The bath was relaxing. The warm water was easing away some of the tension he’d been carrying around all week. He caught her foot and put it in the center of his chest and then took the loofah she had on the side of the tub and washed her leg. He was sitting up straight so that the spigot didn’t dig into his back. But he wasn’t uncomfortable at all.
“What do you have on next week?” he asked.
“Well the ‘naughty and nice’ truffle release. There’s a sweet caramel truffle and a spicy Mexican hot chocolate- inspired one.”
Mads shook his head ruefully. “She’s earned the ‘naughty’ moniker now. But then so have you.”
She gave him a half smile but he wanted to see that light back in her eyes. Wanted to see that magic he associated with her.
“I couldn’t believe it when Hoop brought her into the apartment. I was freaking out but tried to stay calm. I knew if I freaked it would make her upset. And I could tell she was just about holding it together.”
“You handled it great. Better than me,” he said. “When you called I was about to go through the roof. I was only able to remain calm because of you. You’re good for me.”
“Am I?” she asked.
He put her leg back in the water and lifted her left one to wash it. “Yes.”
“Where did you get this scar?”
He looked down at her toe, which she was rubbing over his pec. “Gill had an … outburst when she got the news she was terminal and started throwing stuff. I tried to get to her to comfort her and a glass shard cut me.”
“Oh, Mads.”
She pulled her foot back and scooted forward to straddle his lap, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. She hugged him close. He knew she meant for the embrace to be soothing and it was but she was naked and pressed to him like that he felt himself stir. This time not because he wanted to have sex so he could move forward but because of Iona. Because of how she always reached out to comfort him with no thought of her own emotional wellbeing.
He hugged her back.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be talking about another woman with you.”
“Don’t be silly.” She put her hands on his face again and looked down into his eyes. “We can’t hide from it.”
“I know that,” he admitted.
“Good.”
He ran his hand down her back to distract him from her breasts, which were brushing against his chest. The tips of them were hard and rubbed against him when the water moved around them. He wanted this bath to be a peace offering but he wanted her again.
This time felt different.
She shifted a bit on his lap and took the loofah, rubbing it over his chest. “Want to stay with me?”
He did. More than anything. “I would like that a lot. But I am going to have to leave before morning.”
“I know, you have to get home for Sofia.”
“Yes, I do,” he said. “Is that okay?”
“Of course, it is,” she said. Then she stood up and water cascaded down her body. He tipped his head back to look at her. Her long slim legs, the nest of red hair at the top of her thighs, her nipped-in waist and her generous breasts and then higher to that sweet mouth, which smiled down at him. And he knew that he’d fixed his earlier mistake. And something shifted and settled deep inside of him. That thawing part of his emotional heart thawed a little bit more and though he knew that this wasn’t the all-clear, he was closer to being able to start living again than he’d been in the last year.
He stood up next to her and they took turns drying each other off and then he lifted her in his arms again because he liked carrying her. She wrapped her arm around his shoulder as he carried her into the bedroom and placed her in the center of her bed.
***
Her hair had a slight curl to it when it was wet. It was spread out on the pillows, contrasting with the snowy white duvet on her bed. Her legs were slightly parted, her arms fell to her sides and he stood there staring down at her, knowing that this time he wanted to make it last. But having talked to her and knowing her so much better after the bath, self-control was further from him than it had ever been before.
He was hard, his erection stiff and desperate to be back inside the warmth of her body.
“Mads?”
He sat on the edge of the bed, facing her. He wanted to touch her, to know her body as well as he was coming to know her gentle soul, sweet heart, and feisty attitude. He wanted to take his time. But lately, when had he gotten what he wanted, he’d somehow lost control of everything that he’d once taken for granted.
He ran his finger over the breast closest to him. Lightly stroking the full globe and watching as her nipple tightened. He leaned down and licked it, gently. She made a little sound, more a catch in the back of her throat, and her hand fell to his head and then to his shoulder. He took the tip between his lips and sucked until he felt the bed move as her hips arched. He lifted his head and turned to kneel over her, using his thigh to push her legs further apart before settling between them. He was careful to keep his weight on his elbows as he brushed his chest over the hard tips of her breasts. She arched again, exposing her neck and he leaned down to lick and nibble at the length of her wet hair before tangling one of his hands in it as he bit lightly at the lobe of her ear. He shifted his hips until he felt his tip at the entrance of her body and this time he looked down into her eyes as he entered her as slowly as he could.
He pushed himself fully inside of her and stopped for a minute just to watch her adjust to him. She shifted under him, taking him deeper and her lips parted as she lifted her head up towards his. Their lips met and he started moving in her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and her legs around his hips as he thrust into her.
He put one arm under her hips, lifting her so he could go deeper and deeper. He drove them both hard towards their climax and he heard her gasp as she tore her mouth from his and called out his name once more.
Then he buried his face in the curve of her neck, driving harder, thrusting until he came. He emptied himself into her body and then rolled to his side, taking her with him. No guilt riding him this time. No regrets from wishing he could have been present for her. Just the feeling of having made love to a woman who was coming to matter more and more to him with each day.
