I slipped out of bed and into a pair of shorts before heading to the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee and eat a light breakfast. My ass was tender—an erotic reminder of last night. Walking into the living room and seeing our clothes strewn across the floor had me grinning from ear to ear. I would have loved to have had security cameras installed in the house to go back and watch that.
Just after I poured my cup of much-needed caffeine, Tanner appeared around the corner, as naked as the day he was born. Fuck, he had an amazing body.
“I smell coffee,” he said. I loved his gravelly morning voice. He went over to his pants on the floor and slipped them on. Standing there in dress pants and nothing else, his bare chest and naked feet was a look I could get used to.
I smiled and poured him a cup. “So, what’s on your docket today?” I asked.
He said the realtor had appointments starting at eleven. He would call if he could look at the one he originally thought he was buying. We agreed that five-thirty would be a good time to see that place, and then we would head out to dinner, something casual. He asked if we could have Mexican and I was totally on board with that.
I showered and Tanner dressed in his clothes, joking about the ‘walk of shame,’ only I was driving him home, he didn’t have to walk. As we pulled onto the road, I glanced over at Jim’s house cautiously and froze. He was walking down his driveway to get the morning paper. I could only imagine if he saw Tanner in my car at seven in the morning what he’d have to say. Then I thought, ‘Fuck it!’ He would either accept me, or he wouldn’t, but I wasn’t going to hide. It wasn’t like Tanner and I were naked walking down the street, although the thought was a funny one.
So, as I headed down the street and passed him picking up his paper, I honked at him and gave a friendly wave. He totally saw Tanner in the car, too. Yeah. The look on his face was priceless. And not only to me, but Tanner burst out laughing. Jim was left standing in his t-shirt and sleeping pants, bed head hair, and staring slack-jawed at my car as we continued on our way.
I buzzed through my day, a silly grin permanently in place. I think I was scaring Morgan a bit. By the time five rolled around, I had my desk all neat and shut my lights off.
“Is everything okay, Mr. Fairchild?” she asked.
I handed Morgan the two files that needed her attention and smiled. “Couldn’t be better. Those don’t need anything until tomorrow. Go ahead and shut down. See you tomorrow.”
“Can I say something?” she asked stopping me, just as I reached the door.
“Of course.”
“You’ve been different since this trip to New York. I like it.”
“I like it, too,” I smiled back.
I raced home and changed into jeans and a denim button-down that had worked its way to the back of my closet, enjoying getting out of the dress pants and tie. At about five thirty-five, I pulled up to the address Tanner gave me to see the house that he’d bought, and fell through, and he was considering again. There were two cars in the driveway already, and I figured one was Tanner’s rental, the other was the realtor’s car. Not sure, whose was whose, I parked on the street, just to be safe. From the front, it was a nice house. Smaller than mine, but mine was for a family of five, with room for visiting guests.
I knocked on the door and in just a moment the front door was opened to a beaming Tanner.
“So glad you could make it. Come on in. Julie,” he said waving a young, attractive woman over. “I’d like you to meet Greg. The accountant-slash-good friend of mine I was telling you would be joining us to look the place over.”
“Of course,” she said, every ounce the professional. “Nice to meet you. Well, Tanner knows the place. I’ll let him show you around, and point out the issues from the inspection. I’ve already given Tanner a few names for some of the repairs, if he takes the sellers up on the closing settlement. If you don’t mind, I’m going to step out front for a minute. I have a couple of calls I need to return.”
She stepped out, closing the door behind her, leaving Tanner and me standing in the living room alone. I looked around carefully and Tanner started in, showing me around. The issues the inspection revealed weren’t so much cosmetic things, rather mechanical and structural issues.
The kitchen was everything he said it was: gourmet and gorgeous. It looked like the current owners never even cooked in here. What really grabbed my attention was the back yard. Not so much a yard, but an entertainment space. Flagstone everywhere, from the outdoor kitchen with a fire pit, to surrounding the incredible pool complete with a waterfall. Off to left a large stretch of grass and off on the right, a paved half court and hoop for basketball.
