I finished a report that a client had called for and sent that off, then raced home around four, stopping to pick up steaks and skewered shrimps from the butcher. I stashed the meat in the refrigerator and quickly made a tossed salad for the night then went about, straightening the place up before my company started arriving, not that it was a mess. Now I had an inkling of what Elizabeth felt like every time I suggested a last minute get together.
I ran around the house picking up. The cleaning ladies would be here on Monday to clean, but I could at least tidy things. If it were just Aaron, Jim and their spouses coming, I probably wouldn’t have done anything special. But Tanner was coming. I didn’t want him thinking I was a slob. It wouldn’t look good for business, I reasoned. So, I went about stacking the magazines neatly, and even dusting the dark wood shelving. Dusting a collage of wedding and honeymoon photos, I was struck with a realization. My heart ached looking at these pictures, but that ache was just as quickly replaced with anger at how she was now gone…that I wasn’t enough for her or something like that.
Time to get rid of the ghosts. Time to move on. She has.
Hastily, I grabbed the collage, and went through the place snatching up all the pictures of Elizabeth that hung on the walls and sat on shelves. I’d sent off the photo albums to her last month as mandated by the divorce agreement, and felt I was lucky that I got to keep these photos, but today I wasn’t feeling so lucky. I dumped all the pictures in an empty drawer from her bureau and breathed a sigh of relief. Step one of “moving on”—done.
I got a little more aggression out of my system as I cleaned the grill, and hosed off the back deck and pergola that overlooked a gorgeous vineyard. I could never leave this house. I loved this view. It was what attracted me to this place more than any of the homes Elizabeth and I looked at more than twenty years ago. Even after all of this time, I never tired of the peace and tranquility the organized rows of cabernet sauvignon grapes imbued. Happy that I’d gotten the house guest-ready, I went and showered.
CHAPTER 4
The doorbell rang at five after seven and my palms started to sweat. It couldn’t be Jim and Jessica—they would just let themselves in. The lived across the street, but sometimes it was like they lived here. It was unlikely that it was Aaron and Nicole—they were late for everything, very late. Not because of Aaron, but Nicole was a firm believer in making an entrance. Therefore, by the power of deductive reasoning, it must be Tanner.
This is just stupid, I thought, shoving the other night at Tanner’s out of my mind and heading to the door. Clearly Tanner was over it, I should get over it, too. The debacle of last night with Katie—well, that was a fluke. I needed to find a girl that was more suited for me. Maybe I’d ask Nicole if she knew of someone. She had tried hard enough earlier this summer. I was ready now, in a way I hadn’t been then.
I opened the door and Tanner stood looking around at the surrounding houses. I noticed that he was wearing a black polo shirt and I quickly flashed to the white button down he’d worn the other night…the one that got soaked in red wine. The one he took off… There would be no wine stains on this shirt, I laughed to myself.
“Sorry, am I early?” he asked, concern wrinkling his forehead. “Or just the first one.”
“Nope. You’re good. Everyone else is usually late. I guess I should have mentioned that.” I said, trying to force a relaxed appearance. “Come on in,” I said, stepping aside and letting him in.
Tanner stepped in, saying, “Thank you for the invite. I have to admit, I was nervous that I’d done something wrong the other night the way you left my place.”
My heart started to thump in my throat. Calm the fuck down, I told myself.
“Oh, no. It was just late and I had an early Thursday,” I said, nervously. “How are things going with the house you put an offer on?” I asked, changing topics.
“Good! They came back with a counter-offer yesterday. I countered that, and I just heard from my agent that they’ve accepted my counter-counter. So, yeah…looks like we have a deal. The place is just about three miles from here. Oh, here, this is for you,” he said, handing me a bottle of wine in a silver gift bag as we crossed the living room heading toward the kitchen. “Yeah, three bedrooms, three baths, two fireplaces, and all of it recently renovated, since I’m at a complete loss when it comes to home repair,” he said. “And I’m not sure which is my favorite part. The gourmet kitchen with the six-burner Viking stove and double-oven with warming drawer, double-wide fridge, and two dishwashers—”
“You must love to cook to get so excited about a kitchen. And such a big place. You must like to entertain too. Or, sorry, family?”
