I set the book on the table beside the bed and lay down next to her.
Fight for those who can’t fight for themselves, the voice said. I closed my eyes, but all I Saw were crowds rushing toward something. Lights flashed and people screamed. It was impossible to tell if it was a joyous occasion or the end of the world. I brushed a piece of hair away from her cheek. “I won’t let that happen to you.”
Her smile quivered, like she worried my promise wasn’t enough. “I can learn to dance. There must be a spell in there that can either unearth some talent or get me in front of someone who knows what they’re doing.” She picked up her head and looked at the door, lowering her voice when she spoke. “When we start working, promise me—no more handing the checks over to Lucille. We work our asses off, and all we can afford is this place? The noises that kept me up last night were gun shots.”
They’d woken me from a sound sleep as well, but even more disorienting was Holly and Lucille’s latest argument. I wouldn’t have been surprised to find blood splattered on the walls of the living room this morning. Keeping the peace between them was impossible, and I’d given up on getting them to like each other years ago. That was why we needed stronger spells. “Good idea. I’ll offer to pay the bills. I’ll tell her I’m doing it to help her out.”
“Let’s hope she goes for it. That bitch has got something to hide.”
“I’ll find a spell for you first thing in the morning. After unpacking all day, I can hardly concentrate on anything in front of me.” The words had started to blur together roughly the same time that Holly almost knocked over my bookshelf.
Holly sat up and shut off the light. She snuggled closer to me. Her body ran hot, and I’d always appreciated it on the cold nights in Santa Fe. Now with the air conditioner running full blast, I still reaped the benefits. I was already homesick, and even though I was exhausted, I didn’t expect sleep to come easily. I was too worried about Holly. Lucille had been messing with her head for years, taking advantage of the fact that she couldn’t tell time. Of course, she could read a watch. It was the eras and the years she had trouble putting in chronological order. Holly’s brain was like if someone had torn up a history book and thrown it in the air like confetti. Lucille may have finally succeeded in setting a trap Holly couldn’t get out of.
I wasn’t the only one awake. Holly tossed and turned beside me, unable to find comfort. Her latest turn landed her on her stomach, shaking the mattress. “Sorry,” she mumbled.
“Don’t be.” We’d spent our lives apologizing for things that weren’t our fault. Being comfortable in our own skin wasn’t anything to be sorry about. It had to stop.
I closed my eyes, and I Saw peace. It looked an awful lot like Santa Fe, or the mountain range that rolled gently outside the Las Vegas valley, protecting us from harm. The night was clear, stars lit up the sky, and little sparks fell on us like rain. In my vision, the desert was our bed, and no one existed but Holly and me.
There was no way to share the vision with Holly, but she’d relax if she could See the same things I did. I took her hand and put it over my breast. The stardust that had fallen around us ignited and the heat from Holly’s body flowed through my veins. My nipple stiffened as her hand moved slowly, and even if she was half asleep, she had to know where her hand was. I only had seconds to figure out how to tell her what I wanted before I apologized.
But the apology didn’t come, and she didn’t move her hand away. The movements became more deliberate, circling my nipple, and running her finger over the strained nub like she needed more confirmation than the moan that escaped my lips. She picked her head up off her pillow, and I wished I could see more than the silhouette of her face. Those beautiful eyes still had to be the color of the stone that brought joy. Even when she lowered her lips to mine, I couldn’t tell what color they were.
I closed my eyes in anticipation of the kiss. It wasn’t the usual quick, shy peck that we were too embarrassed to explore further. I welcomed her inside, and our tongues tangled like fire and fury, and the flames licked places no one else could reach.
Holly straddled me, and it took seconds to realize that her mouth wasn’t the hottest part of her. She slipped her hands under my nightgown and I gasped in the middle of the kiss when she touched my bare breasts.
Her lips moved against my cheek. “I’m tired of being scared, Rainey.”
