‘He’ll meet him at the ball.’
‘How are you feeling?’ Margo said.
Louisa took a long breath in and exhaled slowly. ‘I was thinking of Elliot.’
‘I miss him too.’ Margo came across, bent down and put an arm around Louisa. ‘But people telling you to let him go doesn’t help, does it?’
Louisa shook her head.
‘Sorry.’
Louisa sighed. ‘Do you realize I’d never have known about Zinnia and Conor until the day he eventually left me.’
Margo shook her head. ‘If he ever left you. I hate to say it of my own brother, but he really knew which side his bread was buttered being married to you. I couldn’t see him giving all that up – and for what?’
‘To be able to live with his son, I suppose.’
‘He did want children. Partly to make up for the loss of our brother, I think.’
‘He never said so but I always felt that.’
‘Though I was just a toddler at the time, I think my mother’s airs and graces must have started back then, and her ambitions for the remaining men in her life. She pushed them to be what they weren’t.’
‘Elliot too?’
‘The sky was the limit in her eyes. It must have been hard for him to live up to her aspirations.’
‘That doesn’t excuse him.’
‘No …’ She paused for a moment. ‘I just don’t see what it was about Zinnia.’
Louisa shrugged. ‘She’s a shadow of who she once was. Back then she must have seemed exotic and enigmatic. Very different from me, anyway. I wanted to hate her, you know, but how can you when someone is so frail?’
‘He did love you. I’m sure of it. But none of us really knew Elliot, did we?’
Louisa didn’t reply.
‘I can’t help wondering if there was something I could have done.’
‘Don’t blame yourself, Margo.’
‘By the way, my mother phoned, asking all manner of questions about Conor. I haven’t told her Zinnia is ill. I wouldn’t put it past her to come and scoop up the child.’
‘Leo wouldn’t let that happen.’
‘He may not have a choice. She is the child’s grandmother.’
Margo left the room and Louisa finished doing her hair and then sat in the sitting room to wait for Leo, feeling very alone, and with just one lamp shining light on her polished nails. Deep silver, the varnish was called. Almost an hour had gone by when she got to her feet and started pacing the room. She didn’t believe Leo would be the sort of man to let her down, so something must be keeping him. But by nine o’clock she accepted she’d have to face the ballroom on her own. She was just checking her hair again in the hall mirror when there was a knock at the door. She took a few steps back into the sitting room and allowed Ashan to answer it. Thank goodness, she thought when she heard Leo’s voice, and then he came into the room carrying a holdall. He looked at her in astonishment. ‘Wow!’ was all he said.
She felt herself redden.
‘Louisa, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know if you’d still be here.’
‘I’m just glad you made it. Did something happen?’
‘Zinnia wasn’t too well and Conor wouldn’t settle. I’m having a telephone line installed but they haven’t finished the job yet, so at the moment there’s no way of contacting you. I’m so pleased you’re still here.’
‘I waited.’
‘Yes.’
They gazed at each other, both smiling.
‘You’ll need to change. I’ll show you to a guest room.’
‘Thank you.’
He didn’t move.
‘What?’
‘Louisa, you have the most beautiful gold flecks in your eyes.’
When he came downstairs, the transformation was complete. Instead of the waxed jacket he wore to ride his motorbike he was in an elegant evening suit. He had tamed his wavy red hair a little, but not so much that he didn’t look like him. He wore his good looks easily, almost as if he was unconscious of the effect he had. But gazing at his broad shoulders, long legs and dark eyes she couldn’t turn away, nor stop her stomach flipping over.
He gave her a crooked smile. ‘Will I do?’
‘You’ll more than do.’
He cleared his throat. ‘I didn’t say how beautiful you look.’
She glanced away, then back at him. ‘You said you liked my eyes.’
He nodded.
There was a silence between them and, feeling a little like a debutante on her first date, she faltered. A car revved in the street, a lone dog barked, and she heard something fall to the floor in the kitchen. She was tempted to check what might have been broken, but then realized it was just a way of momentarily escaping her nerves.
