by I. A. Dice
We ducked behind a wooden building and threw two grenades at the enemy line. Adam got shot when he peeked around the corner. Two hours after learning he was going to be a father, Adam was shot. Gunfire never stopped while I held his head on my lap, trying to stop the bleeding from the wound on his neck. He asked me to take care of Claudia and the baby, to swear I wouldn’t let anything happen to them.
Tell her I love her. Tell her I’m sorry, Thomas, tell her she’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
His words woke me up in the middle of the night for months. Guilt and regret chewed on my brain. It should have been me to die out there. I had nothing, no one to care about, and no one to go back to. Adam had a life; he had Claudia and a baby on the way.
Three months later, I got out of the army and drove straight to Claudia’s house still in my uniform. She was six months pregnant then and expecting a girl. Despite only seeing me once before she clung to me and didn’t let go for hours, crying and cursing fate. I couldn’t agree with her more.
Fate played a twisted game. It killed the wrong guy.
As time passed, she got her peace. She forgave fate for taking Adam too soon. She forgave me although she never said she blamed me.
I never forgave myself. I didn’t deserve to live. I didn’t deserve to be happy or have anything close to what Adam had with Claudia because it wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair.
For three and a half years I was fine with my choices. I was happy to spend my time with Claudia and Maya. It was my way of compensating for Adam’s absence. I never regretted the way my life was supposed to go; never questioned my decisions or why I was damned; never considered that maybe I survived for a reason.
Scorpio put an empty bottle down, bringing me back to reality. “Tell me I’m wrong, Thomas. Tell me you don’t think it should have been you to die out there. You blame yourself every day because in your eyes Adam’s life was more precious than yours.”
“It was.”
“Bullshit. Do you think Adam would approve of who you have become? What happens if you reverse the situation? Would you want Adam to waste himself like you do?”
I hated the condescending tone of his voice. I hated the pity mixed with anger and sympathy in his eyes. I hated it all because he was right. Adam would be rolling in his grave if he knew the kind of life I led since he died. He wouldn’t want this for me. He would kick my ass for not following my gut, and then he would smash Ethan’s face so that he wouldn’t get in my way.
Adam’s life was more precious than mine. His life was filled with people he loved and cared about. My life comprised of quick fucks and work. There was nothing to look forward to… until I kissed Nadia.
Maybe there was a reason I was still breathing. Maybe she was the reason; the chance for redemption.
Maybe we were supposed to save each other.
CHAPTER 8
NADIA
Too little, too late
“I heard Ethan asked you out.” Amelia smiled from the other side of the kitchen table on Monday morning. “I’m glad. He’s a good guy, Nadia. I don’t think he took his eyes off you once all evening.
No, he didn’t, but considering what happened later, Ethan’s relentless efforts to win me over were the last thing on my mind. I glanced at Mel weighing my options. I wanted to tell her about Thomas, but I was afraid of her reaction—and that she would tell Nick.
And he couldn’t find out.
Not for my sake. I could handle my brother, but I didn’t want him to hate Thomas. A long time ago Amelia could keep a secret, and I hoped the ring on her finger changed nothing.
“If I tell you something will you promise you won’t spill the news to Nick?”
That piqued her curiosity, and she held out her pinky. “Promise.”
“I kind of slept with Thomas,” I blurted out without a warning.
Her blue eyes grew wide, and excitement took over, heating her cheeks. “No way! Oh. My. God! How? Why? I mean, you’re a brunette!”
“You don’t say. I don’t know why or how. It just happened.”
Liar, liar.
I knew why and how, but there was no telling Mel without explaining where my reluctance to being touched or the paralysing fear Thomas was eradicating came from. My mind travelled back to the intimate moments we shared, and the memories alone triggered a pleasant sensation in my chest.
“We were on our way back home, bantering about Alex, and he kissed me. Before I knew it, we were in his bed.”
