Lucy jumped down from Sofia’s lap and trotted towards the door. Sofia looked over at Iona.
“She might need to go outside. Want to come with me to take her?”
“Yes,” Sofia said. “I feel that way about Remy. He’s been pretty nice to me since I apologized.”
Iona bent to put Lucy’s leash on before opening the back door that led to the alley behind the Candied Apple. “His family seemed friendly.”
Sofia shrugged. Iona wondered if she’d finally indicate what had upset her that night they’d run into them. But the little girl just stood in the doorway staring at the dog, which sniffed around to find the right place to do her business.
“He has a brother and a mommy,” Sofia said softly.
Iona looked away from Lucy and back at Sofia. “Not every family has a mommy and daddy and brother or sister.”
“I know that,” Sofia said. “I know that my mommy is gone so that’s why I didn’t think about asking Papa for one.”
“My friend Hayley doesn’t have any siblings. It’s just her and her dad.”
“Really?”
“Yes. And then Cici has two half-brothers,” Iona said. “There’s not just one way a family can be. And sometimes your family can be people who aren’t even related to you.”
“Really?” Sofia asked. “Like who?”
“Cici and Hayley are like my sisters. We started out as friends and became much more.”
“I don’t have any friends like that,” Sofia said.
“You have Jessie,” Iona pointed out.
She nodded and then Lucy ran back to them and they took the dog back inside. Hayley offered to show Sofia how to use the chocolate mold to make candies and she went off to learn. Iona went back into the office, thinking more about her brother than she had allowed herself. She decided she’d take the evening off and then she texted Theo before she could change her mind and invited him to come over for dinner.
***
Mads saw the text from Iona when he was in the middle of a meeting and forced himself to ignore it until it was over. He had to smile when he saw his daughter holding Hayley’s dog. Though Iona had been insistent that they should give each other some space, since the ballet they’d still been seeing each other a lot. And Sofia wasn’t about to lose her new friend. She’d told him this morning that she wanted to be more like Iona.
He wasn’t entirely sure what it was that she wanted to emulate but she had been smiling more often and he noticed that she seemed to be trying a lot of different holiday things. So far, they had established one new tradition. They read a different holiday book each night before Sofia went to bed. Some of them were religious-based, others were books about puppies or elves. And Sofia had enjoyed them all. He had ordered a few new ones that Amazon had delivered to his apartment that afternoon, so tonight they’d have some more to choose from.
His brother was flying in this weekend and they were going to take Sofia to see the Rockettes. One of the women that Piers used to date a few years ago had a friend who was in the show and had offered them tickets. So, they were going. Sofia hadn’t cried again since the night they’d been out with Iona at the Candied Apple. But she had been dropping hints that she thought their family was too small.
He worried she might think that something would happen to him and she’d be all alone. So, he’d been on at Piers to come and visit more frequently. Which wasn’t easy given he ran a hotel on the West Coast.
Lexi knocked on his door and then leaned in, “Call on line one. It’s Sofia’s school.”
“Thank you. I’m sending a photo to the printer. Would you make sure there is printer paper in it?”
“Certainly.”
She closed the door behind her and he picked up the call. “Mads Eriksson.”
“Mr. Eriksson, this is Miss Pembroke, Sofia’s teacher. I’m returning your call.”
“Thank you,” he said. “I just wanted to check in and see if Sofia was doing better in class after the incident with Remy.”
He heard the shuffling of papers on the other end and used his thumb to flip through the saved pictures on his phone. He had two photos from Iona. One was of the three of them at the Nutcracker. He hesitated with his thumb over the delete button but he knew he couldn’t get rid of it. That picture was … well, he wasn’t deleting it. He pushed it aside and pulled up the photo of Sofia with the puppy and hit print.
“She hasn’t gotten into any more arguments with anyone. She does seem a little lost when we get into the Christmas stuff. I’ve been helping to steer her towards finding the things that will work for her.”
“What can I do?” Mads asked.
“She mentioned you were starting some traditions and I think that’s a good place to start. Honestly, each child is different and most days Sofia seems pretty easy going and happy. Occasionally something will throw her off but I think you’re doing everything you can for now,” Miss Pembroke said.
That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He wished the teacher would give him a list of thing she could check off that would guarantee that Sofia would be able to get through Christmas and adjust to it. “Should I take her out of school and go on a vacation for the holidays?”
She sighed. “I really don’t think that would help. She is already contemplating what’s unique about Christmas. I think staying here will be better for her in the long run.”
Mads couldn’t really just leave the Common or New York City for a few weeks and he knew that. But for Sofia he would do what was needed. “Thank you for your time, Miss Pembroke. If anything changes, please call me.”
“I will,” she said.
She hung up the phone and Mads sat back in his chair, knowing there were no easy answers to parenting. It had been this way since Sofia had turned two and Gill had received her diagnosis. He’d been on his own dealing with every decision for their daughter and he had big shoulders, he could handle the weight of those decisions, but there were times when he just was so unsure of what to do with his daughter. He just wanted someone to talk to. Someone who wasn’t Piers, who had even less of a clue about little girls than Mads did.
