Maybe Baby

by Lani Diane Rich

  “Fine by me, pet,” he said. He jerked his head to indicate Vivian and Babs. “But I’m not gathering a harem here, and I’m not stupid enough to turn my back on any one of you.”

  Dana eyed the cellar door. If this went on much longer, Nick would come out and significantly raise the stakes. The less threatened this guy felt, the safer they all were. She had to get them out of there fast.

  “It’s okay,” Dana said. “They’ll stay here. I’ll go with you. If they try to interfere, you’ll shoot me. They stay here and behave, I come back, and everybody’s happy.” She turned and looked at Babs. “That works, right?”

  “No, it doesn’t work,” Vivian snapped. “That’s my bird, and I want it back.”

  Dana shot a look at Vivian. “Newsflash, Vivian. Simon gets the bird. It’s over.”

  Vivian’s full lips settled into a pout. “And what about me?”

  “Nobody cares,” Dana said, then turned to Simon. “Let’s go.”

  “No!” Vivian said. “You’re not giving him my bird!”

  Babs grabbed Vivian by the arm. “Get over it, Viv. It’s done!”

  Vivian yanked her arm from Babs’s grasp. “The hell it is! I want my bird!”

  A gunshot sounded and all three women screamed and turned to see Simon holding the smoking pistol, pointed upward.

  “The next time anyone talks,” he said, “it won’t be a ceiling that takes a bullet.”

  Dana stared up at the chunk taken out of the log ceiling.

  “What the hell, Simon!” she yelled. “Switch to decaf, will ya?”

  At that moment the cellar door whipped open, and Nick flew into the room.

  “Oh, crap,” Dana muttered.

  “Dana!” Nick froze as his eyes landed on Simon. “What’s going on?”

  “Nick, so good to see you,” Babs said. “We’re just having a bit of a domestic dispute.”

  Simon tilted his head and eyed Nick. “Guess the day hire’s still on the payroll, eh, pet?”

  Nick moved to Dana’s side, put his hand on her arm. “Are you okay?”

  “No, I’m really annoyed, and I haven’t had nearly enough wine to deal with this,” Dana grumbled. She pointed up. Nick’s eyes tracked up to the small hole in the ceiling, then back down to Dana.

  He let out a rough sigh. “But you’re okay.”

  “I’m fine. I think he just took a good two grand off my asking price for this place, though.” She turned to Simon. “Can we go now?”

  Nick’s voice came low and tight from behind her. “Dana. What are you doing?”

  She turned and met his eyes. “I’m giving him the bird.”

  “Which isn’t yours to give,” Vivian grunted.

  “Shut up, Viv,” Babs said.

  Nick grabbed Dana’s arm. “Fine. We give him the bird. You stay here. I’ll go with him.”

  “Don’t think so, mate,” Simon said, pulling Dana toward him. “I get the feeling she’s the key to keeping you all quiet over here.”

  “She’s not going anywhere with you,” Nick said, taking a step forward.

  “Nick. Stop.”

  Nick looked down at Dana, his eyes tight and angry. Dana sighed.

  “It’ll be okay. I’ll give him the bird. I’ll sell the winery. I’ll figure it all out. But right now, I just want it all to be over.”

  Simon stepped up next to Dana, grabbing her by the arm and pointing the gun at her head. “We’re gonna go get my bird now. And just to be clear, I see the police, any of you lot, or so much as a bloody raccoon coming after us, and the little pet gets it. Understand?”

  Nick’s jaw muscles tightened, and Dana knew that he was going to come after Simon if she didn’t get them out of there right then. She put her hand on his arm.

  “Just let me go, Nick. I’ll be back in a few minutes and it’ll all be over, okay?”

  Nick kept his eyes on Simon. “Anything happens to her, I’ll kill you.”

  “You lot stay here like good little girls and boys, and you won’t need to.”

  Without taking his eyes off Nick, Simon motioned toward the door with gun. “Ladies first, pet.”

  Dana tried to make eye contact with Nick, do something to soften the moment, but his attention was glued to Simon. Dana turned and headed out the door. If everything went as it should, she’d have the chance to make it up to him.

  And if not… well, she chose not to think about that.