“I can’t believe you!” she squealed, then drew her eyebrows together when a different thought pushed out the excitement. “I told you he’s a playboy. He won’t date you, sweetie.”
“I don’t want to date. All I wanted was him, Mel. You’ve no idea how much I wanted him; and you’ve no idea how good he is.”
Or how he can control my emotions, erase anxiety, summon peace and bring me back to life.
“Oh, okay. Good for you then, I guess. Although I still can’t believe it. You’re the complete opposite to his type.”
“Looks like we both needed something different. I got what I wanted. You could say he wrecked me for all my future boyfriends. No way anyone could top that.”
Because there was no way I would find another guy who would act like an antidote to my disease.
“He looks like he knows his stuff. While we’re on the subject—what did Alex want on Friday? Did she have a jealous fit?”
“She thinks they’re a couple.” I chuckled, biting into an apple. “She told me to stay away from him.”
“From who?” Nicholas appeared in the doorway, a briefcase in his hand. “Who are you supposed to stay away from, sis?”
“Thomas,” Amelia said smiling when Nick kissed her forehead. “Alex issued her with a restraining order.”
“I’m with her on that one.” He grabbed a bottle of water and snatched the car keys from the counter. “I’m off to the office, but I’ll try to be back early.”
He kissed Mel again, then pressed his lips to my head and left.
I didn’t have to ask why he thought It would be a good idea if I stayed away from Thomas. He was an overprotective older brother, and I knew he didn’t want Thomas to use me.
Too bad it was the other way around, and … too little, too late.
***
The meeting with the catering company hired to cater Nick’s and Mel’s wedding lasted so long that Nick arrived in the middle of it despite coming back home shortly after four in the afternoon.
He promised to come back early, but it didn’t look like he tried very hard, not that I blamed him. If I could, I wouldn’t have shown up either.
Hannah, the agent, was fed up with the future bride, but she remained professional, handing out endless menu options. Mel didn’t find one she liked, and we had to make a new one from scratch to keep her from having a meltdown. Before we moved on to choosing the dessert, I had forgotten what we chose as appetisers. There were too many dishes to memorise, especially since Mel changed her mind six hundred and twenty-three times before she was satisfied.
“I’m not sure if ice cream is such a good idea. It’ll be warm, and the desserts will melt,” she whined, her eyes glassy.
Nicholas outstretched his hand, and drew her closer, planting a firm kiss on her temple. I wasn’t sure who he was trying to calm down. He looked ready to explode, and he only arrived half an hour earlier.
My butt hurt since I hadn’t moved for four hours straight. Good thing Hannah brought a lot of food to sample, otherwise I would starve.
“What about a traditional apple pie,” she offered.
I was sure she had suffocated the future bride in her thoughts at least a dozen times during the meeting, and in my thoughts, I held Amelia down to speed things up.
Overall, it took over five hours to get the menu together, and when I thought the nightmare was over, Amelia called it the first draft, and said she would sleep on it. If Nicholas was upset about not being included in the wedding
plans, he surely regretted ever offering to help.
As soon as Hannah left, Nick opened a bottle of whiskey and made himself a drink whilst Amelia caught up on some drama series in the living room. I joined my brother with a cup of coffee and a book.
“Can we talk?” he asked, breaking the comfortable silence.
I raised my eyes from a copy of And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie. A part of me wanted to run, because his face betrayed the topic. Instead, I put the book on the table, marking the page before closing it, and focused my attention on Nick.
“Sure. What is it?”
He closed the laptop and sipped on his whiskey as if needing a moment to gather his thoughts. “I want to know what happened between you and Adrian.”
I tilted my head back, looking at the ceiling, once again hoping to find strength in the sky-blue colour. “I won’t go into details, Nick, it didn’t end pretty, and I couldn’t stay there any longer.”
“What do you mean by didn’t end pretty?”
