow.
In preparation for tomorrow, Haruhiro and the others went to sleep around sunset. More precisely, that was when they lay down to bed and started trying to get some sleep.
“—This is impossible!”
In the darkened room, Ranta was the first to start squirming, of course, but this time Haruhiro felt the same way.
“You can’t just suddenly expect us to fall asleep at this time of day...” Ranta griped.
“Y-Yeah...” Apparently Moguzo agreed. “I can never get enough sleep, but I’m not tired yet...”
“If we can’t sleep anyway, you wanna go?!” Ranta shouted. “Launch a little raid?!”
“What do you mean ‘a raid’...? Hold on, Ranta, we’re already having enough trouble trying to get to sleep, so pipe down a little, would you?” Haruhiro complained.
“U-Um, Ranta-kun, go where?” Moguzo stuttered.
“Huh?! Buddy, I mean the girls’ room, of course!”
“Huh...?” Moguzo asked.
“There’s no way we’re going...” Haruhiro said with a sigh. “Besides, what would you go there for?”
“What would I go there for?” Ranta demanded. “There’s only one thing.”
“One thing?”
“The one thing is... that one thing!”
“Again, what thing?” Haruhiro asked.
“Ah—”
“Ah?”
“Uh.”
“Uh?”
“Boo...”
“Boo? What?”
“...What starts with ‘boo’?” Ranta asked.
“Don’t ask me,” Haruhiro said. “You’re the one who started this. Are you just making it up as you go along? If you haven’t thought of something, why not just say so?”
“I have been thinking! I’ve been thinking like crazy! Boo... B-Boo... Moguzo! Boo!”
“M-Me?” Moguzo stammered. “Boo...? Bo... Boo... Boooo....”
“Keep it up, Moguzo! It’s coming out! You’re almost there! Go on!”
“...Bootlicking?”
“You dolt! Moguzo, you moron! What kind of guy charges into the girls room, then asks them to lick boots with him?! Are you some king of pervert?! If it starts with ‘boo,’ I can only mean one thing! Boobs, duh!”
“...Uwah.”
“What, Haruhiro? What’s the ‘uwah’ for? You like boobs, too! Because you’re a dude! If you call yourself a man, all of us love boobs!”
“Don’t just decide that...” Haruhiro muttered.
“Oh, ho. Well, do you hate them, then? If there were a pair of boobs in front of you right now, you wouldn’t feel anything? I’m talking a nice hefty pair of knockers here, you know?”
“...Well, it’s not like I wouldn’t feel anything.”
“Moguzo, you like ’em too, right?” Ranta demanded. “Boobs.”
“Huh...? W-Well... Sure, as much as the next guy...”
“Stop it, Moguzo,” Haruhiro said. “You don’t have to engage with him.”
“See! You both like them, too! Gwahaha! In the end, you’re male, too! Now, let’s go, come on!”
“Seriously, what are you going to do there?” Haruhiro demanded.
“I’m gonna squeeze them, that’s what!” Ranta declared. “I’ll squeeze them! I’ll squeeze them like crazy!”
“...That’s practically rape, man.”
“I’m not gonna go that far!” Ranta snapped. “I’m just gonna squeeze them! I’ll just squeeze their boobs, that’s all! That ought to be fine! It’s all okay!”
“No, that’s not okay to do, as a person...”
“Well, yeah,” Ranta agreed suddenly.
“Right?” Haruhiro said.
“Besides, it’d be awkward, y’know,” Ranta added. “Even if I forced them to let me squeeze them, it’d be pointless, wouldn’t it? What then? I want a ‘You can squeeze them.’ Or rather, a ‘Please, squeeze them.’ It’s gotta be something like that. You’ve gotta have love.”
“What’s this, all of a sudden?” Haruhiro asked. “You’re creeping me out.”
“You moron, this is the time for talking about love, obviously!” Ranta shouted. “You know what’s up, right? Yume and Shihoru’ll be doing it too. No doubt about it. They’re doing it. They’re doing it like crazy. I mean, they’re girls, after all.”
“Yeah...” Moguzo grunted in agreement.
Haruhiro turned over in bed. “...Is that how it is?”
