by Ao Jyumonji
“Hey, now!” Bri-chan called, clapping his hands. “All of you darlings, pay attention! Gather around me, right now! I’m going to give a rundown of the plan! Okay? Quickly now! Hurry, scurry!”
Chapter 9: To My Little Kittens
“—And that’s about the sum of it.”
Bri-chan had a cleft chin. Not just a slight cleft, either: it was a deep, clear cleft. His lips were dark black. He probably wore black lipstick. If they were that color without lipstick, he would be a monster. He had a lot of eyelashes and they were fluttery. Were those natural? His cheeks were red. It looked like he wore rouge. Actually, he wore way too much make-up.
Today’s Bri-chan was fully clad in armor and had a sword at his hip. He still wriggled when he moved, though. Scary.
His armor had the hexagram carved into it, so was he a paladin like Brigadier General Wren Water?
Bri-chan had a strange sparkle in his light blue eyes, and his hips were swaying. “The area outside of Deadhead Watching Keep is as I was just saying. To quickly review, camps centered around towers are dotted around the area near the fortress. In each of these camps there are two to five orcs. Well, I think most of you here would know, but since a handful of you look like you don’t, I’ll say this just to be sure. These camps and the keep itself are collectively called Deadhead Watching Keep. Everyone follow me so far? Any questions? No? None, right? It would be a problem for me if there were. Anyway, next I’ll talk about the keep itself.”
Bri-chan spread out a map on the ground, illuminating it with a lamp. It looked like a map of the main keep at Deadhead Watching Keep. He now pointed at it.
“The walls surrounding the keep are around six meters high on the south side, where the main gate is. They’re lower on the east and west sides, about four meters high. On the north side with the rear gate, they’re around five meters. If we’re going to go over the walls and get into the keep, we have to use the exterior stairs to go up to the roof. There’s no entrance on the first floor, you see. So, the entrance is here,” Bri-chan said, using the tip of his sheathed sword to point at a spot on the roof.
“—I’m sure you can tell just by looking,” he continued, “but it’s built so that the southeast corner of the wall is connected to the keep. The exterior stairs are on the east side, way towards at the south, see? In short, even if we go in through the main gate at the south, we’ll have to go almost the entire way around clockwise to reach the stairs. So, if we race up the stairs and go inside through the roof entrance, now we’ll have to go all the way back down to the first floor. You all realize why it’s been designed in such a cumbersome way, right? For defense, of course. Once we go all the way down to the first floor, there are more stairs going up to the watch towers in the northwest, southwest, and northeast.
“—Ah, right, right, I should say this for our rookies’ benefit, this keep has three watch towers sticking up out of it. That’s where the ‘Watching Keep’ part of the name comes from. We anticipate that the enemy boss, the keeper, will be in one of these three towers. Do you have the image down in your head, for the most part?”
Haruhiro nodded a little, still staring intently at the map. They were going to attack this place soon? Somehow, it just didn’t feel real.
“Next, for an outline of the operation.” Bri-chan began playing with his sword with one hand. It was a fairly heavy sword, but he handled it easily. “We will begin the attack at dawn. The main force will attack the main gate, while the detached force will split into two groups to handle the east and west sides. Okay, you there, don’t get scared! It’s fine. Because the detached force’s role is purely to keep the enemy in check and to act as a diversion.
“The detached force will move first. We will begin the attack from the east and west. When the enemy tries to defend themselves, the main force will rush up to the main gate and quickly break through. I said we would be splitting into two groups, right? Twenty parties will go to the east. I’ll be commanding this group, so we’ll call them the Green Storm Force. You get it, right? Their name comes from my fabulous hair color. Seventeen parties will go west, and I’ll leave Kajiko in charge of them. So, their name will be the Wild Eagle Force. Well? Not bad, don’t you think?”
Kajiko raised one eyebrow. “Yes. It’s not bad.”
“I’ve already thought about how the forces will be divided,” Bri-chan said. “Okay? I’ll just point out who’s in the Green Storm Force. Ready? Okay, you, and you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, and then, Renji.”