Yes, this place definitely had ‘bachelor pad’ written all over it.
Tanner did point out the issues, like the air conditioner that no longer worked, an old roof that was at the end of its useful life, and being a ranch-style home it was a big roof, single-paned windows that were far from energy efficient, a few on the west side of the house that didn’t even close properly any longer. This being Tanner’s first home, and having lived in a condo for his whole adult life, it was all a bit overwhelming to him. I simply said that it was the cost of being a homeowner. With the sellers offer of a somewhat significant figure so he could get things fixed by professionals he chose, and since Tanner hadn’t seen anything else he really liked as much as this place, I encouraged him to move forward on the transaction.
We quickly wrapped things up with the realtor, then Tanner followed me to a popular taco bar in town. We were about half-done with dinner when I spotted Jim and Jess walking into the place. They spotted Tanner and I, since we had been seated somewhat close to the front door. Jess was at his side and she whispered something to him, and he nodded. I started to tense as Jim walked toward us. Was he going to make a scene? With Jess here, I doubted it, but I had no idea what to expect.
Wanting to be ready, I stood as he reached the table. I waited for him to say the first thing…and that first thing had better be an apology.
“Greg. Tanner,” he started, acknowledging us both. He shoved his hands in his pockets rather than shake our hands, but he was talking, and I guessed that was a start. “Good to see you,” he said. His voice was strained but I was impressed that he did seem to be trying. “Greg, can I talk to you for a sec?”
I stood firm. “Anything you have to say, can be said in front of Tanner. I’ve told him everything.”
Jim’s jaw clicked. He rolled his lips into his mouth like he was stopping himself from saying the wrong thing. He took a quick breath and then said, “I’m sorry I was such an ass last week at your place,” he said, quietly.
“Thank you,” I said back.
“I’m not saying I get it, not even that I’m completely cool with…this,” he said glancing at Tanner. “But I’m going to try.”
I stuck my hand out to shake his. He looked at it for a moment, not sure what he should do. He swallowed and then looked me in the eye. Finally, he took his hand out of his pocket and shook mine. “Thank you,” I said. “It really means a lot, you coming over here like this.” Jim was beet red and I could really see that he was trying, even if he wasn’t anywhere near comfortable with this whole situation. I glanced over his shoulder and saw Jess looking on, now seated at a table and waiting for Jim to return. “Your wife is waiting. We’ll catch up later this week, okay?”
Jim nodded and then turned to Tanner. “And if Greg told you ‘everything,’ then I guess I owe you an apology, too.”
Tanner glanced at me, bewildered and amazed. He stood and noticed Jim’s outstretched hand to shake. The two shook hands, and Tanner said, “No hard feelings. And thanks.”
Jim shot a nervous smile at the both of us then waved and headed over to where Jess was waiting.
I sank into my seat trying to wrap my head around what had just gone down. Had my bigoted, best-friend just apologized? I’d known Jim for years, and I couldn’t come up with many times he had eaten crow. I knew this had b
een monumental. I could only imagine the conversations he and Jess had had over the past week.
“You okay?” Tanner asked. I smiled. It seemed he was always asking that of me. My heart squeezed, realizing how much Tanner really did care for me.
“I’m just shocked. I never expected this. I mean, if you had seen how nuts he was as we fought… Just… Wow. I thought I would have to move.”
“Well, you said he was like a brother. Blood is thicker than water. You’re a lucky guy.”
I looked at Tanner for a moment. He hadn’t even scratched the surface. I was beyond lucky.
“Yeah. Yeah I am.”
How unexpected.
Just a few more things before I could consider myself, ‘out.’
The kids. And my parents.
