The Belle of the Beach wasn’t pleased. “I’m not saying it isn’t a perfectly beautiful bit of water. I’m sure when bald eagles fly over and baby seals gambol about it’s even more striking. But it’s hardly a reason to settle here. We have several beaches in Key West, and we get to do more than just look at them, and we don’t freeze our toes off.”
Ani had deliberately chosen this route from the motel. The downtown business strip had so far blocked all views to the east. One more turn, though…
“What are you smiling about? You’ve been in a good mood since you got up.” Lisa gave her a suspicious look. “It’s not like—holy crap!”
Ani guffawed even though her own heart felt as if it would burst. She quickly pulled over and killed the engine.
It hurt her eyes to look east toward the sun, but the sight filled up all the empty places—nearly—that she’d carried away with her. The Chugach Mountains filled half the distance to heaven, pristinely white against the sharp morning blue of the sky. They rose from sea level to over thirteen thousand feet and the first ascent began where Anchorage ended. Gilded by the sunlight, they were close enough to touch, and the world, the entire world, seemed in their embrace.
To the extreme skiers who competed on the lower runs every year, the Chugach seemed to say “Bring it on.”
To Ani, the Chugach were too high, and too pure, to care about sparring with humans. They lived too deep for her to see, but she felt the breath of the world when she looked at those mountains, or at Denali, or the endless ice fields further into the Alaskan interior.
There was no other word for living under the mountains but home.
“What the hell is that?” Lisa fumbled at her door and finally got out of the car.
“That’s a mountain. Well, a couple of them. Most places have mountains. Except where you’re from.”
Lisa didn’t comment that Ani was wiping her eyes. Maybe she understood that on top of losing Eve, and her dreams, she had lost this, too.
“There aren’t even words for it, are there?” Lisa sounded a little faint.
Ani shook her head.
“Are glaciers like this?”
“Glaciers are like…they’re the part of this that we get to walk on. They’re the millions of years of history of the mountains, brought down to our level.”
They stood in silence for quite a while. Finally, Lisa stirred when Ani’s stomach growled.
“How did you ever leave?”
Ani realized, then, a piece of the truth. She had never left. And that’s why she had never moved on. “I thought I had to. I thought it was the one thing I could do right. For Monica, because she had believed in me. And for Eve, because she’d loved me and I was going to pull her down with me.”
Lisa muttered something under her breath, then said, “Can we get some breakfast and sit and look some more?”
“Sure. I never tire of looking at it all. But after breakfast we’re going shopping—and I have to make a phone call before we hit the road for Fairbanks.”
* * *
“What do you think, boss? I used to make this in huge sheets, but I scaled it down and added caramelized onion deglazed with red wine.” This was the first recipe Neeka had suggested for the restaurant. She was trying to hide her nervousness, but it still showed.
Eve had another bite of the lasagna before rendering her honest opinion. “This could be some of the best lasagna I’ve ever had. How did you get it so lean? That’s the beauty of it. The flavors aren’t buried under a layer of rich fat content.”
Looking shyly pleased, Neeka said, “Low fat ricotta and feta. Since feta doesn’t melt, it gives a lot of body. I always thought ricotta by itself just went to mush.”
“Well, this is delicious.” Eve had another bite. “The sauce is the key. That is a beautiful sauce you can use in a lot of dishes. Did you think about topping the lasagna with kalamata olives and going a little bit Greek? Neeka’s Greek Lasagna.”
Her face split into a wide grin. “You really like it?”
“Yes, I do. How would you feel about making a full pan for tomorrow night’s special?”
“I’d love to.” All the tension went out of Neeka’s broad shoulders, and Eve adored the way she looked five years younger. Their kitchen partnership was working out great.
“Knock, knock, ladies.”
Eve glanced over Neeka’s shoulder. “John! You’re just in time. Neeka has made the most incredible lasagna.”
