by Alison Bond
‘It’s a suite.’
‘Touché.’
Melanie glanced in the mirror above the mantle. She looked older than ever, a new frown line on her forehead was deepening and begging for botox; how much longer was she going to hold out? ‘But why does it have to be so stressful?’ she said. ‘Look at Fabien, he’s been famous for years and he’s so damn relaxed all the time. Most of the time. And he may be single, but he loves it. Loves it way too much. We went to this party and, I swear, if I’d taken a camera I could’ve made a fortune.’
‘Blackmail? I don’t think that’s the answer.’
‘I know that,’ she snapped. ‘But you tell me, what is? Because there has to be an answer. I’m not happy, Lynsey. I’m far from happy.’
It was a relief for Melanie to admit it so wholeheartedly.
‘I think I’ll go back to England,’ she said. ‘Things just aren’t working for me here.’
‘And getting nominated would have changed all that?’
‘At least it would have given me a reason to stay. It would have made sure I got a new contract and decent scripts. It would have given me credibility.’
‘Myanmar is a great film, Justice is great television. You can have all the credibility you want, but don’t wait for it to be handed to you at an awards ceremony. Just take it.’
Melanie looked genuinely confused. ‘I think you’re missing the point.’
‘Look, the world is never out to get you,’ said Lynsey.
‘What is that supposed to mean?’
‘I mean I know you think everything is against you right now. But it never really is that way. If you have faith in yourself then the world will follow.’
Melanie reeled in disbelief. She was here on what was possibly the worst day of her life and Lynsey was spouting some psychobabble about faith.
‘Happiness isn’t always an option, okay?’ she said. ‘So please don’t give me the positive-thinking speech. Not today. I think I know it by now – keep it simple, trust the universe, no regrets. Right?’
‘I never said “no regrets”,’ said Lynsey. ‘I have plenty of regrets. Anyone who says they have no regrets is lying to make themselves feel better about the bad times. We all make mistakes. But I don’t choose to live my life in their shadow. Bad things will happen. It’s inevitable. You just have to deal with them and move on.’
‘So if you were me?’
‘Melanie, the last advice I gave you led you here. And seeing as how you hate it so much, I think you ought to figure this one out on your own.’
Lynsey was tired of dealing with Melanie’s life. It occurred to her that she needed to start thinking of herself more often. What did she want to do next? And by next she didn’t mean when she got back to Flamingo Park. For once she meant next month, next year. What next?
Riley’s last bit of gossip was the one that ended everything.
‘Have you heard?’ he said.
From the tone of his voice Lynsey knew it was juicy. ‘What?’
‘They fired Melanie.’
‘Tell me you’re joking.’
‘I wish I was. I kinda liked her.’
Melanie locked herself in her dressing room and refused to come out.
Except it wasn’t even her dressing room any more. They were probably all outside waiting to send in housekeeping to prepare it for someone else to take over. They were probably fighting over it, or planning to gift-wrap it with a big ribbon for Serena bloody Simon.
Max had walked onto the set to tell her the news personally. He’d sugar-coated it and talked about demographics and future storylines but he had still managed to gently warn her that the problem was her attitude.
‘It’s an ensemble show,’ he’d said. ‘They need team players not stars.’
So she had thrown this away all by herself. That made it even worse.
There was another knock at the door, the latest of many. She hurled a Jimmy Choo sandal across the room and it slammed home hard. ‘Just leave me alone!’ she screamed.
‘Babe, the only one who could ever pull that off was Garbo, and it sounded pretentious even from her. Now have a little dignity and open this goddamn door.’
There was a thunderous bang like a well-placed size-twelve boot kicking the door.
She could hear mutterings outside and then the vile sound of a key in the lock. She just had time to wipe the worst of the snot from her face before Fabien walked in.
‘What are you doing?’ she said.
‘What? You think you’re the only one on set that has a key to this place?’
She looked across to her tiny bathroom and wondered if she had time to throw herself in there and bolt the door behind her. But she knew in her heart that she would have to come out eventually. She decided to put a brave face on it.
‘What do you want?’
‘Are you okay?’
‘Sure, like you care.’
‘Yeah, that’s right, Mel. Clearly I don’t care. That’s why I’m here asking if you’re okay. But if it’s just going to be the whole self-pity routine maybe I’ll go.’
‘Go on then.’
But Fabien stayed where he was.
Melanie couldn’t stop. Attack seemed to be her only form of defence and she spat out words without thinking. ‘I’m sure you’ve got better places to be. Like with your girlfriend. Oh, but is she allowed out this late?’
‘You don’t like Serena much, do you?’
‘No. I can’t stand her.’
‘That’s a shame. She’s a fantastic person. I think you’d really warm to her if you gave her a chance.’
‘I don’t think so,’ said Melanie.
She pushed past Fabien to get a chilled bottle of mineral water out of her fridge and tried to unscrew the top. The plastic seal snarled and she slammed the bottle down in frustration. ‘Shit!’
Fabien took it from her and smoothly opened it with one twist.
