The Rest of My Life

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The Rest of My Life Page 6

by Sheryl Browne


  Cautioning himself to concentrate on something else, Adam mentally dismantled his engine as he headed towards the galley to put the kettle on. ‘So, how do you like it? The, er, tea, I mean.’ He really wasn’t doing himself any favours on the distraction front here.

  ‘Milk, no sugar. I’m trying to be good.’

  Adam glanced over his shoulder, thinking she already looked pretty good from where he was standing. ‘So how did you know he couldn’t swim? Your dog?’

  ‘Tobias,’ she supplied, as he filled a dish with water and offered the waggy-tailed Labrador a drink. ‘He has hip dysplasia. I took him to a hydrotherapy centre, thinking it might help.’

  ‘I take it it didn’t?’ Adam helped himself to a Coke from the fridge, fished the teabag out of the mug, added milk and passed it to her. Then, realising it might look a bit pointed if he remained standing, he seated himself in the only other available space: on the seating area alongside her.

  ‘No.’ Sienna took a sip of her tea. ‘He couldn’t breathe very well from the bottom of the pool.’

  ‘Ah.’ Adam nodded and tried, yet again, to focus on something other than her lips. Nope wasn’t happening, not when she ran the tip of her tongue over them like that. ‘You really shouldn’t have let him run around a marina without a life jacket, you know?’

  ‘Of course I know. I didn’t deliberately throw him in. And I did try to thank you for saving him, but you were too busy shouting at me to notice.’

  ‘I wasn’t shouting,’ Adam protested.

  She gave him an arch look.

  ‘Okay, I was,’ he admitted, his mouth curving into a contrite smile. ‘I apologise, again. In my defence, I was bloody cold.’

  ‘And wet,’ Sienna reminded him.

  ‘Sodden.’ Adam nodded soberly. ‘Right down to my socks.’

  ‘You weren’t wearing any,’ Sienna pointed out, and then blushed. ‘Just trainers.’

  Adam really wished she’d stop doing that. It made her look about sixteen, which would make the thoughts going straight from his brain to certain other parts of his anatomy, despite his best efforts, wholly inappropriate. ‘You noticed what I wasn’t wearing, then?’ He couldn’t resist.

  She blushed again. Those two bright spots on her cheeks really did make her look very pretty. Extremely. Adam had a glug of his Coke.

  ‘I noticed what you weren’t wearing on your feet,’ she said primly. ‘Mostly because you were so determined to glower at me, I didn’t know where else to look.’

  ‘Sorry.’ Adam took another slow sip of Coke.

  ‘Thank you for getting him one,’ Sienna filled the following brief silence.

  ‘My pleasure.’ Adam smiled. She didn’t need to know it had cost him his last meagre funds. ‘I thought it might save me from getting sodden all over again.’

  She dropped her gaze, leaving Adam wondering whether he hadn’t just ramped up her guilt. He really did despair of his glib sense of humour sometimes.

  ‘I bought you some wine, some Merlot,’ she said, after another pause. ‘To thank you for rescuing him, but you were, um, busy when I, um, so I left it behind the lifebelt.’

  ‘Ah, I, erm … Sorry,’ he said again. He really did mean it. She was young, twenty-two or three, maybe? Okay, so age didn’t necessarily dictate how sexually naïve, or not, she might be. But the way she looked, blushed so easily, she seemed so innocent, susceptible somehow. He really wished he’d been a little more caring of her feelings.

  ‘So, why live riverside with a dog with dodgy hips?’ he asked, attempting to move the conversation away from the ‘paid for sex’ incident.

  ‘I never imagined he’d fall in. I wouldn’t dream of walking him off lead around the marina.’ Sienna gave him another look, an attempt at a scowl. It wasn’t a very convincing scowl, though. Even when she wasn’t smiling, her mouth curved up ever so slightly at the corners. He really would love to prise those lips open and press his tongue into her mouth.

  ‘No, of course you wouldn’t.’ He coughed, and steered his mind towards his battery top-up fluid.

  ‘I’d got my heart set on the cottage and I couldn’t bear to leave him, so …’

  ‘Girl’s best friend?’ Adam suggested.

  ‘Absolutely.’ Sienna nodded, her mouth forming into its more usual smile. ‘I love the water.’ She answered his question about why she moved into that cottage in particular. ‘The sun rising resplendently over it, the blaze of orange, purples and pearly-pinks as the sun sets, the scribbles of gold it reflects when the moon hangs above it. The peace and quiet …’ She stopped to give him a pointed look that had Adam wanting to blush, and then laughed when he obviously did.

