by D. J. Manly
“Mom...” Angelo gave her a warning look.
She shook her head and promised not to mention Matt’s age again. Then she came closer to him and touched his face, “Angelo, while we’re alone, I think I should tell you that Tony will be coming to the wedding and...”
“Mom, it’s okay.” Angelo took a breath and smiled at her. “I’m okay. It will nice to see him again.”
His voice was calm, almost too calm.
Janet nodded, watching him as he walked over to the window and looked out. God, he was handsome, so tall, so much like Drake. She couldn’t get over how much he had matured over the last few months.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” she urged.
He nodded, but didn’t turn around.
She could tell he wanted her to leave the kitchen, so she did. A few minutes later, he walked into the living room where she was sitting and knelt down beside her. She lovingly stroked some of his long dark hair.
“What is it, baby?” she asked him softly.
His brown eyes met her blue ones. They looked sad for a minute, then he smiled. “I think I just figured something out.”
“What?” she asked, stroking his hair again.
He leaned his head on her breast for a moment, something he hadn’t done since he was a small boy. She kissed the top of his head.
“Everyone says I’m just like Dad, but I think I may be more like you...at least in one respect.”
His deep voice sounded quite far away suddenly as he lifted his head off her chest now.
“How is that?” she managed.
“We’re not too lucky when it comes to love, are we? I wish I could be more like Dad. Dad has always had everyone he ever wanted. He’s the one who leaves them with the broken heart, not the other way around, but you and I...well...” he laughed softly.
Janet caught her breath. “Yes, but...I’m...I am loved now by someone I love, so--”
She stopped speaking as her son gazed at her. “Mom...I know you love Mac, but he’s not Dad, is he?”
She shook her head and looked away.
“And if Dad came walking through that door right now and begged you not to marry Mac...if he wanted to come back...”
“That’s impossible,” she snapped, “you know your father--”
“Mom, that’s not what I’m saying. You know what I’m saying...” he stood up.
“I don’t want to go there, Drake!” Janet stood up and turned her back to him.
“Then you’ve already answered my question, Mom,” Angelo told her.
“Why must you...?” Her eyes blurred with tears.
Angelo took her by the shoulders and shook her gently. “Listen, I don’t want to hurt you. I’m happy about you and Mac and I know he’ll be the best thing in the world for you, but before we never speak about it again, let’s have this moment of truth between us, shall we?”
She nodded, tears spilling out onto her face.
He pulled her against him and held her. “Oh, God, Mom, I’m sorry...I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that. Maybe I hate him...maybe I hate my own father.”
She forced him to look at her. “Why? Why do you hate him when he loves you so?”
He sighed and then laughed. “He’s not exactly your typical Dad, is he, Mom? He’s gorgeous and famous. He looks young enough to be my brother. Fathers should have greying hair and be sitting in their chairs reading the Sunday paper and...I don’t know.”
She laughed a little. Drake was far from that.
“Why do I feel like I’m going to end up competing with my own father for everything?” Angelo groaned.
“Has it been that hard for you?” Janet asked him softly. “After all, we did to try and protect you from it all...we failed you, didn’t we?”
“No. You didn’t fail. It’s just that...I don’t know...” Angelo threw himself into a chair. “It’s so hard being his son sometimes. I don’t feel like I can ever achieve what he has. I can never measure up to him...never...in any way. The whole damn world loves him...even Matt...meeting Dad is all he’s been talking about since we left Arizona. And Tony...well...it was always Dad...always.”
She watched him lower his head. She felt his pain.
“Drake, no one asked you to be your father. You are you, you don’t need to compete with him for anything. And as for Tony, well, Tony had a crush on your father...he was starstruck, just like a lot of young people his age, that’s all. He outgrew that. It never amounted to anything.” Janet came over to the chair and placed a hand on her son’s shoulder.
He looked up at her. “Mom, what do think Tony is doing in a Russo Brothers video?”