‘So Serena got you?’ said Melanie. She threw open her arms for effect, her eyes were wild. ‘I should have guessed. She had one last chance and she went for you. She went for the big score. Fabien Stewart, the number one bachelor on the west coast. Hey, why don’t you marry Serena before you’re forty and then Mary Ann will win her bet?’
‘It’s such a shame,’ said Fabien. ‘Davey really screwed you up, didn’t he? You should stay away from him, Mel. Davey is bad news.’
‘I beg your pardon?’
‘Nothing. I shouldn’t have said anything. Forget it.’
She wanted to know what he meant but she sensed that she wouldn’t like his explanation. Fabien didn’t offer to elaborate and picked up their conversation without missing a beat.
‘It’s serious, Serena and me.’
‘You don’t do serious, Fabien. And she’s just a kid. What are you? Her father figure?’
‘Maybe she needs one,’ said Fabien, his annoyance mounting.
‘Don’t shout at me! I’m having a bad day.’
‘I know.’ He gave them both a moment to calm down.
‘I didn’t come in here to talk about Serena. I came to see if there was anything I could do.’
‘Why?’
Fabien looked bewildered. ‘I’m trying to be nice to you, dammit. We’ve both screwed up but we used to be friends, didn’t we? It sucks to be “let go” as they so sensitively put it. I should know, I’ve been fired a dozen times.’
‘But you’re still here?’
‘Don’t let the bastards get you down. If you’d got the nomination, if you’d even won the award, can you honestly say you would never have thought of leaving this show? Honestly?’
Melanie shrugged.
‘So you can’t blame them for letting you go, because nobody ever said it was going to be for ever. You’re just pissed because you didn’t get to decide. Get over it.’
It was harsh but Melanie could see a grain of truth in what he said. A little bit of her stubborn resistance fell away.
Fabien saw the change in
her expression and remembered Melanie when they first met. She had been full of enthusiasm, open to everything and everyone. Now she was just bitter. It happened all the time. It was easy to lose sight of yourself even if you were on the screen every day.
‘But I gave up a life for this show. What shall I do?’ she said.
‘Ask Max. He’s a professional. And you have an agent in London, right? It’s their job to advise you. You can get another job. You’re a good actress. That’s the difficult bit and you’ve got it down.’
Melanie felt a shard of hope pierce her gloom. Talent wasn’t the kind of thing that you lost. It would never desert her. She just needed to use it wisely.
‘I did everything wrong, didn’t I?’ she said. ‘Fabien, I… I’m really so sorry about what happened.’
‘You honestly didn’t know?’
She shook her head and looked at the floor. She was ashamed. She didn’t want to be the person who made that kind of mistake. Or this actress having histrionics in her dressing room.
‘Come on,’ said Fabien. ‘I’ll take you home.’
Fabien dropped her off at her hotel. He didn’t suggest staying for a drink or even walking her to her room. It was still early in this tentative renewal of their friendship. But he said he’d call tomorrow and she believed him.
The nanny was so pleased to get an unexpected day off that Melanie didn’t have the strength to tell her that it could be the first of many.
There was a message from Lynsey but Melanie couldn’t find the energy to return the call. Not yet.
What was she supposed to do now? She had no scripts to read, no lines to rehearse, no car on its way to pick her up, no trainer about to arrive for a workout. She had an empty day that she didn’t want.
If she sat here much longer she would be unbelievably miserable.
She picked up Joseph. He laughed and she was so surprised that she almost dropped him.
How odd that he could laugh when he couldn’t even talk.
There was a fancy Maclaren pushchair in the corner that she had never used. Getting Joseph into it was the ideal task to drag her mind away from those nasty feelings of failure. It took all her concentration.
Downstairs in the lobby she felt a rush of satisfaction for getting this far. But when she looked out on the busy street she wondered where she was supposed to take him.
In the end she and Joseph took a cab ride out to Coldwater Canyon where they had some lunch and watched the butterflies. And Melanie thought how much beauty there was in Los Angeles and wondered why everyone spent all their time watching television.
Back at the hotel she felt the first pull of genuine affection for her rosy-cheeked son as she put him down to sleep. Though she’d never admit to anyone that it had taken so long. And she wondered if it was just because she was lonely. But it was progress.
She called Lynsey. ‘You heard?’
‘I heard,’ said Lynsey. And I’m really sorry.’
‘It’s okay. It’s just a job, right?’
‘Right,’ agreed Lynsey.
They talked a little more and Melanie told Lynsey what she already knew, that she would be going back to England.
Within a week Melanie was packing and wondering whether the fact that her baby had more belongings than she did was just cause to get depressed.
She thought about the hassle it had been, or at least that it had seemed to be, to pack up in London and move here. Now she could fit it all in the back of a taxi. If she left the baby behind.
She swept Joseph up into her arms. ‘Would I do that?’ she said, wide eyed and innocent.
There was no way he could have got the joke but he laughed anyway.
The phone rang. ‘There’s a Davey Black here to see you.’
Her heart skipped a beat. ‘Send him up,’ she said, without really thinking about the consequences, and immediately regretted it. Then she spent too long wondering if it was too late to call back down and change her mind. Then it really was too late because he was knocking at the door and she was rushing to change into something more suitable than a bra and knickers while simultaneously throwing anything baby related out of sight. She glanced in the large mirror above the mande. ‘Just a second!’
