She retreats into the corner chair. “You’re scaring me.”
She should be frightened.
“When I woke in the hospital after my mother’s murder, I was afraid. I knew the man who killed her would find out I didn’t die and possibly come back for me. So my seven-year-old mind decided I should pretend to remember nothing about that night’s events. I thought he might spare my life if he believed I couldn’t identify him. I was a child who’d undergone a traumatic experience so no one pushed me to remember anything.”
Ellison looks pained. “Oh God, Bleu. You remember that?”
“Every terrifying second.”
“And you bottled it, never telling anyone.”
Here we go. “I spent my entire childhood fixating on how I would make my mother’s killer pay for what he’d done to us. When I turned twelve, I was ready to begin learning how to make that happen.”
“I don’t understand.” Of course she doesn’t. No normal person could fathom what I’m about to tell her.
“I told Dad I remembered everything and that I was going after my mom’s killer.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“My intentions were to murder her killer––shoot him exactly the way he did my mother. I told Dad I was doing it with or without his training. He feared for my safety so he agreed to teach me.”
Ellison’s brows are scrunched. I know her so well, I easily recognize it as her “thinking hard” look. “You expect me to believe that Dad taught his twelve-year-old daughter how to kill? Do you even know how crazy that sounds?”
This story has so much more crazy to it than she can possibly imagine. “He trained me until I entered the police academy. My entire career as an officer and then as an agent was so I could further my education to learn how to infiltrate an organized criminal organization called The Fellowship. Everything I did was so I could get close to her killer, Thane Breckenridge. The plan was to do that through his son, Sinclair. Which I did.”
Breck takes my hand and squeezes it. “But then I fell in love with Sin and couldn’t go through with any of it.”
“Your father-in-law is your mother’s killer?”
“I thought so, but I was wrong. We still haven’t figured out who he is but we’re getting closer every day.”
I put my hand on my belly. “I’ve hired Dad’s old partner Debra to take over the investigation since it isn’t safe for me to be out tailing potential killers while I’m pregnant.”
“What is Fellowship?”
This part is going to be trickier. “A group of people, much like a family, with designated leaders. Thane is the head authority. His son, Sin, is second in charge and will one day step into his shoes as leader when Thane decides to retire.”
Sugarcoating what we are will be lying. I won’t do that to my sister. She needs to understand everything about The Fellowship if she’s to consider staying. “We’re similar to what you know as the Mafia, but not Italian. The Scottish version.”
“They’re criminals and you’re part of it?”
“Sin is my husband and this is his way of life. As his wife, I’m a part of everything he does.”
“You’re an FBI agent and you’ve chosen to marry into a family of criminals? That doesn’t make sense.”
She’s stuck on the criminal part. “We’re more than that. These people are my family. I love them dearly.”
“I am your family.” She looks hurt. That’s not at all what I want.
“You are and always will be, but my place is here with my husband within The Fellowship.”
“Dad is rolling in his grave.”
I’m about to burst her bubble––and I hate that. “Dad knew. We told him everything before he died.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not. Dad gave us his blessing.”
“He wouldn’t have if he’d understood what this was all about.”
“He understood everything. We watched The Fellowship for years so we could find the best way for me to infiltrate. Dad knew every detail about the Breckenridges and their circle. He came to like Sin very much and was happy to see us marry.”
The next hour consists of a lot of things: honesty. Tears. Yelling. Lots of explanations about what The Fellowship does or does not believe in or practice. What becoming a part of this world really means.
The conversation with my sister isn’t pretty but Sin never leaves my side. He clarifies things about The Fellowship that I cannot.
“I feel like I don’t know who you are anymore.”
The truth is Ellison never knew the real me, but this is my opportunity to show her. “I’m the sister who loves you. The one who wants you to stay and become a part of my world. I need you. And my babies need you. You’re the only Auntie Elli they’ll ever have.”
Yeah. It may be a low blow to use my babies as a means to convince her to stay but I don’t care. I’m prepared to be a little selfish if it means I get to have her in my life.
“Becoming a part of your world means accepting this culture as my own. I’m not sure I can do that.”
I understand her hesitation. This is a lot to learn about in one sitting. I’ve had years for it to sink in. “I have a wonderful life, Ellison. I couldn’t be happier.”
“You’re on cloud nine. I don’t dispute that at all, but we’re very different people. I’m not sure I’m cut out for this.”
“I wasn’t certain I could do it, either, but now I can’t imagine being anywhere else in the world.”
“It’s bizarre that a man would volunteer himself to be beaten in my place so I can become his. And part of this.”
I understand her confusion. I was once the outsider looking in. It isn’t an easy thing to comprehend. “It’s extreme for a reason––so the act of bringing a person into the brotherhood isn’t taken likely. Only a man who truly loves you would volunteer to do it. It’s a huge sacrifice but I can promise you this: you’d never doubt his love for you and no one within The Fellowship would, either.”
“It’s barbaric.”
Sin bursts into laughter. “I think your sister is understanding our ways perfectly.”
I punch Sin’s arm. “Not helping.”
