I Need You Always

Home > Other > I Need You Always > Page 18
I Need You Always Page 18

by Cynthia P. O'Neill


  I could see how he used his dominance in the meetings we’d just come from overseas. He’d used it on the sellers to convince them to sign the contracts and he’d used it on me to calm my nerves. “I see how your need for dominance may help in some areas, but what arsenal are you talking about?”

  Carol stood up beside me, extending her hand to help me up. “We could stand around here talking all day about the various aspects of a Dom/sub relationship, but I feel it best that we show you.”

  I tensed, before she added. “We won’t do anything beyond your level of comfort today. However, we do have a rather extreme manner in which we feel we can release you of your nightmares. It’s an aggressive therapy, but has proven quite useful in the past.” She gave me a little smile. “It’s up to you.”

  I nodded and took her hand to stand. “I’d do almost anything to be able to relax and enjoy life again.”

  Dane wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me close to his side, as we followed Kent and Carol out the door and into The Shanty. My eyes went wide as I took in all the things I’d ever read about. I noticed a dance floor and bar to one side, a small area with some kind of cushioned bench, and what I believed to be a St. Andrews Cross. The walls were lined with all sorts of toys, spanking equipment, and restraints. What the hell did I just walk into?

  I WATCHED AS THE demeanor of both Kent and Dane took new meaning. They stood taller, removing their shirts, leaving nothing but exposed rippled muscles. Carol immediately went from outspoken to down cast eyes and not saying a word.

  I was about to freak out when Kent explained what I was seeing. “We have a high standard that both Dom’s and sub’s must adhere to when they enter. A Dom is responsible for his sub in every way. He is to care for his/her needs, listening to them and reading their body’s responses. They must plan their scenes and explain them to the sub in advance and get consent to proceed forward. If at any time the sub yells “Red,” the Dom must stop what they are doing immediately and care for their sub and find out what’s wrong. If you feel uncomfortable at any time, “Yellow,” will cause your Dom to slow down, discuss things with you and reassess the scene and proceed at your word. “Green” means everything is a go. You may be asked this from time to time to make sure your mental state is still good and the scene can proceed.”

  Wow, nothing like being bombarded with a lot of information at once. Thankfully, all of it made sense and seemed to hold true to the books I’d read.

  “Are you understanding how we do things here, Marissa?” Dane had asked.

  My immediate response was to look down at the floor and whisper, “Yes, Sir.”

  I noticed both Carol and Kent smile. He looked over to Dane. “You’re right, she’s naturally submissive. You’re doing well with her training.”

  He then turned his eyes on his wife and commanded. “Strip my little sub, including your shoes, but only down to your undergarments. Then take your position.”

  His tone wasn’t harsh, but Carol immediately complied, ending with her legs spread shoulder width apart, her head downcast, and her hands grabbing hold of each forearm behind her back. “Yes, Master.”

  I realized I was in a different element and had some questions. “Permission to speak, Sir?”

  Dane, moved forward, lifting my chin so that our eyes met. “Granted, mi amore.”

  “Why does Carol call him Master?” I couldn’t understand the difference between Sir and Master. “Is it because they are married?”

  He smiled and placed a gentle kiss upon the tip of my nose. “No, bella. You see the necklace that she wears around her neck.”

  I looked over and hadn’t seen it before, but now that her blouse was carefully placed on the ground, I saw the necklace he was referring to. It was nearly identical to the one that his mom wore and played with at the restaurant on my graduation. I finally realized. “A collar?”

  He smiled at me and had a small laugh. “I guess I need to read some of your books with you. You are more knowledgeable about the lifestyle than I’d thought. But, yes, when a Dom takes a sub, he is simply referred to as Sir. When he collars that sub, it means that he’s making a commitment almost as sacred as a vow of marriage. He wants only that sub and no one else and in turn lays claim that she belongs to him and him alone. A sub may not speak to another Master or sir without her Master’s permission. Plus, the sub is safe because they are not to be approached by anyone, not even to talk, without first asking permission from their Master.”

