‘Lee, I am walking out on you. No, I’m not,’ she cried. ‘I’m leaving the way clear for you and Andrea, that’s what I’m doing. Don’t you see, what we had going for each other would have been OK if everything had been in the past? But it’s not and she’s free now, and it can only tear you apart.’
She took a deep breath and knew she had to find the right key to end this nightmare situation without alerting him to the fact that she was torn apart, otherwise guilt, if nothing else, might see him never let her go and she couldn’t bear that.
‘Look, what we had was great,’ she said huskily, trying desperately to steady herself, ‘and I thank you for it, but we can end it quickly and cleanly now and I can go on to other things. After all, it was always more “suitable” than “soul mate” stuff.’
‘Was it really?’ He looked at her grimly. ‘Up at the Bloomfield?’
‘Well, I did wonder if there wasn’t such a fantasy air to it for a reason. Maybe you needed that kind of approach so you wouldn’t think of Andrea—I don’t know.’ She shrugged. ‘But what I’m doing now is what I should have done as soon as I found out who she was.’
‘No,’ he said harshly, ‘it’s not, and it’s not going to happen now. Tell me one thing: why are you so upset if it’s so suitable rather than soul mate?’
‘I—I…’ She gestured and took some breaths. ‘It’s a rather significant change of plan that needs a bit of getting used to, that’s all. But, frankly, the quicker it’s done the better.’
‘Rhiannon—’
‘Lee, I saw you look at her, in the passage when you bumped into her back there, back at the wake, and nothing will convince me it is over between you two, nothing.’
He took a tortured breath but Rhiannon ignored it. ‘It—it may take me a few days to organise my father and Di, and it may take a while to pay you back, so if you could bear with me…’ She stopped and swallowed as he, almost savagely, drove the car off the road into another lay-by and pulled up with a screech of tyres.
‘You’re not leaving me for two reasons,’ he said, turning to her and looking so dark and intense, she shrank a bit. ‘One, there is no place for Andrea in my life, whatever you may like to believe. And secondly, there’s no way you can know that you aren’t pregnant—or I would know too.’
She paled and her eyes widened. Why hadn’t she thought of that?
‘Yes, between us, we took a few risks, didn’t we?’ he queried grimly.
‘I…’ Rhiannon licked her lips. ‘I could check.’
‘Why don’t you? I’m sure we’ll find a chemist open even if it is a Sunday. Mind you,’ he warned, ‘I still won’t let you go whatever the result.’
But Rhiannon was suddenly and frantically counting days in her mind. Was her period overdue? Yes! But only a day or two, maybe three, maybe more! But she had been so busy, could that account for it?
‘Rhiannon?’ Lee said, more gently, watching her parted lips and stunned eyes.
‘Is it possible?’
‘Yes,’ she whispered. ‘Perhaps, but I’ve been so busy and so pressured I didn’t even—I—’
‘Hush,’ he said, taking her hand. ‘We will check but don’t forget, whatever the result is, we’re married and we’re going to stay that way.’
She opened her mouth to tell him that if there was no baby he wouldn’t be able to stop her from leaving him but in the end held her peace. As it turned out, it would have been a waste of time.
She was pregnant.
Lee had booked them into a luxury Gold Coast resort right on the beach, and he took the news calmly. A lot more calmly than Rhiannon felt.
From the moment the test was positive she fluctuated between heartbreak and hope, from feeling trapped to feeling desperate in case she lost this baby too…
She couldn’t even resist when she broke the news and Lee put his arms around her. He might never be hers heart and soul but he would always be the father of her child, she found herself thinking, and at least she wouldn’t be alone as she had once before. And, right at that moment, he felt like a tower of strength, something she desperately needed.
‘Promise me just one thing, Rhiannon,’ he breathed into her hair. ‘No more running away from me.’
She rested against him and said tremulously, ‘No.’
They stayed on the coast for a week, during which time Rhiannon saw an obstetrician and a gynaecologist.