She dished out another slice while studiously ignoring the awkward silence and heightened color between the other two. Ever since she’d been alerted to the possible flirtation, she’d seen the signs deepen every day of the past two weeks. Had she ever shown her heart on her sleeve so plainly? Never with Cyndy. It had always seemed like Cyndy was about to leave, and showing that she cared would only make the hurt worse. With Ani she didn’t think she’d ever hidden how she felt. It had worked from the start, and every hour together since. Until that last hour—that one had really, totally sucked. Ani hadn’t given them another hour.
You’re doing it again, she reminded herself. Eyes on your restaurant and not the past.
John Russ’s incoherent sounds of pleasure as he ate the lasagna got in the way of business. “I’ve got two boxes of potatoes and carrots for you, um, oh, this is…tasty…and…rhubarb is starting to come on, and I was thinking you wanted some, so I’ve got a box of that as well…so good, oh, um…”
“Thanks John. I’ll get them. Why don’t you two get some coffee and grab a booth and Neeka can ask how Pelle’s doing in his new job.”
Neeka gave her an embarrassed, grateful, confused, happy look. By the time Eve returned with the last box of produce she was fairly certain that neither Neeka nor John would notice if the roof fell in. She tried not to envy them. If she was feeling a little bit lonely, she had only herself to blame.
The rhubarb looked lovely—time for apple-rhubarb cobbler topped with fresh strawberry sauce. Her stomach made an appreciative gurgle just as the phone rang.
“Hey Eve—tell me you are ready to be spontaneous.”
Monica sounded on top of the moon. “What?”
“A friend of mine has a ticket on a lesbian cruise that leaves from Seattle tomorrow morning, and she just found out she can’t go. She can’t get back a dime and is desperate that somebody at least uses the ticket. I have a damned symposium this weekend but I thought of you. A week cruising down to Los Angeles. First person to say she’ll take it gets it. Your new chef is working out great, isn’t she? You should grab it!”
“Wow.” Eve gave it serious consideration. It sounded wonderful. Who knows, she could meet somebody. “It can’t be completely free.”
“No—the fees to change things to your name are about two hundred bucks, plus airfare. A week of cruising for two hundred. I’ll pay it if you don’t have it.”
“I could do that, it’s just…”
“Don’t say you can’t leave the restaurant for a week.”
“I’d have to leave right now, wouldn’t I?”
“Just about. You have to be at the port in Seattle by eight a.m.”
It was so tempting. She could give Neeka a bonus and maybe not be open for dinner Friday to ease the burden. But that was starting to add up, expense-wise and lost revenue. She trusted Neeka, that wasn’t the point. They were wicked busy some nights and one night of bad service would cost her for weeks.
“Give me five minutes to see if I can work it out, okay?”
Monica sounded disappointed. “I hope nobody else grabs it before then. But I understand.”
Eve was standing with one hand on the phone when Neeka gave a little cry, reached across the table and kissed John Russ on the mouth. Soundly.
A moment later she was rushing across the restaurant, one hand held out in front of her. Something on her hand winked in the light—Eve threw both arms around her in a congratulatory hug.
“You two are pretty darned secretive!”
�
��Well, we took it slow, but last weekend, we…I was afraid he wouldn’t come around any more, you know how men are after they…okay, you don’t know how men are. You all do that U-Haul thing.” Neeka was trembling and couldn’t take her eyes off the ring.
“Women can be that way.”
“Well, he called, and he keeps calling, and we’re getting married.”
They embraced again. Eve was truly happy for her. Neeka deserved a good man after her first husband’s tailspin into drug addiction.
“Thing is, we want to elope. Right now. His dad is poorly, and we’ve got to go all the way to Bethel. John’s not sure his dad’s going to be with us much longer, and there’s a family gathering already planned. We’d get there by tomorrow morning, get married in the evening and be back by late Friday night. He can’t leave the orchards for longer, not this time of year.”
There was nothing else to say, Eve thought, besides yes. The woman was getting married and asking for a whole two days off. The cruise would have been a little more expensive than she ought to foot right now, anyway, and it really wouldn’t have been fair to dump the Dragonfly on Neeka for an entire week, regardless. It sounded heavenly, though, a lesbian cruise…
“Tell you what, boss, I’ll work extra shifts Saturday and Sunday so you can get some time. You work too hard.”
