PART of caring about a person other than yourself, is that you become tethered to that someone. Suddenly every action you make has double the consequences, which not only affect yourself, but that other person as well.
I hated that feeling.
I have never had to think about anyone else before. Since the day my parents died, I have only had to think about my own survival. But now there were two of us to think about. I couldn’t even say what made me feel so protective of Mouse. Maybe it was that she reminded me of myself, a small child alone in the world. Not the me now, but the little girl who died that day in the alley with her parents. That little girl.
Maybe it was the way she exuded innocence, the way a child should. Maybe it was the way she looked at people with trusting eyes. The way she turned to me for protection, even though I was not the most trustworthy person. Still she looked to me for security, clung to my side when she was frightened. Mouse looked at me like I was a better person, and for her sake I wanted to be.
I just wasn’t sure I could be.
Some things that are broken stay broken. There is no putting the pieces back together.
The dreams still haunted me every morning. Nothing could change that. Even with the tiny, fragile body sleeping beneath my cot, a fresh scream caught in my throat choking me awake every day. Those dreams reminded me why I didn’t want to get close to others. Why I had chosen to be a recluse. After starting awake I would stare at the vent hidden behind Arden’s bed. Plans would form and my legs would itch for freedom.
Then the tiny hand would creep over the edge of my bed and I would stay.
We had found an odd rhythm to our days in captivity. A small part of me felt comfort in the routine. Every day was new, but the expectancies were the same— eat, work, divulge my secrets, eat, work, sleep. Each day moved like the consistent tick of my father’s pocket watch. That’s why when I awoke this morning I knew something was different.
When I jolted from my bed I could feel the room was different, that something was off. Even in the dark, I could feel it. Searching the barren room, my eyes lit on Arden’s bed.
It was empty.
I had heard him come in after lights out. I was sure of it.
Wasn’t I?
After working long days with Triven, I had begun to sleep too hard. I didn’t hear as much as I should have. A month ago I would have heard a moth’s wings and now I couldn’t remember whether or not a man had walked just three feet from me.
Matters only got worse when the lights came on. His bed was made. No, he did not sleep here last night.
As the footsteps came down the hall, the accusing words were out of my mouth before Triven could walk in.
“What have you done with Arden?”
No, not Triven.
Every nerve stood at attention as Maddox’s black eyes leered at me. I moved between him and Mouse, shielding her from his view.
“What, not happy to see your old friend?” Maddox taunted.
“Where is Arden?” I asked again.
“You’ll find out soon enough.”
Moving with surprising speed he grabbed my upper arm and yanked me against his chest, lifting me painfully, until my face was inches from his.
“Reckoning time has come.” His breath smelled foul.
I wanted to punch him. Break his nose and laugh as the blood poured down his chin. But Mouse was watching, her tiny feet shuffling behind us. I swallowed to keep from spitting in his smug face.
Someone else was coming, his or her footsteps rapidly approaching. Maddox kept his grip, but pushed me further away. I found myself actually hoping for Triven’s face to appear in the doorway, but I was disappointed. Veyron’s blonde head came into view as she pressed her hand to the scanner. Her blue eyes narrowed at us, but she said nothing.
“Mouse, do you want to go get some breakfast with me before class?” Veyron’s tone was motherly and comforting but Mouse recoiled from her. Her stringy hair draped her worried face as she shook her head. Normally she would have clung to my side, but it was obvious she was scared of Maddox.
“Mouse, you should go with Veyron. I am sure there is a wonderful breakfast waiting for you.” I was trying to keep my voice even, but she shook her head again.
I knew this day would come, the day they would tire of me. Since I arrived I knew it was only a matter of time before they disposed of me. She on the other hand was only a child. If I could keep her away from me she could still survive.
“Mouse, you have to go with her.” Her tears began to well, so I did the only thing I could. I lied. “Don’t cry silly. I just want to make sure you save me a seat. Maddox here is taking me to meet with Triven for a minute, but we are all going to be starving when we get back. So you had better save us some good stuff, okay?”
Her doe eyes were hesitant.
“Right Maddox?” I said through gritted teeth glaring at him.
“Right. Don’t worry Mouse, this won’t take long.” His smile was a little too harsh to be genuine.
I rearranged my expression before turning back to her. I think I smiled.
I watched as she took Veyron’s hand and followed her out of the cell. Her brown eyes were wide as she disappeared around the corner. I couldn’t speak. I knew I should have said something to soothe her further, found words to encourage her. But my mother’s last words had haunted me and I didn’t want to haunt Mouse.
I didn’t get the chance to mourn losing my small friend and truthfully it was better that way. As soon as their footfalls faded away, Maddox grabbed my bag with my few possessions safe inside and dragged me from the cell. I thought idly of the vent, but it was too late now. I didn’t fight as he dragged me through the tunnels. It was pointless. Even if I managed to overpower him, there was nowhere to go. Plus I was tired. The world had beaten me down over and over again. Before I was just too stupid to stay down. Not this time.
At first I feared Maddox might be the one to do it, but he moved with too much quickened ferocity. If he was taking me for his own pleasure, he would have taken his time, enjoyed my discomfort. No, he was not enjoying this. He was moving on someone else’s orders. This was business not pleasure. Still, his fingers dug into my arm and I knew they would leave marks. At least I wouldn’t see my end at his hands. I wanted to stay down this time and let the world finally win. But if it were at his hands I would not go quietly. In fact, I was pretty sure I would kill him first if given the chance.
The curved walls all looked the same, but I knew them now. Even in the despairing sea of grey concrete, I knew we were going to the meeting room crammed with furniture. The rapture had come and no one can outrun their offenses forever.
