by Nicole Shay
The older girl twisted her lips, thinking for a moment. “I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “It’s more than just hiding it from me.”
“What else is it?” the striker inquired curiously.
Elaine knew she’d spoken too much the second Olivia opened her mouth. “Never mind,” she said quickly, beginning to shut the girl out. “Forget it.”
Olivia knew she had to be very careful in situations like these. Elaine was hostile and just one little thing could make her snap. “Look...I know you like keeping to yourself a lot,” she said quietly. “but you can’t keep things bottled up forever. I’m here, you know. And I’m sorry if that makes me sound like a hypocrite because I didn’t tell you about Imogen, but I really am.”
They sat in silence for a long moment. Olivia believed she’d said too much while Elaine debated with herself whether to finally come clean. Olivia was growing more anxious by the second as the older girl was giving up the fight.
“I was with someone,” she finally said. “for a few weeks. We broke up yesterday.”
Olivia gasp as her eyebrows raised in surprise. “You were?”
Elaine always seemed so content on her own. She was independent and always made it seem like she didn’t need anyone - like she enjoyed being solo. It was a surprise for Olivia - for anyone, really.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” the younger girl managed to say. After a moment’s hesitation, she added, “Who was it?”
Elaine gripped the steering wheel tightly as she answered, “Ornella Ornella.” Her jaw clenched as she tried to force the image of the tiny defender out of her mind. Saying the name out loud for the first time in hours was like reality slapping her in the face. She needed to stay in control.
“Ornella...as in...freckles?” Olivia asked, eyes widened. When Elaine nodded, she gaped. “Really?”
“Yes,” Elaine snapped. “I was with Ornella.”
“Wait why did you guys…” Olivia started, but quickly trailed off as she put the piece together. “Oh my god, Elaine. I’m so..I’m sorry,” she blurted. “You two saw us at the park, didn’t you? She already knew.”
Elaine whipped her face around to Olivia. “Wait, you knew she knew?”
Olivia winced, moving away from Elaine. “Imogen mentioned it in passing. It’s not like I was totally okay with her knowing. Ornella just happened to hear my voicemail to Imogen and she just--”
“Can we not talk about Ornella?” Elaine suddenly requested, her voice steel. She knew it could crack at any given moment, but she refused to let it happen. “Let’s not talk about her ever again.”
Olivia swallowed back her words, well aware that Elaine was deadly in moments like this. “Okay,” she replied in a small voice.
Elaine pulled into the driveway of the McBray house. “We’re here.”
Imogen was the last to leave the locker room. They had finally won. And she didn’t want to miss any of it.
“You good Imogen?” Lilith asked as she opened the door to leave.
“I’m great, I’ll see you later” She said flashing her friend a reassuring smile.
“Okay, remember we’re all meeting at Chloe’s at 7!”
“I can’t wait!” Imogen replied.
As Lilith left, Imogen looked down at her phone to see no new messages. She was hoping there would be something, anything from Olivia but there wasn’t. She sighed knowing that she was probably the last person Olivia wanted to hear from. As much as she thought this, she still knew if she wanted to have fun at the celebration party that night, she needed to talk to Olivia. She sent her a text hoping the girl would answer.
Hey good game cap, I’m sorry..How’s the ankle?
Imogen read the text over and furrowed her brow at her apology. She knew she was saying sorry for just more than the loss or Olivia’s ankle but she hoped her girlfriend knew that too.
When Olivia’s phone beeped, she rolled over to reach it. When she saw the sender, a slight smile appeared on her face, but it quickly disappeared when her annoyance was remembered. She read the next, biting her lip as she thought of how to reply.
You too. It’s fine.
She wasn’t sure if it was obvious that she was annoyed at her girlfriend or not, but she didn’t really care as she hit the ‘send’ button.
