by J N Owens
“Yeah I did. It was nice. We walked around, ate some beignets. Did some shopping. Here, I got you something.” I hand her the bag with the book I bought her. It’s nothing major, just a book of poetry I saw that I thought would cheer her up. She likes poetry, especially older works, so when I saw this, I knew she would like it. She looks up at me with tears in her eyes.
“Babe, you didn’t have to do this. Thank you. I just don’t know what to say. I love it.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I saw it in that little shop we love, and I couldn’t not get it for you. It’s nothing. I love you, bug.” She gets up and hugs me. I hold her tight. She looks at me and smiles.
“So, you like this guy huh?”
“I think I might. He is really nice. He is fun and sweet. God can he kiss. And did you see his body? Holy shit.” She starts laughing. I smile because it’s good to hear her laugh.
“Well I’m happy for you. I really am.”
* * *
“Thank you. Me too. I think. We will see what happens. It’s still early.”
“Yeah. Well you always get the good ones.”
“I haven’t ever had any, so saying I get the good ones isn’t necessarily true. But I hope it is in this case.” We both laugh.
“Okay well I’m going to bed. I’m tired and I have class tomorrow.” She gets up and starts upstairs.
“OK, good night. I have a little work to do then I’m coming up.”
“OK good night.” I watch her go up and then I go to my office to get my stuff ready for the week. I end up doing some online stalking until about midnight. Then I make my way to bed. I’m completely exhausted and haven’t found anything at all on Scott. It’s ridiculous. He is a ghost. Oh well. We will just go with it and see what happens.
4
Finley
Everything has been going at warp speed with Scott. He is smart, charming and funny. He is everything you could want from a boyfriend. He wants to be with me all my time, which I mean is great, I guess. He seems so perfect and genuine. So, what is the harm in giving him as much time as possible right? I think it bothers me because I don’t feel I’m deserving of this kind of attention. I haven’t really ever had a boyfriend. All of my focus has been on getting me to where I am right now, in my career. So, this has been different. He is different. Though, sometimes it’s too much. He sends flowers with adoring love notes. He likes to dance with me under the stars. And I just don’t know how to react to him at times. I’m learning a lot about myself, what I like and what I don’t like. There are times I’m completely overwhelmed by it, and other times it consumes me to a point that I just feel loved and completely adored. He sends me thoughtful text messages, tells me he misses me and can’t wait until he sees me again. Those are things I adore, it makes my day when I receive those. But then I might go 2 days without hearing a word from him, and my brain goes into overdrive. I start over thinking and trying to figure out what the hell happened. Then, he either just shows up like nothing has happened or call me like he hasn’t been AWOL for days. It’s like I have one version of me on one shoulder swooning over all the love talk, but then, I have another version, a saner version on my other shoulder waving 100 red flags. For some reason, I keep ignoring red flag version. Every time he shows up with that smirk or calls with that low husky voice talking with the words, I ignore the rational, concerned part of myself and proceed into shark-infested waters. I have walked into my first relationship with the thickest rose colored glasses they make, and I’m fully aware of, and completely incapable of doing anything about it. I don’t know if it’s because I’m just that tired of being alone, or if I just really like him that much. I think I’m too scared to ask myself the tough questions.
Tonight, Scott and I went out for dinner and are going back to his house, that way we can just head out together to my mom’s tomorrow. I have been to his place a few times, but only during the day. I have done my best keeping us on neutral ground for our dates. I haven’t trusted myself to be alone with him. So tonight, will test that.
Each date my heart grows a little more, and I open up to him more and more. We stay up till the early morning watching all our favorite movies. It’s like being a teenager. We laugh and goof off, have tickle fights, and make out. And oh man, can he kiss. His kisses are like having your entire body wrapped in moonlight, and velvet. Each one melts me a little more. They are so passionate that my body just becomes putty. Every time things get hot and heavy, I am able to control myself and keep it PG for the night. I do let him have a little over the shirt action, but that was as far as it gets, before we fall asleep holding each other on the sofa. I’m not really looking forward to introducing him to my family. I’ve never taken anyone home. I’ve never dated anyone really. Well, there was that one guy, but he doesn’t count because well. he was an idiot. He fell out of the car when he picked me up, spilled his drink on me, and when he tried to kiss me, he licked my entire face. Yeah, licked me. I mean come on. Are you a fucking dog? Let’s be serious. I still laugh uncontrollably when I think about it. It’s my comic relief to this day.
We got up the next morning and made our way to my parents’ house.
So, here we are, 5 weeks in, and we are going to have Sunday dinner with my parents. It is a little different from when we were young, but we still get together when we can all fit in the time. Only now it’s my sisters and I going to my mom’s with her new husband. I remembered Scott telling me on our first date about him doing consulting work for the state, I’m still not real sure what that even means. Finance isn’t a career I know a lot about, but my stepdad knows the governor so he will know plenty about working for the state. I send out a quick text to my sister.
