He wraps his arms round me and pulls me close. “I should have made some kind of bet with you.”
“I wouldn’t have bet against you. You’ve done too much research on this pregnancy stuff for me to ever think I know more.” I yawn. “Sorry.”
“Close your eyes. Take a nap if you’re able. I’ll wake you when Brooke’s out of surgery.”
He doesn’t have to tell me twice.
Chapter Twenty
Sinclair Breckenridge
“You’re with Mrs. Drummond?”
“Aye.”
I nudge Bleu’s shoulder. “Wake up, Bonny. Doctor’s here.”
Bleu straightens in her seat. She pushes her hair from her face. “Everything went all right with Brooke?”
The doctor sighs before beginning. Uh-oh. That typically isn’t a good precursor. “There were some unforeseen complications.”
“But she’s okay?”
“Mrs. Drummond had an undiagnosed placenta percreta. That’s a condition where the baby’s placenta grows deeply into the muscle of the uterus. The degree was extensive. The placenta had grown into her organs. Her bladder was nearly taken over by it. I’ve never seen a worse case.”
He said undiagnosed. Shouldn’t they have seen something like that on her ultrasound?
“How do you treat that?”
“Hysterectomy and corrective surgery for the involved organs. I called a general surgeon to assist but Mrs. Drummond had excessive bleeding in the meantime. That blood loss led her body to develop a condition where the blood clots abnormally. The disorder resulted in the formation of a life-threatening clot. I’m very sorry. She didn’t survive.”
“No.” Bleu dissolves into a sobbing mess in my arms.
“I’m so sorry. Do you know if Mrs. Drummond has family we should notify?”
“No. She was a widow and her parents and in-laws have been dead for years. We are her only family.”
“Our social worker won’t be in until the morning, but she’ll need to speak to you in regards to the baby and the handling of the body.”
“Of course.”
The doctor leaves and Bleu sits upright. “That poor woman. She was terrified and I told her not to be because they did procedures like this every day. I convinced her everything would be fine. And she believed me.”
“Then you did your job well.”
“I didn’t. I think she knew she was going to die. She made me promise I’d raise her baby if she didn’t make it through the surgery.”
“Bonny. We can’t take her baby.”
“I promised her I would.”
“Surely you don’t think the hospital is going to hand her over to us. We have no claim on her. The legal system isn’t going to recognize her as a child of The Fellowship and allow us to have her.”
“You’re a lawyer. A damn good one at finding ways to bend the law. Even if it’s not us who takes her, I’m certain you can find a way to keep her within The Fellowship.”
“I don’t know family law.”
“Then learn it fast. Because we aren’t allowing that baby to go to anyone outside of The Fellowship. She’s one of us, so she stays within the circle. It’s what Brooke would want. Otherwise she wouldn’t have asked me to take her.”
* * *
My wife is very good at getting what she wants. Probably better at it than I am.
Bleu stands over the bassinet intended for our children, rocking Brooke and Callum’s baby. “I never imagined we’d become foster parents before we became parents to our own children.”
When we bought this house, I pictured us bringing our babies home to it. Not someone else’s. But Bleu was adamant. No strangers in the foster care system were taking this baby.
We had to jump through a lot of legal hoops but we managed to be granted temporary custody of the baby until the case goes to family court. That means we have to find a family to adopt her before the proceedings are heard by a judge.
Bleu’s eyes are a little too dreamy so I feel the need to remind her again that she shouldn’t develop too much of a fondness for this child. “Don’t get attached.”
“I’m not. I understand this is temporary until we can choose a family for her.”
We have to work on that immediately. It isn’t wise to let Bleu spend too much time with Brooke’s daughter. “I’m going to set up interviews for Friday with all couples who are interested.” Bleu isn’t listening to me. “Did you hear what I said?”
“I’m sorry. What?”
“I said I’m going to have all the interested couples come so we can interview them. We’ll stagger the appointments on Friday.”
“How many do you suppose there will be?”
Infertility isn’t something every husband and wife would choose to make public within The Fellowship. “I’m not sure. There are a few couples who’ve been married for several years and have not had children. That could be by choice, so I have no idea how much interest there will be.”
“We have to call her something. It, her, the baby, she—not working anymore. She needs a proper name.”
Choosing a name for her probably isn’t the best idea. It’ll only deepen what Bleu feels for her, but she’s right. We can’t continue calling her “the baby.” “Do you have a suggestion?”
“Brooke was going to choose her name when she looked at her. She said it would come to her based on her looks. To me, she looks like a Lourdes.”
I like it very much. “Very pretty.”
“But it’s not Scottish.”
“Doesn’t have to be. And it probably won’t be her permanent name anyway. Whoever adopts her will want to give her a name of their choosing.”
“I know. So I guess for now, Lourdes it is.”
“Is it a name you had chosen for us to use if one of the twins is a girl?”
“I had considered it.”
“Are you sure you want to use it for her? That means we can’t give it to our daughter.”