Imogen’s phone buzzed as she slung her bag over her shoulder and headed to her car. She clenched her jaw as she peered down to the dim screen. A small frown found her face as she read the message. She was tempted to go and find Olivia right then and there and tell her how much she cared for her. She contemplated stopping by her house on the way home but figured she’d be late for the party at Chloe’s when she promised her teammates she’d be there on time for once. She had to make things right with Olivia but tonight was not the night to do it. It was another choice that she wasn’t sure about but she was never one to be decisive anyways. Imogen stared intently at the blinking line on the reply box. Her fingers seemed frozen above the letters she was sure she felt, yet had a hard time typing.
I love you Livvie.
She felt better after typing it out, as if seeing it was convincing enough for her to finally accept it and believe in it. She didn’t want Olivia to feel like Imogen didn’t care for her but she wasn’t there. She wasn’t there when Olivia went down, and not even when the cries from the girl’s pain was so hoarse in her ears, she couldn’t even hear her own heartbeat. This was the only thing she could manage for the time being and she only hoped her simple message found an honest place in Olivia’s heart.
Olivia groaned when her phone beeped again. She was originally planning on not looking at it, but obviously curiosity and longing got the best of her as she reached over to check the message. She completely froze as her eyes read the text. It was only three words, but it was enough to make Olivia’s world stop.
It hadn’t even been a month into the relationship and the three words found a way to them. Over a text. Olivia bit her lip, trying to figure out what to do next.
CHAPTER 10
Imogen’s breath grew more shallow as she watched her phone waiting for a reply. One minute passed. Two minutes. Where was she?
Olivia was doing no better as she stared at her phone. She couldn’t wrap her mind around it. She wasn’t even sure if she was reading it right. Finally, after seven long minutes of staring at the same four words over and over again, she couldn’t bring herself to write a reply. Whatever conversation this would lead to had to be in person. Slowly, she closed out of her messages and placed her phone on the coffee table. Her eyes returned to the TV in front of her as her mind went numb. Four words kept repeating in her head. I love you Livvie.
Imogen jumped in the shower to wash the day’s hard work away. She checked her phone almost immediately as she got out. Still no new messages. She knew instantly that she had made yet another mistake. It was clearly something she should have said to Olivia in person first rather than over text but now there she was, in no better position than she was before she sent the message. She thought about apologizing again but nerves got the best of her as she knew she had made too many mistakes that day already.
Imogen looked in the mirror one final time before leaving to go to the party. She almost tripped over her bag trying to get to her phone as it lit up on her desk.
Hey Imogen, mind picking up some extra cups on the way over?
Deflated, Imogen replied to Chloe’s request and checked her inbox to be sure that Olivia hadn’t replied. Nothing.
Imogen walked in right at 7 on the dot. She was warmly welcomed by her smiling teammates as they set off party poppers as their captain arrived. After more hugs the team began to chant ‘Speech, Speech!’ prompting Imogen to hop up on the nearest chair. She looked around at the sea of cheery faces to find one not so happy. It was odd to see her usual energetic freckled friend so down. Imogen knew what would cheer her up.
“So who would have thought our little squirrel here would be up top taking SCs like it was her job?” Im
ogen began getting cheers from the team. She watched Ornella carefully hoping to put a smile on the girl’s face but she looked even more broken than before. Taken aback, Imogen finished her speech earning a few more woops from the crowd. She lifted her glass to toast the team and the victory proud to have led her team that day. Imogen hopped down and sat down next to Ornella.
“What’s up with you Nella?” Imogen discreetly asked as Chloe and co. began to dance to the newest song on the radio.
“What? Nothing, I’m happy as can be!” Ornella said with a faint smile.
Imogen felt pained as she looked at the corners of her friend’s mouth move upwards. She knew it was a forced smile, and from the look in her eyes, Imogen could tell the girl’s heart had been broken.
“So what’s the name of the guy I have to beat up?” Imogen joked.
Ornella let out a laugh “There’s no guy Imogen-just a -a girl.” She solemnly said.
Imogen’s eyebrows shot up “So what’s the name of the girl I have to beat up then?” She corrected herself.