“Yeah,” Renji said.
“Your party is with me. Disappointed, aren’t you, Kajiko?”
“Who’s disappointed?” Kajiko glared at Bri-chan. “Are you looking to get killed, Britney?”
“Heavens, no. If I got killed, I wouldn’t be able to take good men in my arms, now would I?” Bri-chan said, showering Renji with his passionate gaze. “Right? Re-n-ji!”
Renji was completely impassive. If he could stay expressionless after a look like that from Bri-chan, that was amazing all by itself. Even Haruhiro, who wasn’t involved, had gotten goosebumps from it. To be blunt, that look had been repulsive.
Bri-chan let out a disturbing giggle before turning to look at Haruhiro. “Also, you.”
“...Ah. Yes, sir,” Haruhiro said.
“Lastly,” Bri-chan said, pointing at Mr. Pleasant from Choco’s party. “You. That’s twenty parties. The rest of you are in Kajiko’s Wild Eagle Force. Understood?”
The volunteer soldiers each gave their own response. It didn’t sound like anyone was going to object. Even if they didn’t like it, it would have taken a lot of bravery to stand up to Bri-chan. After all, he was terrifyingly creepy.
“Kajiko, you had a timepiece, right?” Bri-chan asked.
“Yeah,” Kajiko said, pulling a sparkling silver pocket watch from her chest and showing it to him.
“Oh, my.” Bri-chan looked like he had been about to display what looked like a pocket watch in his hand, but had thought better of it. “That’s a nice piece you have there, darling. Oh, gosh. Mine just seems like a piece of junk in comparison.”
Kajiko laughed nasally. “The truth is, it is a piece of junk, isn’t it?”
“Oh, you do have a mouth on you,” Bri-chan said. “It’s old, so it’s expensive, you know? I have my doubts about its accuracy, though. Anyway, if you have a watch, the timing should be fine. I’ll tell you what the starting time is later. Now then, how the operation will progress. Once the operation begins, we take whatever camps we come across as we advance towards the walls. Crush any camp that has orcs in it. If we dawdle, the orcs may come out of their camps to surround us, so crush them as fast as you can manage. That is the first stage.”
Moguzo gave a powerful nod. He really should have conserved his energy, though, so that he didn’t get too psyched up.
Bri-chan used his sword to point at the wall. “The second stage is when we reach the walls and launch our attack. The enemy will likely respond with archers, but according to the thief team sent out as scouts, there are around 200 orcs on guard. Their numbers aren’t that impressive, so there’s no need to be scared. That said, if you get hit in the wrong place, it could kill you instantly. We’ve prepared shields, so...” Bri-chan gestured with his chin towards a pile of board-like objects piled up at the side of the road. “Before we set out, each of you take one. You can treat these shields as expendable.”
“Well, that’s generous!” Ranta gave him a big grin, but Bri-chan ignored him.
“...Anyway, we’ll be attacking a wall with no gates, so we’ll be putting up ladders to climb right over. Of course, we’ve prepared the ladders for that, as well. On that note, we need people on ladder duty. Their job will be to carry the ladders until we arrive on site, assemble them, and raise them against the walls. My Green Storm Force and the Wild Eagle Force will each have four ladders. While I’ll let Kajiko decide who her ladder teams will be, the ones to have the honor of being the
ladder team for our Green Storm Force will be...”
Haruhiro had a bad feeling.
He didn’t know why, but even though every time he had a good feeling about something he turned out to be wrong, if he had a bad feeling it was guaranteed to be right.
This time was no exception.
Bri-chan pointed at Haruhiro, then to Mr. Pleasant, one after the other. “Your party and your party will do it.”
“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?” Ranta screwed up his face until his lips rolled back. “Why do we have to do it? We already have to carry shields! Like we can carry big, heavy ladders on top of that!”
...Ranta, man, you’ve got guts.
Before Haruhiro could say anything, Bri-chan drew his sword and pointed the tip of it at Ranta’s throat. “I am the commander here. You don’t like it? Leave. After returning your advance, of course, okay?”