‘Well,’ he finally said. ‘Ready?’
And then, despite her misgivings, her heart swelled with happiness as she took his arm.
‘Shall we walk?’ he said. ‘The rain has stopped.’ He held her back a moment. ‘I just wanted to say something first.’
‘Go on.’
‘It’s clear there’s something still so hurt in you. I want you to know I understand.’
Overcome by a wave of emotion, she nodded.
As they entered the ballroom a foxtrot was in full swing. She held on to his arm and looked around at the glittering chandeliers and the vast bouquets of flowers. The walls, lined with floor-to-ceiling mirrors, reflected the lights and the dancing couples. It was packed and, despite the earlier rain, it was hot. She wanted to find her father to introduce Leo to him, and so they threaded their way around the edges of the room. They eventually found Jonathan chatting with Elspeth Markham, a stalwart of the congregation at All Saints’ and one of the principal flower arrangers.
‘Hello, Mrs Markham,’ Louisa said. ‘Can I introduce you both to Leo McNairn. Leo, meet my father.’
While they all shook hands, it was clear Jonathan was assessing Leo. Louisa knew her father was just looking out for her but couldn’t help feeling a bit irritated. She gave Leo a quick sideways glance.
‘If it’s all the same to you, Dad, Leo and I are going to take to the floor.’
Taking the hint, Leo put his hand on her elbow.
‘Maybe we could have a drink together later?’ Jonathan said. ‘Shall we say in the bar in an hour’s time?’
‘Of course,’ Leo replied.
‘My father’s going to give you the third degree. Sorry,’ she whispered as they made their way to a space on the dance floor.
He laughed and took her in his arms. As they began a waltz, Louisa’s earlier uncertainties dissolved and she allowed herself to fully enjoy being close to him. Once again, she sensed something flowing between them and felt certain he could feel it too. He drew her even closer and they moved effortlessly together until she felt too hot, so then they made their way to the bar. The room was busy, but she found an empty alcove while Leo went to order two glasses of champagne.
She settled back and closed her eyes, but could hear voices coming from the next alcove. Her eyes flew open when she heard her name mentioned.
‘There are all kinds of rumours about Louisa Reeve’s husband,’ a woman was saying.
‘I heard he had other women.’
‘Did she know?’
‘Nobody knows.’
‘Did you hear anything about an illegitimate child?’
‘No. How awful!’ This had been spoken in a shocked voice.
‘How many other women did he have?’
‘Any number, I heard.’
Louisa got to her feet as Leo arrived back with two glasses. ‘I’m going to let my father know you’re in here.’
‘Are you coming back?’
‘In a while.’
‘Is something wrong?’
She shook her head. ‘I’ll be fine,’ she said and took a sip of the champagne he offered her. Then she put the glass down and turned on her heels, glaring at the two women who had been gossiping, one of whom was Elspeth Markham.
/> She soon found her father and told him where Leo was. Next, she searched for Margo and found her sitting out the dancing and holding William’s hand.
‘Not dancing, you two lovebirds?’
‘I’m not much of a dancer,’ William said. ‘Can I get you a drink, Louisa?’
‘Thank you,’ she said, and as he strode off she took the seat he had vacated.
‘So, where’s Leo?’
‘With my dad.’
‘Let’s hope that goes well.’
‘Why shouldn’t it?’
‘Well, you remember what he thought of Elliot right from the start.’
‘And it proved to be right … Margo, I heard some women gossiping about Elliot. They said he had more than one other woman.’
‘Don’t listen to gossips. That way madness lies.’
‘I’m sure you’re right. But I so wanted to confront them.’
‘Let it go. Instead, tell me how it felt to be dancing with Leo.’
Louisa closed her eyes and smiled. ‘I feel at home with him. It’s just so easy. I know it’s probably too soon, but I can’t help how I feel.’ She sighed. ‘Why does life have to be so complicated?’