Me: we are on our way but I wanted to ask y’all to ask scott during lunch about his work with state. He wont tell me, so work it into the convo thanx
When we pull up to my mom and stepdad’s house, I am nervous. As we start to walk up, my ever-friendly sister, Layla, comes barreling out of the front door and completely mows me down in the front yard. As we lay there giggling, Scott just stands staring at us. I’m not sure he understands family, and the jury may still be out on Layla. Actually, he hasn’t said much about his family up to this point so I’m not sure what the deal is with them. He looks a little put off by the whole thing, oh well. If you can’t love all of us, you can’t have any of us. My sisters and I are a package deal.
We eventually make it up and into the house after a somewhat embarrassing roll in the grass. I introduce Scott to the family and of course they all start to bombard him with questions. I make myself at home with a glass of wine and sit back to enjoy the show. He is sweating like a whore in church, but it’s pretty funny. My stepdad, Davis, is asking him about school, the farm, and his family. It gets quiet when he asks about his family.
Davis looks at him and says, “Scott, where are you from?”
Scott looks a little panicked for a split second while he takes a sip of his beer, then says,
“I grew up in Nashville, Brentwood actually just outside. My parents are both in finance. My mom stopped working to raise me and my brother. My dad has his own private consulting firm. My brother works for my dad and will take over his company.”
I sit there patiently waiting for the rest of it. He doesn’t know that my parents know the governor. My mom is the first to speak, looking between him and me, “So your brother is in finance too, then? What about you? You didn’t want to work with your dad, at his company?”
Oh God. My sisters and I almost choke on our wine. My mother has no idea how to be smooth.
Scott looks between us all smiling,
“Well, actually I have a degree in finance, but I hated sitting in an office all day. That’s why I have my farm. I do some consulting for the state.”
My stepdad looks over to him then,
“Is that so? I know some people in the governor’s office, what do you do up there? I would love to hear about what they have you doing for th
em.”
I can see the panic set in immediately. He had never asked me what my parents did and has no idea that my stepdad is a federal judge. He takes a drink of beer and looks over at me. I smile and just look back at him. His face is turning an interesting shade of red, though I’m just not sure why.
Then he gets up and very roughly to no one in particular,
“I need to step out.”
I look around as he walks outside. “What the hell just happened?”
“I have a feeling he wasn’t being completely honest about his work for the state.” My stepdad is just shaking his head as he says that. I haven’t always been the biggest fan of Davis, but right now I kind of love him. If he is going to help me out of a potentially bad situation then I will give him all the praise for that.
I look over to my mom,
“What does that even mean?”
“Honey listen, I don’t know a lot about how all that works but according to Davis, the governor’s office isn’t big on outside consultants. They work from within. It’s illegal to get financial advice from outsiders. They have their own accountants that are employed with the state. There isn’t much more financial advice the state would need. The budgets are all done from within. Plus, the things they do aren’t confidential. It’s not top secret information honey.”
“I mean I figured that mom, that’s why I wanted to know. I just don’t understand why someone would lie about something so trivial.” Her and my stepdad just shake their heads. My sisters are oddly quiet. We haven’t even eaten yet. This could be a very awkward lunch.
When he hasn’t come back in, I look out the front window to see he is sitting on the front porch step. I look around the room. My mom gives me nod as if to say go on. So, I head out and sit down next to him. I cross my legs out in front of me and let them hang down both steps. I tilt my head up to look over at him as I rest back on my hands behind me. It’s those eyes. Those stupid beautiful eyes, they cause me so much conflict. They are amazing. I see so much in them when he looks at me. I see someone that is passionate, sensitive, and caring. His tongue darts out to wet his lips. I want to lean in and devour those gorgeous lips. My heart races at the thought. I let my eyes wander for a split second, and that’s all it takes. My mind is at war with my heart. He shifts just his eyes slightly to look at me.
“What?” he barely whispers at me.
“What are you thinking?” he just shrugs.
“OK. Well, here is what I’m thinking. I like you. I haven’t had a lot of experience with the whole dating, boyfriend thing, but you know that. What I do know is we need to be honest. I am not sure what is going on. I don’t know what kind of work you do outside of your farm. I know the farm exists and you work on it. I saw it. But as far as the whole finance thing, I don’t know. I don’t really care. All I care about is who you are and that you are honest about it. So please, just tell me the truth. I don’t need fancy stories or big jobs to impress me. I like you because you are nice to me, and so far, you have treated me very well. So, go on, let me have it.”
He has turned to me and watches me with wide eyes while I speak. He doesn’t say anything at first. I watch him as he slowly licks his lips and takes a deep breath. He closes his eyes for what feels like forever. I think he is about to drop the weight of the world on me and then he speaks.
“I wasn’t lying to you. I swear it. I would never lie to you. I have probably fallen for you faster than humanly possible. I don’t really know what to do with the feelings I have for you. That’s the truth, Finley. When I look at you, I can see heaven. The thought of ever being anything but completely honest with you rips me in half. I could never hurt you. I will never tell you anything but the truth. I swear it.”