He stroked his hand down her back as she curled on her side next to him and he held her to him. He realized he was holding himself a little tense, waiting for some emotional bomb from the past to spring on him but nothing happened. Just that feeling of contentment that came from making love to Iona.
He felt her drop a kiss on his chest and looked down at her. He didn’t feel that wrenching guilt which had surprised him before.
He knew he’d been closed off for a long time and he wanted to let her in … well, sort of, but he didn’t know if he could.
It was funny for him to realize that this woman, who he’d only met at the beginning of December, was coming to mean so much to him. That she probably knew him better than anyone else did. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He knew there were no guarantees for the future. Hell. He wasn’t ready to think about that part of caring for a woman again. He might lose her like he lost Gill.
Damn.
Now that the thought had entered his head, he couldn’t shake it.
“When do you have to leave?” she asked.
He sat up and looked at the clock on the nightstand. He should be home before five so he had time to shower before Sofia got up. “I can stay for a little while if you want me to.”
“I’d like that,” she said. “I would love to cuddle and just pretend that we are those two people with no past or future to worry about.”
He propped the pillows behind his head and drew her into his arms. Then snagged the end of the duvet and pulled it over the both of them. He told himself that she was just doing what he’d suggested but he knew he wanted them to be Mads and Iona. Two people who might have a chance at something. Not two ships passing in the night,
as he’d previously suggested.
But he didn’t know how to tell her he wanted that without making it seem like he was ready for more than he knew he was.
Chapter 12
The High Line wasn’t that busy early the next morning when she went to meet Cici and Hayley. They found a bench with a nice view of the city. Cici had brought along pain au chocolate from Sant Ambrose and mochas for all of them. The snow had let up and the three of them sat close together on the bench sipping their drinks.
“So …” Cici said, the steam from her mocha fogged up her glasses and her friend took them off to clear them.
“So?” Iona asked. She wasn’t sure where to start when it came to Mads.
“Um … you showed up at the party alone last night, for starters,” Hayley said. “Then a little girl arrives by herself and asks for you and then Hottie Mcbody shows up and you’re not sure what we want to know about?”
She smiled at Hayley calling Mads Hottie Mcbody. “Okay. I know what you are curious about, but I’m not sure where to begin.”
“Start with the hottie,” Cici said. “He was very sweet on the couch with you and his daughter but when he looked at you, I could tell there was more going on there.”
“Well, you know he’s the CEO of Loughman Hotel Group. We do need to finish that discussion and give him an answer, by the way.”
“I’m leaning towards no,” Hayley said. “I don’t like the idea of training chefs to do what I do instinctively. I’m not saying I’m the only one who could do it but the three of us have a vision for the Candied Apple and it’s not something I think other chocolatiers will automatically get.”
“Fair enough,” Cici said. “I have run some numbers that might change your mind, but let’s discuss that back in the office. I want to hear about Mads and Iona.”
Mads and Iona.
Her heart beat a little faster at the thought of them as a couple. They were sort of friends but still both were guarded.
“His wife — Sofia’s mom — died last year on December 27. So, he’s dealing with the first holiday without her. And Sofia doesn’t believe in Santa but I think she wants to and it’s just complicated.”
“It makes sense if her mommy died at Christmas. She probably would have asked Santa to make her better,” Hayley said. “I know I was sixteen when my mom got diagnosed and I prayed a lot and asked Santa to help her too.”
Iona thought about all that the three of them had been through together. How she’d always known with them by her side she would survive anything. She wanted something more from Mads than just friendship. And she realized she’d been hedging her bets with him. Trying to protect herself from caring too much for him or even for Sofia.
She couldn’t keep on doing that.
Hayley wrapped her arm around Iona’s shoulders. “That sounds like a lot to take on.”
“I know. I’ve tried to keep my distance but it’s so hard not to fall for the two of them. Sofia is so precious and I think she really needs me. You’ve seen how she keeps coming around the shop.”
“Yes,” Cici said. “That’s what I mean. Be careful about getting involved with her dad. If you sleep together and break it off … she might get hurt and she’s already lost one mother.”
Too late, she thought. “I would never cut her out of my life.”
“He might be the one to do it,” Hayley said.
“I know that too.” Iona admitted that was one of her biggest fears.
Cici hugged her and then she felt Hayley’s arm still around her. These women were more than friends to her. They were her sisters, in a way, and she was so grateful for them. “He was determined to make it a good evening for both of us, but in my mind, there is always Gill hanging around.”
She hugged her friends and then got to her feet to go toss out her mocha, which was getting cold from the temperature. “Thanks, guys. I think I’ve been afraid to really let myself be involved.”
“We know you have,” Cici said. “You’ve driven us from the moment we had the idea to get the store open and running and then you spearheaded the marketing so we could be as successful as we are today. You put everything into the Candied Apple Café.”
“I have,” she admitted. “Theo thinks I’m trying to prove something to my father.”