Her face went white. “No...you can’t mean...no, Drake, it’s not like that. Your dad wanted to please Johnny and...Drake isn’t low enough to sleep with his own nephew!”
“But you forget, Mother, Tony is not Dad’s nephew.” He gave her a meaningful look. “Tony is just a sweet, innocent young boy who is infatuated with a rock star.” Angelo sighed. He didn’t know why he had said that. He thought he had believed his father when he had told him in Phoenix last week he wasn’t sleeping with Tony, but apparently he didn’t, because here he was saying it again.
Janet shook her head. She went to speak just as Matt walked into the room, followed by Mac. They were laughing about something and she heard Mac agree to give Matt an interview sometime later in the summer.
The discussion was over.
A few minutes later, Angelo told his mother that he and Matt were going to take a ride on his motorcycle. He promised to be back early.
Shortly after, Mac was showing signs of wanting to leave himself. “We shouldn’t spend so much time together two days before the wedding,” he teased her. “We could get into a fight and the wedding could get called off.”
Janet smiled at him and then poured herself some coffee at the kitchen counter.
He watched her. He knew something was bothering her. He asked her if she was having second thoughts about the wedding.
She was surprised by the question. “No...” she gasped. “My God, Mac...no...of course not. Why would you...?”
“You seem distracted. What is it?” Mac asked, moving over to stand beside her at the kitchen counter. “Is it Matt’s age?”
She shrugged. “Matt is almost my age, but it’s not that. I mean...Angelo is old enough to handle it and Matt does seem like a nice guy. It’s just that...”
“What?”
She looked at him, square in the face and blurted it out. “Is Drake sleeping with Tony?”
The question took him aback. He blinked at her, took a step backwards. “What? Why in hell would you ask me something like that?”
“Because you know Drake better then anyone,” she accused. “Would he sleep with Tony now that he knows Tony is not his nephew?”
Mac sighed and pulled out a chair at the kitchen table. He sat down. “You know that Tony did have a crush on Drake when he first came out to L.A. Is that what this is all about?”
“That’s not what I’m asking you. Did Drake allow Tony to be in the video because he’s sleeping with him?”
“I don’t think so,” Mac replied. “You know how particular Drake is about the music. I think it would take more then that, Janet.”
Janet watched his expression. “You have talked to Drake about this, haven’t you?”
He nodded slowly. “We discussed it, yes.”
She gasped. “You thought Drake was sleeping with Tony, didn’t you?”
“I wondered about it, yes, so I asked him. Drake told me that Tony had tried to seduce him, but he resisted. I told him he would be a fool to take Tony to bed even after he found out that Tony was not related to him because... because of...” Mac trailed off and looked away from her.
“Because of Johnny,” Janet completed the sentence for him. “Because it would kill Johnny.”
“Yes. The relationship between Tony and his father is a new one. It’s fragile still, and it would be over if Johnny ever
found out Tony had been to bed with Drake. If there is any reason in the world Drake wouldn’t sleep with Tony, it would be because he wouldn’t want to come between father and son. Drake understands how precious a son is to a father, because Angelo is the most important thing in the world to him.”
Janet nodded. “I know that, and he also didn’t want to hurt Angelo?”
“Angelo believes Drake and Tony are sleeping together. Drake has tried to convince him otherwise, but...I don’t know. It was a mistake to let Tony in on the video. Drake knew it, but he did it anyway, because of Johnny.”
Janet smiled. “Thank you.”
“Good. Is the interrogation over now?” He lifted an eyebrow. He seemed genuinely upset all of a sudden.
“I’m sorry, Mac....it’s just that...” Janet began, playing with her fingers.
“Listen to me, Janet. I love you, but please don’t try and put me between you and Drake. Drake is the best friend I have in this whole world. We have been friends for almost forever. I love him. He has his faults, but he would lay down his life for me and I would do the same for him. Don’t make me choose, and don’t try to get me to disclose things that are said between Drake and I in confidence. I will not betray him, just like I will never betray you. Now he never asked me to keep that conversation private, so... well, you get the picture. I just want to make sure you understand.”
