“I didn’t mean to sneak up. Thought you heard me.”
For a second time, her eyes raked down him. Sweet Jesus. “No problem.”
“Breakfast of champions?” He nodded at the vanilla ice cream. “Gonna eat it or…?”
Right. She was standing there like a moron, likely with her tongue hanging out. “You’re kinda soaked.”
“I rushed—I didn’t want to step away too long.”
“Did you get your work stuff done?”
“Yeah, about that…” His face grew grim. “It’s not orange sherbet, but did you want fudge or not?”
“Don’t even tell me you have a sweet tooth.” Big, lean, follows all the rules, stays inside the lines Parker stashed chocolate? Almost too funny to believe.
He smiled. “Maybe.”
She wagged her finger at him. “You totally played like you didn’t at the ice cream parlor.”
“Orange and chocolate?” He made a face but grabbed a jar of fudge out of the pantry she hadn’t searched. “Not my thing.”
“Want some vanilla instead?”
Parker shook his head, popped the cap, and stuck the jar in the microwave while she doled out her ice cream. When the microwave beeped, he grabbed the jar with a cloth and dumped enough chocolate onto her ice cream that she almost proposed to the man. Swishy warmness lit in her chest when she focused on him.
He licked his thumb. “Good stuff.” Then took another thumb of fudge and pressed it to her lips. “Careful, it’s still hot.”
Apparently, she had died and gone to heaven.
“Thanks,” she mumbled, licking off the last bit of chocolate. For as much as he was focusing on her mouth, something else was hiding in his eyes. “What’s the matter?”
“Sit. Eat.” He pushed out her chair then took his, flipping it around to straddle it.
Her stomach dropped as she did the same into her chair. “Really, I’d rather you just told me.” The spoon hung limp in her hand, and all of the vanilla ice cream was quickly turning to sludge. She stirred the bowl into a creamy chocolate river. “It’s about Shadow, isn’t it?” Because what else was there that Parker would know about right now?
He nodded. “Sweetheart…”
She stole her eyes back, scooped up the ice cream soup, and decided the safest course of action was to keep at her original plan: gorge on sugar.
“Lex, I’m really sorry.”
Sorry… like sorry? That couldn’t be right. That sounded a whole lot like condolences. She smashed and splashed her spoon into the bowl. An overwhelming sadness broke through her. All the time she’d spent with Shadow over the years, all of his advice. The father figure she’d always leaned on. He’d taught her, guided her, pushed her to become what she was today. He’d tried to protect her from Matt and, in his own way, pushed her toward Parker. Tears pricked at her eyes, and a lump sliced into her throat.
“Maybe you’re wrong,” she said quietly and bit her lip, letting the tears spill, knowing Parker wasn’t.
His head shook ever so slightly. “There’s no doubt.”
A sudden wave of guilt smashed her down, turning her world, drowning her away from even Parker as he sat there watching her. “Because of me. Because he went after Monarch.”
“That was stupid. That was on him.”
“Don’t say that,” she snapped.
Parker tossed up his hands. “Wrong thing to say. Sorry.”
Letting the spoon clatter to the table, she curled into a ball on the kitchen chair. The chair opposite her scraped on the floor as he pushed up and lifted her, sobbing, into his arms. He shushed against her ear, murmuring for her to get it all out. Her insides were broken. Dull pain radiated from every joint, in every bone. Even her blood hurt as it pumped through her heart. Everything inside her was heartbroken.
He collapsed on the couch with her bawling into his chest. “You’re going to be okay.”
She shook her head, eyes swollen. “How can you say that? The only man who I could even think of as a dad is dead because he tried to help me. He’s dead because of me!” Deep sobs stole her breath. Her mind stopped thinking forward, instead replaying their last moments over and over. “I’m an awful person.”
“Hardly.” He stroked her hair. “But I promise I’ll make this right. Okay?”
“What happened?” She sniffled, letting the tears slow even though devastation had its stranglehold on her. “Was he hurt? In pain?”
“Details aren’t important, and truthfully, I don’t know yet.”
Oh, God. He was. Shadow had died painfully because of her. “No… you have to tell me when you know. You have to. Promise?” She wiped at rogue tears. “I wish I could fix all this.”
“That’s why you have me. I’m a fixer. We’ll make it work, and I’ll take the hurt away.”
Shadow was dead, and people were after Monarch. How did she not know this would happen? She wanted to escape, just push away and run. Even as she squirmed, Parker didn’t let her go.
“You can’t control things like this, Lex. You do what you can to protect yourself, your work as you best see fit, then you move forward. Every situation has a risk, some higher than others. Shadow knew there was a risk, he tried to mitigate it, but he also kept too much information to himself. He didn’t ask for real help when he needed—”
“Monarch was mine.”
“Just because you create a program doesn’t mean it’s your fault when someone tries to take it. Strictly speaking, in terms of risk analysis, Shadow knew too much and shared too little. He was playing with matches and gasoline. If he knew what I think he knew, then he should’ve put the auction on hold and done the right thing. He had to have seen this coming.”
If she thought her stomach had dropped before, she was wrong. “What don’t I know? What did you just learn?”