Iona might be able to help. Sofia spent a lot of time with her. Jessie was happy to give Mads her opinions but she was an employee, which she always pointed out. He opened the text conversation where Iona had sent him the photo of his daughter.
He started to type in there, asking her if she was free that evening, but in the end he just deleted the message. She’d asked him to give her space and he needed to respect that.
It didn’t matter that he dreamt of her in the middle of the night when he couldn’t control his thoughts. It didn’t matter that sometimes he picked up his scarf and caught a whiff of her perfume on it. Or that he still remembered how her lips felt under his. He wasn’t ready to commit to her, not like she needed him to.
And every time he thought of just reaching out he remembered the look on her face when she said she didn’t want to be hurt again. And he knew that even though he’d been thinking that he wasn’t stuck in stasis any longer, he was a long way from being able to care for Iona the way he knew she deserved to be cared for.
***
Iona checked her appearance in the mirror for the fifth time as she waited for Nico and Theo to show up. She was excited to see her family and realized she wanted Mads and Sofia to join them. But she didn’t want it to be awkward, so she waited until the last minute to dash out of her apartment and down the hall to them.
There was a battery-operated light-up penguin with a Santa hat on their front door. She smiled as she noticed it. Slowly Sofia and Mads were figuring out what they liked and didn’t like for Christmas and that made her feel good. She knocked on the door.
She waited a few minutes, during which she debated just going back to her place and waiting for her brother.
But then the door opened and it was Mads wearing an apron that read TRUST ME I’M THE COOK. He had a bit of flour on his chin and he was wiping his hands on a to
wel.
“Iona. We weren’t expecting you tonight,” he said. “You look very nice.”
She smoothed her hands down the side of her sleeveless Ralph Lauren fit and flare dress. It was in a festive gold fabric and she’d pulled her hair up and taken her time with her make-up to ensure she looked her best.
“Thank you. I’m sorry I bothered you. I can see you’re busy.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “We aren’t that busy. Won’t you come in?”
“I can’t. I am expecting Nico and Theo at any moment. I invited them over for dinner. And I thought it would be nice to have you two join us,” she said. The words came out in a rush.
“Papa? Are you coming back?” Sofia called from the kitchen.
“In a minute, Sof. Jessie’s in charge until I’m back,” Mads said, beckoning Iona into the apartment. “Why are you coming to invite us just now?”
“I didn’t want it to be awkward, like I’m introducing you to my family, but Sofia is the one who made me realize how lucky I am to have my brother, and instead of working every night I wanted to have a family dinner,” she said.
“We already ate and are baking cookies, but we can come down once they are done,” he said.
That sounded perfect to her. “That sounds good to me.”
“Sofia was planning to bring you some anyway,” he said.
“Okay. Sorry for the last-minute invite. This is so silly.”
Mads shook his head. “Don’t be. You suggested we should cool things off.”
She had and she hadn’t enjoyed that at all. She thought maybe it would give her some perspective and make her realize that the Candied Apple Café was where her attention needed to be, but instead it had only emphasized how much she missed Mads and Sofia.
“And we have done that. I don’t know about you but spending a few days apart hasn’t changed anything for me,” he said.
She was surprised he’d admitted that and she wanted to tell him it was the same for her. But she wasn’t ready to leave herself that vulnerable.
No matter that she’d been very rational when she had decided to not let herself care about Mads. It seemed her heart had a different plan and there was no stopping that.
He looked tired and she wished she hadn’t invited her brother over tonight because she’d love to spend the night talking with Mads and baking cookies with Sofia. But this wasn’t her family. Hers was coming to her apartment and she had to make things right with her brother.
She just looked at him and realized for the first time that all of the relationships she’d been in that she’d thought she’d been committed to, she hadn’t been. Not really. She kept a part of herself safely tucked away. And she only realized it now because she wanted to reach out to Mads but was scared to. She was afraid to take what she wanted from him because she knew he’d lost too much to be able to love like that.
Like she wanted him to.
She simply nodded, then turned to walk away, but he caught her in the hallway. Turned her in his arms and bent to kiss her. It wasn’t one of those sweet, soft kisses that promised things would be all right. It was a kiss of desperation and raw need. She put her arms around him and returned it. With the same longing and fear that she’d been trying to pretend she didn’t feel. Then she pulled away, stepped back and their eyes met, but neither of them said a word.
She walked away and this time he let her go. She was vaguely aware of getting back to her apartment. She glanced at herself in the mirror, her lipstick was messed up but what caught her attention was that wild look in her eyes. She was on the edge. She hadn’t felt like this ever before.
She’d always been so careful to keep her emotions under control. To ensure that she wasn’t like her parents, who had one of those relationships where they either didn’t talk at all or just fought all the time. But now she understood that bottling up what she felt wasn’t the way she wanted to live.
There was a knock on her door and she hesitated. Then used the back of her hand to wipe off the remains of her lipstick before she went and opened the door, forcing a smile on her face.