She closed the door to the bedroom and pulled her hair back into a ponytail so that he couldn’t see it needed washing.
Davey was short of breath. Had he run up the stairs for her? And that bottle of champagne he was holding, was that for them to share? She swiftly killed off this train of thought. Don’t.
‘You’re leaving,’ he said.
‘Tomorrow.’
‘I came to say goodbye.’
That was acceptable. A civilized goodbye between two people who used to work together. That was all. She didn’t want anything more. If she tried really hard she could forget what he looked like naked. So they’d slept together, so what? This was Hollywood, none of the usual rules applied.
‘Come in.’
She needed this goodbye. If she said it and meant it then she would have tied up a loose end, she would have closure. Looking at him as he popped the champagne she had a sudden moment of clarity.
What had she been thinking?
Why had she risked her heart on someone who would never cherish it? For a minute there, she’d been prepared to be second best, to a supermodel no less. Her self-esteem would never have survived. Of all the men in the world why had she fixated on the one that would bring the most suffering?
She wasn’t even attracted to him any more. With the romantic fog clearing for the first time, she could see that he’d hardly played fair. For all his talk of loyalty to his wife he had never kept his distance from a dangerous situation. She hadn’t imagined the attraction between them and he’d never denied it. The last time she’d seen him she’d expressly asked him to stay away.
‘I’m not sure this is such a good idea,’ she said. A glimmer of something floated through her head. She thought it was fear.
Davey was pouring the second glass and looked up. ‘Just one glass.’ He passed one to her. ‘For old times’ sake.’
‘For old times,’ she echoed and lifted the glass to her lips.
There was something about the way he was looking at her that wasn’t right. This was a seduction.
‘Do you hear that?’ she said. ‘Let me just go check the baby.’
In the bedroom she saw that Joseph was sleeping soundly. She’d heard nothing but she needed a little distance. Davey was making her feel uncomfortable. It was as if he expected something.
Letting him come up had been a mistake. She would go back out, finish her drink quickly and say goodbye.
She opened the door and was about to walk back into the main room when she stopped.
Davey was hunched over the champagne glasses. His back was to her but she could see his hands in the mirror.
She watched him unscrew the top of a small glass bottle and pour some of the clear liquid into one of the glasses.
‘Hey!’
Davey twisted round at the sound of her voice. He smoothly slipped the bottle into his pocket and picked up the glasses. He smiled and offered one to her.
‘Everything okay?’ he asked.
‘What was that?’ she said. She crossed the room and reached for his pocket.
He backed up against the wall, still holding the champagne. He spilt some on the carpet as Melanie tried again to get into his pocket.
‘I’m not kidding, Davey. I saw you put something into your pocket. Show me.’
She faced him with her hands on her hips.
He tried to get past her to put the glasses down but she stood in his way.
‘Show me or I’ll call the police.’
Davey laughed. ‘The police? What are you talking about? You’re so dramatic.’
‘I saw you.’
She felt sick. That time in the jungle, that time on the plane, her nightmares. ‘Oh no, Davey. You couldn’t.’ She was stunned.
He took advan
tage of her shock and pushed past her to the bathroom. She heard him tip away what was left of the champagne.
She knew what she had seen. Davey had slipped something into her drink, some kind of drug. He’d done it before. Maybe not on the night of the premiere, when she’d been with him, but he had. She knew it.
She wanted him out of here, away from her baby.
He was back, standing behind her now, placing a hand on her shoulder that she slapped away.
‘Listen, Melanie,’ he said. ‘I don’t know what you think you saw –’
‘I think you’d better leave now,’ she said. Her voice was shaking.
‘Sweetheart –’
‘Leave, Davey. Now. I mean it.’
He backed away. His hands were in the air like a criminal ‘Calm down, I’ll go. I’m going.’
She held her breath, waiting to see if he would.
A short cry from the bedroom broke the silence.
‘You know?’ he said. ‘I never did get to meet the baby.’
She couldn’t think about what he was trying to say, not now, not yet, maybe not ever. Joseph was her baby and she loved him. That was all that mattered.
She ran into the bedroom and locked the door. Joseph was sleeping. Maybe it had just been a bad dream.
After a few minutes she dared to venture back out and Davey was gone.
She ran to the bathroom, convinced that she needed to vomit, but it passed. She splashed cold water on her face. She was angry and disappointed. Her hands shook as she reached for a towel. The sense of losing control had never been stronger and it pounded through her like a torrent. But she held on. There was nothing to gain from panic and distress. It could never change the past. She picked up one of the empty glasses he’d left on the side and after a moment’s hesitation she smashed it down on to the floor. It shattered on impact and made her feel better.
She waited, still like a statue, to see if the noise would wake Joseph. But it didn’t.
She wanted to go home, now more than ever. She could hardly wait to begin.
35
Once Melanie had gone Lynsey found herself with too much free time. Melanie had been the reason she was here. Now that Melanie had gone home, shouldn’t she follow?