“Me, too.” I wanted all of it. For her to touch me, and to look fear in the eye and watch it tremble in my wake. Lucille had kept us under her wing, and I wondered how long this Vegas move had been part of her plan. If she’d meant to get us here before she was too old to quell the rebellion that had been rising inside both of us. It had thrived, even though we never talked about it, much like this kiss.
I wouldn’t tell Holly I’d cast love spells, not on her, specifically. That wouldn’t be fair. Just generic ones into the universe, hoping that our hearts would always be together, and someday we’d find the place that we belonged. I never thought for a second it would be Las Vegas.
We both wanted the same things. It was no secret we loved each other. Over the years, we’d become an extension of one another. We’d only been afraid to show it. Our clothes got pushed aside, along with the blankets we no longer needed. I wanted to turn on the light so I could see the look on her face when I touched her, but it occurred to me that maybe bravery only came in the darkness. Tonight, we’d wear it and nothing else, and it would be our armor.
Holly broke the kiss. I gasped for air, but what I really wanted was more of her. She whipped her head back, and I was once again sorry. Sorry I hadn’t turned the light on to see the red tendrils fly like flames, or the tips of her nipples when her head fell back. She may have had no idea how to dance—yet—but I had no doubt that she’d be a star. It didn’t take a vision to figure it out. Instinctively, she knew how to use her body for seduction. She’d had me under her spell for as long as I could remember.
She ground her hips, rubbing her bare pussy against mine. I mimicked her actions, and our bodies moved together in an unspoken rhythm. My core pulsed wildly underneath her, and I’d waited so long for this feeling. To give everything I had to her. It was like a vision, but there was no mistaking what was happening, or what my future held.
Holly slipped her knee between my legs, and the heat of her soaking wet pussy scorched my thigh. She picked my other leg up, pressing it against her body, and she angled herself so her pussy touched mine.
She gave me so many things that night—we ignited as we touched, and her fire burned the corners of my vision. A cry escaped my lips. If Lucille came in here…I smothered myself with Holly’s pillow, relishing the scent of her body mixed with her fruity shampoo as I came down from my climax. Holly groaned and collapsed on top of me, panting.
“That was amazing,” she said in between labored breaths.
I pushed the pillow against her bare chest and strained my neck so I could reach her lips. Even though I was totally spent, I wanted more.
“I want you to take all the chances that come to you.” It could’ve been a vision, or I was being selfish. Didn’t matter. I had everything I wanted as Holly put her head on my chest and fell into the most peaceful sleep she’d had since she found out she got this job.
A gunshot rang somewhere outside our window. But it didn’t scare me. Only stardust could touch us.
3
I had no desire to get out of bed. The sun beat against the window, but it was no match for the heat that Holly’s kisses generated. We lay bare in a tangle of sheets with roaming hands and whispers of things we’d always been afraid to say.
We jumped when the door opened.
“What the hell are you two doing?” Lucille gave us no warning. There wasn’t any light behind her dark eyes, and her head was melting into the rest of her round body. It was always a shock to see her out of her natural environment. “Rainey, I want to talk to you.”
“Busted.” I pulled the sheet up and tried to find m
y nightgown. Kissing hadn’t been against Lucille’s never-ending list of unwritten rules, but it had possibly shot to the top of the list. One thing she did make clear were her punishments.
I would not go back to a mental hospital.
“Don’t let her intimidate you.” Holly sat up, letting the sheet fall away from her chest. “You didn’t do anything wrong. And what does she expect, anyway? She practically keeps us locked under glass, away from the rest of the world.”
She turned away from me and pulled at the bunched-up sheet. I shared her frustration. Lucille had kept us dependent on her, as well as medication that numbed our thoughts and kept us powerless until we learned to hide it under our tongues and spit it out when she wasn’t looking. She never took the time to teach us about love, instead insisting we were ugly. Not physically, but to be ashamed of the things that made our hearts beat. We figured love out on our own and gave it our own definition.
Now she was betting everything on a power that Holly never learned to harness.
