“Let’s just enjoy your celebration lunch, okay?” Dad flashes me a smile that’s not one of his warm, friendly, brimming with Southern-hospitality smiles. That’s a smile that says Drop this, now, or you’re in for a massive grounding. Not that grounding me has ever made a difference, anyway. It basically means I don’t go outside for any reason other than chores, and I usually find a way around that.
Our food arrives, and my corn on the cob is heavenly. We’re all kind of quiet at lunch, trying not to draw attention to Dad and Cass’s distinctive voices. When we’re done, Dad leaves to go to the bathroom and Cass offers to pay. I accompany her to the front counter while Nana waits at the table for Dad to get back.
When it’s our turn, Cass looks up at the side of the counter to read a sign posted there and, seemingly out of habit, pulls her sunglasses up onto the top of her head. Then she slips her credit card to Kelly, the brunette woman at the counter who looks like she’s in her thirties. Usually Cass pays with cash to avoid suspicion, so it’s odd that she’s paying with a credit card this time. Maybe she didn’t have cash on hand or something.
Wait. No. This is her plan. It’s another Step 4 attempt.
Kelly slides the card, and as Cass is signing for it, she looks down at the card and then back up at her and draws in a shuddering gasp. “Cassidy Knox? Is that you?” she shrieks.
Cass pulls her sunglasses back down over her eyes right as Dad comes up to meet us. “Shhhh,” Cass shushes her with a finger pressed to her lips, snatching the card away.
“Why are we whispering?” Kelly asks. Then she glances at Dad, and her eyes grow wide with recognition. “Oh my God…it can’t be!”
Dad’s face turns ashen as Kelly freaks out and calls her coworkers over to meet ‘Grim.’ Even through his dark sunglasses, I can see him shooting a fearsome glare at Cass as people from all over the restaurant jump up from their seats and make their way over to meet him.
“Let’s go,” Dad says, and all four of us turn tail and rush out the door. I hear a clamor behind us as people beg him not to leave, but Dad urges me forward with a hand at my back.
“Well, here we go,” I say as we all pile into the truck. “I don’t think our identities are quite so secret anymore in Lawrenceburg.”
Chapter 7
May 17, 2015
Step 4 Complete
Well, the secret is out. The employees at Hogger’s BBQ connected the dots and made sure to tell everybody in town exactly who we are. The town newspaper and some other websites picked up the story, and now we’re getting calls for interviews from everywhere. The news of our location is truly going viral.
Ana’s parents found out who we are and, surprisingly, they were okay with it. They even asked Dad and Cass for autographs. I guess they’re excited by the fact that now they have someone to ask a favor of when they need a new organ or projector for the church. Plus, we’re celebrities, and we’ve been to their church. I guess that would make anyone happy.
Dad is absolutely furious with Cass. He’s been out with the horses constantly, and he doesn’t want to see her at all. I know Cass meant to be discovered, but she still keeps apologizing over and over, and I think she severely regrets it. I feel bad that I was part of the reason she did it. I hope she didn’t just lose him for good.
Nana and I are taking Cass to the airport tomorrow so she can go home. Hopefully, this isn’t the last time I’ll ever see her. She’s done a lot of good for me at great cost to herself. Also…I mean, I got to jam with Black Angel for a couple of weeks. I don’t want to lose that.
I guess soon we’ll find out if Dad values his relationships or his stubbornness more. I understand why he’s mad, but seriously, I’m almost an adult. There can’t be that much danger now that I’m five months away from turning eighteen. It’s about time we came out of hiding.
It feels wrong to be so excited about this, but I am. No more hiding. I’m ready to live.
Ttyl,
Mads
***
Nana and I take Cass back to the airport early the next morning. She sheds silent tears all the way there. When we have to say good-bye before she goes on to the next area, she holds on to me tightly.
“Keep trying to get him out to L.A.,” Cass whispers in my ear. “Don’t give up. You deserve those answers, and you deserve to have your real life back.”