His reaction to that one sentence was all the confirmation I needed, if I had any doubts about whether to tell him the truth. There was no reason to drop it on him just for the sake of truth telling. I accepted what happened and wanted to move on.
“We had a fight and realised we weren’t good together anymore. Adrian changed, Nick.”
“I just can’t get my head around it.” He squeezed the bridge of his nose as if trying to get rid of a migraine. “You two were perfect together. He loved you like crazy. What did he do?”
“It’s not important. I had my reasons. Can’t you just trust me?”
He sighed, defeated. “I trust you, but I worry. Promise that when you’re ready to talk, you’ll come to me.”
It wasn’t about being ready or not, but explaining it to my brother was pointless, so I just nodded.
“And one more thing … Thomas.”
“Don’t start,” I cut in. “Don’t warn me. Mel beat you to it on Friday. I know, he’s a player.”
“You like him?”
Have I said it and not noticed?
“I do like him. He seems nice.”
Like didn’t paint the picture. I liked him, but Thomas himself didn’t matter at that stage. It could have been anyone else. Anyone who would be able to calm me down like he did would become someone without whom getting up every day seemed even harder.
And that was why I refused his offer for one more night. Despite him helping me, it was just a temporary fix like the pills I was addicted to. I didn’t want Thomas to become another addiction.
“Nice?” Nick laughed. “That’s the least fitting word to describe Thomas. He’s not nice. He’s cautious, tight-lipped and rude. He’s got a short fuse and he can be vile.”
I crossed my hands, feeling somewhat defensive. Nick wasn’t being fair. “And here I was thinking you two are best friends.”
Nicholas smirked, ignoring the sarcasm. “We are. Thomas is difficult, but I like him a lot. He’s a great partner and a loyal friend.”
“So you’re telling me he’s a plague just to discourage me?”
He nodded, watching me. “I saw him on Friday, sis. He’s different around you. I’m not sure if he’s protective of you because you’re my sister, or possessive because he wants to sleep with you, so I’m warning you.”
“Thank you. Duly noted, but you don’t have to worry about me, I did okay for two years in New York, and you weren’t there.”
Another lie. I cried myself to sleep more times than I could count wishing for Nick to come and help me.
Now he looked as if I slapped him, and shame washed over me.
“I’m sorry, that was rude, but you need to understand that I make my own decisions, and I know what’s good for me.”
“You think Thomas is good for you?” A vein throbbed on his temple threatening to burst.
“That’s not what I said. Thomas is a player, and I’m not looking to get hurt. Don’t act like I’m still a little girl.”
“I’m trying.” He raised to his feet. “I’ll be upstairs in my office; I have a few contracts to look through.” He walked around the table and leaned over to kiss my head.
I returned to reading but didn’t manage half a page before Mel walked into the kitchen. She no longer looked stressed, on the contrary, the excitement was spilling out of her ears.
“We’ve got the bridesmaids dresses fitting tomorrow, but we should go shopping afterward. I bet you need a dress for your date with Ethan.”
“It’s not a date.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she waved me away. “But it won’t hurt to have a new dress just in case, right?”
“We’re going to play pool. I don’t plan to wear a dress.”
Truth be told, I wasn’t sure if I would go through with that date. Ethan was nice, but he wanted more than I wanted to give.
“Oh, bite me,” Mel rolled her eyes. “We’re going shopping. I need to relax, and you’ll buy a dress. Please, do it for me.”
Puss-in-boots cute-eyes coupled with the pleading tone of her voice … I didn’t stand a chance.
“Great!” She clapped her hands, apparently seeing the white flag I was waving. “If the dress won’t get used for your date with Ethan,” she murmured, glancing around, “Thomas can rip it off you.”
CHAPTER 9
THOMAS
Pity the fools
Time. I gave Nadia time to think about what happened between us on Friday. I knew she would be thinking about it because I couldn’t stop. I even dreamt of touching her. We were good together. Sex was unreal. She must have noticed. Only a blind person wouldn’t.