  Twenty-five

  Dana’s hands shook as she turned the front doorknob.

  Just because the van is gone, she thought, doesn’t mean Finn ran off with the bird. I mean, it was a dirty van. Maybe he’s off getting it cleaned. Polished. Waxed.

  She pushed the door open and glanced at the empty kitchen table.

  Or maybe the bastard ran off with the bird.

  She motioned for Simon to sit at the table. Simon shook his head.

  “Where’s my bird, pet?”

  Dana laughed, feeling beads of sweat trickling down her lower back. “It’s not here. What do you think I am? Stupid?”

  Simon raised one eyebrow. “Smells like it was here.”

  Dana rolled her eyes. “Well, of course it was. Until I had it removed to a safe place. Now I just have to make one phone call—”

  She moved toward the kitchen, but was stopped by Simon, who pulled her close to him and looked in her eyes as he spoke.

  “One thing I didn’t mention when we made our little deal, pet, and that was that if you screw me over—”

  Dana sighed. “I get shot. Don’t worry. I picked up on the subtext.”

  Simon held her eyes for a moment longer, then released her arm. She exhaled and walked to the kitchen phone. She glanced behind her. Simon was watching her from the living room, but he hadn’t moved any closer. Great. Easier to bluff from a distance. She turned and dialed Nick’s cell number on the phone.

  “Hello?”

  Finn. Bastard stole Nick’s phone, too. “Good. You have the phone.”

  “Dana?”

  “It’s time to bring the bird back,” she said.

  “Yeah. Uh. About that. You know, I’m a bird thief, and you guys just left me alone with the—”

  “How long until you get here?”

  “What? I’m not… I’m… I’ve screwed you guys over. Ultimate betrayal. Get it? I’ve got the bird now.”

  “Simon and I will be expecting you in… what… a half hour then?” Dana turned her back to Simon so he wouldn’t see her chewing her lower lip.

  Shit. Shit shit shit.

  Finn’s tone tightened a bit. “Who’s Simon? Dana, are you okay?”

  “No,” she said. “I said a half hour.”

  “What—?”

  She hung up the phone and turned back to face Simon. “Nothing to do but wait.”

  She forced a smile and tried not to panic. Either there was some decency in Finn, and he would return with the bird and save her life…

  … or she was totally, completely, unequivocally, absolutely screwed.

  “Hey,” she said, clapping her hands together. “Who needs a drink?”

  ***

  In the bar, Nick glanced up at the clock. It had been ten minutes. Through the window, all he could see was the red SUV parked out front. How long did it take to get the bird and get gone? They’d been in there for way too long.

  “Would you ask him to stop that pacing?” Vivian said from her barstool. “He’s making me motion sick.”

  Babs walked over to Nick and put her hand on his arm. “What do you think?”

  “I think they’ve been there too long,” he said.

  “I need a drink.” Vivian stepped off the stool and went behind the bar.

  Babs glanced through the window at the house, then back up at Nick. “Can you get over there without him seeing you?”

  Nick thought for a moment. There was a back path through the vineyard, but the plants were thin this time of year. He was pretty sure he could get through without being seen, though.<
br />
  He nodded. “Yeah. I think so.”

  “Okay,” Babs said. “Then go.”

  “God,” Vivian said, popping back up from behind the bar. “Don’t you people have anything but wine?”

  “Open a chardonnay and shut up,” Babs said, then turned back to Nick. “I’m counting on you, Nick. You keep her safe.”

  Nick nodded, pulled the door open, then turned back to Babs for a brief second. “Lock the door behind me, and don’t let anyone in, okay?”

  “Go get her,” Babs said. Nick walked out, shutting the door quietly behind him and cutting around the back to the vineyard.

  She lives through this, he thought to himself as he ducked and ran down the back path, I’m gonna kill her myself.

  ***

  Vivian watched Babs lock the door behind Nick, then poured two glasses of chardonnay and set one on the bar for Babs. Babs returned and took the glass, playing with the stem between her fingers as she stared at the bar.

  “I’m sorry about your daughter, Babs,” Vivian said sweetly. “I’m sure she’ll be just fine.”