“I think so too,” Hayley said. “You know how my dad is, so I get it. But you’re much better now. I mean, you said we could all take Saturday off to go to the New York Ballet Nutcracker performance.”
“Ha,” Iona said, knowing Hayley was teasing her. “I didn’t mean you could have the entire day off.”
They laughed and joked before going their separate ways and Iona looked out at the City, remembering all the lessons her father had taught her. She knew how to run a campaign, how to lure investors and how to keep her company running a profit. But he’d never taught her how to balance both and until she’d met Mads and Sofia she hadn’t considered that a liability.
***
Sofia had her headphones on when he got home from work that evening. Jessie had already given her dinner and then had plans with friends for the evening, so she’d waved goodbye as he’d walked in the door. He’d resisted the urge to text Iona. He’d gone to her last night and he didn’t want to seem like he was coming on too strong.
It had been a long time since he’d dated or even thought about a woman the way he was thinking about Iona and he didn’t want to come across as too needy.
Maybe getting involved with a woman at the first Christmas he’d been single wasn’t the best idea.
He sat on the couch next to his daughter, reading work emails, but not really paying attention to them.
“Papa?”
He glanced over at Sofia, who had put her headphones on her lap and closed her tablet. “Yes.”
“What are our holiday traditions?” she asked.
Where was this coming from, he wondered? They hadn’t really had time to establish many traditions with Sofia before Gill had gotten sick. “Well … I don’t think we have any, Sof. Do you want to start some?”
She crossed her arms over her chest and tipped her head to the side, considering things, he knew from past experience. “I think so. This is the first Christmas without Mommy and all.”
“It is,” he said, watching her carefully. Most of the time she seemed okay emotionally, but Mads felt like this was something new. He scooted closer to his daughter on the couch. “I’m afraid I don’t know where to start with traditions. Uncle Piers and I used to make strings of popcorn for the tree with our mom when we were little. Do you want to do that?”
“We don’t even have a tree,” she pointed out.
“Want to get one?” he asked. In Christmases past, they’d spent most of their time at the hospital and had a tabletop ceramic tree that had painted-on ornaments and lights.
She nodded. “I think I would. Is that okay?”
He hugged her close and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “Of course, it is. Let me Google where we can get a tree and we’ll go get one.”
“Tonight?”
“Why not? We don’t have to be anywhere until tomorrow afternoon for the Nutcracker,” he said.
“I can’t wait for that. Jessie took me to get a new dress today.”
“I know,” he said. “Do you want to model it for me?”
“No, I’ll wait until tomorrow,” she said. “I want to get a tree.”
He took out his phone and searched for a Christmas tree lot and found there was one not too far from their apartment building, but they were closed. “We will have to go in the morning. How about tonight we go and look at the shop windows on Fifth Avenue?”
“Can Iona go with us?”
“We can ask her. She might be busy,” he said.
“She might not be,” Sofia said. “I’ll go and ask her.”
“Get ready first so we go whatever she says.”
“Yay!” Sofia said, skipping out of the room to her bedroom. She came back a few minute
s later wearing her coat, stocking cap and holding her mittens.
“I’m ready.”
“I can see that.”
Mads put on his coat and then held the door open for his daughter. They walked slowly down the hall toward Iona’s apartment, Sofia talking the entire time, telling him about the traditions of her classmates. Even Remy had traditions, Sofia informed him. Though given that he was so annoying they probably weren’t good ones.
He stopped in front of Iona’s door, looking at the cheerful wreath and remembering last night, when he’d stood in the same spot with a bottle of Baileys in one hand. Sofia knocked on the door before he could stop her.
He suddenly wished he’d said no when she’d suggested inviting Iona. But he knew that Sofia was trying to get through this first Christmas the same way he was. The one without Mommy. And if he had to see the woman who was making him feel all sort of emotions that he wished he could deny having, then he’d do it.
The door opened and Sofia waved at Iona.
“Hi! Papa and I are going to look at the Christmas windows, wanna come?” Sofia asked.
Iona stooped down to Sofia’s level and gave his daughter a warm smile. “I’d love to. Let me grab my coat and purse and I’ll be ready to go.”
“Okay,” Sofia said.
Iona left the door open as she stepped back inside and a few minutes later she was back wearing her Santa hat with the jingle bell on it, a red wool coat, and a pair of boots. She stepped out of her apartment, closing the door and checking that it was locked, and took Sofia’s hand as they walked towards the elevators.
Mads followed after them, trying to tell himself that this was for Sofia so it didn’t matter that Iona hadn’t looked him in the eye. But he knew it did matter. Last night had changed something inside of him. And as much as he wanted to pretend that it had simply been another milestone that was helping to heal his grief from being alone, he knew that it was more.
That he wanted Iona’s smiles to be directed at him as well as at Sofia. He didn’t want her coming along to talk only to his daughter. And he knew that he could either just follow behind them, as she clearly intended for him to do, or he could remember the man he’d been before Gill had gotten sick.
Christmas at the Candied Apple Café Page 11