In light of her previous history, she was warned to take special care of herself, although both doctors could see no reason why she should miscarry again. But she was warned off things like horse-riding and sexual relations, at least until the first trimester was safely behind her.
Lee, who’d insisted on being with her, said nothing to this news. By unspoken agreement, they’d opted for separate beds, anyway. Rhiannon didn’t even begin to ask herself why Lee, at least, should have taken that option.
Truth be told, Andrea had faded somewhat from the forefront of her mind, although she did think once that that was the way it had to be in these new circumstances, otherwise she’d drive herself crazy.
And she did say, on the way back from that appointment, ‘That’s two babies, due within a couple of months of each other.’
‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘A whole new cycle for the Richardson clan, in duplicate.’
‘Lee,’ she turned to him impulsively to tell him what Andrea had threatened him with.
But he said quietly, ‘Andrea’s gone back to France. She has made a life for herself there, she has plenty of friends and she’s been left extremely well-off.
She’s thinking, I believe, of trying her hand at dress design.’
Rhiannon was silent.
He took his hand off the steering wheel and put it over hers. ‘Matt was invaluable in all the—negotiations, and he and Mary plan to spend a holiday with her before Mary can’t fly. Mary, as you know, gets along with Andrea really well.’
‘So the book is closed?’ Rhiannon murmured.
‘The book is closed. And we can get on with our book now.’
But could it ever be closed? she wondered. He had never denied her claim that what she’d seen had shown her things weren’t over between him and his beautiful stepmother and they might never be, even if they were to be denied the light of day.
Not that she would have believed him but—it was a road she couldn’t afford to travel any longer…
She looked down at his hand covering hers, lean and strong and beautifully shaped, and took a little breath. ‘OK.’
Chapter 9
There was one girl, so far.
Matt and Mary had a daughter, Tabitha, who had red hair like her mother.
Lee and Rhiannon’s baby—they’d decided not to know its sex—was due in a fortnight when Rhiannon ran into the kind of trouble she hadn’t foreseen.
It had been, for the most part, a trouble-free pregnancy for Rhiannon. And she had to acknowledge that life had been pleasant in the months since that feverish drive down Mount Tamborine on the day of Ross Richardson’s memorial service.
Her father was now fully recovered and he and her aunt had fitted in well not only with the Southall lifestyle but also the arts and crafts community, as well as enjoying the lovely scenery of the hinterland.
In fact, along with Sharon, they’d convened an orchestral society and, with Rhiannon’s help and Lee’s complete agreement, their outdoor concerts at Southall, the perfect backdrop, were becoming well-known and esteemed.
Rhiannon knew that her father would always have his sad moments but those dangerous tentacles of depression were a thing of the past now.
There had been a tricky moment when he’d discovered Lee’s connection to the transport company but by that time he and Lee had become good friends and, with Rhiannon pregnant, he’d been persuaded to let the matter drop.
As for Di, it was becoming more and more apparent that she and Cliff Reinhardt were soul mates, with Christy’s approval.
Even Poppy, the pony from hell
, had been persuaded to reform her ways to a certain extent, although not thanks to Rhiannon—she was barred from horses. It had been Lee who had turned into a horse whisperer.
Rhiannon had been concerned that he’d be bored spending so much time at Southall, especially when she grew heavy and slow, but she’d underestimated him.
Apparently, for some time he’d been thinking of converting part of Southall’s wild acres into an equestrian centre. And that was exactly what he got stuck in and did.
Being barred from horses didn’t mean Rhiannon couldn’t partake in all the planning stages like stable design, the main barn that would house a showjumping and dressage arena, the horse swimming pool, for example, so it was an interesting time for her too.
And their marriage had settled into a pattern of friendship, even contentment for the most part.
But if Rhiannon had once worried about how to keep the secret core of herself to herself, she no longer had that problem. That special magic that had made it so difficult to conceal her inner self in the first couple of weeks of their marriage was not there now.