“Alright, I believe you. I think. I want to. I just don’t know what else to say. It’s just weird.” I don’t know what else to say. I really don’t know what to believe. I want to believe he isn’t a liar, and I don’t have a reason not to believe him, but I also don’t have a reason not to believe my parents either. They truly only look out for me. He reaches over and takes my hand, pulling me up with him.
* * *
“Come with me, I want to show you something.” I just look at him. And he gives me that smile again. “Trust me. Please. If you want to leave and never speak to me again after this then I’ll never bother you again, I promise.” I get up to follow him.
“I have to tell everyone I’m leaving. Give me just a second.” I run inside and let them know we are leaving. Then I’m right back outside and jumping in the truck with Scott. He takes off down the road and we are headed back to his farm. We drive in silence the entire way back.
We make it back without saying a single word. He takes me inside and goes to his desk in one of the front rooms. He comes back with a piece of paper and hands it to me. I look at it and look back at him. “What is this?”
“Read it.”
It’s a letter. It looks like a formal letter of some sort. I read over quickly. It is addressed to Scott, it’s an official letter from the state, it says he has the seal of the governor to come in and do budgetary work when called upon. I don’t read it real closely, I see governor and budget. It’s his proof that he is telling me the truth. I can’t believe it. He was being honest. I look up at him. “You weren’t lying to me.” He smiles at me.
“Of course not, I told you I wouldn’t lie to you.”
“I’m sorry I doubted you. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you.” He gives me that pantie melting smirk.
“It’s OK, I get it. I really do. Come on, I got some stuff do. You can help me.”
So, we head outside, and never speak of his confidential job for the state again. We didn’t eat at my mom’s, so we grab food out of the kitchen and take it with us outside. I’m finally getting to see all he does here and I’m really looking forward to getting my hands dirty. He always looks so happy when talking about it, so I love watching him show me all this stuff. We walk around the farm, feed the animals, take care of the garden, things like that. We go out the barn where he keeps all his tools and big equipment. He has two big tractors, one is a new green John Deere and the other looks a little older, but it’s a faded out reddish color so maybe a Kubota, it’s hard to say at this point.
He looks over at me with a very mischievous look, “Do you know how to drive one?”
“No, I don’t. Why? What are you up to?”
“Well, I was thinking, we take them out in the field.”
“Seriously? Me drive one of those?”
“Yeah why not? Come on it will be fun. We will take it nice and slow.” He has the best smile, and his eyes are lit up with something, I don’t know what. But he looks like he is ready for something amazing. So, I agree. How can you not when he looks so enticing? We get up on the tractors and he tells me how to drive it. When you spend most of your life in school and studying then it’s pretty easy to learn new things. I take to it pretty fast. And we are off into the field nice and slow at first, and once I have the hang of it, we start picking up a little speed. It really is fun being out in the sun and just enjoying ourselves. Before I know it, we are racing through the field with cows running from us and mooing like we have just moved into their house and pissed them off. I have tears coming down my face I’m laughing so hard. Eventually we slow to a stop side by side. I go to get off on the right side and he is there getting down on his left-hand side. Both of us standing on the foot pedal of our tractors, looking each other in the eye. I still have tears from laughing. He leans over gently rubbing a tear from under my eye, then lightly kisses my cheek where he rubbed. He pulls back, looking me in my eyes, then moves in, pressing his lips firmly to mine. The kiss is searing hot, I feel it all the way to my toes. My body lights up like a fucking Christmas tree. I feel like sparks are flying out of every pore. I lean in, reaching out for him and he grabs me around the waist pulling me to him. He lifts me up and off the side of the tractor taking me with him to the ground. My legs go around his
waist while still kissing him. The feeling of his cock rubbing against my pussy, even with our clothes between us, has me grinding against him.
We have stopped right next to a pond at the back of his property, so he lays us down in the grass next to the water. He is on top of me before I know what is happening. He is between my legs still, he pulls one of my legs higher around his waist running his hand down my thigh and up under my ass. He is grinding harder into me. I am so turned on, I can feel my nipples pushing against my bra. My panties are soaked. I don’t know how we got here so fast. All of a sudden I panic. I need to stop this. I push him back and take a deep breath. “Scott wait. This is too fast. I’m sorry.”
“What the fuck Finley?” He rolls off me onto his back and lets out a huff.
“Excuse me?”
“I mean, I don’t mean it like that. I’m sorry, it’s just, I have been waiting, I have wanted you since the first day I saw you. I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. I feel like I’m going crazy. You drive me crazy. I feel like my whole body is on fire. I have never felt like this and its absolutely maddening. I don’t want to be that way towards you. It’s just I love you, Finley. I have never felt like this and I really don’t know how to react to it.” I realize then that I am staring at him with my mouth hanging open.
“You what?”
“I love you. I think I have since the first time I saw you. Something just clicked and I knew you were it for me. Like an angel told me that you were made just for me. It’s stupid I know but that’s it. That’s how I feel.”
Before I even know what I’m doing I’m on him kissing him. My heart is racing. I don’t know how to react to what he said, but my body is on fire and all I want is to have him inside me. I’m a grown woman, and I deserve to be reckless, and I deserve to enjoy being a woman.