“If I loved the man back, how could I let him put himself through that?”
“If he’s anything like Sin, he’d do it without telling you.” Which is probably best. I don’t think I would’ve gone along with it had I known. Especially since I wasn’t planning to become a member of The Fellowship at that time.
“You found out after the fact?”
Boy, did I ever. “Yeah. Sin looked like he’d been run through a meat grinder.”
Ellison shakes her head. “That’s horrible.”
“You’d think it would be, but it’s not. When you’re over the shock of it, you’re able to see his sacrifice for the beautiful thing it is––his choice to suffer in your place.”
Ellison looks at Sin. “You got him. I’d probably get some old fart in a kilt.”
“First of all, your consent would be necessary for Sin to make any kind of match on your behalf. Secondly, there are some seriously hot Scotties in The Fellowship.”
I look at Sin and shrug. “Sorry, but it’s true.”
Ellison sighs. “Jamie is so beautiful. I go completely stupid whenever I try to talk to him.”
“And he’s a great guy. I’ve come to love him dearly.” I wouldn’t mind seeing my sister with him at all.
“You don’t view being in this world as a sacrifice, but to me it is. It would be a huge concession on my part. I’d be leaving my whole life behind. I need time to think about this.”
I’m asking Ellison to change her entire existence. I don’t take that lightly and neither should she. “Of course. Take all the time you need. No pressure. Sin and I are both here if you have any questions.”
“We’ve been in here a long time. We should probably check on Leith.” Sin’s right. Time has gotten away from me. “And Lorna too.”
> I poke my head into the office but no Lorna. We go to the guest room where Leith is but the door is shut. I’m not sure what’s happening on the other side but my gut tells me to walk away.
We go into the living room and find Jamie. “Is Lorna all right?”
“She’s fine. She’s in with Leith now.”
Oh. That sounds promising. My husband’s plan must have worked.
Ellison goes to the coat rack and puts on her wool peacoat. “I’m going to take a walk. I have a lot to think about.”
Oh dear. I don’t want to tell her it isn’t safe, but I have to. “I’m sorry, Elli. You can’t go out alone.”
“I’ll walk with you, if you don’t mind my company,” Jamie says.
“I’d like that.” Ellison looks at me for approval. “Is that all right?”
I trust Jamie to protect my sister. “Absolutely.”
“Call if there are any changes with Leith. We won’t go far.”
I’m dying to know what Leith said when Sin told him about Lorna. “The guest room door is shut. I take that as a sign things went well with Leith.”
“Oh, Bonny. It didn’t go well at all. The whole thing went sideways.”
I recount the events of the night for Bleu.
“Oh no.” She must be completely heartbroken.
“I’ve never wanted to hurt him so badly in all my life.”
“I want to hurt him now.” Had I known this an hour ago, I’m not sure I would have allowed him in my home to be treated. I might have told Sin to leave him on the sidewalk.
Sin and I go silent when we hear Leith’s voice carry down the hall. “Please don’t go!”
No reply.
Lorna comes into the living room. “I’m sorry to trouble you but I need a ride. Would you mind asking Sterling to take me home?”
“Of course. It’s no problem at all, but you’re welcome to stay as long as you like.”
She’s covered in Leith’s blood. “Let me get you a change of clothes,” I say.
She puts her hand up. “No. I really just want to get out of here now that I know he’s going to be fine.”
I feel like I should say something about Leith’s reaction. “Sin told me what happened. I’m sorry.”
This isn’t my friend I’m used to seeing. This person is shrinking into herself, her posture telling the story of how she feels. “I’ve never been so hurt or humiliated in my life.”
I want Sin to say something to make her feel better so I nudge him with my foot.
“I know he acted a fool but he loves you. He told me so after you left.”
“Not possible. A man would never say things like that about the woman he loves.”
I don’t have an argument for that and I’m certain Sin doesn’t, either.
Leith appears in the entrance to the living room. He’s shirtless with a large white dressing over his upper left shoulder. There’s a small amount of blood seeping through. “Thank God I caught you before you left.”
“I’m on my way out the door right now.”
He moves closer to her, holding the wall for support. “Don’t go. We’re not finished talking.”
“I’m done.”
“I didn’t mean any of it. Not a word.”
“When Sin proposed a match between us, all you had to say was that you weren’t interested. Instead you were cruel. You humiliated me and it broke my heart into a million pieces. If nothing else, I thought we were at least friends. But a friend would never be so heartless.”
“How can I fix this?” Leith’s voice is desperate.
“You can’t be fixed by the same person who broke you.”
Lorna takes a ring of keys from her purse and holds them out to Leith. “You should give my position to Greer. She’s the most capable.”
Leith refuses the keys. “No. I’m not taking those from you because you’re not quitting the pub.”
“I am. Doesn’t matter if you take these or not. I won’t be back.”
“Where will you go?”
“I hear Leon is hiring at the club and the pay is good.”
Leith’s jaw becomes rigid. “Absolutely not. There’s no way I’m letting you dance naked.”
“Guess what, Leith? Whores are pretty limited in what their job description includes.”
