“He took care of me,” I said more to myself. He’d been so great that night. Patient, understanding. It was for that reason his following actions confused me. How could that nice guy be the same that had ignored my text and vanished for a week? I didn’t know much about these situations, but it didn’t seem to fit.
Es said that actions meant more than words. Well, those two were from two different puzzles. I frowned to myself. People were so confusing.
“Anything else?”
I thought long and hard but came up empty. We’d only just met and had had very few interactions. “Just things he’s posted on social media. Instagram had lots of love quotes and selfies. On Facebook, he mostly just shares stuff.”
She nodded, eyes distant. I could tell she was in her zone. Studying people was Esme’s passion, hence her double major in psychology and anthropology. “I’ll check those and get back to you before your date tonight.”
That brought a frown to my face. “It’s not a date. He only wants to be friends, remember?”
Her expression was somber as she patted my hand. The look didn’t last long. Soon her face brightened slightly. “True, but I also recall the word ‘right now’ in that sentence. He also admitted to liking you and felt compelled to chase you down and explain himself. Actions, remember?”
My mood lifted just a bit and I nodded.
“He’s going through something, right? Whether whatever that is passes quickly or not, he’ll appreciate the person that stood by him through the hard times. I know you really like him, Kirb, but just like he’s understanding of you, you have to do the same. Patience grasshopper,” she said in an awful Chinese accent. “Love awaits.”
I giggled behind my hand. “Do you really think so? That I’ll have love some day?”
She got this look on her face as if I were silly to ask such a thing. “Of course, Kirbsta! You’re the most loveable person I know.”
~ ♥ ~
Maybe I could do this after all. That’s what I told myself each time I got through one of my classes unscathed. The days became just a teeny bit less scary knowing all I had to do was listen to lectures, get my assignments, and sit quietly and work.
Unlike high school, none of my professors seemed to call on those who hadn’t raised their hand. Which was great for me because I didn’t plan on doing so.
Everything was going great until my English professor uttered two dreaded words: Oral report. It wasn’t due until the end of the semester, but that wouldn’t prevent the inevitable of me having an emotional break down in front of my entire class.
I left my classes that day with a cloud of dread hanging over my head.
As Saige and I made our way to her car to head home, she wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “Don’t worry, baby girl. I’ll talk to the professor. I’m sure if I explain things to her she’ll let you off the hook.”
Her words halted my steps. I wanted to be glad that she was stepping in to help me out of what had the potential to be a traumatic experience. I couldn’t be though. Not when I thought about how many more times she or Raina would have to save me, or worse, when there came a day they couldn’t.
What then? How would I ever learn to survive life if I always had a safety net? What if one day they were suddenly gone? Would I be so afraid that I’d become an agoraphobic, doomed to spend the rest of my life with twenty cats? No friends. No one to love me. I wanted life, love, happiness.
“Kirby?”
I snapped back to reality and found Saige frowning at me. “Are you okay?”
I wanted to shout at her, no, I wasn’t. To yell for her to stop always trying to protect me. That I could handle the assignment, even though I wasn’t sure I could. None of those thoughts left my mouth though. Once again, my words lodged themselves in my throat. When would I learn to speak up for myself?
“I uh, I just remembered Esme and I are studying together tonight. Then we’re going to Angelo’s for dinner.”
“Oh…” she scrutinized me another second. “Okay, just make sure Esme has you home by ten. It’s a school night.”
“Okay.” She turned away but glanced over her shoulder the next second. “and no clubs!”
I rolled my eyes after turning away. She and Raina both loved bringing that up.
I walked calmly until she pulled off, then rushed to Esme’s dorm to prepare for my study session with Keem.
Chapter Thirteen
~ Haikeem ~
I’d never been so indecisive in my life. Blue shirt, or teal…maybe black. Which sneakers? Pants or shorts? Cologne? Body spray? Should I go through with this, or call and cancel?
I flopped back on my bed with an exasperated sigh. I couldn’t cancel on her, not after the damage I’d already caused. But I was wondering if this was something I could even handle. Friendship…with her. How would I cope when she was such a painful reminder of what could’ve been had certain events in my life not come to pass?
Then again…the pain was far outweighed by the feeling her presence gave me. Just thinking of her beautiful face brought a smile to mine. Guilt lingered though, over the intentions that had brought her into my life in the first place. That was a secret I would have to live and die with. Telling her would just be cruel. Besides, I hadn’t gone through with it, so no harm done, right? Her knowing would do her no good. The most it would do was clear my conscience, maybe, and to cause her unnecessary pain for that reason would be selfish.
My head lulled to the left toward the window. The evening sun peeked through the half-opened blinds. I lifted my hand to play in the small rays shining through. My mind drifted again to the smile that always seemed to shine brighter than the fiery orb.
A buzz from my desk drew my attention that way. I rose, still dressed only in boxers, and grabbed it up. My heart surged at the name on the screen and I opened her message.
Kirby: Hi.
One simple word, yet knowing what I knew about her now, it could’ve been the hardest thing for her. The thought of her putting that fear aside to reach out to me chipped away a tiny bit of the stone encasing my soul.