“ARO has Monarch. They’ve infiltrated a foot army into the States.”
She’d armed a terrorist organization with dangerous information? “I think I’m going to be sick.”
But she didn’t run for the bathroom. She went limp, completely caught off guard by the intense panic and disgust that swirled in her bile.
“But there’s a saving grace.”
“What?”
Parker smiled carefully. “They haven’t run it yet. No one knows why; they’re working on that. My guess is, since they’re tracking you so hard, they’re too fucking dumb to figure it out.” Delicately, he moved her to the couch. “I’m going to get you some water or something. Just sit still.”
Nodding, she drifted alone in a world of darkness. “I created… something awful.” Which she really, truly loved. Monarch was a gorgeous program. She’d worked those lines of code as if they were clay forming a sculpture. The end result had been breathtaking. Until it wasn’t.
“No, sweetheart. Just like guns for protection aren’t bad, but in the wrong hands, bad things happen.”
“Yeah.” She sniffled. “True.”
“I think you’re brilliant, and you were robbed. What you made was terrific, and in the right hands, it could help people, could ensure the safety of millions of families…”
“But it ended with the bad guys.” She shook her spinning head.
“You can’t do this to yourself. I won’t let you.”
She scoffed. “You’re going to fix this too, huh? Just go back to work and take out a terror organization like magic?” Though she had seen him do some crazy shit, and that was just what he’d needed help on occasionally.
“Yes.” Parker’s face grew solemn as though he was selling his soul. “That’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
They rode in silence in Parker’s Range Rover as Lexi remained lost in her thoughts, still dealing with the sadness of losing Shadow in such a violent way. She wouldn’t get over it for a long time. Maybe never. Because as she sat there, trying to hide from the world with the help of Parker’s tinted windows and the Rover’s seat warmers, she was painfully awar
e that sadness hurt. It ached in a way that made her head pound, her jaw lock, her limbs limp, and her stomach sick.
As they coasted down Interstate 95, Parker took her hand. When his long fingers gripped her balled fist, warmth bled from her heart, trying to fight away the darkness and threatening a chokehold. They drove the remainder of the way, still in silence, with him holding her hand. They pulled up to a nondescript building and slowed down the steep driveway to an underground parking garage. Along the way, Parker swiped a badge and entered codes. Twice.
They pulled into a parking spot, and all she could think was the office building had a custom parking garage. The ceiling was high, the spaces were wide, and she could see why. The trucks and cars in there were larger than life. She saw a couple military-looking vehicles and a few other cars that looked like throwaways. Normal cars that would blend into a crowd, and she was certain they were for just that. Over the years, she’d met a few friends of Matt’s. Parker and his buddies, she had noticed, didn’t blend into the crowd—even if they were driving something nondescript.
“This is where you work, huh?”
“Yup.” He opened his door. “In we go.”
Lexi’s nerves kicked up, and she quickly got out also.
He took her hand again. “Look, whatever happens in there, whatever we learn and do, it’s going to be overwhelming, but it’ll also be fine.”
“Okay.”
“You might even see some familiar faces.”
Groaning, she bit her lip. Even though she’d had a chance to shower before they left his house, she was still in the same clothes she’d been in for the past day, and she didn’t want his co-workers thinking whatever people thought when they saw her looking like a two-day-old walk of shame.
He acted as though he sensed her unease. “You’ve met most of the guys before, right?”
She nodded as if that would make things better. “In passing.”
“So that was them relaxed.” They approached a door, and Parker pushed his face to it, letting the retina scanner identify him. “But here, they’re more intense.”
They were pretty damn intense to begin with. “Sweet.”
“But it won’t be a problem.”
He guided her through more security hoops, and with each passing layer of safekeeping, she became more and more certain that they were walking into some kind of spy headquarters. Finally they came up an elevator, walked through solid, masculine-looking doors that were more utilitarian than for showing off, and passed a simple but strong block letter sign that read Titan Group.
She felt eyes watching her from somewhere, and her sixth sense kicked into overdrive. Power and danger hung in the air and permeated the walls, and with each passing step, she understood Parker Black and BlackDawn better than ever. “Titan must be way more than I’ve comprehended.”
“Titan is—” He squeezed her close. “The most effective, efficient private security force in the world.”
Private security force. “Badass.”
“Generally.” His smile reached his eyes. “Titan jumps in when the best of the best need a hand.”
“Oh.” Her lips rounded and stayed that way as he guided her to a door. “Fancy.”
He laughed. “Here we go.”
Pushing the door open, he led her into what had to be the nerve center. It was sick. She’d never been surrounded by so much state-of-the-art technology. It was enough to make that safe house look like computer day at a dollar store.
“Holy crap.” Her eyes went wide, and curiosity exploded within her, dulling the hurt she’d been suffocated by for hours. Right now, all she wanted to do was fan-girl Parker’s office. “This shiz is crazy.”
“Decent setup, right?”
“I’ve never seen anything like it before. Ever.”