I sat on Holly’s side of the bed and squeezed her hand. “Does she want us to fail?”
Holly squinted in confusion. “She always has.”
“I mean now. This show. She’s given you an impossible task. Why did she bring us here, when she knows you can’t fulfill your end of the contract? We can barely afford to live here. What happens if you lose your job?”
“I won’t fail.” Holly’s gaze flicked up to me, and it was on fire. “That’s where she’s wrong. If she thought she’d drop me off here like a bag of garbage... No way. It’s my aim to have my face on every one of those billboards we passed. The ones that advertise all the shows. Mine will be the biggest. And I’ll give her nothing.”
I reminded myself to never cross Holly.
“No, you won’t fail.” It wasn’t an empty echo, my visions showed her on stage. And she was so beautiful. “I don’t doubt you. But your success might not come the way she intended.”
“Is that a vision?”
“It was. There’s nothing clear-cut about the show. She hasn’t been forthcoming with you, and she’s answering your questions with threats. But since she’s getting old—“ I stopped to grin, “—she’s forgetting the rules of her own game. We’ve thrived, and she hates it. The best thing you can do is walk out on that stage and shine.”
“That’s exactly what I intend to do.” Holly didn’t care that Lucille hadn’t given us the courtesy of closing the door, she leaned in for another kiss. I had a hard time committing to this one, realizing Lucille probably heard every traitorous word we’d said. Lucille’s supernatural powers weren’t sharp anymore, but her other senses had yet to fade.
“I’m going out there. Before she comes in again.” I lowered my voice. Lucille was back in her happy place—on the couch in front of one of her movies. The room was always dark. She kept the shades down and the world out. We were drowning in a fish bowl with a hungry bottom feeder.
Holly squeezed my hand. “Whatever she asks you for, do it so well she can’t possibly complain. Let your powers shine. That’s how you’ll piss her off.” The last few words gained volume.
Even though rebellion flowed through Holly’s veins, I proceeded to the living room with caution. Lucille had an agenda, and if she planned to use me as a weapon against Holly, I wouldn’t do it. She’d tried to turn us against each other too many times, so the scene she walked into must have frosted her cookies.
“Hi.” I sat next to her on the couch. Lucille didn’t respond. She was completely motionless, receiving a vision. I only knew that someone from another realm spoke to her, too. She refused to compare notes, and the person who spoke to her could’ve been an enemy of the one that spoke to me. “You wanted to talk to me?”
“About what?” Coming back from a vision was disorientating for Lucille as well.
I shrugged. “You came into the bedroom and asked me to come out here.”
“Yes. I lost my train of thought after I caught the two of you pawing at each other like bitches in heat.” She turned to me, but I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of a reaction. “I need you to cast a spell.”
Most of the books that filled my shelves had been given to me by Lucille. She could barely tolerate my existence, but she trusted me to carry on her traditions. The woman made my head hurt. “Do you want me to bring you one of the books?”
“No. The spell will only be effective if you cast it.”
Holly’s advice echoed in my brain, defy her by giving her exactly what she wants, but actually doing it was hard. “What does the spell concern?” I asked.
“Vampires.”
What? That was the last thing I expected her to say. I would've guessed an anti-prosperity spell or something to limit growth. Most of the books included an entire section dedicated to evil that I skipped over. I needed a shower after I reading those spells, their evil intent seeped from the page into my skin. I promised myself I'd never use my powers for anything but good. I would not follow in Lucille's footsteps.
She didn’t explain any further than that one word. I needed to get an answer before she lost focus. "Care to fill in any blanks?" I asked.
"No."
"There are volumes of spell books in there. I've been through every single one of them. None of them have anything to do with vampires." I tried not to exaggerate the word, or add because they don’t exist. Dealing with Lucille was always a dance on thin ice. "Can you narrow it down a little bit?"
"I want them destroyed." She grabbed the remote and turned the volume up on her movie.