‘We complicate it, don’t you think? If you like him and he likes you, does it matter?’
As William arrived back, Louisa stood and took the glass from him, then made her way back to the bar, where she found Leo and her father roaring with laughter at some shared joke. It gave her a frisson of pleasure to see them getting along so well and in that moment of certainty she made a snap decision.
‘Louisa,’ her father said. ‘Take my seat.’
He got to his feet and held out a hand to Leo. The two men shook hands and to Louisa it felt like the seal of approval. She was glad. It had been hard when Jonathan hadn’t liked Elliot.
After her father left she sat and leant towards Leo. ‘Shall we go?’
‘It’s still early.’
‘I want to go back to Cinnamon Hills with you. We can pick up my car.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Absolutely.’
37.
After they had picked up her car, Louisa drove them both to Cinnamon Hills. She hadn’t expected to feel so calm, despite having to navigate the bumpy potholed track and then finding the plantation house completely dark. There was something infinitely gentle about Leo as he reached across and touched her hand where it rested on the steering wheel.
‘There’s still time to change your mind.’
Once she had switched off the headlights she looked out into the thick darkness of night and, unable to see anything of the dramatic view, felt conscious only of being there with Leo, as if held in a bubble of only him and her. There was a tingling kind of pleasure in that, and it struck her that was one of the reasons why intimacy was so seductive. For however long it lasted, it offered a delightful kind of shield, a warm protection from the outside world, something she had been missing since Elliot died.
They both got out of the car and, lit only by the stars, he guided her to the front door. She sniffed the voluptuous night-time scents of flowers and trees, while the earth and woods surrounding them seemed dense and close. It was far from silent. She could hear the cicadas, the creatures shifting along the pathways, and the wings of night birds as they flew. And in the background the roar of the ocean. When fireflies darted right in front of her eyes, sprinkling the night with light, she grinned. He pushed the door open and they went upstairs where the smells of the room, tobacco and cinnamon, contrasted with the damp scent of night. As he bent to light an oil lamp and then glanced across at her, she could see his eyes were dark and shiny. She held her breath as the light fell on his face and the room emptied of air.
‘I didn’t expect you to look so good in evening dress,’ she said.
For a moment, she sensed a battle going on inside her, and felt tempted to draw back. She resisted the urge and remained standing where she was. He left the room for a few moments and while he was gone she gazed around at his belongings. There wasn’t much, just some books, an indoor plant or two, his khaki jacket hanging over the back of a chair, an untidy pile of papers, an old newspaper and a large clock on the wall. The only sound was the ticking of the clock. She saw it wasn’t even midnight, and went to look at the books. She picked up a copy of Siegfried Sassoon’s war poems and flicked through the pages. Then she unhooked her earrings and left them lying on the table. She felt as if she would always remember the details of the room and how being close to everything that was Leo’s affected her. The room was so completely him.
When he came back through, the air was thick with promise, or intention, or maybe just plain desire, and she smiled at the fact that she was describing it all to herself in her head as it was happening.
‘What are you smiling about?’ he said.
‘I don’t know. This? Us? Life?’
He walked towards her.
She felt herself opening as they kissed, gently at first, and enjoyed the taste of champagne on his lips. Her fingers wrapped around the back of his neck and she noticed herself curve into him. Without willing it consciously, her stomach tightened and her hips tilted very slightly upward, and she could feel his firm body against hers. Like an enchantment, she thought, and wondered if this longing to be relieved of her tension was all it took. Expecting him to lead her through to the bedroom, her breath came short and fast and, as she breathed into his neck, she felt a lick of pleasure run through her.
She began to undo the buttons on his shirt, carefully at first but then tugging more urgently until it was open. He pulled down the zip at the back of her dress and slipped it over her shoulders. She placed a hand on his bare chest and felt his heart thumping against her palm. He stroked her shoulders and then, just as he lowered his head to kiss the curve of her neck, there was an almighty crash outside. They leapt apart when they heard a scream. He quickly did up a couple of buttons on his shirt before heading for the door.