CHAPTER 44
To say that I feared talking to the kids was an understatement. Bringing up the subject with Elizabeth had been taken care of for me when she spotted me and Tanner together. But the kids? After realizing how distant Phoebe and I were, I wondered what the boys had thought of me after all these years. And now to reveal this?
First, I chose to talk to Bradley. I would say that of all my kids, I got along best with Bradley. Maybe it was because he was my first born, but we also had the same sensibilities… sense of humor, sense of business, sense of responsibility. If anyone might take the news best, it would be him.
I flew into the Detroit airport, rented a car, and drove to Ann Arbor. After arriving on campus, I was given the grand tour with everything from the buildings Bradley went to classes in, to where he worked, and the apartment he was able to swing. Bradley had two roommates who had been undergrads with him at the University of Michigan. Angie was in her fourth year, and their third roommate, Zach, was also a ‘senior,’ a talented cellist. Their continued sharing of an apartment was a natural conclusion. Angie, a film student, was lovely and it seemed she and Bradley had moved from dating to a more committed arrangement, if the apartment ‘arrangement’ was any indication. I was happy for him that he had such a solid support network during his graduate work even if it would have been better on a resume if he had chosen a different school for his masters’ degree.
We headed out to dinner, just father-and-son. Once our orders were given to the waitress, I decided it was time to get down to business.
“I wanted to say, I’m sorry,” I started.
“For what?”
“I was a fairly absentee father. I hope this isn’t too-little-too-late, but I want to fix that.”
“Dad. It’s fine. You were, are, working hard making a good life for all of us. I don’t hold you culpable.”
“No,” I protested. “I was too often more committed to my work than the family. Please, I realize I didn’t handle it great, and when you finally settle down and have a family of your own, don’t work so hard. Don’t run away from life. I learned the hard way that throwing yourself into work can cost you more than you can gain from it.”
Bradley seemed to understand, or at least I hoped he did.
“So, Phoebe said Mom’s moved in with a guy? Jack Stevenson?” Clearly, Bradley assumed that the purpose of my trip was to talk about the divorce.
“Stevens,” I corrected. “Jack Stevens. And yes. Mom seems very happy.”
“You seem pretty okay with it. Have you met someone too?”
“Wow, that was fast.”
“Sorry if that’s too pushy,” Bradley apologized.
“Not at all,” I said. “It’s just that other than wanting to be a better father, I did want to talk to you about that. I have met someone.”
“Hey, Mom did. You have no reason not to move on as well. So, who are you seeing?”
I swallowed, took a deep breath, and just let it out. “His name is Tanner.”
Bradley was silent for a moment, then he looked confused. “What are you saying, Dad?”
I took another deep breath, and then said the words I was trying to get more and more comfortable with. “Bradley. I’ve recently come to the realization that I’m gay. When I was your age, I threw myself into hundreds of stupid one night stands. And once I was married, I threw myself into work, ignoring something that seems so obvious now.”
Bradley dropped his head while I finished talking. It hurt immensely that Bradley could no longer look at me. Maybe the news was too soon. Maybe this trip was too little too late. When Bradley raised his head, his eyes were wet. My heart broke.
“Tanner, huh?” Bradley’s voice squeaked.
I nodded not having a clue what to do, or how to fix what I’d just destroyed.
“My boyfriend’s name is Zach.”
I was stunned into silence. What? With the look on his face, it didn’t seem like he was joking, but this was no topic to joke about. But what about…. “I thought you were with Angie?” I asked.
“I am,” was Bradley’s simple reply.
I know for certain that I went bug-eyed.
“We’re polyamorous. We all share each other.”
The two of us just stared at each other a moment before bursting out loud laughing. Maybe it was from the relief that we’d both been harboring a secret and that the secret was so similar.
We talked long into the night, about my self-discovery at forty-five, and Bradley’s long-term relationship, three years now, with two people; his poly-amorous life with Angie and Zach. He explained that sometimes it was him and Angie, sometimes Angie and Zach had the night. Some nights, it was only Bradley and Zach, and some nights it was the three of them—those were his favorites. I couldn’t imagine the situation, but Bradley seemed more than happy with it.