  I still didn’t understand. “Why would you need that if you’re married?”

  “Permission to speak, Master?” Carol’s voice was a whisper.

  “Granted.” Kent stepped back and seemed amused as Carol turned toward me and looked at me.

  “Marriage is a special vow not to be taken lightly. However, in today’s society it doesn’t seem to bond both people together. Our business deals with a lot of cheating spouses, sexual addictions, and other issues that can tear a marriage apart. It is wonderful to be married, but in turn, knowing that you are surrendering your full trust to that of your mate, to also be your Master, is quite fulfilling. You are giving him your body to do with as he pleases; allowing him to push your boundaries. But, in turn he’s giving you his trust to let him know when you’ve hit your limit. Both of you have the power to take things to new levels and explore one another’s needs and darkest desires.”

  She went on to add. “You may not think yourself a submissive based on your job and your goals in life, but a lot of high powered executives like to find outlets for their tension, through submitting to a dominant. Most times they can find releases through seductive spankings, being restrained, or even the act of sex.”

  My eyes went wide with that one. “Here the act has to be consensual and our rules insist upon protection at all times, to ensure a safe interaction. I’m often too tense by the end of the week from talking to so many women about horror stories they’ve had to experience from one thing or another and need to find a way to get the tension out. Kent helps me by dominating my body and helps me seek the release I need through the methods we’ve discussed and become accustomed to.”

  I nodded, seeming to understand where things were going, not even realizing that Dane had already begun to remove my shirt. “The action we’d like to do with you today, requires that you remove just your shirt and shoes. You may keep your undergarments on.”

  Kent led his wife over to the St. Andrews Cross and turned her around, where she was facing the cross, enclosing only her wrists in the restraints. I watched in fascination as he rubbed his body against her back and kissed seductively against her shoulders. “You look perfect, my love. I want you to remain still as I show Marissa that there’s nothing to fear from this exercise. Shall we do seven stripes?”

  Her breath was heavy and hinted with desire. “Please, Master.” She begged.

  Dane pulled me against his chest, where I could feel the heat of his skin as he whispered. “Watch what he does. It looks like he’s about to harm her, but only a master of this skill can bring a soft touch to the skin to increase sensitivity and bring about a release.”

  I watched as Kent pulled what looked like a cattle whip from the wall. I could only utter, “What the . . . ?”

  “Bella, it looks worse than it is. The whip can be painful in the wrong hands, but in the right ones it can feel like a feathers touch across the skin.”

  I turned around and looked at him with disbelief. “How would you know?”

  He smiled and turned me back toward Kent. I watched as he unrolled the whip and began taking a couple of practice swings. The crack of the whip made me flinch. Every swing caused Carol’s breathing to intensify, looking like she couldn’t wait to be on the receiving end.

  Dane whispered. “No Dom is allowed to use any instrument, punishment, toy, or anything else until he knows fully how to use it. We all go through the receiving end of some things, especially any implement designed to deliver pain or punishment. I’ve been
whipped before by Kent.”

  I felt totally lost on all that was going on. “Is there a submissive guide for dummies somewhere? I feel lost.” I admitted sheepishly.

  Dane just held me tighter. “It’s a learn as you go process. No Dom or sub is fully knowledgeable and the situations vary depending on the predilections of the couple. So far we’ve been taking things one step at a time, opening up your feelings and your comfort zone. If you agree to be my sub, we can start working on other things to discover your likes and dislikes.”

  “Aren’t I supposed to like what ever you choose?”

  He laughed in my ear. “No, Marissa. While most feel the Dom is the one with all the power, the sub actually has the control. The Dom has to cater to her needs and desires, along with his own. He/she takes priority. My happiness is controlled by making you pleased.”

  I jumped when I heard the whip strike its target; Carol. I watched in fascination as her skin was just fine. She didn’t even flinch, only moaning in appreciation. “Let the tension get out of your head little one.” Kent directed.