“We don’t know that we’re getting a girl.” Bleu caresses the baby’s cheek with the back of her hand. “I want her to have it. It suits her.”
We have to find a family for this baby soon. I can’t let Bleu become too attached. It’ll cause her too much pain when she has to let her go.
* * *
The third couple we interview is barely out the front door when Bleu rejects them too. “I don’t think they’re right for Lourdes.”
Finding parents for this baby isn’t going well. “You don’t think anyone is right for her.”
“They seemed cold and unfeeling. She needs parents who are warm and welcoming.”
I see no foundation behind the things Bleu is finding wrong with these couples. “You say these people were cold and the first husband and wife were too young. Which, by the way, they happen to be older than we are. You got an overall bad feeling about the second couple because you claim they didn’t smile enough. You’re going to find something wrong with anyone who wants her.”
“Choosing a family for Lourdes is an enormous responsibility that I accepted. Getting it wrong means we sentence her to an unhappy life. Nothing is wrong with being picky on her behalf. Think of it as me trying to make a good match for her, only with parents.”
“None of these couples are going to mistreat her. They’re all very well aware they’ll have me to answer to if they do.”
“They’ll have to answer to me as well because I can’t let anyone have her without watching their every move.”
I’m not sure when Bleu thinks she’ll have time to be a social worker since she’ll soon have her own babies keeping her busy.
“Let’s hope this last couple is the right family for her.”
Agnes appears at my office door. “The last couple is here.”
“Thank you. You can show them back.”
Bringing Agnes out to help Bleu with the house was one of the better decisions I’ve made. She has been more assistance than we could’ve imagined with caring for Lourdes.
Our last couple of the day arrives. Like the others we’ve interviewed today, I’ve known Josh and Rachel Glenn my entire life. They’re good people and would love Lourdes as their own. I’m sure of it.
“You’ve met my wife Bleu?”
“Yes. We met at the initiation ceremony,” Josh says.
“And I’m in your women’s self-defense class on Tuesdays.” Good. Maybe that means Bleu has some kind of relationship with Rachel.
“Of course I remember you. You signed up for the beginner Muay Thai class as well.”
“I did, and I am very excited about it. Have you found an instructor yet?”
“I’m interviewing with a master next week. I’m hoping he’ll be a good fit for our group. I want a male instructor with a larger build so the women can gain hands-on experience with fighting against a larger assailant.”
“That’s smart. You make it sound like so much fun. I’m eager to get started.”
The meeting with Josh and Rachel goes perfectly. Far better than the first three so I’m wondering what in the world Bleu can find wrong with them. “I think that’s all the questions we have. Can you think of anything else?”
Bleu shakes her head, saying nothing.
“We’ll be in touch after we make a decision.”
Bleu trails behind to see them out. “Thank you for coming. I’ll see you on Tuesday night.”
I wait until they’re gone to say anything. “That was unquestionably a better interview than the others, don’t you agree?”
“It was, but I’m still not sure they’d be right.”
“What could you have possibly found wrong with them?”
She shrugs, saying nothing.
“They’re perfect, Bleu. Mature. Stable. They clearly want a child.”
“I can’t argue that. They are all of those things.”
“They would love Lourdes, so what is wrong?”
“They aren’t us.”
I knew this would happen. “I understand that you care deeply for Lourdes but we can’t keep her. We have two more that will be here soon. Three is too many.”
“You aren’t saying anything I’m not already aware of but I don’t know how to let her go.”
“You do it because you love her and want the best for her.”
“I do. But what if I think we’re best for her?”
Bleu has no idea what she’d be setting herself up for. “You can’t take on raising a third baby when you don’t yet know what it is to mother two.”
Her jaw is set. She’s ready to argue. “I’ve been taking care of her all week. I know it won’t be easy to split myself three ways, but I’m not afraid of the challenge. I’m much more fearful of what letting her go will feel like.”
“You’re letting your heart dictate your actions. You have to use your head on this.”
“I am listening to what my heart is telling me. I’m not ignorant to what keeping Lourdes means. It’ll be difficult but not impossible. I’m certain giving her away will be much harder.”
Bleu acts as though we’re throwing her away. We’re not. We’d be entrusting her to a family who will love and cherish her. “She’ll be adopted by a good family within our circle who will raise her with love. She’ll remain within our family. You’ll be able to watch over her.”
“I don’t want to watch over her from afar. I want to be her mother.”
“You’re going to be a mother to our two babies. Let a woman without a chance have this opportunity.” It’s the only right thing to do.
“I’m very aware of how selfish I’m being. Keeping her means I’m taking another woman’s chance at being her mother. I should be ashamed of that, but I’m not.”
Keeping her will have an impact on our children. Our marriage. She’ll be another person I have to share Bleu with. I’m not sure I can do it.
“We don’t have to make this decision right now. Our day before the judge isn’t scheduled until October.”
The twins will be here by then and she’ll have a full taste of what it’ll be like to care for three newborns at once. This situation will likely fix itself.