Me: Hey Sunshine. Are you at the library already?
Kirby: Not yet. Are you?
Me: Still at my dorm but leaving in 5 mins.
Kirby: Kay.
After tossing my phone on the bed, I went to my armoire and grabbed my yellow Polo shirt. I paired it with a pair of dark gray jeans and black and yellow sneakers. Keys in hand, I slipped on my glasses, slid my phone in my pocket, threw my bag over my shoulder, and gave the room a once over to be sure I hadn’t forgotten anything before stepping out.
A sheet of light blue paper taped to the door caught my eye. I peeled it off and read over it while locking up.
Due to a severe black mold issue, the East male dorm will be closed until further notice. This will displace several hundred students. With limited housing, it has been decided that single dorm students must be assigned a roommate. Over the next several days, single dorms will be converted into doubles. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause and ask for your utmost cooperation. This issue will be solved as soon as possible.
For more information please call: 555 - 6729.
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. Great. Finally, I get a dorm to myself and now this. I was beginning to believe the universe hated me.
I folded the paper and stuffed it in my back pocket, hoping at least I’d get assigned to someone decent. My dorm mates over the years had left little to be desired. The first was a slob, the next seemed to always have a bone to pick with me, and the last had the worst possible foot odor that he seemed to be immune to.
I put my thoughts on the roommate issue away as best I could and left the building. The library wasn’t too far so I decided to walk. I could use the fresh air anyway.
My shoes were the only scenery for most of the journey. It had nothing to do with shyness from my younger years, but lately, especially when I was alone, it always felt as if I was being looked at. Whi
spered conversations put me on edge, and laughter made me uneasy. Logic told me it was paranoia, but my subconscious mind would never let me shake the feeling that I was the topic of conversation.
Faux confidence had been the only thing that seemed to help, but with closing that chapter of my life, the truth came rushing back. I’d never been that well put together guy I pretended to be. For the most part, not much had changed since high school. No longer was I painfully shy, but without that blanket of make believe courage, I was left exposed, insecurities in plain view.
When I reached the library entrance, two girls were leaving the building. One with long black hair looked me over then smirked at her friend.
I dropped my gaze and waited for them to pass before ducking into the cool, bright building. It took me no time to find a table near the back then text Kirby to let her know where I’d be.
While I waited for her to arrive, I read over the required chapters for my robotics class. I’d been fascinated with the subject as far back as elementary school and had built my first working bot at eleven to enter into the science fair. I’d won second place that time but the following year I’d made it all the way to the regionals, and the one after that, I’d taken the grand prize in the Young Scientists of America competition. Robotics was also what landed me a scholarship to RCU and with hard work I’d have another to the school of my choice to complete my masters in Robotics Engineering. I was hoping on a full ride this time around.
I was deep into reading when a soft voice broke my concentration and caused my heart to surge.
“Hi.”
When I looked up I was hit in the heart again by the sight of her. Her curls fell softly around her small face and those warm brown eyes were trained on me. I glanced down, not surprised to see her in a yellow blouse. A pair of jeans completed her outfit, hugging her slender hips and legs.
My gaze lifted to her face again as I stood to help her with the stack of books in her arms. “Hey there, Sunshine.”
Up close, the scent of her filled up my senses, making me slightly weak on my feet. Sliding my arms under the books, I took them from her grasp, but not without grazing her soft skin. Sparks danced through my fingers, up my arms, and jolted me right in the heart.
I paused, eyes locking with hers. If it were true about the eyes being the window to the soul, then hers was the most beautiful I’d seen. Pure and full of light. It was like a beacon and mine reached out to bask in the glow of it.
She was the first to break contact, looking down shyly. With her arms hugged to her body, she took the seat across the table from mine.
I took the chance to look through the books in her collection as I set them down beside her. A few were her textbooks from what I could tell, but most were about animation. “You’re really into animation, huh?”
She nodded while taking off her backpack.
I kept one of the books in my hand as I retook my seat, glimpsing through the pages. “Why isn’t that your major then? RCU has that course.”
Her gaze remained on the table as she spoke softly. “Saige says it’s too risky. I need something safe, so I can get a job when I graduate. Raina thinks it’s a waste of time.”
My guess was that Raina was another sister of hers. Sisters or not, I didn’t like that they put down something she was obviously interested in. “What do you think?”
She glanced at me briefly then gave a small shrug.
“Well, I think if it’s something you want to do, then you should. The best careers are ones that make you happy.”
She stayed silent and pulled out a notebook and pencil. Half a minute later she finally graced me with those eyes again but dropped them quickly when she caught me staring.
Wasn’t something I could help. I was completely taken with her beauty.
Her soft voice filled the space between us. “You have glasses.”
Subconsciously, I adjusted them on my face. It’d been years since I’d sported a pair. “Yeah, my contacts have been bothering me. I’m going to get a new prescription soon.”
“You shouldn’t,” was her response, barely above a whisper.
