“I remember but …” I love her.
“After the first betrayal, there is no other.” I know the motto well. Many brothers have died for far less. “You know there’s no other way—absolute and unwavering loyalty to you and The Fellowship. You must demand that from any woman in your life.”
I see the evidence but I refuse to accept it. “There has to be an explanation.”
“She has betrayed you and The Fellowship. She can never be trusted now. She must die.”
I can’t do it. “I love her. She’s mine. I’ve claimed her.”
“Do you love her enough to die in her place?” I do but killing me wouldn’t save Bleu and it would never satisfy Abram. He’s thirsty for her blood.
“Listen very carefully, Sinclair. Bleu played the part of the perfect woman for you—because it was her job. That’s why she was so easy for you to love, but none of it is real,” Abram says.
I thumb through piles of photos of Bleu and see a woman I don’t know. “Everything was a lie—a figment—right in front of my face, and I didn’t see it.” What does that say about me?
Abram leans back in his chair, his fingers interlaced, hands clasped. “From the heart’s point of view, this must feel like an immense betrayal. But for Bleu, it was just business. She was here doing a job she was hired to do and she was damn good at it. Don’t knock yourself too badly. Think of it as a lesson well learned.”
“I don’t know how to kill the woman I love.”
“Quickly—it’s the only way. Before your heart, or dick, has time to interfere.”
“I’m losing my lass, the only one I’ve ever loved.”
“Your heart is telling you to mourn the loss, but the truth is that your lass was never real. She didn’t exist.” Try convincing my heart of that.
“I understand she made you fall in love her. That’s why I’ll overlook you killing her quickly and painlessly.”
He’s right. Again. But for the life of me, I have no idea how I’ll kill this woman I love so dearly. I can’t imagine a darker sin.
* * *
I’m sitting on the sofa in the pitch-black dark when Bleu comes through the door. “Sin?”
“In here,” I call out.
“I thought the storm might have knocked out the power.” She walks over to the lamp and switches it on. “Why in the world are you sitting in here with the lights off?”
“I’m listening to the rain.”
She notices the drink in my hand. “And you hear it better in the dark while having whisky?”
“Aye, it clears my mind.” I’m relieved she came back. Although her luggage is sitting by the door, I thought she’d figured out I’m on to her and fled. “You weren’t here when I got home.”
“I left a note telling you the zipper on my suitcase was broken.” She walks over to the coffee table and picks it up, showing me. “I had to run out and get a new one before the store closed.”
She comes to me and sits in my lap. Her hand cradles my face. “You don’t seem your usual self. What’s troubling you?”
I have to kill you because you’ve betrayed me—and it’s breaking my heart. “I’m going to miss you terribly, Bonny Bleu.”
She entwines her fingers in the back of my hair. “We have a couple hours. Let me take your mind off it.”
She brings her mouth to mine and kisses me slow but hard. “Mmm … I love when you taste like whisky.” She sucks my bottom lip. “I want you to take me to bed and make love to me.”
Kill her quickly—before my heart or cock has a chance to interfere. That’s what I’m supposed to do, but I can see right now that’s not going to happen. I’m not ready to squeeze the life out of her. “Lead the way.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Bleu MacAllister
Sin kisses my mouth as we walk until the backs of my legs meet the bed. He goes to his knees and presses his face to my abdomen. “I don’t know how to do this—how to let you go.”
I stroke his hair. “You act like it’s forever. I’ll be back in two weeks—fourteen days—think of it that way.”
He puts his hands beneath my dress and slides them up the back of my thighs. He finds my panties and drags them down my legs. I step out of them and shoes at the same time, kicking both to the side. I pull my dress over my head and toss it to the floor. My bra comes off last and I’m left standing bare and vulnerable before this man—with my heart in my hands, offering it to him.
He presses his lips to my belly and places a kiss there before moving downward. He moves his nose back and forth, dragging it over my smooth groin. “You always smell delicious.”
He places his palm against my stomach and urges me to the bed. I sit back and he pushes my feet up and apart so my heels are flat on the mattress. He loops his arms around my thighs from behind and spreads me wide. He’s done this enough that I know what’s coming, but it doesn’t stop me from jerking when his mouth touches me. It’s still like the first time. “Ohh … Sin.”
I trail my fingers through his hair while his tongue glides up and down my center in a torturously slow rhythm. My body rocks with the motion of his mouth until his tongue switches to a faster, circular movement. The waves of pleasure in my pelvis slow momentarily but return with a vengeance when he adds his fingers, gliding them in and out of me. “Aah …” Everything in my groin buzzes with pleasure. A moment later, the sweet torture begins—the pulsation of contractions, mixing with the warm euphoria spreading throughout my entire body all the way to the tips of my curled toes. Bliss.
Complete and utter ecstasy—that’s what Sin gives me every time we’re together.
He stands and strips while I watch the show from the best seat in the house. When he’s as bare as I am, he crawls over my body until we’re face to face. He traces my bottom lip with his fingertips. He gazes at my eyes, studying them, as though he’s memorizing every fleck of blue and gold.