She nodded. He was dead serious. She felt guilty suddenly.
“I’m not asking you to--”
“Good,” he cut her off and stood up. “Let’s not speak about it again, okay?” He smiled at her and gave her a quick kiss. “I’m going home. I’m beat. I will see you, lady, at the altar.” He grinned and with a quick wave, he left her.
* * * * * *
Tony knocked several times on his father’s bedroom door before he finally responded. Then he didn’t come to open it, merely asked him what he wanted from the other side of the door.
“I think you need to have a talk with Mom. Why didn’t you tell her about Drake not really being your brother, Dad? She’s really upset.”
There was a silence. “I thought maybe Janet would have told her. I...I thought she knew. Look, Tony, I can’t think about that now, okay. I have other things on my mind. What time is it?”
“It’s almost nine-thirty.” Tony was feeling a little ridiculous carrying on a conversation with his father through a door. “Dad...why don’t you open the door so we can talk? I think Mom thinks that there might have been a chance that you and--”
“Tony, not now!” he screamed.
“Dad, what’s wrong? Tell me! Has something happened?” Tony felt a sick feeling in his stomach.
Johnny yanked open the door. He looked like hell. His eyes were red and swollen. His face was chalk white. “Why do you have to know everything that’s going on with me? Goddamn it, Tony, I...” he stopped when he saw his son’s face. “I’m sorry,” he said, running a hand through his hair.
Just then, Sandy came down the hall. She stopped when she saw her ex-husband and son standing at the entrance to Johnny’s bedroom. “Johnny,” she said, “we need to talk. I think we...” she stopped. “Remember what we discussed last night. I thought that...” she began.
Tony went to leave, but his father clutched his arm. “Stay,” he pleaded. “Listen, Sandra, I want to make you understand that if I’ve led you on in any way I...didn’t mean to. There will never be an ‘us’, Sandra, please understand that. My heart belongs to...”
“That bastard son of a bitch of a brother of yours that....” Sandra began as Tony stepped forward to calm her.
“He’s not my brother, goddamn it! You know that now. Tony has told you. I love him, Sandra. There will never be anyone else for me. Now leave me alone. Either stay for the wedding and then leave my house or leave now, I don’t care. Just please, go away!” He held on to his head.
Sandra turned and walked down the hallway. She went back to her room and slammed the door.
Tony looked at his father. “Dad...I...” Tony was upset. It distressed him greatly to see both his parents in so much pain. “What can I do, Dad?”
Johnny turned to his son. “Drake asked me to make a decision tonight. I am to decide if I want to be his brother or his lover. We can’t be both. If I choose lover, then I know Drake will be completely alone without his family and if I choose brother, I might as well wither up and die because it means I will never be able to hold him...to touch him. He gave me this decision to make because he can not and because he wants to punish me.”
“Punish you...for what?” Tony blinked.
“For loving him and for wanting him, and for making him face his own desire for me. A part of him resents the fact that Pepi and I are brothers in blood and he is not. He wants my decision tonight, but I can’t...I can’t do it.”
Tony watched his father pace the bedroom and then stop and look at him. “You have to talk him out of it. Make him understand that being lovers doesn’t mean he is no longer a part of this family. Oh, God, Tony, help me, help me do the right thing.” He sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands.
“I’ll go to him, I’ll talk to him, Dad. I’ll go right now. I’ll convince him to come here. I’ll bring him to you and you can discuss this.”
Johnny didn’t respond. He kept his face in his hands as Tony ran downstairs and slipped behind the wheel of his car. It didn’t have to be one thing or another. His dad could choose for them to be lovers, because they would always be brothers. No one or nothing could change that. He would make Drake understand. He would bring them together, end this unhappiness once and for all. He started the engine and drove toward Malibu.