Ornella smirked at her friend’s question as she pushed her face playfully away.
“Let’s just enjoy tonight, okay?” Ornella said feeling a little better having told Imogen, even if it wasn’t very specific or detailed.
“Come on the dance floor has our names on it!” Ornella exclaimed with a new energy as she jumped up.
The day morning Olivia was woken up by movement on her bed. “What the…” she mumbled, still half-asleep.
“Guess who brought their favorite crippled captain donuts for breakfast?” a chirpy voice asked.
Olivia’s eyes snapped open at the sound of it. Her vision adjusted and she found Kerrie and Maeve sitting on either side of the bed. “Oh my god you used the key I gave you again.”
“Isn’t it working out great for us?” Maeve grinned.
“Not even a thank you for the donuts,” Kerrie jokingly scoffed.
All her worries were forgotten momentarily as she took the box of donuts and thanked them. “You guys are the best.”
“Duh we are,” Maeve stated, flipping her hair. “Anyway, how’s the foot?”
Olivia tried moving it around a bit, but winced. “Still hurts,” she managed to chuckle. “Don’t know how long I’m going to be out.”
“You’re lucky Maeve hasn’t gone on a hunt for Long,” Kerrie mentioned, giving her best friend a look.
“What? Bitch deserves what’s coming for her!” Maeve argued, crossing her arms.
Olivia laughed, happy to be surrounded by people who were there for her. “I appreciate it Maeve, but let’s try not to go around killing people?”
“Fine,” she mumbled, pouting.
Kerrie and Maeve decided to fill Olivia in on anything she’d missed after Elaine took her home, but Olivia’s mind was drifting somewhere else. The heavy text she’d received yesterday was still imprinted in her brain. She wasn’t sure what to do. What did Imogen do?
“Hey Ollie...you there?” Kerrie asked when she noticed Olivia’s eyes drifting.
The striker’s attention turned back onto her teammates. “Oh yeah...hey, can you check if there’s any messages on my phone?”
“Sure,” Maeve shrugged, grabbing Olivia’s phone at request.
It was just a second later that Olivia realized that might not have been a good idea. Even when locked, her phone gave the name and part of the message as a preview. “Wait!” she said suddenly. “Actually-”
“Nothing,” Maeve shrugged, tossing her the phone. “Well, I mean you have a text from people asking how you’re doing, but there’s nothing relatively important.”
Olivia let out a quiet sigh of relief. “Thanks Maeve,” she said and sent a thank you to God because who knew what would’ve happened if Imogen had left her a text or a missed call.
Though it was a relief that there wasn’t anything there for her, it was also a disappointment because she was hoping Imogen had some kind of follow up to her text. Sure, the words certainly scared Olivia, but she deserved an explanation. Especially after the day they’d had yesterday.
Another hour of talking to her friends went by and Maeve and Kerrie decided to go. Maeve claimed they were trying to find Kerrie acceptable clothes to wear while Kerrie argued. Olivia laughed, watching them bicker as they left her house. After closing the door behind them, she hobbled in her crutches back to the living room where she plopped herself onto the couch. Now that she was alone, her thoughts began to take over. I love you Livvie.
Imogen pulled into Olivia’s driveway as she watched a familiar car leave it and drive down the street. It was time to fix what she had broken. She only hoped it wasn’t Olivia’s heart that needed mending. She nervously walked up the steps and knocked on the door as she dug her hands in her pockets.
Olivia frowned, wondering who was at her door. She wondered if it was Kerrie and Maeve again, but she knew they wouldn’t even bother knocking because Maeve had a key. Sighing, the striker got up on her crutches once again and made her way to the front door. Putting one of her crutches aside, she opened the door to find Imogen in the other side.
“Oh...hi,” she said softly, grabbing the other crutch to stay upright.
Imogen felt her gut wrench at the sight of Olivia hobbling around on crutches. She felt something different this time when she looked into her girl’s eyes. It was fear. For the first time she felt afraid that she was going to lose Olivia and she knew it was all her fault. Suddenly speechless, she tried digging her hands even deeper into her pockets to escape the awkwardness.