That actually did narrow it down. An anti-prosperity spell would work, or I could reverse one for good health. It wasn't easy to do, but I'd need to use the opposite of the charms and herbs listed. Ask for things to happen in reverse. I'd come across some spells concerning time that I'd used for Holly's time travel, and I assumed those would work, since vampires were immortal. If they existed.
I didn't doubt the existence of supernatural creatures because I was one, and so were my roommates. None of us fit in a nice, neat little box—or in a vampire's case, coffin. We had many abilities. "What's with the vampires all of a sudden?" I asked.
"It's not all of a sudden. They ruined my life. I have a credible lead that there's a large clan that's assembled in this city. You and Holly can take care of the problem."
Great. Lucille had totally lost it. But since she was in a talking mood, I'd get as much information as she was willing to give. "Is that why you booked Holly in this show?"
"Yes," she grunted, and it disintegrated into a cough. "She'll lure them, and you'll destroy them."
I didn't even kill bugs. I trapped them in cups and set them free outside.
"Cast the spell, Rainey. I don't know what you're waiting for."
Dumbfounded, I retreated to the bedroom. Holly had yet to get dressed. She'd pulled one of my books off the shelf and was laying on her stomach on the unmade bed, flipping through it. "I overheard some of that," she said. "I figured I'd beat you to the punch."
I climbed on the bed and slid the book closer to me. She'd opened it to the page titled Dealing with the Unknown. "How did you find this?"
Holly shrugged. "The book is called Impractical Magick. It seemed like a good place to start. Now what's this about vampires?"
"She's lost her mind." I got up and closed the door. "She thinks we need to cast this spell to lure vampires to us to destroy them."
"Are you sure she's not trying to set us up on blind dates?" Holly laughed, but I didn't. She avoided Lucille, leaving the burden of taking care of her on me. And when an immortal brain declined, the effects of the decay were long lasting. At least she knew she wasn't capable of casting the spell herself. One false move and she could very well set the apocalypse into motion.
"I don't think you should take the show." It wasn't a fully formed vision, but danger was flashing before my eyes. I couldn't See anything, but screaming echoed in my brain. "Get out of the contract."
"How? I do
n't have access to a lawyer."
Panic pulsed inside me. "You can't dance. Screw it up on purpose. Make them fire you."
Holly rolled back on her knees. "Rainey, I want this show. She's messing with you to get you to talk me out of it. Can't you see that? She's trying to scare us both."
"It's more than that." I swallowed hard, doubting the next words that came out of my mouth. "What if vampires are real?"
"They're not." Holly leaned forward and kissed me. "Go ahead. Cast the spell. I guarantee nothing will happen."
4
Lucille’s threats had an empty echo to them now that I was an adult, but they still shook something deep inside me as I considered the book in front of Holly. I was twenty-one years old, had no money, and was in a strange city with my only friend who was in the same hole-filled boat that I was. When Lucille isolated us, she stripped more than the outside world away. She’d taken our choices.
I had no interest in being homeless or committed. Even though both places offered something that living with Lucille didn’t—a glimmer of the truth. But the truth wasn’t worth trading for my other freedoms. With Lucille, I had a chance of escape. For something better. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel in my visions. I had yet to locate the spell that would bring us to it yet, but knowing it was there gave me comfort.
I had to cast the spell. If I didn’t at least try, Lucille would know—intuition was one of the senses that still worked in the old woman. And if she knew, she wouldn’t hesitate to hurt me. And knew the best way to hurt me was to attack the woman wrapped in my bedsheets.
Impractical Magick was the oldest book in my collection. Lucille had given it to me once I learned to cast my first spell. I’d been able to change my identity to male, in a time that Lucille needed a man to do her bidding for her. The most magical part of being immortal was witnessing the progress of ordinary people who had a limited time to make their mark on the universe. Had it not been for those limitations, I wouldn’t have had a chance to prove my powers. To triumph over oppression. It gave me the strength to know that I could do it again.
Stardust: Tales from Cirque Macabre Page 2