“Shouldn’t…”
She met my gaze for a second or two. “Get new contacts.”
For a second the meaning behind her words perplexed me, then a small smile began to work its way over my face. “You like the glasses?”
Her head bobbed slightly with a nod then she pulled one of the textbooks toward her and opened it to a marked page.
My grin was wide as I set her book down and tried to focus on mine. That was the first time anyone had complimented me on my glasses, besides my parents of course. Everyone always told me I’d look better with contacts until I finally gave in and made the switch. I’d never been that fond of them. The whole process of putting them in always made me uneasy, like one day I’d poke my eye out, or worse, unknowingly introduce some type of parasite into my cornea.
We slipped into a quiet workflow, occasionally catching each other’s gazes as we stole glances at one another. Her eyes would always dart away, and a dimple peeked from her cheek as she’d smile shyly.
To my surprise, I found myself doing the same, a slight nervousness filling my chest each time she’d look my way. It was something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
It didn’t bother me though like it used to. I was glad for it. It gave me hope that maybe in the future, whether near or far, I’d be okay. Normal.
My gaze landed on her again, this time I didn’t look away. It was hard to concentrate on my work when her presence was so dominating. I wondered if she knew how much she lit up a room. How the atmosphere seemed to shift just by her being in it. I tapped my pencil against my notebook a couple times then set it down and cleared my throat. “How was your day?”
She jumped then looked up at me. With a small shrug she replied, “Okay.”
“Just okay? Not great, amazing, fantastic?”
She only shook her head.
I leaned against my chair, taken aback by the sudden sadness in her eyes. “Did something happen?”
Fiddling with the beaded bracelet on her wrist, she looked down again. “I have to give an oral report for my English class. It’s not until the end of the semester, but…”
“Nervous?”
She nodded.
I could only partially relate. Anxiety had plagued me my whole life, but with her underlying condition, it was a whole other monster. “If you want, I could help you with it. You could practice on me, then maybe you won’t be as nervous when the time comes.”
A big grin spread across her face, knocking my heart against my ribs. The most I’d had the pleasure of seeing were her shy smile, a little dimple, but never any teeth. This one though…had I not been sitting I surely would’ve needed to take a knee.
I was the one to drop my gaze this time. If I stared anymore I may start to freak her out. “So, uh…how’d you become interested in animation?”
“I love cartoons.”
When I looked up at her, she blushed. Not in the way of reddening cheeks, but that dimple of hers had a way of peeking out when she was nervous. Which was often. A plus for me.
“Not like, baby cartoons or anything. But animated films, Disney, Pixar, and Anime too.”
Before responding, I took time to admire the extra light that came to her face when speaking about animation, as well as the tiny bit more confidence in her voice. It didn’t shake as much. “I love Anime.”
Even more brightness. “Really?”
“Yeah. I have a huge collection in my dorm. We could watch them some time if you want.”
Her gaze dropped off and she gave a small nod. “Kay.”
We fell back into a comfortable silence, both working again. I finished up a couple of assignments, then moved on to my next course.
“Keem.” Her voice always seemed to flitter across my ears like the soft caress of butterfly wings.
I sat up straight, giving her my full attention. “Yeah?”
That brought a smile to my face. “I’d love to.”
She beamed, then dug into her bag and pulled out a thick binder while I rounded the table to her side.
I scooted my chair right next to hers, so I could look through it with her. My arm brushed hers and she visibly stiffened. She bit down on her bottom lip as goosebumps rose on her arms and neck. The only reason I noticed them because the same thing happened to me.
A second later she seemed back to normal and unzipped the binder. It was sectioned off and color coded. She opened to the first section, smiling as she pointed out the pictures.
“These are my anime characters, and these,” she flipped to the blue section. “are my ideas for animated films. I want to start my own animation studio, with diverse characters.” She turned a few pages, smiling at the drawings.
I was a bit distracted by the way her face once again lit up. It was easy to tell this was her passion. Like robotics was for me.
I focused on the book when she stopped at a drawing. It was a super hero character. A brown skinned man in a black and blue costume. Water shot from his extended hands and he wore a fierce look on his face. The drawing looked like it could’ve been drawn by one of the best cartoonists in the industry. She definitely had the talent were she to decide to pursue it as a career.
Her phone beeped, and she plucked it from the table. The light instantly drained from her face.
“What’s wrong?”
“I have to go.”
I was pretty sure my light drained too. “Okay. Why don’t I walk you back to the dorm?”
She perked back up and nodded.
I collected my things then waited for her to do the same, taking the large stack of books from her arms.
The walk was silent, the last rays of sun dipping behind the horizon. I was okay with that though, because I had my own piece of sunshine right beside me.
At her friend’s dorm, I handed over her books while she leaned against the door. Normally this was the point where I’d talk myself into the girl’s room, if I didn’t already have an open invitation. Not this time though. I didn’t want that with Kirby. Didn’t even want to kiss her. Well, I did, but for different reasons. I wouldn’t though. This thing…it was special. I wouldn’t tarnish it.
Somebody to Love Page 7