* * * * * *
Matt got on the back of Angelo’s motorcycle and they sped away from Hollywood Boulevard. Los Angeles was a wild town, maybe just a little too wild for him.
As they drove around, Angelo pointed out this and that to him and Matt wrapped his arms tighter around his slim waist. He could easily fall in love with him. He was certainly beautiful and charming and bright and he had a future in the music business. Falling in love with him, though, would be a big mistake. He was a heartbreaker, which was rare in someone that young. His smile was deadly, and he had this light in his eyes that practically hypnotised you each time you looked in them. He made love better then any lover he had ever had, and that was also rare of one so young. He was completely uninhibited; he had even managed to shock him a few times, which happened less and less frequently at his age. He could be rough and tender all wrapped up into one, and he seemed to take as much pleasure in pleasing him as he did in being pleased.
But now he was being quite stubborn. He was dead set against taking him to Malibu to meet his father, and Matt wasn’t quite sure why. Meeting Drake Russo was not only something he would have enjoyed personally, for he was a great fan, but career-wise, it was certainly advantageous. Since the shooting incident last year, an interview with Drake Russo was just about the most prestigious accomplishment a reporter like him could achieve. Everyone wanted to interview Drake Russo. No one had done it. Drake had refused all offers from every single music magazine and television station in the country and abroad. The reporter that finally nailed him would be set for life.
Johnny also had been highly sought after for interviews, but he too had refused. In fact, none of the band members had given interviews since the shooting. Earlier, Mac had agreed to give him an interview next month provided that he would not ask him any questions about the shooting incident or any events surrounding it. Matt agreed, planning to interview Mac about his wedding, since he would be in attendance.
But the prize was Drake. He was the leader of the band. He had shot his own brother in the head, spent time in jail and no one had been able to really get to the bottom of what had happened that night.
They stopped at a traffic light. Matt leaned forward and leaned his chin on Angelo’s broad shoulder. “Let’s go to Malibu!”
“Not tonight, Matt. It’s too far. I
promised Mom I’d be home early. I should try and spend some time with her. I haven’t seen her for awhile.”
“Why don’t you want to see your Dad?” Matt complained.
“I didn’t say that I didn’t want to see him. It seems to me that seeing my dad is all you’ve been talking about since we came out here. Why do you want to see my Dad so badly? You’ll see him at the wedding, day after tomorrow.” Angelo returned, hitting the gas as the light turned green.
Matt sighed and sat back. Then he leaned forward again. “Angelo, if I could just meet him tonight, break the ice...you know. Maybe he would agree to...”
Angelo pulled off to the side of the street. They were in front of a high-priced store of Rodeo Drive. Angelo lifted his helmet off his head. He turned and looked at him. “An interview? Is that what this is all about? You want an interview?”
Matt met his eyes as he turned his head. Angelo was laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing. Is meeting Dad tonight that important to you?” He asked softly.
Matt nodded.
“He won’t agree to an interview, Matt, but I’ll take you there if that’s what you want.”
Matt kissed his cheek and hugged him with excitement. “Thank you, thank you. If I get this interview...don’t you realize what it will mean?”
Angelo studied his face, his eyes glowing with excitement. He laughed again and shook his head. “Okay, let’s go.” He put the helmet back on, checked his mirror and hit the gas. They headed to the freeway.
The traffic was light on the freeway for a Thursday night as he headed for Malibu. The air was warm and Angelo longed to remove his helmet and feel the breeze in his hair. He felt at peace suddenly. He always felt free when he was riding his bike on the freeway. He would have closed his eyes for a second if he hadn’t felt the warmth of Matt’s body against him, his arms hugging his waist.
He found himself wondering why he was going to Malibu tonight when all he wanted was to go home, crawl into bed beside Matt and make love to him. But Matt was determined to meet his father in order to wangle and interview with him. This had been his goal all along. Perhaps it was the very reason Matt had been interested in him in the first place. Oh well, it was better than what had originally run through his mind when Matt had insisted on meeting his father.