“Damn straight it is,” Ranta said firmly. “Girls and talking about love are inseparable. They’re as closely connected as old men and fires. Yeah. Forget that comparison. It failed. But these creatures called girls, their heads are seriously, seriously filled with nothing but love. They’re talking about it now. ‘Shihoru, Shihoru, who do you like? Whaa? What about you, Yume?’ Like that. They are so doing it.”
“No... I’ll bet they aren’t talking about anything like that.”
“Haruhiro, you don’t get girls at all,” Ranta said scornfully. “They’re these bizarre little creatures who would sooner fall in love than eat. When they fall down, they don’t just get up. They fall in love. If they fall down seven times, they’ll fall in love eight. That’s what girls are like. So? How about you?”
“Huh? How about what?” Haruhiro asked.
“Who do you like?”
“Huh...?”
Perhaps it was because he was completely unprepared for the question. Bam, bam... Two faces appeared in his vision. The order they appeared in was... Haruhiro wasn’t sure, himself. The two faces seemed to flicker back and forth.
“...What do you mean, who?” he asked.
“Want me to take a guess? It’s Yume, yeah?”
“Wha—”
“Bullseye, huh? Merry’s got the best looks, no question there, but she’s clearly out of your league. Shihoru’s got huge boobs, which is a big point in her favor. Her face is decently cute, too. But that personality of hers seems like a pain, and she doesn’t talk to guys much, anyway. An indecisive guy with low self-esteem like you is gonna go for an airhead like Yume. That’s just how it is.”
“...Well, sorry for being indecisive,” Haruhiro snapped.
“It’s not okay. It’s annoying. Girls don’t go for that, man,” Ranta said. “To be blunt.”
“I’m pretty sure girls aren’t into you, either, for an entirely different reason.”
Also, you weren’t even right. He almost said it, but Haruhiro was under no obligation to correct Ranta. That’s not how it is. I don’t have any feelings of love. At least, it hasn’t gone that far yet—I think. Probably.
“Ha!” Ranta declared. “You’re th
e kind of moron who can’t tell that I ooze charm. That’s why girls aren’t into you. Haruhiro, that’s enough out of you. Moguzo, what about you? Who do you like?”
“I-It’s not that there’s anyone I like, or anything...”
“Nuh-uh, there’s gotta be someone,” Ranta said confidently. “If there are men and there are women, there’s no way you don’t have someone! Our male instincts naturally select a female.”
“It sounds so raw... when you put it like that...” Moguzo murmured.
“That’s because we’re alive. We’re young, too! If we aren’t raw and full of life, what are we? Let’s cut to the chase! Moguzo, who do you want to breed with?!”
“Ranta...” Haruhiro said with exasperation.
“Huh? What, Haruhiro? I’m just putting it plainly. Because when a man is looking for a woman, that’s basically what it’s about.”
“B-But, Ranta-kun,” Moguzo stammered. “I don’t think like that... You know?”
“Well, what do you think like? Come on, say it. Talk.”
“It’s more like... I admire her, you could say,” Moguzo said.
“Oh, ho?”
“Or I sometimes think... ‘She’s so pretty...’”
“So, Moguzo, you’re gunning for Merry, then!”
“Whaa?! H-How did you know?! I-I’m not gunning for her, though...”
“Of course I’d know,” Ranta smirked. “If you say pretty, Merry’s the only one of them that fits.”
Haruhiro shook his head. “...You only ever say things you shouldn’t.”
“Wroooong,” Ranta retorted. “I’m a man who only speaks the truuuuth. No matter how you look at Yume or Shihoru, neither of them is what you’d call a real beauty. Dig the wax out of those sleepy eyes of yours and take a proper look, dammit.”
“You don’t dig wax out of your eyes, that’d go terribly, and how many times do I have to tell you not to talk about my eyes?” Haruhiro asked.
“Still, though,” Ranta mused. “Moguzo wants Merry, huh. Nice choice. Yep, that’s my partner for you.”
Moguzo laughed nervously. “Ha... hahaha... Um, but, I just think she’s pretty, that’s all...”
“Still, man, Merry said it herself,” Ranta added. “If she had to choose one of us, it’d be Moguzo, or something like that.”