  Babs eyed her suspiciously. “Thanks.”

  “Darla seems like a very nice girl.”

  “Dana.”

  “Whatever. And you know what I think would be a great idea? Why don’t we go over there and help Neil save her?”

  Babs gave her a disgusted look. “Give it up, Vivian. The bird is gone.”

  Vivian stomped her foot. “That bird is worth twenty-five million to me, Babs.”

  Babs gave Vivian a dark look, took a drink, set her wine down on the bar, and pushed herself off the barstool.

  “I’ll be right back,” she said. “Between that car ride and the past fifteen minutes, my bladder is launching a formal protest. You so much as move from that spot, Vivian, and I’ll stab you to death with a corkscrew, I swear it.”

  Vivian watched as Babs walked slowly toward a door in the corner of the room. Once it was shut, Vivian tiptoed across the room to the cellar door. She flicked the lock on the outside and turned the inside knob. It held. She knelt and checked it out.

  Yep. The only keyhole was on the outside. Even Babs wouldn’t be able to get out of this one. Not fast enough, anyway.

  The water shut off in the bathroom. Vivian left the door slightly ajar and hurried back to her place behind the bar, settling her elbows on it just as Babs stepped back into the room.

  “Did I hear something moving around out here?” Vivian grinned.

  “Oh, I was just checking out the merchandise. There’s some lovely stuff. I think I’d like to pick up a couple of T-shirts while I’m here.”

  Babs eyed her warily. It didn’t matter. Let her be suspicious. All she had to do was figure out a way to get Babs in that cellar, shut the door, and make it over to the main house before her bird went bye-bye. This nonsense about waiting around for Cheekbones to save the day was just stupid. Even if he did, he had no motivation to get the bird for Vivian, and damnit, she needed that bird.

  And come hell or high water, she was going to get it.

  Vivian grinned at Babs and lifted the bottle of wine. “You know,I’ve made a decision. You’re right. Dana’s safety is more important than my stupid inheritance.”

  Babs gave her a tired look.

  “Oh yeah?” she said flatly.

  “Absolutely,” Vivian said. “Things will work out, I believe that. Gary can work for a living doing… something. And sure, we’ll lose the house and all our pretty things.” She fought the lump in her throat to make her voice sound contrite. “And I’m sorry that I let Gary kidnap you. That was just crazy. And very rude. 1 apologize.”

  “What do you want, Viv?”

  Vivian smiled. “This chardonnay is cra—” She stopped herself and redirected. “Not very good. Everyone knows they keep the best stuff in the cellar at places like this. What do you say you and I go raid the cellar and drink to Dana’s safe return?”

  Babs sighed. “Will it shut you up?”

  Vivian grinned. “Absolutely.”

  Babs shuffled off the barstool. “Let’s go.”

  ***

  Bent at the waist, Nick scrambled the last bit between the cover of the vineyard and the back of the house, then froze, listening. He could hear the soft tones of Dana’s voice, and he exhaled. She was safe.

  For the moment, anyway.

  Silently, he crept close to the back door. Simon was speaking. Nick couldn’t hear what he was saying, but Simon seemed calm. Nick poked his head around the back window, where he could see a bit through the curtain. Dana and Simon were sitting at the table.

  Drinking wine.

  Nick blinked, looked again.

  Yes, they were drinking wine. And the bird wasn’t there, at least not where Nick could see it. He ducked behind the house again.

  Where was it?

  He glanced to either side and snuck around the side of the house, coming up behind the carport…

  … where the driveway was empty. Where was the van?

  Nick groaned as it hit him. Sparky.

  “Honest eyes, my ass,” he muttered to himself. Dana was in there with a murderous Kiwi, and Finn had run off with the bird. Great.

  Nick pressed himself against the wall. Think. Think. He hadn’t seen the gun out, so probably Simon had it tucked in the back of his jeans. If he busted in the back door, he could probably get to Simon before…

  The sound of a car pulling up the gravel drive stopped him. He crept along the side of the house and peeked over, expecting the van. Instead, a silver Lincoln Continental pulled to a stop in front of the house. Nick squinted as he watched the driver.

  No. It couldn’t be.