She comes to me and puts her arms around my neck. She rises on tiptoes and presses a kiss to my lips. “I understand you aren’t saying yes, but thank you for not saying no.”
“I always want to give you everything you want but I don’t know if I can give in on this.”
“A week isn’t long enough to make this kind of commitment. Let’s give it time. I’m confident that the right answer will come to us.”
“You are going to be a wonderful mother.” It’s so apparent in the way she cares for Lourdes.
“I love you.” She rises again, this time kissing the side of my neck. “She’s asleep. We should have at least thirty minutes before she wakes for her next feeding.”
She tugs on my hands. “Come to the bedroom with me.”
I’d better take her up on her offer at every opportunity. I’m not sure there will be many of them after the babies get here. “How could I possibly decline such an attractive invitation?”
* * *
Four more weeks under the pregnancy belt. Judging by the size of Bleu’s belly, the babies have grown a ton this month. She looks like she might pop any minute.
The complications associated with twins are rearing their ugly heads. Borderline blood sugars. Rising blood pressure. Lots of Braxton Hicks whenever she’s active. Luckily, the contractions aren’t enough to send her into preterm labor but who knows when that could change? All of these things combined were enough to convince Dr. Kerr that Bleu needs to be on modified bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy.
A one-month-old does not understand the concept of bed rest.
The majority of Lourdes’s care should have fallen to my shoulders when Bleu was put to bed but I’m not here all the time. Hell, I’m not even here half the time. Changes are happening within The Fellowship and our alliance with The Guild. I’m expected to oversee that.
We’ve been forced to hire Agnes as a nanny in addition to housekeeping. It’s working out, but she can’t be here twenty-four/seven. Lourdes requires care around the clock so my mum comes to help Bleu when Agnes is off.
I don’t have a fucking clue how we’re managing to make this work, but we are. For now.
I meet my mother in the living room when I come into the house.
“Thank God you’re back.”
I was only gone two days. “Something wrong?”
“Everything’s fine. I just can’t help myself from worrying about you more now that you have a family. All went well this trip to Dublin?”
“Aye. We negotiated the takeover for October.”
Three months and The Order will cease to exist. It won’t come a moment too soon. “The Guild understood that I couldn’t agree to anything earlier since the babies are due in September.”
“You and I both know she’ll never make it that long.”
I’m hopeful she’ll last another six weeks so the babies won’t have to be admitted to the neonatal intensive care unit. But I can’t lie. The blood sugars. The blood pressure. The Braxton Hicks contractions. All of it worries me.
“How is she?”
“Fine. She had me put Lourdes in bed with her about twenty minutes ago. They’re both sleeping.”
My mum and I haven’t had a chance to discuss the newest addition to our household. “Bleu is utterly in love with Lourdes.”
I say her name and even my mum lights up. “I can’t say I blame her. She’s pretty easy to love.”
“Bleu wants to adopt her. That’s crazy, right? Taking on a baby who doesn’t belong to us when we have two of our own on the way?”
“I think Bleu feels complete for the first time in her life. She finally has the ability to nurture. That’s what she wants to do.”
“But we have two babies on the way who she can nurture.”
“You’re failing to see what’s happening here. Lourdes has been orphaned. Bleu sees hers
elf in that child. She wants to save that sweet baby the same way she was saved by Harold MacAllister.”
“I might feel the same if there were no one to take her. But we have a good family who wants to adopt her.”
“That window is closed, Sinclair. Bleu’s in too deep. She’s fallen head over heels in love with that baby.”
“You don’t think that will change when our twins get here?”
“No. She’s a mama bear and she considers Lourdes her cub. You couldn’t pry her from Bleu’s arms if you tried. And you don’t really want to do that. You love that little girl too.”
“I’m fearful of how our lives will change with three bairns.”
“I can promise you it will be crazy. But you’ll get by. And you’ll look back on it one day and wonder why you were so scared.”
Speaking to my mum changes my perspective. I feel like I’m able to see things from Bleu’s point of view for the first time. “I appreciate the talk.”
“Anytime, son. Can I do anything for you before I go?”
“Are there plenty of bottles?”
“Aye. I sterilized and mixed six just before you came home. They’re in the fridge. That should be more than enough to get you through to morning. You can probably expect her to wake up hungry in about thirty minutes. You should take one out now so you don’t have to heat it.”
“I’ll do that.”
“Call if you need anything. I can be back in five minutes.” Buying a house so near was the best decision we ever made.
“I will. Thanks, Mum.”
I grab a bottle from the fridge and go into our bedroom to see my sweet Bonny Bleu. I was only gone two days but I missed her terribly.
She’s napping in the middle of the bed, her upper body propped by two pillows since she can’t tolerate lying flat. Lourdes’s sleeping soundly on her chest only inches above Bleu’s swollen abdomen.
It’s in this moment that I realize these might not be the three most important people in my life—they could be the four most important. I’m not sure I can ask Bleu to let Lourdes go because I’m not sure I want to give her up, either.
The Sin Trilogy Bundle: A Necessary Sin, the Next Sin, One Last Sin Page 67