“...I-I’m not giving back the money! Actually... I can’t.” Ranta lowered his eyes, letting out a little laughing snort. “...Already spent it all.”
Haruhiro nearly fell over. “—Already?!”
“Oh, shove it! It was money I earned, so it was mine! I was free to do whatever I wanted with it!”
“Well, yes, but...”
“Well then,” Bri-chan tucked his sword point under Ranta’s chin, giving him a little poke. “Do as you’re told. If you disobey me and try to run off, you’ll be a fugitive from that moment onward.”
“A fugitive...?! Th-That’s so cool! Wait, no, it sounds like it might be a little dangerous...?”
Shihoru shook her head back and forth. “...Not ‘might.’”
The look Merry gave him was reminiscent of an ice statue. “It’s absolutely dangerous.”
“Now, listen here,” Bri-chan pulled back his sword and gave it a little spin. “The ladder team has a very important job, you know? They have to do everything they can to avoid combat before we reach the fortress, but when the time comes, they charge up to the walls and raise the ladders with a bang. It’s a cool job.”
“...Cool,” Ranta repeated the word to himself, as if carefully considering it, then his face broke into an ugly smirk. “—Well, if that’s how it is, you know? There’s no other choice. Guess we’ll do it. I mean, for such an important job, you’ve got to be as big a man as me, or it’s just not gonna happen, right?”
“We’ll be doing it, too, though,” Mr. Tall from Choco’s party said, openly taking a shot at Ranta.
“Shut up!” Ranta said, glaring hard at Mr. Tall. “That’s one thing, this is another! Besides, you’re my junior, dammit! Don’t get in the way when your senior is having a good time, octopus-brain!”
“I’m not an octopus.”
“What are you, a squid, then?!”
“...Fine. Whatever.”
“Wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I won! Victory is mine!”
Ms. Short Hair from Choco’s party was looking at Ranta the way one might look at a cockroach from a distance. “...You’re the worst.”
Haruhiro covered his face with his hands. “Please, don’t embarrass us any more...”
Regardless, Haruhiro and Choco’s parties needed to carry four ladders. He’d have liked to play the reliable senior and take one more than they did, but that wasn’t going to be possible. Two ladders each seemed reasonable.
The ladders were long. By combining two ladders that were a little over two meters long, they would create super long ladders that were over four meters long. In other words, they actually needed to transport eight ladders that were each a little over two meters long.
Haruhiro, Ranta, and Moguzo would each take one. The three girls would take one between them. That seemed about right.
Choco’s party was composed of four guys and two girls, so it looked like the guys would each be carrying one.
They needed to carry the shields in addition to this, so they were all looking at some rather heavy labor. Somehow, it felt like they were going to be exhausted before they even arrived.
“Now then,” Bri-chan said, bending over and thrusting his butt out. “Entering the fortress and sweeping it clean of enemies is primarily supposed to be the job of the main force, but I’ll go over the enemy’s forces just so that you’re all aware. As I said before, we anticipate 200 orcs, the majority of them belonging to a clan called the Zesh. They dye their hair black and have red tattoos on their faces. Their equipment is mostly standardized, too. They use a sword with a single-edged blade called a gahari, shields with fur on them, red helmets, as well as a bow and arrow. As you would expect from a group that’s come to the front line, the Zesh clan are not weak. However, the orcs in the camps are of various clans, and the bonds between them shouldn’t be strong.”
The challenge would come in the time it took to get the ladders up on the wall. The detached force’s job would be to keep the enemy in check, to be a diversion. If they put up the long ladders and made it so they could climb the walls, that would make the enemy worried.
When you thought of it that way, being on the ladder team really was a big responsibility. They had to avoid battles, or, in other words, they didn’t have to fight, which was probably why the job had been given to volunteer soldiers as low down as Haruhiro and Choco’s parties, but, if they failed, it would mean big trouble.