“No family, except my sister and her brood. I do expect them to visit, as well. But I like to cook, and I’m pretty damn good.”
“Mind if we open this wine now?” I asked, grabbing the corkscrew.
“No, that sounds great.”
I busied myself with opening the wine when, as expected, Jessica and Jim arrived, letting themselves in like they lived here.
“Helloooo,” Jim bellowed from the front.
“In the kitchen,” I called back. “That’s Jim and his wife Jessica,” I explained.
“Oh, Jessica. I thought…Never mind,” he said, smiling as Jess and Jim entered the kitchen.
“Good to see you guys,” I said, pulling down two more glasses and filling them for the four of us. “Jim. Jessica. This is Tanner. He’s a new client, and moving into the area. He’s one of the new coaches for the Sonoma County Conquistadors.”
“Nice to meet you, Tanner,” Jessica said warmly, shaking Tanner’s hand.
“Oh hey, awesome. Nice to meet you, man,” Jim said, stepping up enthusiastically and shaking hands with Tanner. “The Conquistadors. That’s soccer right?”
The evening was a hit. Everyone liked Tanner, and Tanner got along with everyone else. Nicole harassed him about Australian things, having “always wanted to go.” We talked about business, Aaron and I boasting about our accounting firm, and Jim and Jessica proudly touting their wine making business. Aaron and Nicole shared a bit of news with us. Nicole was now twelve weeks pregnant. An “oops” but they were very excited. Their sixteen year old son, Jeremy, an only child, not so much… Tanner seemed very interested in Nicole’s pregnancy with all sorts of questions. Nicole loved the attention. The rest of us men had been through the whole pregnancy bit so long ago, and often enough, that we were kind of ‘over it.’ When talk turned to sports, Jessica and Nicole scuttled off, the two to chat about Nicole’s pregnancy. Thankfully, no one brought up Elizabeth. Good. I didn’t want thoughts of her bringing the night down.
Nicole and Aaron were the first to leave, around ten, Nicole terribly tired with the pregnancy. Jim and Jess left around ten-thirty, Jessica having a headache. I knew it was fake. She and I got along, but never very well, and even less since Elizabeth left.
“So, want to hear something funny?” Tanner asked when I returned to the living room after showing Jim and Jess out.
“Sure.”
“So, when you invited me over, I thought it was going to be all guys here tonight.”
“You did?” I asked.
“You’d said Nick and Aaron, and Jes & Jim.”
“Oh. Sorry about that.” I started to chuckle thinking it was funny that Tanner thought it was going to be all guys. While I laughed, a yawn took over. It had been a long week, not to mention the sleep I had lost while I worried over how my body reacted to seeing Tanner’s bare chest.
“Well, I should get going. Seems like the party’s over,” Tanner said, after helping me collect the wine glasses and dessert plates all over the living room.
Briefly, I thought about all the wine I had downed. Early on in the night, I was nervous as all get out, and definitely drank more than I should have. I was really feeling it now as my head swam with fuzzy intoxication.
“Oh. Okay. You head back to Chicago tomorrow?” I asked.
“Yeah, my fligh
t is mid-day. But I’ll be back in ten days for the home inspection.”
“Oh good,” I said as we walked to the front door. “Glad you found a place, it sounds amazing.”
“I look forward to showing it to you,” Tanner smiled as we stood awkwardly at the door.
“Just send me back your thoughts on the prelim in the next couple of days and I’ll finalize the plan for you.”
“Sounds good,” Tanner nodded, stepping closer to me. He was a few inches taller than me, and this close it felt even more so. His light blue-green eyes seemed to glow in the moonlight that was coming in the window next to the door. Wow. He has amazing eyes.
His hand slipped behind my head and his lips neared. The warmth of his mouth settled on mine, and my lips responded without my knowledge. He sucked in my lower lip and bit it lightly and I was instantly aware of the riot in my chest, gut, and pants. The flood of sensations from a first kiss. Feeling like a teenager, I kissed him back, maybe a little too roughly, but I was not in control. My hands raised themselves to his strong pecs and I gripped his shirt, causing Tanner to groan slightly.