  ‘I love boats, the way they bob lazily on the water, as if beckoning you to climb aboard and slow down,’ she continued, an infectious enthusiasm in her voice that had Adam now looking at her in wonder. He couldn’t stop looking at her. He wanted to drink in every little detail, from her sexily messy hair to the freckles on her nose, to the tiny dimple in her chin; leisurely peruse every inch of her, right down to her coral-painted toes.

  ‘I’d love to own one, one day; live a freer way of life.’ Sienna fixed him with her mesmerising green eyes, a definite sparkle dancing therein. ‘Not free, free, but free, you know …’ She pushed her hair back from her face, wayward wispy tendrils brushing the soft curve of her breasts, as she did.

  Battery connections, Adam attempted a distraction. Need to get those checked out. ‘I do,’ he agreed, wholeheartedly. ‘I love it, the smell of the diesel when the engine’s ticking over, the open air. Plus the freedom, of course, to do what you want when you want. Suits my lifestyle.’

  Sienna nodded and looked away. Maybe mentioning his lifestyle wasn’t such a good idea. Again, Adam despaired of himself. ‘So are you from around here? Worcestershire, I mean. You don’t have a local accent.’

  ‘Suffolk, originally. Gloucestershire now,’ Sienna attempted the Gloucester accent, rolling her rrs. Adam smiled. He was sure he could sit here watching and listening to her talk all day, whatever her accent. ‘My parents moved when my dad’s mum got sick. I suppose they must have liked it because they stayed. So, here I am.’

  ‘Don’t they worry about you being here, though, renting a cottage right on the river?’ Adam was fishing, trying to get to know a little more about her. He couldn’t help thinking he might worry if she was his daughter, though, and not necessarily about the possibility of floods.

  ‘Incessantly.’ Sienna rolled her eyes. ‘My dad, that is. My mum died when I was in my teens. He’s had to bring me up alone since and he tends to be … Well, let’s just say a little over-protective.’

  ‘Oh.’ That blindsided him. Adam looked her over, feeling for her. Losing someone you love at any time was hard, he could attest to that. He’d missed his mother so much sometimes, the pain inside was like a physical thing. For a girl to lose her mother in her teens, that must have been devastating. ‘Do you miss her? Your mother?’ he asked softly, wishing he could say more, but not sure what.

  ‘All the time.’ She glanced at him and the look on her face smashed through the fortress Adam had erected around his emotions in an instant, forcing hard-suppressed memories to the surface: the expression on Emily’s face that last time they’d argued at a family function in front of everyone, sadness etched so deep into her eyes it cut him to the core. He’d tried to explain; to tell her that he did want to marry her. It was his father’s involvement he didn’t want, on the wedding day, in their lives thereafter. Emily hadn’t been listening. After all her planning, why would she? She’d fled to the toilets, away from the flapping ears, and hushed whispers. He’d gone out for some air. Adam recalled the night vividly, the wettest, most miserable of nights. When he’d come back, determined to talk to her, even if he had to do it through the toilet door, Emily had left. She’d wanted the fairy tale. He’d shattered her dream. Why had he done it? Why in God’s name had he chosen that moment …

  Adam’s thoughts ebbed away,
like sea clutching at sand. It was happening again. His heart rate quickened as his eyes flicked to a space beyond Sienna. The figure was smoky, intangible, like mist would be to the touch. But it was there. No visible features, he couldn’t possibly tell who it was, yet he knew. He could feel her. Emily, she was here, and this time he was stone-cold sober.

  Panic gripping him, Adam snatched his gaze away, back to Sienna. She was unaware; real, beautiful, tangible. Adam mentally shook himself.

  ‘Are you all right?’ Sienna asked him as he squeezed his eyes closed, willing the apparition away.

  ‘Yes,’ Adam assured her quickly, relief flooding through him as he risked another glance past her to find Emily had gone. ‘Sorry, I was just thinking how devastated you must have been.’

  ‘I was.’ Sienna’s gaze drifted briefly down again, and then back. ‘My dad was there for me though. He’s a psychiatrist,’ she went on, changing the subject, one she obviously felt uncomfortable with. Adam could relate to that. ‘Always trying to analyse people, you know?’

  He’d have a field day with me, then. Adam smiled wryly.

  ‘What about your dad?’ Sienna asked. ‘What does he do?’