Lorna drops the keys on the cocktail table and walks out the front door without looking back.
Leith fists the front of his hair while both hands rest on his forehead. “I’m so stupid.”
I hope he feels like a piece of shit for what he did to Lorna.
He stumbles and Sin rushes toward him. “You look like shite. You need to go back to bed before you collapse.”
“I have to go after her.”
He looks like he could crumple at any moment. “No. The only thing you have to do is lie down before you cause yourself to hemorrhage.”
Leith sways as he closes his eyes and holds the front of his head. “That may not be the worst idea you’ve ever had.”
Sin and I help Leith back to bed. “Bleu. Tell me how to mend this.”
I assume he’s asking me because I’m a woman, but I’m not experienced in relationship drama. All I can do is tell him how I’d feel. “It’s a fresh hurt. You can tell her over and over that you’re sorry but words are meaningless to her right now. All she’s going to hear is the echo of you calling her a whore.”
“You’re saying she’s never going to forgive me?”
I can’t speak for Lorna. “Maybe. Maybe not. I’d bet money that even if she does, she’ll never forget. I know I wouldn’t.”
“I’ve ruined my relationship with her forever.” At least he sounds remorseful.
“You confuse me, Leith. I’m not sure what kind of relationship you think you have with her. From where I stand, all I ever see is you ignoring her.”
“We work together all the time. It isn’t possible for me to ignore her.”
“Yet you do. You may occupy the same room but you look straight through her as though she isn’t there.”
“Is that how she feels?”
“Every day, all day long. She feels invisible to you.”
“I had no idea.”
“You’ve been thoughtless where Lorna is concerned.”
“I’ve never done anything to hurt her. She’s the one who hurt me.”
Cry me a fucking river.
There’s no way I’m going to let him off easy. “You parade women in and out of your office in her face. She isn’t stupid. She knows you’re screwing them yet she chooses to not let a man touch her in more than two years. She did that for you––to change the way you saw her. But her self-denial didn’t change anything. You’ve been too busy fucking around to notice. It’s time to stop punishing her because you can’t get over what happened with the three of you.”
Leith jerks around to look at Sin. “You told her?”
“We don’t keep secrets from one another.”
“It’s in the past, Leith. You can’t keep punishing Sin and Lorna for what happened.”
“I’m not good at letting things go.”
“Then learn to be good at it. Or risk spending the rest of your life being miserable without Lorna. Your choice.”
“You’re my best mate,” he says to Sin. “You knew I loved her.”
“I do now, but not back then. I swear.”
They need to talk and I have no business being part of the conversation. “This is for the two of you to work out.”
I shut the door behind me. I consider going to bed but it’s early yet so I plant myself on the sofa in the living room. I turn on the television but it literally takes nothing more than a slow blink for me to fall asleep. This pregnancy and the accompanying anemia continue to rob me of energy despite the vitamins and iron.
I’m dozing on the couch when Ellison and Jamie return from their stroll. “That wasn’t a long walk.”
“Brrr. It’s so cold out there, the hookers are blowing on their hands.” Classic
Ellison comment. And I love it. I’ve missed her sense of humor.
“You two act like we’re in Antarctica. It isn’t that cold.”
“It’s cold compared to where we come from. Which gives me something else to consider while making my decision to stay. You know how much I love being in a bikini on a boat drinking a cold beer in the middle of a lake on a hot day.”
Jamie’s eyes blatantly roam Ellison’s body. Yep. He’s totally imagining what that might look like.
“Nope. That won’t happen here.”
I have no doubt that Jamie is attracted to my sister. Perhaps I should have Sin speak with him about a match with Ellison. I already know she’d be keen. That is, if she decides to stay.
“I assume Leith did all right while I was out since you didn’t call.”
“Fine, if you don’t count when he got up and tried to go after Lorna when she left.”
Jamie looks irritated. “What a dumb arse. He could have caused himself to hemorrhage.”
“We put him back to bed.”
“I should check on him before I go to make sure he didn’t cause his wound to start bleeding again.”
Sin and Leith have been talking for a long time but I don’t want Jamie to interrupt. “It might not be the best time to check on him. Sin and Leith are hashing out the problem they have after what happened with Lorna a couple of years ago.”
I lift my brows at Jamie and hope he gets my drift since that’s all I can say in front of Ellison.
“I can check Leith’s wound when they finish talking if you’d like to go home,” Ellison says.
Jamie doesn’t look convinced. “Sure you don’t mind?”
“It’s no problem. I know what complications to look for and I’m here anyway. I might as well be useful.”
“It would be nice to get some sleep. I start a twenty-four-hour shift tomorrow.”
I figure Sin and Leith will be a while. “All the more reason for you to go. Don’t worry. Ellison’s a seasoned nurse.”
“Aye. She told me about her experience while we were out. Time wise, she has more hands-on experience than I do. She’s seen a lot.”
Ellison can be humorous and immature at times but she’s a damn good nurse. “She’s very competent and will have us call you if there’s a problem.”
The Sin Trilogy Bundle: A Necessary Sin, the Next Sin, One Last Sin Page 57