“You two should have some kind of honeymoon.” Eve quelled the immature kid inside who wanted to claim it wasn’t fair. Neeka was right, she could use a couple of lazy weekend days around home, getting chores done, far more than hopping off on some cruise. She’d save up for one, though. Someday, she’d see palm trees.
“Oh, Eve, I can’t believe you’re turning it down.” Monica was clearly disappointed.
“I can’t get coverage at the restaurant. My chef is gone tomorrow and Friday.”
“Oh. Damn.”
Eve was a little taken aback—Monica sounded almost angry. “What about Tan? She is eager to travel and I think she could pick up and leave with no notice since it’s summer.”
“My other line is flashing—gotta run. Maybe next time, eh?” Monica hung up, leaving Eve staring at the phone in confusion.
Oh well, she had plans to make for tomorrow if she was going to be doing things by herself. She could probably get Bennie to help do prep work in the mornings before he went to his real job.
With a deep breath, she tossed the rhubarb into the sink and started washing. If she worked fast she’d have a plentiful cobbler to send with the happy couple that would do for a potlatch. She’d take time for a full lattice crust. It would reflect favorably on Neeka’s fortunes as a chef. John’s family better like her, Eve thought, because she’s a peach.
Her rapid work didn’t hide the fact that she was vaguely depressed. She wanted to say she was pining for the lost cruise, but when she watched John kiss Neeka goodbye “for now” as if a few hours might be an eternity, it wasn’t a vacation she was pining for.
* * *
Driving into Fairbanks—even with obvious changes in the retail establishments on the edge of town—was laden with nostalgia for Ani. The gray highway wound alongside the Chena River, which was running high this year. Familiar side streets appeared around each curve. She knew where the highway was potholed, where there was a break in the trees for the breathtaking view of the wilderness to the south, and where the best burgers could be had for what a student could afford to pay.
“Hell, this is a long drive.” Lisa stretched in the seat. “Like driving from Key West to Orlando.”
“The terrain has maybe a bit more variation?” She loved driving through the canyons of granite cliffs. Her spirits lifted every time the mountains fell away to a meadow crusted with pines. Peonies clustered along the side of the highway and sprouted from the year-round snowbanks.
“True—that’s interesting, that the highway follows the path of an ancient glacier. When we leave can we stop on the drive more? The waterfalls were incredible.”
“Okay.” Ani didn’t want to think about the trip home just yet.
“The hailstorm was amazing. I’ve been through a couple of hurricanes, and that was equally impressive.”
“It’ll go back to eighty degrees in an hour—or the temperature will keep dropping and we’ll be at forty before sunset. You have to be prepared for either.”
Lisa peered down at her feet. “Thanks for the boots and stuff. They’re a little clunkier than the ones On the Rocks had.”
“Those were glorified tennis shoes, with Yak Trax for traction. These will actually take you up an ice facing.” Ani had to admit, her boots felt heavy on her feet, too.
“True. At least these are pretty.”
Ani hid her smile. Lisa was such a girl. Fortunately, the pretty boots were also good for all-purpose weather. Who was she to deny Lisa pink bootlaces?
“It’s a lot flatter here than in Anchorage. These mountains look puny next to the Chugach.”
“Well, we’re three hundred and fifty miles closer to the arctic, and have come up some in elevation. This basin was at one point a huge arctic lake and it’s fairly level. But the tallest mountain in North America is thataway.” Ani pointed north. “Denali—Mt. McKinley as it’s officially known.”
“I like Denali better.”
“Mt. Everest is native-named Chomolungma to the Tibetans and Sagarmatha to the Nepalese. I’ll take either of those names.”
“What do they mean?”
“Big beautiful mother goddess sacred place only fools try to climb.” Ani grinned at Lisa. “At least that’s my bet. Denali I know means ‘the great one.’”