His body nestles between my legs and he enters me gently. He’s moving slowly, never taking his eyes from mine. I touch his face, cradling his scruffy cheek in my palm. He leans into it and places his hand on top of mine, pressing it harder against his skin. He squeezes his eyes shut, as though he’s savoring my touch. They’re still closed tightly when he tenses and groans, thrusting himself deep inside me. I feel the light quivers of his body inside mine before he goes completely lax over me.
He lies motionless between my legs while remaining inside. I trace my fingernails up and down his back, bringing goosebumps to the surface. I love doing that to him.
“Into me … you see.” He opens his eyes to look at me again and I’m overcome with an emotion I’ve never known. My heart feels as though it might burst from happiness, and I don’t want to contain it any longer. “I love you, Sinclair.”
I go motionless when I feel the cold barrel of a handgun pressed firmly beneath my chin, my head extended upward, painfully so. “What are you doing?”
“After the first betrayal, there is no other.”
I have no idea what he means. “What are you talking about? I haven’t betrayed you.”
“Who. The. Fuck. Are. You?” he yells.
Oh, shit! What does he know?
“Hands behind your head. Now!” I slowly do as he orders.
“Breck, whatever you’ve uncovered, it doesn’t matter. You know the real me.” He shoves the barrel into my jawline so hard, it’s digging into my skin.
“I thought I did.” He bites his lower lip and shakes his head. “Tell me, Bleu. If you play the role well enough, does it become real?” His voice cracks on the last word. He’s hurting but I don’t forget who is holding the gun to my head. This is Sinclair Breckenridge. He’ll kill me if he believes I’ve compromised him or the brotherhood. I have zero doubt about that.
Say what you have to say to sell it. “Ask me again who I am.”
He does as I tell him. “Who are you?”
“I’m your Bonny Bleu, the one in love with you.”
“Says the wom
an with a gun to her head,” he sneers. “You’ll say any-fucking-thing to keep me from blowing your brains out right now.”
“Fuck! Why can’t I do this?” He squeezes his eyes shut and I move my hand to his, the one holding the gun. I slowly push it away from my face.
“Because you’re not a monster.”
He rises and sits back, resting the gun against his thigh. He uses his free hand to fist his hair. “You’re a fucking FBI agent.”
“I was. Past tense. I quit.” I need that gun out of his hand. “I’m not sure I can talk about all of this while you’re still holding that. It’s more than a little distracting, considering you were holding it to my head threatening to kill me only a minute ago.” I gesture toward the nightstand. “Do you think you could maybe put it over there while we talk about this?”
“No sudden moves, Bleu. I mean it. You know what I’m capable of.” He hesitates for a moment and then places it on the nightstand. “Who are you working for?”
“No one.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not. I’m here for me.” It’s finally out there. “I came to avenge a murder. Your father shot and killed my mother.”
“Abram was right again. You are Amanda Lawrence’s daughter.”
“The world thinks I died that night. That isn’t the case, as you can see.”
“My father didn’t kill your mother. He loved her.”
“You’re wrong. I was there. I saw him. And when he was finished, he held a pillow over my face until I stopped fighting. He thought I was dead.”
“If you’ll stop and think about it, you’ll realize you’re confused.”
He’s relaxed so I make a move for the gun. I’m surprised when he doesn’t try to stop me. “Both hands on top of your head. Slowly move to your back on the other side of the bed.”
He smiles while doing as I ordered.
I reach under the mattress and retrieve the handcuffs I’d hidden for a time such as this. I toss them onto his chest. “Handcuff yourself to the headboard.”
He shakes his head while doing as I’ve told him. “I as good as placed that gun in your hand myself.”
I know. Sinclair Breckenridge would never be so careless.
“Why haven’t you killed my father since that’s what you came to do? You’ve had countless opportunities, yet you haven’t.”
I don’t answer as I go through the clothes on the floor. I find what belongs to me and I begin dressing.
“Because you fell in love with me,” he says.
I’m in my panties and bra with my dress in my hands. “I did. And it ruined everything.” I pull my dress over my head and step into my shoes, careful to not take the gun off Sin.
“I fell in love with you too.”
“Says the man handcuffed to a bed.”
“You aren’t going to kill me, so I have no reason to lie.”
I go over to sit on the edge of the bed, the gun pointing at Sin. “You’re right. I’m not going to kill you, but I am going to leave you handcuffed here so I can get a head start before the brotherhood comes after me.”
“I have things to say to you.”
I‘m not sure I should listen to this. Even with his hands bound over his head, Sin holds the power to hurt me in so many ways. “I don’t have time. The brotherhood will be after me. I need to get out of here.”
“Please, don’t go yet. No one is on his or her way. Give me a few minutes. That’s all I’m asking.”
It isn’t safe to do so, but I’m dying to know the things he wants to tell me. “Be quick.”
“I love you like a fucking lunatic. It’s going to kill me to watch you walk out the door but I understand why you must do it. It isn’t safe for you to stay. I want you to go until I have time to figure out how to handle this with the brotherhood. I’m going to make it okay with them and after I do, I’ll come for you.”
He has no idea who he’s dealing with. I can’t be found if I don’t want to be. “You don’t know me. I’m a trained chameleon. I’ll change my colors when I walk out that door.”