Nico and Theo waited there. They had flowers and wine and she looked at her brother standing there so nervous.
“Hey, guys. Thank you for coming over despite the short notice.”
“We wouldn’t miss it,” Theo said, handing her the flowers, and he came into the apartment first and brushed his lips against her cheek.
Nico hugged her and then handed her the bottle of wine. “I’m glad. I’ve missed you both and I want to hear all about your wedding plans.”
Chapter 16
Dinner with her brother and Nico was a lot of fun. They told her all about her wedding plans. When Mads and Sofia showed up, Iona had a glimpse of what Christmas morning and every other morning for the rest of her life could be like. And that keen sense of longing she’d been trying to pretend was just a nice-to-have sharpened into a dull ache in her gut. Once again she was forced to admit that she wanted her own family.
“Why did you bring Iona a boat?” Sofia asked as they were all sitting around the living room after dinner, drinking coffee and eating the cookies that the Erikssons had brought.
“Theo’s family are in shipping,” Iona said. “But isn’t there a Greek Christmas tradition involving boats? Sofia is trying to learn about as many of those as she can.”
Theo nodded and then smiled at Sofia. “Iona’s right, but it’s more of a custom than a tradition. This boat that I brought for Iona has something special hidden inside of it.”
“It does?” Sofia asked. “Where is it? Can I look for it?”
Iona nodded. She suspected that it would be hidden in the hold of the boat. She went to the table, where the boat was resting, and handed it to Sofia, who held it very carefully, turning it over and they all heard the rattle of something inside.
A smile lit Sofia’s face as she started to feel all along the deck of the miniature boat until one of the boards slid open. She reached inside and pulled out a tiny box that had a gold bow on it.
“It’s so pretty,” Sofia said, bringing it over to Iona.
Iona looked down at the little box, which she knew she wouldn’t have found if it wasn’t for Sofia. She looked over at Theo.
“Go ahead and open it, Iona.”
She opened the box and when she did she saw it held a small charm in the shades of blue of the Turkish Eye. It was a good luck symbol that many Greeks often gifted to newborns. Iona was touched that Nico had given it to her.
“Thank you, Nico.”
“You’re very welcome. Luck is in no way the same as the gift you gave me when you graciously stepped aside for myself and Theo, but I wanted you to have something special, not only for Christmas but for the rest of your life.”
That was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever said to her. “I’m just lucky to see you both so happy.”
The charm was on a fine silver chain, which Mads took from her and then put around her neck. She held it for a second and then let it fall back against her body.
“What makes that lucky?” Sofia asked, going over to Theo.
Iona wasn’t sure if the little girl wanted one for herself or if she should give the gift to her. But it had clearly been meant for her and Sofia seemed to be aware of that.
“It reflects the evil eye. So, it keeps bad things from happening to the wearer.”
“I love it,” Sofia said. “What other traditions do you have?”
“Most Greeks are orthodox,” Theo said. “So, Nico exchanges gifts on January 1st and not December 25th.”
“Really?” Sofia asked. “I bet Remy doesn’t know that.”
“He might not,” Mads said. “You can let the class know in a nice way tomorrow.”
“Papa, I’m always nice,” Sofia said.
“Except when you’re naughty,” he retorted.
“It was only that once,” Sofia said.
“I can’t believe someone as sweet as you could be naughty,” Nico
said.
“It was a boy at school,” Sofia said, still holding the boat and going over to sit on the couch next to Nico.
“Boys always used to get Iona in trouble too,” Nico said.
“Did they?” Sofia asked. “Do they still, Iona?”
Iona just laughed. “Sofia inspired our very popular ‘naughty and nice’ truffles at the Candied Apple Café.”
This evening reminded her of how much she loved the holidays and the magic of Christmas. That maybe meeting Mads and starting to become friends and lovers was destined to be, but she had yet to have a good experience with destiny and just riding along with this was harder than she’d expected it to be.
She wanted to smile and enjoy this time. Tonight was absolutely perfect, except there was something deep inside of her that she was afraid of losing. Afraid that this one night would be the closest she’d come to having a family of her own with Mads and Sofia. Not because Mads was insincere or anything like that but because she realized when she’d looked down at the charm that Nico had given her that she didn’t believe in luck. She had spent her entire life making her own way and never had she felt like she’d had chance on her side.
Theo and Nico left a short while later and when the door closed behind them she noticed Sofia was still playing with the boat. Mads watched her carefully and she smiled at him, trying to pretend that everything was okay when deep inside she knew it wasn’t. She couldn’t put her finger on it but something had changed between the two of them.
“Do you want to take the boat home with you?” Iona asked Sofia.
“No, it’s yours. I do like it, though,” Sofia said.
Mads winked at his daughter. “Go put your shoes on, Sof. It’s time for us to go.”
“Okay,” she said, skipping out of the room.
“Theo and Nico are so good together. Thank you for coming and joining us tonight.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it,” Mads said.
Christmas at the Candied Apple Café Page 14