  Adam tugged in a breath. I don’t have one, was his stock answer, which generally steered the conversation away from a subject he wasn’t comfortable with, but … ‘I don’t see him.’ He opted for the truth instead. Why, he didn’t know. Apart from Nate, who’d always been there, getting him out of scrapes even in their schooldays, the one person who’d been there for him when he’d hit rock bottom, making sure he attended his psychiatrist’s appointments, Adam hadn’t talked to anyone about personal stuff. ‘We, er, don’t see eye to eye,’ he elaborated, intending to leave it at that.

  ‘About what? Your love life?’ Sienna’s look this time was teasing.

  Adam frowned and swilled his Coke around. ‘More about my brother’s.’ He smiled, hopefully indicating subject closed.

  ‘Oh.’ Sienna scanned his face, a question in her eyes. She didn’t pursue it, thankfully. ‘So, what about your mum?’ she asked instead.

  ‘I don’t see her either,’ Adam said quickly, knowing she’d probably wonder why, given her own circumstances. ‘It’s a long story, probably better saved for another day.’ He forced another smile. ‘Fancy some more tea?’

  He went to fetch himself a fresh Coke anyway when she declined. He was struggling, he realised. Talking to someone meant you had to have something to talk about: Who you were. Future plans. History. The history was a no go, and beyond the hope that he could meet Lily-Grace, he didn’t have any future plans. As for who he was, a depressive struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder, a paid-for-sex womaniser …? Adam really wasn’t sure he liked who he was right at this moment.

  ‘Living here’s actually cheaper than living in the city.’ Sienna saved him, returning to their original topic as he came back from the kitchen area. She was sitting on her hands, swinging her long, shapely legs. Adam really wished she wouldn’t. ‘And the cottage has all mod cons, including Internet connection, thank God. I’d be hard-pushed to write my script without my PC.’

  ‘You’re a writer?’ Adam asked, impressed.

  Sienna sighed. ‘Trying to be. I have my degree in Creative Writing. I entered one of my assignments in a script writing contest and, well, they like it, but it needs some work.’

  ‘That explains why you’re so poetic.’ Adam sat down again, where the view wasn’t quite so distracting.

  ‘Poetic?’ Sienna eyed him questioningly.

  ‘Blaze of orange, purples and pearly-pinks as the sun sets? Sounds poetic to me.’

  ‘Ah.’ Sienna smiled modestly. ‘I do tend to get a bit verbose sometimes. Sorry.’

  ‘Don’t be. I like listening to you talk,’ Adam assured her. ‘So what’s the script about?’

  ‘Well, it’s a love story, but I need to include a bit more sex, according to my editor. You know, as in show rather than tell, steamy erotica type stuff,’ Sienna said blithely as Adam was attempting chaste thoughts around fan belts.

  Adam spat out his Coke. ‘Erotica?’

  ‘That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,’ Sienna went on. ‘I thought I might, you know, hire you.’

  What? Adam wiped his arm over his mouth and stared at her, dumbstruck.

  ‘To help with my research.’ She shrugged casually, as if she’d just passed a comment about the weather.

  ‘Help with your …?’ Adam shook his head, bemused. ‘Okay, Sienna.’ He smiled embarrassedly, after a second. ‘I’ve got the message. Joke over. I’ll make sure to be on my best behaviour from now on.’

  ‘I wasn’t joking.’ Sienna looked at him, deadly serious, much to Adam’s bewilderment. ‘I know it’s not usually the done thing, even in this day and age, for a woman to proposition a man, but as you no doubt get loads of propositions, I thought you … um …’

  She stopped, searching his face uncertainly, as he continued to stare at her, utterly shocked, even though he had no right to be, because she did have every right to … Just as much right as he had to … Jesus.

  Dragging a hand over his neck Adam looked her over. She was kidding, wasn’t she? She smelled of strawberry body wash, for Pete’s sake. She looked about as likely to hop into bed with someone she hardly knew, someone like him, as sprout wings. And she wanted to hire him? For what?

  Sex with no bloody strings. Adam gulped back a bitter taste in his mouth, reminding himself angrily what he did, the way he liked things.

  Well, that put paid to any hopes he might have had that she’d consider going out with him. She didn’t consider him boyfriend material, and who could blame her? Nothing quite like a taste of your own medicine, was there? God, he really was a spectacular failure.