CHAPTER 45
In the first week of October, I boarded a flight bound for Naples, Italy to talk to Carter, my middle child. I was really looking forward to actually seeing him. I knew he’d spoken with his mother regularly, and he’d kept us updated via email, but you do worry when your child is halfway across the world. My first day, after checking into the hotel, Carter gave me the grand tour of Naples. The next day a whole day was spent in Pompeii, where Carter had been working last semester and over the summer as a cataloguer, then an excavator, and was now earning credit as a tour guide. It was all quite interesting, but Carter was passionate about every detail.
Several times over the past couple of days, Carter mentioned his mentor.
~ “My mentor has been inside those buildings and…”
~ “My mentor told me about…”
~ “I impressed my mentor when I…”
When I asked to meet his mentor when we were in Pompeii, he scanned the excavation site which was blocked off to tourists. “Sorry, looks like they’re in the middle of something. Maybe you can meet her tomorrow.”
Arriving at Carter’s apartment in the late afternoon, it was curious how the space seemed un-lived in. He put on a pot of coffee, a little silver pot which made a brew that was more like espresso than coffee. Carter also put together a plate of biscotti and pastries. “If my mentor asks, now you won’t have to lie if she asks that I gave you the full Italian afternoon coffee treatment,” he laughed. While he got everything together he talked about some of the bigger finds he was a part of during the excavation. His enthusiasm was crystal clear. He also talked about finishing his degree at a university here in Italy. I told him to get the details, and we’d consider it for grad school.
“I do love it here. The culture, the history, the people…”
“Well, don’t get so absorbed in your work that you let life pass you buy.” It had become increasingly important to me that I made sure my kids knew that there was more to life than work and simply existing. “Personal relationships are very important. Are you and Lindsey still…well, I know dating isn’t really an option while you’re on the other side of the world.
“I won’t let my life become all work,” Carter said, eyeing me carefully. “And Lindsey and I… well, I mean, long distance relationships are hard.” Carter didn’t have to tell me that. Keeping Tanner and I a float
was a struggle every day. The end of Tanner’s soccer season in Chicago couldn’t come soon enough. Tanner hadn’t been back to Napa since the trip to finalize the purchase of the house because his team had made the finals, and looked as though they would be in the playoffs. I was trying to stay on top of things at the office, and visiting the kids, so I didn’t have the time to travel to Chicago.
“So. You and mom…Aren’t you mad at her for leaving you and moving in with another guy? Phoebe likes him, but I don’t. He’s a home wrecker. The whole thing is unsettling.”
“I couldn’t satisfy her the way she deserved. Sometimes people grow apart… In the end, it was my fault. And Jack is a really good guy.”
“She didn’t even try marriage counseling,” Carter scoffed.
“Actually, she asked several times. Carter, I couldn’t make her happy. I didn’t know why until recently…”
Carter sat and waited, a look of incredulity on his face that anything I said would explain why his parents were no longer married.
“Carter. I’m gay.”
“Don’t you think you’re being a tad melodramatic? I’d expect that from Brad or Phoebs. But you? Just because mom left you, doesn’t mean you’re gay.”
The fact that he brought up Bradley had me wondering if Bradley had opened up to Carter. I put that thought aside and faced the issue on the table.
“No. I’ve met someone. And the fact is, I’ve known a happiness with him that I never knew could exist. I feel complete. Things make sense now that I know this about myself… Those things mean I’m gay.”
The silence that fell over the room was deafening.
“You’re serious?” Carter stared at me, willing me to take it all back. I didn’t back down. I couldn’t. Carter looked at his watch. “Well, traffic is about to get really crazy with everyone getting out of work. And I just remembered about something I need to take care of back at the site. Lemme get you a cab and—”
Unexpected Dreams: Dream Series, Book 4 Page 31