Perhaps what became a four-month gap in their sex life and then more caution preached from her doctors, plus the growing evidence of her baby, made it inevitable.
It was probably also inevitable that Andrea Richardson should stalk the byways of her mind, even if only subconsciously.
Whatever, there was, like the flimsiest fabric but there nevertheless, a barrier between them.
To his credit, Lee tried to break through a few times, but when she sensed it she became obscurely agitated and she drew back further.
Then he stopped trying and, quite irrationally, that hurt her, but, as she pointed out to herself, the hormonal highs and lows of pregnancy, the limitations it had put on her because of her past history, demonstrated to her that pregnancy and rationality might not always go hand in hand.
She’d had to spend some time home alone, although that was a relative term once her father and Di moved in, but without Lee, because he refused to allow her to travel with him, particularly outback. But he’d only gone away on the trips he couldn’t avoid.
She couldn’t deny that, what with her father’s and her aunt’s endeavours, running Southall and Lee’s endeavours, she was leading a busy, useful even colourful life, if not quite as active as she was used to.
She couldn’t deny that her marriage had fallen almost exactly into the parameters she herself had set. They liked and trusted each other in every area but one, they were building a good life on common ground, they’d soon be a family.
It was only very occasionally that the odd thought pricked the fabric of that barrier she’d erected like a thorn going into her heart.
Such as, the only difference from those parameters she’d laid down was her vow that she’d never marry anyone who could hurt her the way she’d been hurt before; her stance that she wouldn’t expect to be fallen madly in love with, nor would she be doing that.
Famous last words, she couldn’t help herself from reflecting occasionally. Had she really believed them? Or had she been fooling herself even way back then?
But for the most part, she was able to bury those painful thoughts.
And it was only when Lee was away that she sometimes couldn’t help herself from wanting more…
Then, with two weeks to go, Mary unwittingly opened a can of worms for Rhiannon.
She, Matt and Tabitha were spending the weekend at Southall. Winter was drawing in and they were sitting in the den in front of a roaring log fire.
Tabitha, now three months old, had been put to bed—contrary to some expectations, Mary Richardson had taken to motherhood like a duck to water and she was full of advice.
But advice was not the nature of the bombshell she dropped that wet, windy evening.
‘Listen up, guys,’ she said, ‘I’ve had a fantastic idea. When your baby arrives, Rhiannon, let’s have a double christening of the century here at Southall. I’ve already sounded it out with Andrea and she agrees it’s a great idea—she was going to come home for a visit anyway so it might as well be for the christening!’
Rhiannon stared at her with parted lips and stunned eyes.
Matt opened his mouth to speak but closed it.
Lee said, ‘No, Mary. Rhiannon and I have other plans.’
‘What plans? Why?’ Mary tossed her red curls. ‘Oh, come on, Lee, don’t tell me you still haven’t forgiven Andrea for marrying your father?’
‘Not at all—and we’ll let you know when we’ve made them. Is—’ he paused and listened ‘—is that your baby I hear, Mary?’
‘Yes, it is. Come on, darling, we might have an early night.’ Matt reached for Mary’s hand and took her away.
Lee got up and closed the door behind them. ‘Some things never change about Mary,’ he said as he sat down opposite Rhiannon and put another log on the fire.
‘She doesn’t know—does she know now about you and Andrea?’ Rhiannon rephrased.
‘No, only you—unless Matt’s worked it out.’
‘Wouldn’t he tell her?’
‘I doubt it. He may be besotted but I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t do that to me.’
Rhiannon suffered an extraordinary “contrary” sensation, as in ‘Mary, Mary, quite contrary’—by a different name.
She tried to analyse where it had come from. She was sleeping badly at the moment; it was difficult to get comfortable. She sometimes felt as if she’d been pregnant for years and it would never end. She often felt ungainly and she couldn’t believe that anyone, but particularly Lee, could see her as anything
but bloated as well as ungainly.