  He reared back with the whip and struck again, causing her to moan even more. I was almost scared to look, afraid I’d see blood, but her back was only slightly pink. “What instrument is that?” I asked out of curiosity, since I’d only heard of floggers, riding crops, and caning, made famous from the Fifty Shades of Grey books.

  He held me tighter as his chin leaned against my shoulder and he explained. “That’s a single tail bull whip. In the wrong hands it can cause damage that even a plastic surgeon would have trouble fixing. However, with knowledge, the blows can be delivered with a gentle caress to the skin, which can bring about cathartic releases. Kent’s been doing this for almost 20 years. He’s been teaching me for 7 of those years. This is what I do when I go into my special room. It helps me to become an extension of the whip, focusing my mind on a single purpose; giving me total control over what I’m doing.”

  I jumped when he told me this is what he does at home. But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized it is mainly an extension of Yoga, in a sense. It allows the mind and body to be free of all tension, just in a more sexual sense.

  “This is the last one Carol. Find your tension and release it with the next strike. Are you ready?” Kent asked and she nodded in silence.

  I then saw the beauty of the whip as a release and watched as it struck the back of her lower thighs, bringing a bit of pink to the surface of her skin. She screamed out and I saw her shoulders relax and her breathing level out.

  Kent released her arms from the devise and held her tightly to him. “You were marvelous my love. Do you want any water or candy?”

  She leaned into his embrace and kissed him gently on the mouth. “Thank you, Master. I needed that. I’m fine.” She righted herself and looked over at us. “Are you ready for your turn, Marissa?”

  Dane held me as my feet almost gave out under me. All I could say was, “Me?”

  Carol came over and assured me that we wouldn’t be doing the same thing. She explained. “Since you’re new to all this, we’ll restrain you to the cross where you can’t move, even an inch. We would like to use a process where we attach a small clip to an area of your skin. Each clip is to signify something you don’t like about your current life. We want you to attach any hurtful memories from Tom, your friends, co-workers, family, or anything else you can think of that has you on edge. Whether you reach the limit on what you can take, or you’ve run out of negative memories to attach to the clips, let us know.

  “We’re going to blindfold you, to help you concentrate and help you focus on each memory. Plus, it will keep you from seeing when the whip is coming. Dane will ask you to tell us each negative memory you’d like to release out to the world. When you do, you’re not allowed to think of them any further. He’ll knock off the clip with the whip and once he does, they’re the world’s problems, not yours anymore. Understand?”

  I nodded and admitted. “I’m scared.”

  Dane came up to cup the side of my face with his hand. “That’s why we only asked you to take off your shirt. We don’t want to push you too far too fast. This is an aggressive exercise to release your demons and to see if you have enough trust in me to keep you safe. Carol will stand behind you and press her skin against yours so you know you aren’t alone. I won’t harm you, angelo mio.”

  I allowed Kent and Dane to strap me into the cross. First my arms were restrained out to the sides, then my feet, and finally a belt around my waist to hold me in place. My breathing accelerated when a blindfold was placed over my eyes. Dane, gently pressed his lips against mine. “Do you trust me, Marissa?”

  I relaxed a bit. “Yes. I trust you with my life.”

  He kissed my lips again, with a little more pressure, before finally stepping back. “You honor me, mi amore.”

  I felt Carol come up behind me and press her back to mine. I could feel the warmth radiating off of her skin, where Kent had placed his marks. She whispered. “Remember the stop light system. If you need us to stop or slow down, we can. This is not meant to hurt you, but instead to help push you beyond your fears, as quickly as possible.”

  I heard some items rattling in a box and could smell that Dane was in front of me. I guess the lack of sight heightened my sense of hearing and smell. “I’m going to show you what the clip feels like on your finger, first, before we start to place them on your body. I’ll only use the insides of your arms and down the sides of your torso. Understand?”