“I won’t give up, Cass,” I say, pulling back. “Thank you for everything. I’m sorry it backfired so badly.”
“Well, I didn’t do it all for you,” Cass reminds me. “I have my reasons for wanting the hiding to be over.”
“Yeah, but it seems like you may have lost him for good now.”
“It’ll be okay,” Cass says with a sad little smile. “Trust me, I know Mike. He can’t stay mad at me forever. Keep in touch, okay?”
“Will do. I’ll see you again soon.”
We say our good-byes, and then Nana drives me home in her car. When we arrive, there are cars lining the entire length of our driveway, and there’s a swarm of people out in front of our house. Some of them are reporters, but others look like crazed fans that will do anything to get a glimpse of a rock star. Nana drives past the cars on the grass and blares her horn at the mob. As she parks and gets out of the car, she pulls a Beretta out from under her pants leg and points it at the ones who are banging on our front door. She’s had a concealed weapon permit all these years, and now she’s finally using her privilege.
“All you trespassers get the hell off my front porch,” Nana squawks, and I snicker behind my hand at the terrified looks on the people’s faces. “This is private property! I’m not afraid to use this!” Nana fires a couple of warning shots up into the air, and everyone scurries out of our way. Most of them run back to their cars, and the few stragglers that remain follow suit when Nana points the gun directly at their heads.
As we approach the front door, I giggle and whisper to Nana, “I gotta admit, that was pretty badass.” Usually Nana would yell at me for the dirty word, but this time she just smirks and winks at me.
When we get back inside, Dad’s slumped on the couch, looking dragged down and older than when this whole mess started. Nana goes around to the kitchen to get lunch started, but I sit down on the couch with Dad. There’s a long moment of silence, and then he speaks.
“I didn’t mean she had to leave,” he says, staring sightlessly at the TV in front of us.
“Then why didn’t you say anything about us taking her away?”
“I was just so angry.” Dad shakes his head. Even from the side, I can see his pained scowl. “So angry she let that happen. That all those years of hidin’ were undone in an instant.”
Anger simmers inside of me too, but it’s for a different reason. “They weren’t undone. Trust me, I’m still suffering from the effects.”
Dad looks at me. “What?”
I’ve been trying so hard not to explode at him, but it’s no use. The fury at the knowledge of everything I’ve missed out on is too much to handle. “How could you?” I whisper-shout, feeling rigid and poised to detonate.
Dad sighs and drops his shoulders. “Here we go…”
“How could you keep me hidden from my real life for seventeen years?” I stand from the couch, and my voice echoes through the house. “How could you force Cass to stay at a distance and go by a different name? How could you let her leave like that? Do you care about either of us at all?”
Dad jumps to his feet, his anger nearly matching mine. “Believe me, I care about you more than you will ever know,” he spits with a finger pointing right toward my face.
“If you cared about me, you would have let me live a normal life! You lied to me and made me think I was this whole other person! You kept me away from everything for so long, and I don’t know if anything’s true anymore. I don’t feel safe anymore. Ever.”
“I did what I did to keep you safe. I gave up everything for you! Don’t you ever say I don’t care about you!”
“Why was
all of this necessary to keep me safe? Why couldn’t you have just fought back in court? You’re a rock star, for God’s sake. Surely you had better lawyers than her.”
“I know for a fact I would have lost you,” Dad says with a break in his voice. His hand falls down to his side, and his eyes water up.
“How do you know?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
“Why?” I sob. “Why can’t you just tell me the truth?”
“Because when you find out who your mother is, it’s gonna destroy you!”
Both of us are stunned silent. Dad grips the hair on the back of his head, and I watch my father full-on cry for the first time in my life. “It’s just…it’s gonna break your heart. I wanted to wait until you were grown and could handle the truth.”
I stand there in silence, suddenly feeling more scared and vulnerable than I’ve ever felt in my life. This woman has got to be one of the biggest stars in Hollywood if it would hurt me that much to find her. My heart pounds, and for a moment I lose my resolve to find her. It’s going to kill me, I can clearly see that now, but…why do I still have this ache for her?