He dropped into a chair, letting her wander and stare around the room. Besides the equipment, there were flat screens with what looked like live feed thermal imaging, live feeds into offices, foreign-looking cities and streets, and empty meeting rooms that looked to be no more than desert-sand camouflaged tents. Watching him on his home turf was incredible. Smart was sexy, and with his genius put to good use, that made her both impressed and proud.
“If I’ve never told you before, you, BlackDawn, are really talented.”
“Thanks.” He looked pleased, but his brow was creased, and worry painted his eyes.
Going back to his keyboard, he looked as though he was pulling data and reading quickly. Not that she wanted to look over his shoulder, that’d be rude—whatever, it was about her. Screw protocol and manners.
“Tell me what the problem is,” she said.
“I’m just tapping in, trying to catch up. But—” He rubbed his hands over his face, more stress showing as he turned away. “It looks like a play’s in action. The ARO is in over their heads, trying to run the Monarch patch. Intel reads they probably expected to be unable to execute your program, which is why they’re after you. But it’s actually good news, confirmation they can’t run it.”
She could see on his body that he had more he hadn’t shared. “Might as well tell me everything, Parker. It can’t be worse than what I already know.”
His head dropped.
“It’s worse?”
His head waffled from side to side. “Yeah.”
“Please tell me. I have to know, or I’ll go nuts trying to figure it out.”
He stared forever at her before nudging his chin toward a chair. “Sit.”
She grabbed the rolling chair and slid it closer. “Tell me. Is it about Shadow?”
“Intelligence reports indicate his death was… not an easy one.”
She choked on the bile that sloshed into the back of her throat as nausea hit her. “Excuse me?”
“You don’t want the details, but he went down fighting. Because the program hasn’t been executed yet, I’d say he took his secrets to the grave. Chalk him up as a hero.”
The room spun, and without thinking, she crumbled in half. Everywhere she looked, technology blinked and whirred at her. This world, these things that she loved creating, had fucked her. They were just a big middle finger pointed straight at her.
“I need to get out of here.” She stood, rushing for the door, needing an escape.
“Lex—”
“Go away, please.”
“You can’t run around in here. There’s no place to go.”
“Then take me out of here! I don’t want to see any of this!” She spun around, pointing at servers and mainframes and wires and everything she’d found comfort in her entire life.
Parker pulled her tight, stroking her hair, her back. “Take a breath, it’ll be okay.”
“He was in pain. He died because of me,” she sobbed into his chest. “And I hate myself for that.”
“No, sweetheart. He died protecting the only girl he ever called family.”
She sucked a breath, tears streaming down her face. “He was my family. I have nothing. No one. I’ve never been so alone and hurting in my life.”
He directed her chin up, forcing her eyes to his. “Not true. You have me.” Then he wrapped her back into his arms and held her until the tears dried away.
CHAPTER FORTY
Sometimes a girl just had to cry it out. So Lexi did. Then she ate a protein bar that Parker had stashed away—it was disgusting. She could feel strength recirculating in her bones, her attitude renewed. Somehow she was starting to understand Shadow’s death and how he’d want her to live and laugh. Shadow had constantly pushed her to not be so serious. He’d want her to joke with Parker, which was what she’d been doing, slowly coming around.
She played on the internet while Parker took a few phone calls, updating whomever about what he knew or assumed, and he spent a lot of time listening, only to offer simple, confident, generally one-syllable answers.
Yes. No. No. Yes.
He rolled his chair back. “Hey, did you… want something to change into? I hadn’t thought about th
at.” He gestured with his hand. “You look great. I’m not saying that. It was just suggested that you might want to change.”
She grinned, watching him squirm, but then squashed the amusement off her face. She glanced at her days-worn leather pants and tight T-shirt. “You think I need to change?” Inside, she laughed all over again at his expression of pure male panic. “Really?”
“No. Um, well, see—” He scowled at the phone he had on mute. “Like I said, someone thought you might want to change.”
“So it came up in conversation that—” Her lips faltered, the corners dying to tug up in hysterics. “I needed different clothes?”
“No.”
“Do these pants make my butt look flat?”
“What!” His brows shot up. “No.”
“So it’s the shirt. What, too tight?”
His eyes dropped to her chest, and she almost died laughing. “No, Lex.” Then he could tell he’d been caught looking at her boobs. His gaze narrowed. “Are you fucking with me?”
“Maybe.” But she fell apart in her chair, laughing with her head tossed back. It felt amazing to let go and just have fun.
Parker stood, grumbling but laughing, and bent over her to press his lips to hers. “Coloring outside the damn lines.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Just something someone smart promised me I’d enjoy if I tried.”
She kissed him back, forgetting even the laughter for a minute as everything heated. “Alright, get back to your important phone call about my clothes.”
He smirked playfully, gave her another kiss, and said, “I’ll have the last laugh. Have you met Sugar? She’s pregnant, hormonal, and dead set on playing dress-up with you.”
Lexi had met Sugar. The woman was actually the closest Lexi had ever come to seeing someone dress the way she did pre-Matt, minus the vampy-sexiness that Sugar rolled around with as though it were everyday casual wear. But they did share a common theme: leather pants and sexy boots. That was something she could totally work with.
Bring on the hormones—Lexi wasn’t concerned in the least. “Have her call me.”
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