  I nodded slightly. “I need you to answer me verbally, Marissa. I may not be looking directly at you when you nod, so I need to know what your response is verbally.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “This may hurt a bit, but it will ease in seconds.” He took my finger and placed a clip on it. The pressure was firm, but not unbearable. I saw how it drew my focus to that location.

  His hands came up to cup my face. “Are you okay to proceed?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  The side of his face pressed against mine, as his lips kissed just below my earlobe, while he whispered. “Just imagine what the clip would feel like on your nipples, love.”

  My breath caught as a low growl came from his throat, while he bit gently on my earlobe. He knew he’d get my girls to stand erect, through my lace bra, for his pleasure.

  Kent’s voice sounded off to the side. “I want you to find the first thing that pops to your mind that makes you either uncomfortable or really ticks you off. Do you have that?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  He seemed to hum in approval. “You may proceed with the first clip, Dane.”

  I felt the small pinch to the underneath side of my arm. We repeated the process, I don’t know how many times, before I was covered in clips along both arms and down both sides of my torso. “I can’t think of any more things, Sir.”

  Carol gave me a pat on the arm and whispered that I was doing well. The feel of her skin against mine helped to keep me grounded and feeling safe, knowing someone literally had my back.

  Kent’s voice boomed. “Tell me your first bad memory. Scream it out if you have to and release it into the atmosphere. Let it become the world’s problem not yours. As you do this, Dane will flip off the clip using the bull whip. Ready?”

  My voice was shaky. Was I ready for this? Could I really scream out Red and everything stop? I want the nightmares to end. “As ready as I’m going to be, Sir.”

  “Tell us your first bad memory!” Kent yelled out.

  I was surprised to come back at him with just as strong a voice. “I hate being used by any male or female to pick my brain on how to do a project. Why should they get the credit, when I have to do all the work?”

  I heard the crack of the whip before I felt it. The first clip was now free and the blood was rushing back to that area.

  “Next memory.”

  “Seeing my brother have everything come to him easily. Why should everything be so simple for him, when I have to str
uggle to reach my goals?”

  I felt another clip fly away and hit the floor.

  My words began to flow freely, without being prompted. I told how I hated Mr. Heath for being a sexist and bigoted pig, that demeaned women, how I hated Connor for stealing my ideas, how I was afraid of saying goodbye to Dawn, who’s my confidant, and how my parents make me feel abandoned and ignored, feeling they liked Nate better.

  As many more memories were freed, so were the clips and the closer I came to feeling free of the psychological chains that weighted me down. I began to feel the links begin to crack and the heaviness of the chains, I’d been carrying, begin to slip off my body. I let my tears flow out of me, along with my worries.

  I jumped as Dane’s hands clasped both sides of my face. He was gentle as I felt his thumbs wipe away my tears and placed gentle kisses all over my face and then nipping just below my earlobe, which drove me wild. He whispered, “You are doing wonderful, cara. You have no idea how much I desire you, just seeing you like this. You are beauty personified. But, for this to work, I need your focus to go to Tom.”

  My heart rate spiked, my body tensed, and my breathing accelerated at the mere mention of his name. “I don’t know that I can do this.” I could hear the fear in my voice.

  Dane nipped at the side of my lips. “You can do anything you put your mind to, Marissa. Don’t let him have power over you. The longer you hold things in, the more control he’ll have.”

  I took a deep breath and nodded. His words made me realize that I’d never be able to give my heart, or my body, fully to Dane until I shut the door on my past and locked it up for good. “I’m ready.”

  I could hear him take a practice swing. “Let it go, my love. Purge him from your mind.”

  The most violent of memories was reliving what Tom had done. “That bastard gave me no warning that he wanted me tied to the bed! He never asked my permission for anything, only demanded. He called me a cheap whore, a frigid bitch, and then blamed me for his failure to seduce me properly. I hate him! I fear that relationships and sex are supposed to have pain and be abusive because of him!” I screamed out at the top of my lungs continuing my rant about Tom until no clips remained.

 

‹ Prev