“Hey” She finally let out looking at her own feet now “We um need to talk about yesterday” she said softly.
Olivia bit her lip nervously. “Yeah...we do. We really do,” she agreed, moving out of the way so Imogen could walk into the room. With Imogen’s presence, the four words repeating in Olivia’s head seemed louder than ever.
Imogen gingerly shuffled in. Not knowing where to begin she asked the obvious first “How’s your foot?”. She instantly felt stupid as the question came out but waited for a response anyways.
The striker closed the door behind her girlfriend and then turned to face her. She tried not to respond with a sarcastic answer. “I don’t know how long I’m going to be out.”
Imogen knew she was being an idiot for putting off the conversation she was trying to have with the girl but she couldn’t find the words she needed.
“Let me see” the midfielder said as she sat down on the couch and beckoned for Olivia to put her foot up on Imogen’s lap.
Still nervous, Olivia made her way over, sitting on the opposite end of the couch and propping her foot onto Imogen’s lap gently.
Imogen began to examine Olivia’s foot, caressing it gently so as not to hurt the forward anymore than she already did. The words came to her as she held the girl’s injured ankle, the memory of how it happened too clear in her head. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there” She quietly stated.
Olivia held in her wince as Imogen inspected her foot. She was so busy focusing on not feeling the pain that she almost missed what Imogen said. She looked down at the hem of her shorts. “I know.”
Imogen licked her dry lips and bit down on her cheek “You know, I meant what I said yesterday” she said as she bravely looked into Olivia’s striking blue eyes. If there was a time for fear, there was a time for being brave. Imogen couldn’t beat around the conversation any longer.
The younger girl could feel the intensity in the warm brown eyes staring at her. She swallowed, surprised that it was Imogen being bold instead of her for a change. “Then why did you say it over text?” She didn’t mean to say it, but it was the first thing out of her mouth and it was too late to take it back.
Imogen took a moment to think about it before finally saying “Because I’m awful at this relationship thing and I just needed you to know- and I’m an idiot” Imogen rambled “but I’m an idiot who loves you and that’s why I’m here.” She paused suddenly fearful again “Why d
idn’t you respond?”.
Olivia leaned over, putting her hand on top of Imogen’s. Her fingers slipped into the holes of Imogen’s hand. “Because I’m scared,” she admitted for the first time out loud. “We’ve been together for a few weeks and before that we hated each other. And I know I feel something strong for you too, but until last night I wasn’t able to figure out what it was. I’m not perfect, but I want you and I to be as close to perfect as we can get given our situation. I’m just...I’m afraid I’ll mess everything up by falling too fast or being reckless.” It was a lot to say and it was the first time she was saying it, but she needed Imogen to know. “And if you haven’t noticed, I kind of like being in control of things,” she added, giving a small chuckle. Imogen immediately regretted not having this conversation sooner, things would have been much easier if they were both open about their fears. “So you’re saying: if we can fall in love so easily, it’s possible to fall back into hate just as easily?” She asked to confirm.
The striker thought it over for a moment before nodding in confirmation. “Yes.”
Imogen had never thought about their relationship like this. It was a legitimate concern Olivia raised.
“Well, I have my fears as well Livvie, and by no means am I perfect either. You know this though.
It takes someone truly special though to open someone like me up and I only ask that you continue to be patient with me….Let’s be scared together.” Imogen finished fully realizing how cheesy she had just gotten but didn’t even care anymore. She needed Olivia to know that she wasn’t giving up on her or their relationship.
Olivia wasn’t sure when things got so serious between the two of them. Maybe it was serious all along, but she did know she wasn’t ready to give Imogen up and it seemed like Imogen wasn’t willing to let her go. She slid her foot off Imogen’s lap and scooted closer to the midfielder. She leaned her face forward until it was mere inches in front of the other girl. “Okay,” she whispered before leaning in to kiss her girlfriend.