I gave her Monday, Tuesday, and planned to keep my distance until Friday, by which time she should miss me.
Too bad it was only Wednesday. My patience was wearing thin. I kind of hoped she would give in sooner.
I sat with Nick in his office munching on a take-away lunch when Amelia rang. He answered the phone and put it on speaker so he could continue stuffing his face with chicken teriyaki.
“Hey, how about we go to the cinema later on?” She hit the horn. “You moron! Watch where you’re going!”
“Yeah, sounds like a plan. What time?”
Mel’s outburst surprised neither of us. She was neither a good nor a patient driver.
“We’ve got the bridesmaids fitting soon, and then I’m taking Nadia shopping. We should be back home by six.”
“Shopping? If you want her to buy a dress for the wedding, there’s no way you’ll be back by six.”
“No, it’s just date-dress shopping today. Shouldn’t take long.”
Nick stopped chewing. “Date-dress?”
“She’s going out with Ethan, remember?”
My stomach did a backflip. I assumed that Nadia agreeing to that date was a ploy to make me jealous. My face fell. She didn’t want me, and no amount of time could fix it.
I pushed the food away and marched out of Nick’s office, unable to sit and listen to Mel brag about how she thought Nadia and Ethan would hit it off. If I had a say in the matter, a brick wall would be the thing Ethan would hit… with his head… pushed by my hand.
I ordered my brand new, tall, blue-eyed, blonde assistant Marie to see me at five o’clock sharp. I had to get laid. Her eyes shone with excitement. She knew the reason behind being summoned after hours.
Don’t get too excited sweetie, you won’t enjoy it.
Girls in the industry knew my game, and fifty percent of the blondes falling at my feet were doing so because they knew. Some hoped they would be the one to change me, make me settle down. Others hoped for a record deal. Few were there just for the fun.
Nick barged into my office a few minutes later. He strolled across the room and collapsed in the chair across from my desk focusing his gaze on the panoramic window behind my back.
Over the course of our business partnership, we had developed a little routine. Nick liked to get things off his chest, but he always waited for me to ask the questions.
I didn’t understand it, but I played along. Every time he came in with that bothered look on his face, I closed my laptop, put the paperwork aside and started the conversation.
It was always one of two things. Either Amelia or work, but this time I knew it was about his precious little sister.
“Care to share?” I asked, a vein throbbing on my neck.
Nick squeezed the bridge of his nose and exhaled loudly showing off his exasperation. “She’s going out with him.”
You don’t fucking say.
What the hell did The Jerk have that I didn’t? Could I buy it? Because I would buy it. I would buy ten of it.
“I don’t want her to go out with him!” Nick whined, throwing his hands in the air. “She should work things out with Adrian.”
She should work things out with me.
Adrian was history, a memory, but Nick needed time to process and accept the facts. That, however, wasn’t my problem. My problem was The Jerk, or the fact Nadia was seeing him after she slept with me.
Friday night was perfect! Why didn’t she want to repeat it? There were only two reasons. One—Nadia liked that dipshit. There was no hope for me there, so I scratched that idea and grasped onto the more hopeful reason number two—she still thought of me as a playboy. And since playboys are always assholes, she had me all figured out. The trouble was that I wasn’t my usual self around her.
I wanted sex but not just sex. Nadia appealed to me in many ways, and I wanted to see what we could make of it.
“Why is she going out with him?”
Nick rolled his eyes. “He asked her.”
Like brother like sister.
“No shit. I’m asking why. Does she like him? Did she say anything?”
“If you want to tell me to leave her be, then spare me. Ethan’s not the guy for her. Adrian is. Ethan’s too weak; he wouldn’t know how to take care of her.” He rested his head on the back of the chair, eyeing the ceiling. “I used to know everything about her. I didn’t have to ask what was going on, but now she’s different. She’s been shutting me out since she came back. Something’s wrong, but she won’t talk to me.”