Or was it the mention of Andrea that had done it, and that smooth, brick-wall façade of Lee’s in response?
Whatever it was, she discovered she was thoroughly annoyed with Lee, only it was worse than that.
Every little grievance she’d ever cherished against him welled up inside her.
His—always—superior attitude towards his sister-in-law…yes, Mary might have had some flighty ways but she was turning into both a good wife and mother.
His—she sought for the right word—his dominance over all and sundry. Not only what his brother would not do to him but also all the brick walls she’d run into with him. Every last one of them right down, she thought tempestuously, to being able to make use of the local police to stop her running away from him, not to mention the fact that he’d only had to postulate the possibility that she was pregnant, and—heigh-ho!—she was.
No, she cautioned herself, that’s being ridiculous, we did take chances—but in the next second she thought, I don’t care! I’ve had enough and all I want to do is exactly the opposite of what he wants!
Even the sight of him, so tall and beautifully made in his navy jumper with patches and fawn cords, was suddenly anathema to her.
‘Lee,’ she said, masking the anger in her eyes with difficulty, ‘I think it would be a good idea, a double christening. I’d love to organise it and we do have to break the ice with Andrea some time.’
He paused and watched her narrowly. ‘Are you trying to tell me something, Rhiannon?’
‘Yes!’ she said with completely false, calm surety, ‘I want to do this and I’m going to. So you might like to tell Mary you’ve changed your mind.’
As she finished speaking, she dispensed with calm surety and she didn’t bother to mask the blaze of hostility in her eyes as she looked across at Lee.
‘Rhiannon,’ he said evenly, ‘listen to me, I need to—’
But she broke in furiously, ‘Oh, no, you don’t! Just go away, Lee. I’ll be much better on my own at the moment.’
He studied her for a long time then got up and walked out.
She slept, locked in, in a guest bedroom that night, although “slept” was only a notional term. She was racked alternately by confusion and anger. It was as if someone had lit a slow fuse within her. On the other hand, why on earth would she want a double christening with
Andrea present?
She must have been mad but it had seemed so important at the time to defy Lee somehow.
Another thought that touched her was—had the seeds of this rebellion been simmering in her for a long time? Was it even a rebellion against the fact that she’d done exactly what she’d sworn never to do—fallen in love with a man who could hurt her?
She looked pale and unwell the next morning and, after Matt and Mary had left, Lee cornered her in his mother’s study.
‘Rhiannon, we have to have this out. It’s not good for you or the baby to be—’
‘I’m fine,’ she denied.
His gaze wandered over her face and her full figure under stretch tights and a long jumper. ‘You don’t look it.’
‘Well, physically I am fine, and for the most part I enjoy my role—’
‘What role?’
She shrugged. ‘The happy housekeeper who ended up in the boss’s bed. I know, I know,’ she added as he moved convulsively, ‘I made my bed—let’s not miss the opportunity to use a good old cliché!’
‘Have I ever made you feel like that?’ he queried harshly.
‘No,’ she conceded. ‘The opposite sometimes, as if I’m a fantasy creature who—’
‘Rhiannon,’ he interrupted in a hard voice.
‘But I’m getting sick and tired of you calling all the shots, Lee.’
‘Because I didn’t agree to a three-ring-circus kind of christening?’ he shot at her. ‘Or could it be that your aversion to hearing anything other than your version of the truth has rebounded on you?’
She gasped. ‘I have not!’
‘Then listen to me now. Andrea—’
But Rhiannon put her hands over her ears and walked out.
It rained all day and looked set to keep on all night, torrential rain and high winds that tore down trees and turned some roads into raging torrents.
There was no one else on the estate but Lee and Rhiannon. Her father and Di had gone to Brisbane with the orchestral society; Cliff and Christy were on holiday, Sharon had been told not to brave the tempest.
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