We switched the angle of our heads, mine from leaning left to now leaning right, and our chins brushed against each other. The stubble on his chin deliciously abrading my freshly shaven chin. That’s when the reality that I was kissing a man sunk in.
I pulled back and pushed him away, gasping for breath. “Um—uh—wow—Okay?” I stammered and took a deep breath, letting it out forcefully.
“Yeah. Wow,” he whispered back. His eyes, hooded and lustful, scanned my face then continued across my chest and lower, then back up to my eyes.
I couldn’t stop watching his face. My wine soaked mind couldn’t grasp what had just happened. Nor could I figure out how I felt about any of it. Does he think I’m gay? Was Tanner gay? How did I not see that coming? He’s a jock. He’s a professional athlete. He’d doesn’t talk with an ounce of effeminate tone. He’s manly. But the look on his face as he checked me out clearly showed that he liked it, and was into men. Then again, maybe I was an experiment? Do I tell him I’m not gay? Would that hurt his feelings? Why did I care? I wasn’t gay. Right? I couldn’t be gay. I had been married. For more than twenty years. To a woman. I created three kids with her. I was a Republican! I had supported Prop 8, which would have essentially banned gay marriage here in California. It wasn’t upheld and was overturned last month.
But I couldn’t tell my body that I didn’t enjoy the kiss. My dick was harder than it had been the night I’d seen Tanner’s bare chest. Oh my god, that chest. The chest I just had my hands on. My heart was pounding so ferociously that, again, I was afraid I was having a heart attack.
“You’re shaking,” Tanner said, taking my hand.
“I guess it’s because… I… Well, I’ve never kissed a guy before.” Shit! Why did I just say that??
Tanner quietly looked me over, confused. “Never?” he asked.
I could only shake my head. I swallowed hard.
Tanner let go of my hand, and stepped back half a step. “Oh. I’m sorry. I thought—I didn’t—I—I’m sorry.” It was his turn to stammer. He shoved his hand through his thick dark brown hair and gripped it frustratedly. Quickly, he fished his keys out of his pocket and turned to the door. “So, thanks for dinner. I’m sorry. I’m just gonna—yeah. I’m gonna go.”
I almost protested, insisting that he stay. But why would I do that? Man, I was so confused. I felt badly like I was pushing Tanner away. What??
“I’m sorry,” he said again, turning back to where I was still standing—stunned at the past minute? Five minutes? How much time has passed? Tanner’s eyes carefully regarded me, loaded with regret, sadness, and embarrassment.
“Hey, don’t sweat it.” Really? “It could happen to anyone.” What? I wasn’t making any sense. I should be kicking him out of my house for making a pass at me. And I should tell him that I would transfer his account to Aaron so I didn’t have to work with this perverted man again, but none of those thoughts were close to what I wanted to do. I wanted to pull him back and feel his lips on mine again. I wanted to run my hands over that chest. But this was wrong!
“I’ll… uh… email you about the… uh…um… uh…” Now he seemed more nervous than I did. Maybe he wasn’t gay. Had he just kissed me because he thought I was?
“Portfolio?” I suggested. Think business. That’ll work. Back to professional. Perfect.
“Yeah, right. Good night, Greg.” And just like that, he was gone. He was climbing into his rented Ford in my driveway… and pulling away.
I stepped back into the house and closed the door. I went in search of a drink. But more wine wasn’t going to cut it. I remembered that I’d gotten a bottle of scotch from a client a while back when I negotiated an incredible deal for his business. I dug through the liquor cabinet and found the green, triangular bottle of Glenlivet. The seal was broken which confused me because I certainly hadn’t opened it. Then I remembered Elizabeth and her new drink of choice when she was home for that week after her trip to New York…The week before she left me for good. Scotch. I briefly wondered if she picked up her taste for scotch from Jack, that pompous, blow hard with model good looks. The man that made her smile like I’d never seen Elizabeth smile. The way I’d made Tanner smile. The way I smiled when I was with him.
Fuck! Stop it! You’re not gay!