His fingers didn’t loosen when he knocked on the doors. I am not sure what I expected when the doors finally opened, but it definitely wasn’t what I saw. The room was filled with people. Some of them I recognized, but the most predominate face in the crowd was Triven’s. His hazel eyes tightened as they fell on Maddox’s grip on my arm. The room was buzzing like angry bees.
“Quiet down please.” I hadn’t even noticed Arstid until she spoke. She was sitting at the round table looking intently at me. “We have been called here today to pass judgment on this young woman.”
My face tightened. I wasn’t just being sentenced. I was being put on trial.
“This young specimen was found in an alley trying to protect the mute child from the Ravagers. Single-handedly, she was able to kill three Tribe members and permanently blind one.”
That was a fact I was proud of, but the tone in Arstid’s voice was far too contemptuous for my liking. I had a bad feeling where she was going with this.
“Since arriving here, she has proven frequently uncooperative, mistrusting and prone to outbursts of violence. She has run as a lone wolf for the majority of her young life and while intelligent, also proves obstinate.”
I could show her a real outburst right now.
“That being said, she has divulged how she managed to
remain alive in Tartarus for so long. While not all of the information is pertinent to us, she is also the only person to enter our population who has infiltrated the Ravagers’ safe houses.”
Several heads turned to me in surprise. The others looked at me with doubt.
“I know where I stand on her sentencing, but this is an egalitarianism judgment not a Tribe ruling. We will hear from her handler, then judgment will be passed by majority vote.”
I tore my eyes away from hers, turning to face the other twenty people in turn. If they were going to put me down, then they would have to remember me. I suppressed a gasp of shock as two familiar deep brown eyes met mine. Arden stood beside the blonde guard I met the first day. He looked… ashamed. To my surprise it was he who stepped forward to speak and not Triven as I had expected.
His Adam’s apple bobbed wildly as he searched for the words. He wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I… I was placed in Phoenix’s cell to assess her. While distrusting at times, I never found her to be violent or overly deceitful. Like all of us, she obviously has her secrets, but that did not impede her ability to communicate in a friendly manner with me. Once the child was released into her care, Phoenix became more cautious with her actions, always putting the child’s safety above her own desires. Despite being a recluse for so long, humanity is still ingrained in her.”
I flushed with anger. I knew he was trying to help me, to make me look like the good guy, but he was also making me look weak. And he had lied—I had never been friendly. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming at his traitorous face.
“Upon revealing the vent to her, which could have been an easy escape, Phoenix still chose to stay. She said the time for escaping had passed. I don’t think she is a flight risk and I believe she could prove a strong attribute to our community.”
Finally his eyes met mine. His brown stare was repentant and admiring all at once. I was sure my returning gaze was not as friendly. What did he mean “attribute to their community?”
Murmurs began to swirl around the room again.
With a flicker of her hand Arstid silenced them.
“Those for termination.” A heart-dropping number of hands rose, Arstid’s being one of the first.
“Those for integration.” Her pinched face looked smug as if she already knew the answer.
Maddox’s hand tightened, undoubtedly hungry to throw me to the wolves. I looked at the worn tabletop. I didn’t need to see death coming for me.
The sound of skin moving against fabric, of the low steady breathing was deafening. Why didn’t she just say it already?
Termination.
Say it. Termination.
“Integration.”
I was sure I had heard her wrong. My eyes darted toward her face. She looked as if she had just smelled something foul.
“According to law, someone must take responsibility for her.” Her thin lips had nearly disappeared.
“I will.” The response was immediate. All heads turned to see who had spoken, but I knew that voice. What surprised me was that Arden’s mouth had opened to speak too, but Triven was faster. Maddox’s fingers were beyond excruciating on my arm as Dr. Porters fidgeted in the back, hidden next to a bookcase.
Arstid looked furious, her usually pallid face flushed. She spoke through her teeth, “Fine. Triven, she is yours to watch. Meeting adjourned.”
The bodies filtered out of the room quickly now. It was easy to pick out those who had wished for my termination. Their quickly moving feet skirted me with a wide berth, their eyes averted from the girl they had just condemned. Triven appeared out of the crowd, his steady gaze fixed on my arm still in Maddox’s grip.
“Maddox.” He said raising his eyes.
The behemoth did not release me, but his grip loosened. Taking full advantage, I ripped my arm from his hold. I was pleased when his balance faltered as I yanked away. Maybe he wasn’t as strong as I had thought he was. Big man could be shaken by a little girl. The air was practically vibrating between the two men. Someone else must have sensed the tension, because a heavy hand fell on Maddox’s shoulder. It was the blonde guard with the ponytail.
“Come on man. Let’s get something to eat.”
Shoving his friend’s hand from his shoulder he pushed his way through the room. The blonde guard shrugged at us and followed.
We waited until the room had emptied, until our quiet breathing was the only sound that could be heard. Even the echoing footsteps had fallen away. Triven stood behind me and I kept my back to him. For some reason it didn’t bother me like it should have anymore.
“Now what?” I asked looking at the open doors.
“Now you get the tour.” He walked past me without glancing to see if I followed.
Despite myself, I did follow. Grabbing my bag Maddox had unceremoniously dumped on the floor, I jogged out the doors after Triven.
It was strange moving through the tunneled halls now. No guard pointing a weapon at me or wrenching my arm from its socket. Triven acted as he always did, nonchalant and careful not to touch me. But it still felt different. Now that I thought about it, unlike any of the other guards, he never touched me. With him I was allowed a personal bubble.
But I was no fool. Even though I moved through these halls no longer a prisoner, I was still far from free.
New World Rising Page 10