  ‘You didn’t answer me,’ she said, scanning his face, her green eyes huge, wide …

  ‘No!’ Adam stood abruptly. ‘No way, Sienna. You’ve got it wrong. Sherry … The woman you saw … She didn’t pay me, she—’

  ‘She did. I saw her.’

  Adam raked his hand through his hair, frustrated. ‘You thought you saw. It wasn’t how it looked, Sienna. She’s a friend. We …’ He trailed off, no clue how to explain.

  ‘A girlfriend?’ Sienna eyed him questioningly.

  ‘Yes. No. I …’

  ‘Just someone you fancied, then.’ Sienna summed it neatly up for him.

  Adam blew out a sigh. He didn’t answer. He really didn’t know what to say.

  ‘Right, well, as I obviously don’t float your boat, I’d better go, before I make a complete fool of myself.’ Sienna jumped to her feet.

  ‘No, wait.’ Adam took a step towards her as she turned to the door. ‘You do. I just don’t—’ What? Don’t want to not care about you?

  ‘Fancy me?’

  ‘Of course I do. Any man would. It’s just—’

  ‘But not enough to want to sleep with me?’ Sienna fixed her questioning gaze unflinchingly on his.

  Dammit, what the hell was he supposed to say now? That he did, absolutely, but that he wanted it to mean something. To her? That he couldn’t bear the fact that it wouldn’t. Adam closed his eyes.

  ‘God, how embarrassing.’ Sienna emitted a strangulated laugh. ‘My seduction technique is obviously on a par with the rest of me, isn’t it, pathetic.’

  Great. Adam tugged in a breath. He was really going for it, wasn’t he, humiliating her not once, not twice, but three times over. ‘No, you are not, Sienna,’ he said firmly. ‘You’re a gorgeous, utterly desirable woman.’

  ‘But you don’t want to make love to me.’

  Adam held her gaze. If only she knew how much he did. ‘Make love?’ He smiled sardonically.

  Sienna pulled in a breath. ‘It’s a figure of speech, that’s all,’ she said, notching up her chin. Her tone was challenging, but the look in her eye … self-doubt. He’d put that there. Adam cursed himself angrily.

  ‘I’m sorry you’re so obviously appalled by the idea,’ Sie
nna said, now looking anywhere but at him. ‘I think I’d better go. Come on, Tobias.’

  ‘Sienna, wait.’ Adam caught her arm as she turned back to the door. ‘It’s nothing to do with you.’ He stepped around her, willed her to look at him, to believe him. ‘Everything to do with me. I …’ He trailed off, his heart flipping in his chest, as she looked cautiously back at him. Her beautiful eyes were clouded with confusion and brimming with tears.

  He’d done that. This was the only thing he was any good at where women were concerned. He’d hurt her, he knew it, and he had no idea how to undo it. ‘Don’t, Sienna,’ he said hoarsely, tentatively reaching out to cup her face in his hands. ‘Please don’t cry,’ he implored her, wiping a slow tear from her cheek with his thumb.

  She swallowed, her wide, vulnerable eyes holding his.

  ‘Don’t go. Please, Sienna,’ Adam said quietly. ‘Not like this. I—’

  Her lips brushing his, like the soft brush of a butterfly’s wings, stopped him mid-sentence. Adam caught a breath in his throat, willing himself not to reciprocate. How could she not end up getting hurt? He wasn’t capable of being anything but what he was, messed up, broken. Never in his wildest dreams could he be good enough for this girl.

  A whisper away from him, Sienna scanned his eyes, and then, hesitantly, she leaned back into him, and Adam was lost. Closing his mouth over hers, he kissed her back, gently at first, easing her lips apart, and then more boldly as her tongue found his, inviting him into her mouth. He wanted her. His pulse kicked up. His blood thrummed through his veins. His kiss grew more urgent. Whatever it was this girl wanted, sex with no strings, whatever, he wanted her. Winding her gloriously messy hair around his hand, he eased her head back and crushed his mouth against hers.

  Chapter Five

  ‘Not here.’ Adam pulled suddenly away, having kissed her more thoroughly than she’d ever imagined possible, his tongue probing and plunging the depths of her mouth, sending spasms of pleasure right through her.

  ‘Where then?’ Sienna asked, reeling from the impact of his assault on her senses. Her skin was tingling all over, and her heart was fluttering so manically against her ribcage it was in danger of bursting right out of her chest. Her tummy muscles had all but turned to goo when he’d sought her breasts under her top, grazing his thumb so gently over her nipples, it was sheer, sweet agony. She’d had no idea.

 

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