“The keeper is Zoran Zesh of the Zesh Clan,” Bri-chan said. “Zoran-chan is well-built enough that you should be able to tell it’s him at a glance. We have intel saying he fights with a two-sword style. The twenty or so orcs who are Zoran-chan’s closest associates are all supposed to be very skilled. On top of that, it looks like there are a small number of sorcerers. Orcish sorcerers are lightly equipped. They don’t wear armor or helmets, so they’re easy to pick out, but I think a good number of you will never have faced one, so be careful. Orcish sorcery is centered around psychokinesis and insects. It’s quite different from magic: they don’t chant spells or make elaborate gestures, so it’s quick. They’re dangerous, so if you see a sorcerer, prioritize taking them out. Other than that... Right, right, the smoke signals.”
Yume tilted her head to the side. “Smoking kills?”
“Yes, someone’s collapsed... They’re coughing up blood. Now they aren’t breathing. Could it be... They’re dead?! Who could the culprit be?! Who was it?! This was caused by—Wait, no, that’s not what we’re talking about! Gosh! Look what you made me go along with! What are you going to do about it? Nobody even laughed!” Bri-chan shouted.
“Could it be you’re gettin’ mad at Yume? Maybe?” Yume asked.
“...I’m not mad. There’s no way I would ever be so petulant, is there?”
“You aren’t, huh?” Yume said. “Oh, but, Bri-chan, sorry. Yume, she might’ve gone and done that thing. She may’ve detailed the conversation.”
“Listen now, we don’t have time for you to detail the conversation,” Bri-chan said. “You have to derail it. Well, no, you don’t have to do that, okay?”
“If Yume doesn’t have to do that, what should she be doin’? Yume wonders about that.”
“Let it go! Just close your mouth and let me talk! I don’t mind girls like you, but you’re throwing me off balance here, so be quiet! Please! Zip your lips!”
“Zip.”
“Okay. Now, back to the smoke signals. When Deadhead Watching Keep is under a large scale attack, they use smoke signals to alert Riverside Iron Fortress. I’m sure the signal will go up right away this time, too. But, the attack will be starting over there at the same time. Even if they call for them, reinforcements won’t come. That’s why you shouldn’t panic even if you do see a signal go up. Well, that’s about it, I suppose. I know I’ve talked a lot, but as long as we don’t make some incredible blunder, we should be able to win this. The keeper, and the bounty on any famous sorcerers, will likely have nothing to do with our detached force. Either way, it’s not going to be a difficult battle. You kids without much experience can put your minds at ease, too.”
Bri-chan seemed to be di
recting those words at Haruhiro and his group specifically. Even if they couldn’t put their minds at ease, Haruhiro was starting to feel that it might not be as bad as he’d thought. Just maybe, carrying some ladders and shields the six kilometers from here to Deadhead Watching Keep would be their biggest difficulty.
“That said!” Bri-chan went on, suddenly taking on a dangerous tone. “We’re up against our natural enemies. With No-Life King dead and gone and the undead suppressed, the orcs are the largest faction in the frontier. Let your guard down, and you won’t get off with just a slap on the wrist. You could die quite easily, you know?”
Haruhiro gulped.
Boost them up, then let them down. That was what Bri-chan was doing, huh?
Still, it might be an effective strategy. In fact, Haruhiro had been getting a little optimistic, so being knocked down from that high had put him in a good state of readiness, both mentally and physically.
Bri-chan’s pink tongue licked his black lips. “Well, there you have it. Get your butts in gear and let’s go, my little kittens.”
Chapter 10: Graduation
Soon, the dawn would come.
No one was speaking. Nobody so much as stirred. Even when they breathed, they did their best to stifle it.
Yet there was that idiot, Ranta, covering his mouth with his hands, shaking his body back and forth.
Is it a sneeze, maybe? Haruhiro thought. He’s about to sneeze, and he’s trying to hold it back? You’re kidding me. What the hell is he doing?
Aw, crap.
Not good.
He’s gonna blow.
He so is.
—No.
Looks like he managed to hold back. Haruhiro let out a sigh of relief. Thank goodness.
In that moment, it must have come back.