  The door opened, and two long legs sporting stiletto heels swung out. Dark gray skirt with a dark gray blouse, buttons open to reveal the top of a silk camisole and some generous cleavage. Platinum blond hair fell to her shoulders, framing a heavily made-up face.

  Melanie.

  ***

  Dana downed the last of her wine and glanced at her watch. She had maybe fifteen minutes before Simon started asking questions, found out she didn’t have the bird, shot her, and left her for dead.

  She poured another glass.

  “So, then we knocked him out and duct-taped him to an office chair,” Dana said, trying to pull off a convincing, relaxed laugh. It came out more like a choking cackle. “As it turns out, we should have left him there.”

  Simon raised an eyebrow. “Really? Why’s that?”

  Dana froze for a moment, then smiled and shrugged. “Long story. But we’ve been talking about me enough, Simon. Why don’t you tell me a little about yourself?”

  “Me? I’m the quiet type,” Simon said.

  “That’s nice.”

  Dana took another drink and tried to smile. She was going to die. She was going to die because of a big, fat, smelly, ugly, stupid green chicken.

  And she was going to die without ever getting the chance to tell Nick how stupid she was about the whole marriage thing, how much she wanted to grow old with him and have fat children who would give them fat grandchildren and what the hell good was a stupid moment of clarity if it took a Kiwi with a gun to her head to make her see clearly?

  Heat struck behind her eyes and she sniffled, pushing it back. Now was not the time to get all weepy because she’d been too stupid to marry the man she loved. Now was the time to get killed by a bald Kiwi with anger-management issues.

  “So,” she said, trying to keep her voice level, “you ever been married, Simon?”

  Before he could answer, there was a knock at the door. Dana jumped and gave a little squeal of surprise.

  “Little skittish, there, pet?” Simon asked. He reached behind his jacket, Dana guessed so he could have quick access to the gun that would be killing her momentarily. “Answer it.”

  “Sure,” Dana said, standing up on wobbly legs. “Sure, that’s what I’ll do.”

  She crossed the room to the front door. The image through the gla
ss wasn’t Finn. With those breasts and that hair, there was only one person it could be, and it couldn’t be her.

  Except it was. Dana took a deep breath, put her hand on the doorknob, and opened it.

  “Melanie Biggs,” she said flatly.

  Melanie put on a tremendous, and thoroughly fake, smile. “Dana! So good to see you! You look gorgeous, sweetie, but then you always did.” Melanie peeked around Dana’s shoulder and her smile widened. “Hello. That’s not Nick.”

  Melanie pushed in past Dana and made her way across the room to Simon, her arm outstretched. Dana kicked the door shut and followed.

  “Hi,” she said. “I’m Melanie. So nice to meet you.”

  “Where’s the bird?” Simon asked.

  Dana glanced at the wine bottle on the table. All she had to do was distract Simon, then she could hit him with the bottle, grab Melanie, and toss them both out the back door. But how to distract him?

  “Bird?” Melanie said, her perfectly plucked eyebrows crinkling daintily. She and her tremendous breasts turned to face Dana. “What’s this about a bird?”

  Tremendous breasts. Dana smiled.

  No. I can’t. It’s too evil.

  “Oh, wait. Am I interrupting something… kinky?” Melanie tilted her head at Dana, blinking innocence. “And where is Nick? Does he know about you two?”

  Dana smiled wider. Evil be damned. If anyone had earned this, it was Melanie. And Dana was pretty sure she could pull it off without getting Melanie shot. She nudged Melanie and her breasts toward Simon.

  “This is Simon, Mel,” Dana said. “He’s here for the bird. Go get it, will you?”

  Melanie gave a confused laugh and rested the fingers of her right hand gently over her throat. “I’m afraid… I don’t know—”

  Simon blinked at Dana, then looked at Melanie, his eyes pulled by testosterone toward Melanie’s breasts. Dana smiled. Finally, those things were coming in handy.

  “I knew it,” Dana said. “You took the bird and sold it yourself, didn’t you, Mel?”

  Melanie gave her a confused look. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Sure you do.” Dana stole another glance at the wine bottle, catching something move at the back door. She stared for a moment, and her heart exploded in her chest. Nick.