“Okay—so why did you decide to study here instead of Anchorage? There are a bunch of glaciers around Anchorage, you said, and there you have lots of mountains right out your back door.”
“The Naomi is the glacier my father worked on the most. I spent a lot of time on it during my summers. Plus some of the professors in Fairbanks were more concerned than those in Anchorage with what my father knew than where he was born and his possible politics, so here is where we settled.”
“Is that a riverboat? With a paddlewheel?” Lisa plastered her nose to the window, suddenly wide awake.
“Yes. They have a romantic sunset cruise and everything.”
“Don’t tell me—you had a perfect date with Eve on it.”
“No, actually. She ate something that disagreed with her and I ended up making her a nest with blankets in the bathroom. Poor thing. But it was still a fun date. I mean…” Ani knew better than to push it with Lisa. Ani didn’t regret any minute of the time she and Eve had been together, in sickness and in health. Except the last day.
“Puking is fun, sure. I’m hoping this is where we’re getting dinner.”
“Your hope is answered.” Ani steered off the highway into the crowded lot of Cheeseburger, Fries and a Coke. There was no need for a menu—the diner’s name gave all the choices.
“So did you make up your mind about the hot girlfriend thing? Do I need to hang on you and smooch your ear?”
“No—no smooching. Just be you. That’ll be memorable enough.”
When she opened the car door the damp, fresh aroma of cedar washed over her. People in spas paid for that scent as aromatherapy, and certainly it washed away Ani’s tension. It was going to freeze later, she knew that instantly. The temperature had fallen at the end of day, not risen, and a distinct chill was in the air. It might even hail again.
They made their way across the gravel parking lot and through the double airlock doors. Ani felt conspicuous in her brand new tech fleece pullover and boots stiff from years at the bottom of a Key West closet.
Nothing had changed at the CF-and-C—seats were still worn and patched with duct tape, tables were still chipped and leveled with matchbooks underneath the scuffed metal feet. The oniony meaty smell coming off the grill was also the same, and it too washed away more of Ani’s tension. It all meant home. She’d known she missed it all, but hadn’t let herself feel it—except when
Tan’s boxes had arrived.
After a quick survey, Ani was relieved to see only one face she knew. She grabbed Lisa’s hand as they navigated the tight space.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes.” Tan scrambled to her feet and gave Ani a bear hug. “I’m glad you came back. High time.”
Ani had expected a sympathetic welcome, but not the bone-crushing hug. Tan had always seemed somewhat motherly toward her, the way she was with all the students. But Tan was younger than Ani remembered. That, or the past three years had changed Ani more than they had Tan.
After a few thumps on the back, she stepped back to introduce Lisa. “She volunteered her moral support without realizing it was an eighteen-hour flight and a six-hour drive to get here.”
“You could have flown into Fairbanks, you know.” Tan sat down again, as Ani and Lisa slid into the booth opposite her.
“I needed to see the Chugach,” Ani admitted.
“As anyone would.” Tan’s nod of acknowledgment brought back all the memories of why Tan was so easy to talk to.
“They were just about the most awe-inspiring thing I’ve ever seen.” Lisa pulled her half-zip fuzzy over her head. “It’s warm in here, especially after working at the OTR.”
“On the Rocks,” Ani said to Tan. “People in Florida pay big bucks to hang out in a bar made mostly of ice.”
Tan laughed. “How appropriate for you.”
Lisa shook her hair back into place and casually tied the fuzzy around her shoulders. Ani thought she looked odd wearing a tank top given the weather but there were at least three guys in Ani’s line of sight who didn’t think it odd at all. “They had a teensy-weensy problem with the freezer units and we got an unexpected vacation. Ani told me about her unfinished business and it seemed like fate.”
“What she said.” Ani hoped her smile didn’t reveal how nervous she felt. “It just seemed like time to come back and face the music—at least as far as Eve is concerned. We didn’t part well and I’ve always felt bad about that. Now that she’s moved on, it just seemed like time.”
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