“I didn’t know that,” I whisper, and both of us sit back down on the couch, needing the support.
Dad chokes back sobs with one hand clamped over his nose and mouth and the other gripping his knee. Finally, I realize how much all of this has hurt him too. He left his career and his mansion behind just to protect me. My heart is softening toward him, but I still feel violated by the lies, and I don’t know if that’s ever going to change. I lay my hand over his on his lap, and he immediately turns it over to grasp mine. We sit there for a while staring at our hands without a word.
Finally, I break the silence. “Look, Dad…I’m sorry you lost everything for me, but…we’ve all been hurt. How would you feel if you lived your entire childhood as one person, and then you found out you were someone totally different? That there’s this great life you could have lived, places you could have seen…” My tears start up again, and my voice starts to tremble. “We could have traveled the world together, you know? I could have gone on vacations…I could have gone to school, had so many more friends…I’ve been hurt anyway. Now that people know who we are, there’s nothing stopping us from living on the outside. I know if she finds us, it could mean trouble, but…I’m sure there’s hope. I mean, I’m seventeen now. Is she really going to try to take me away now, after so much time has passed?”
Dad blows out what feels like a gallon of air, staring at our hands in his lap. “I dunno…you may be right.”
“Also, think about Cass. She was your best friend, and you’ve been forcing her to stay out of your life all this time. She was just hurt…you know? She just wants you back. That’s all. She misses you so much.”
“I know. I miss her too. And I really don’t hate her, I was just angry.”
“I think she deserves an apology, and I think she deserves it in person.”
His gaze travels up to meet mine. “Are you suggestin’ what I think you’re suggestin’?”
I nod quickly with a pounding heart. “Everybody knows where we are now, anyway. We need to go back to L.A., and not just for Cass. You have things there that have probably been sitting untouched for years. Why don’t we go there just for the summer? Then Cass will know how much she means to you, and you’ll get to show off your rock star past to your daughter, who is dying to see it.”
Dad chuckles softly. “Honey, I would love to show you my ‘rock star past,’ but…your mother still lives in Los Angeles.” Dad pauses for a second in thought. “Then again, I did hear she’s gonna be on a film shoot out of town for the whole month of June, so if there was a time to go to L.A., it would be now.”
“Well, uh…” Shit, that’s a complication I hadn’t thought of. At least I know for certain she’s an actress now. Maybe I could extend the trip somehow if I find out who she is. Either way, I’ve got to keep a straight face or he’s going to suspect I want to meet her. I give him a nonchalant shrug. “I have to agree. Now’s the time.”
“Can you promise to behave if I take you to Los Angeles?”
My heart rises into my throat. “Uh-huh.”
“No drugs, no booze, no studly boys?”
I laugh my ass off. “Dad…have you seen me?” I gesture to my skinny, boy-like body. No L.A. stud is going to want to hit this.
“Promise me,” Dad says with a solemn gaze.
“I promise.”
“Well…then I guess we’d better start packin’. It’s gonna be one helluva summer.”
***
May 19, 2015
Mission L.A. Almost Complete
I did it! I got Dad to agree to come to L.A. He’s probably going to stick by my side like glue and never let me do anything by myself, but at least I have him where I want him now. I also convinced Ana’s parents to let her come with us after about an hour of begging, swearing to keep her out of trouble, and promising to find a church to attend in L.A. We won’t be keeping that third promise—on the few vacations I’ve been on in my life, we’ve never done anything but pig out on junk food and laze around in the pool—but I got them to agree, and Ana couldn’t be happier. I promised her we could shop on Rodeo Drive together as long as she visits the Grammy Museum with me. Usually, I avoid clothes shopping like the plague, but this is a special occasion, so I guess I can deal.