He wasn’t gay? He’d never kissed a man before? That didn’t seem possible. I never claimed to have ‘gay-dar’ but every part of me knew that Greg was gay. How could I have been so wrong? Then again, I never did directly ask if he was in a relationship. That first night we met, I asked about a wife. He laughed…like the idea seemed preposterous. And looking around his home, I hadn’t seen any photos of him with a woman. So I thought I had at least ruled out that he was straight. But I didn’t see any photos of him with a man either. His place seemed rather devoid of photos altogether.
But what he does to me…that thick, honey-colored hair styled “just so” to tame his wavy locks… his rich, blue eyes… smooth, fair skin… He held his body confidently, and those broad shoulders and trim waist had my mouth watering. He worked out to keep fit, not pack on muscle. Looks aside, the way we got along was what I’d been looking for. The way he laughed easily and made me laugh. The intense way he listened when I talked. He was smart. Book smart. And clever.
I’d been with Jonathan for nearly three years. Jon was okay, but we were more like friends-with-benefits. We got along well enough. We were there for each other when we needed to vent. We fucked to release stress. When my popularity started to pick up, at least in the Chicago area, it was nice to have ‘reason’ to not accept invitations from some people. But Jon was a workaholic. His career as a lawyer a thousand more times important to him than a relationship. I had no illusions that he used me as much as I used him. By that third year we were “together,” most people assumed we were in a committed relationship, and forever asking if we were going to get married. No. I couldn’t see spending forever with Jonathan, not any more than he could see himself with me.
When I got this job offer to come to Sonoma, he wished me the best of luck and we unceremoniously “broke up,” but not really. We still had gotten together a couple of times…just to fuck, like an old habit. But he’d cleared out his drawer in my condo on South Michigan Avenue, and I cleared out my things at his place on North Clark Street.
I didn’t know if I would ever find someone I would consider forever with. I thought for a fleeting moment that Greg certainly seemed like a possibility. And that I’d found a place just a few blocks from his place seemed to be a sign. But now… Shit.
I finished the drive to the rental house in downtown Napa, and thought about relieving some stress on my own, but if I wasn’t going to be imagining Greg…who would I conjure up in my head? Sure, I could always pull up some videos… but after using images of Greg in my head for the past few nights, I would be hard pressed to find a suitable substitute—pun not int
ended.
Stepping into my lonely rental, one thought stood forward in my head: He kissed me back.
Maybe there was hope?
CHAPTER 5
I hastily poured, then downed, a shot of the amber liquid. It burned as it went down, and I imagined that I was calming down, but I wasn’t. My heart was still pounding, and the wood in my pants was about to catch fire.
I recalled my earlier plan of attack in dealing with these feelings about Tanner; to get laid. That’s what all of this was about. I poured another shot of Glenlivet and went to the home office. As soon as the computer was shining at me, I entered in some search words to find free porn and was rewarded with a zillion choices. I clicked on the first result and, after confirming that I was over eighteen years old, a dozen thumbnails of video choices came into view. I tapped the first one which showed a chick with big tits getting slammed into.
Instantly, the video started playing. It wasn’t a movie, rather a six minute video that was a clip out of the middle of a crude B-rate porn. The man was licking her slit and she was writhing. This is exactly what I need, I thought, standing and pulling off my jeans, tossing them aside. Sitting back down on the cold leather, I grabbed my still hard cock and started to stroke as I watched the woman get pleasured. She wiggled and groaned under his tongue as he slipped in a few fingers.
Hmmm. I didn’t do any of that with Elizabeth. Maybe I should have. Maybe she’d still be here if I had. I noticed that my erection started to soften, so I picked up the pressure and speed of my strokes, wrapped my other hand around my balls, and focused on the blonde with incredible tan lines. The guy moved to pound into her with his giant cock, and my own cock twitched. Stop it! Her. Focus on her!
I rolled my balls gently as I roughly jacked off in my hand. I watched the blonde’s tits jiggle as she moaned and cried out in pleasure. The man kept pounding into her and he too grunted his excitement.
Unexpected Dreams: Dream Series, Book 4 Page 4