‘Stay here,’ he said, as he left the room.
She steadied her breathing, waiting, and then, after a few minutes, saw the door open and Leo return.
‘Monkeys,’ he said. ‘Just monkeys.’
She was intensely aware of standing there partly dressed, but instead of leading her through to the bedroom, he came to her and pulled up her dress.
‘Louisa, we can’t.’
‘Why not?’
She wanted to be bolder, to insist it was right, that this was the moment to choose to go ahead, but felt herself deflate.
He looked tormented when he replied. ‘What if it’s too soon? What if you wake up in the morning and feel you’ve made a terrible mistake?’
She frowned, unwilling to let this go. ‘I won’t. I wouldn’t.’
‘I know you’re still in conflict about this.’
She took a step back, shook her head and, feeling like crying, was angry that Elliot’s ghost still hung between them. She had thought she was sure, had thought it was the right time, but if Leo didn’t feel it too, then what was the point? And now she wasn’t sure either.
‘You can take my bed,’ he said, his eyes lingering on her face. ‘I’ll sleep on the sofa.’
‘I can’t deprive you of your bed.’
‘You can and you will.’
She spent a restless night and then slept on late into the morning, only being woken by a knock on the door before he came in. She had a flashback to his body pressing into hers and felt a surge of recollected desire, though he looked perfectly normal, wearing work clothes and carrying a tray of toast and coffee. She noticed he also had an envelope in one hand.
She glanced at the rugged angles of his face, exaggerated by the morning light slanting through the shutters, then she shuffled up in the bed and ran a hand through her dishevelled hair.
‘You look especially beautiful,’ he said, and touched her cheek.
She smiled, conscious of his gaze, but felt a sense of loss as her cheek burned. He removed his hand, rolled up
his shirtsleeves, and then poured her coffee. She wanted to reach out and touch his lower arm where the hairs now shone like gold.
Instead, she asked what was in the envelope.
He sighed and now she noticed the look in his eyes. ‘It’s the result from the laboratory. Zinnia does indeed have malaria.’
She drank her coffee quickly as the truth sank in. ‘In that case, I’ll head off to the dispensary with the result and pick up some quinine.’
‘I’ll come with you.’
‘No, you stay with Zinnia. She needs to be told. It might be best if she isn’t left alone.’
‘I haven’t looked in on her yet, but she wasn’t too good yesterday evening, so that’s not a bad idea. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Conor yet either.’
‘I’ll come back as soon as I have the quinine, and then take you back to pick up your motorbike.’
Just then the rain began again and they listened to it pounding the roof. Louisa loved the romantic sound of rain if she was safely indoors: either the gentle rhythmic tapping that would send you to sleep, or the powerful squalls that kept you awake as you snuggled down under the covers.
‘Wish I could stay in bed,’ she said and shivered, but didn’t add with you. ‘It’s just the thought of going out in the rain.’
A silence fell and his eyes narrowed as he gazed at her.
‘And are you all right about last night?’ he eventually said, leaning towards her.
She looked back at him and, while holding her breath for a second, she nodded.
He was quiet, as if deciding what to say next. ‘You know I wanted to, right?’
She exhaled slowly. ‘I know.’
At the dispensary in Galle, Louisa discovered they were awaiting new supplies that might take several days to arrive. She felt a dark mood descending. There had already been too many deaths in her life, and Zinnia’s illness cruelly reminded her of Julia and Elliot. Not that she had ever forgotten them, but this brought them to the forefront of her mind and, now she felt the grief edging towards her again, she feared it would never be over. She fought against it and decided she would travel to Colombo to try to get the quinine sooner, and she would ask Margo to accompany her.
Back at the house, she spotted a small case in the hall and a minute later Margo and William came through; Margo’s eyes looked red and a little puffy.
The Sapphire Widow Page 24