I know I’m taking some huge risks with this trip. I still plan to search for my mother, even though I know that finding the truth about her might destroy me. I wish her pull on my heart would go away, but it won’t, and the longer I have to wait to confront her, the more it’s going to hurt. I can’t deal with any more secrets in my life. I need to find her. I need to hear her side of the story and see if she’s changed. I hope I’m not putting anyone in real mortal danger, but it sounds like she’s more of a liar and a backstabber than a felon, so hopefully it will be all right. She won’t be there for the whole month of June, so if I do find out she’s a serial killer or something—highly unlikely—I can get our asses out of there before she comes back.
Two more weeks and I’ll be staying in the house I should have grown up in. I don’t know how I’m going to get any sleep from now until June.
Ttyl,
Mads
Chapter 8
June 1, 2015
Tomorrow, Tomorrow
I think a person can actually die of excitement. I swear I’ve felt my heart stop at least five times tonight as I was trying to sleep. Tomorrow we’re flying into Los Angeles International Airport. We haven’t told Cass about our visit because Dad wants it to be a surprise. It seems like he’s excited about the trip too, which is a relief. I was afraid he was going to bail on me during the two weeks we’ve been packing and setting things up for Nana. Aunt Melissa, Dad’s older sister, is coming to stay with Nana while we’re gone, and I’m confident she’ll take excellent care of Maggie. Melissa owns a legit horse farm a couple of counties over from us, and she’s trained dozens of horses, including Weston.
Ana’s sleeping over tonight…well, staying over. She’s not sleeping either. I know because the light from her iPhone is merging with the light from my laptop. I know I need to sign off, but my fingers won’t stop moving. It’s like I have a caffeine high, but I didn’t drink coffee or anything. The anticipation of a trip to Beverly Hills is the equivalent of three Red Bulls for me.
Beverly Hills…my Cinderella story is finally progressing. Now if only I was pretty like Ana and could easily attract a Prince Charming.
Guess I’ll turn on the Relaxation channel on Pandora and try my best to sleep. My chronic insomnia really is becoming a problem. I’ll get that checked out when I go to therapy after finding Mother Dearest.
Ttyl in L.A.,
Mads
***
My stomach does a flip when the plane touches down on the runway in Los Angeles. I press my nose against the glass, trying to drink in every second of this huge moment. This was my first p
lane ride ever, and I loved it, especially since we got to ride first class. The whole way, amidst Ana’s chattering, I watched older, dignified people sip champagne and look all important as they kept their noses in books and laptops.
There were some rich teenage guys in first class that looked us up and down when we first got here. They seemed impressed with Ana, but they didn’t linger on me long, as I expected. We overslept this morning, and I didn’t even have a chance to take a shower, let alone put on makeup or look any sort of presentable. This is the story of my life…not even fame can make me more attractive than her.
We leave out of the gate and make our way through the airport, and all the way to baggage claim, people stare, point, and whisper about us. Dad puts on his shades again, trying to keep a low profile, but people recognize him and follow us as we pick up our bags and go to get a rental car. When they bring out their phones to take pictures of us, Dad groans and mutters under his breath, “I should have hired bodyguards.”
Bodyguards. We need bodyguards. Sometimes I still think I’m living in a dream.
Dad picks up a rental car and drives us straight to the Beverly Hills neighborhood where the mansion is. Ana and I link arms as we ride down some more secluded streets in Beverly Hills. The houses we pass by are nothing short of spectacular. They’re all different styles, but each one looks like it cost at least a million dollars to create, whether in present times or past.
My chest constricts when Dad pulls into 21 Leighton Way and stops at the gigantic black gate, which is connected to a stone wall. He talks to someone through an intercom, and they open the gate quickly to grant us access. We drive up the long driveway to our home, and I grip Ana’s arm so hard that she winces.
I’ve seen the mansion in pictures already, but nothing compares to stepping out of the rental car and seeing the real thing up close and personal. The mansion is two stories high, made of white cement, and the balconies have minimalist steel railings and sliding glass doors leading out from each bedroom. Black double doors with thin steel handles beckon me from the front of the house. As soon as Dad stops the car, I drop everything and shove my door open, running up to the front patio as Ana follows closely behind me. I stop in front of the doors with a heaving chest.
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