“Because you’re an agent?”
Yes. “You’ll never see me again. I’ll disappear without a trace.”
“Is that a challenge?” he asks.
“Sure. We can call it that if you like.”
I grab my purse from the chair and retrieve the keys to the handcuffs, leaving them on the dresser. “I’ll text Jamie to come over and release you when my plane pulls away from the jet bridge.” I pull the bed sheet up so he won’t be naked and exposed.
“Thanks.” He laughs.
I shouldn’t but I sit next to him on the bed and lean down for one last kiss. I’m not stupid so I’m holding the gun to his chest, pointing right at his heart. “I’m going to kiss you but one hinky move and you’ll literally be the heartless bastard everyone believes you really are.”
I lower my mouth to his and press a featherlight kiss against his lips. “I love you, Sinclair Breckenridge. It’s going to hurt like hell to never see you again.”
I give him a final kiss and walk toward the door. I open it and look over my shoulder at the man I love one last time before I walk away from him forever. I touch my lips and hold out my hand to him. “We both know I can stay or I can survive, but not both.”
I knew this day was coming from the start. But never in my wildest dreams did I imagine it feeling like this. We’re very much like a flame in the wind. We danced and burned brightly but one large gust and we’re extinguished.
“I’m going to fix this, Bonny. We will be together. I only need a little time to make it happen.”
I shake my head. “You told me you wanted to know the rest of our story. Well, this is how it ends.”
To be continued …
The Next Sin
The Sin Trilogy: Book II
Chapter One
Bleu MacAllister
Southaven, Mississippi
My favorite violin and piano duet plays as I attempt to work. It’s becoming more difficult to be productive without an office. Trying to do freelance investigation from my bedroom within our rental house? Challenging.
The song “Time Forgotten” plays. It’s a reminder that neither time nor Sinclair Breckenridge has been forgotten. Three months and more than four thousand miles separate us. It isn’t enough. I think of him all the time. And it’s a fucking problem.
I push the thoughts of Sin from my head and scroll through the photos from my latest PI job—a clear case of a bitter wife looking to nail her cheating husband’s ass to the wall. My aging computer’s trackpad sticks and races through my collection of incriminating photographs.
“Dammit!”
Images of my client’s husband and his lover flutter before me, each picture flashing like a scene from a stop-motion movie I don’t wish to watch for a second time. I tap furiously against the trackpad in an effort to make it cease.
“Stop. Stop. Stop, you son of a bitch.”
My laptop finally obeys after a bit of physical abuse, but not before coming to a standstill on the one and only image I have of Sinclair Breckenridge and me together.
Wow … talk about coincidence. I have thousands of pictures on this computer. What are the odds it would land on this one?
It’s karma. Or bad juju. I don’t know. Maybe the universe wants to torture me.
The photo in front of me is a shot of us dancing during my initiation ceremony at Thane and Isobel’s country estate. We’re surrounded by the soft glow of candlelight and Sin is cradling my face with his hands. I remember everything about that moment. He told me I was special and then leaned in to kiss my forehead. He had not told me he loved me but I think he was wrestling with saying those three words. I recognized the look in his eyes because I’d been seeing it in my own reflection for some time.
I avoid this picture. Looking at it breaks my stupid heart all over again. I should drag it to the trash and delete it for good. I want to but I can’t bring myself to pull the
trigger. That seems to be a common problem with me these days.
I was on the plane home when I discovered the picture on my phone. I wish I hadn’t seen it until I was back on the ground again. The image of us together sent me into a full-blown panic attack midflight. I was forced into the tiny lavatory to talk myself down. I was lucky. The episode wasn’t one of the bad ones but an enclosed area lacking proper ventilation couldn’t be worse when you feel like you’re smothering to death.
I took thousands of photographs while I was in Edinburgh. I must have at least five hundred of Sin—most of which are candid since he was usually unaware. Those are my favorites. I was always behind the camera—and never in front of it—so none of my pictures are of us together. That’s why I treasure this one. Many thanks to whoever used my phone to capture this moment.
I touch the screen. I stroke my finger down his face but it feels nothing like the real thing. I close my eyes so I can imagine the way his scruff felt against my skin.
He rarely grew what I would call a beard. He always kept his facial hair short and scruffy. And I loved it, especially when he would drag his face down the center of my body just to hear me squeal. But the best was when he’d push the crotch of my panties aside and rub his chin up and down between my legs.
“Holy shit, Bleu. That’s him, isn’t it?” I jerk when I hear Ellison’s voice over my shoulder. “That’s the man you were with in Scotland.”
I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I’ve allowed her to sneak up and catch me looking at this photograph. I was preoccupied. That’s my only excuse.
Ellison has interrogated me nonstop about my relationship with Sin. I’ve been vague. She’s on a need-to-know-only basis. That means I haven’t told her shit. But I want to. I need someone to tell me this excruciating pain in my heart is going to ease.
“Yes.” That’s my Breck. My admission feels like a ton of bricks lifted from my shoulders.
The Sin Trilogy Bundle: A Necessary Sin, the Next Sin, One Last Sin Page 23