by Gerri Hill
She supposed she could imagine Lindsey doing that at the time…but not now. Now, she seemed stronger, more in control of her emotions. Time did that. Time would eventually heal any wound, however deep. Not just time, though. Time and people. She and Jack had helped Lindsey…just like Lindsey had helped them. Their days were filled with laughter now, not tears. In fact, it shocked her to realize that she didn’t think of James nearly as much as she used to…nearly as much as she should.
She found Lindsey looking back at her and their eyes held. Yes, she was an attractive woman with dark, expressive eyes. Eyes that seemed a bit guarded today though. She offered a slight smile and Lindsey returned it, then Jack grabbed her attention and Hannah smiled at him as he went back to attempt another dive.
“Okay…watch, Mom.”
“I’m watching.”
Yes, she was watching Jack, but she couldn’t stop her gaze from lingering over Lindsey too. Her skin was nicely tan and as she bent over, her bikini top shifted, revealing a sliver of white along her breast. For some reason, the sight of that caused Hannah’s heart to race a bit too fast. She pulled her eyes away quickly.
What in the world is wrong with you?
“Okay…push off with your feet.”
Jack bent his knees, his arms held out and over the water. She could see him silently counting to three, then he pushed off, landing away from the pier in a somewhat graceful dive. She clapped appropriately, as did Lindsey, when Jack’s head popped back up.
“Did you see? Did you see?”
“Yes! Very good!”
Lindsey dove in too, but unlike Jack, she didn’t surface. Hannah looked into the crystal clear water, seeing Lindsey swimming toward her from below. Soon, a hand touched her foot, and she smiled as Lindsey came up, taking deep breaths of air as she held on to Hannah’s float.
“I need to work on my underwater swimming,” she said. “I used to be in much better shape.”
“Your shape looks pretty good to me,” Hannah teased.
Lindsey arched an eyebrow. “Really? You’re flirting with a lesbian?” She leaned closer, a smile on her lips. “That could be very dangerous.”
Hannah matched her smile. “I think I can handle you.”
Lindsey laughed. “Okay…probably so.” She playfully splashed water at her, then swam back to the pier where Jack was waiting for her.
Hannah made herself turn away when Lindsey got out of the water. She blew out a breath. Yes, Hannah…flirting with a lesbian? It wasn’t intentional, she told herself. It was just too easy and the words were out before she even realized it. At least Lindsey knew she was only teasing. That’s all it was. Teasing. Playing.
She put the float in motion, going back toward the waterfall. But what about last night? What was that all about? The fireworks…that was nothing. They were sharing a blanket. Of course they were bound to touch. The fact that she’d moved to make it so didn’t escape her, but she pushed that aside, her thoughts going instead to the hug they’d shared when Lindsey was leaving. It was…just a hug. They’d hugged before. Yet…yet it was different.
It was different, and she couldn’t quite put her finger on what was different about it. It lasted a few seconds longer than it probably should have. Was that it? And they were very close. So close that there hadn’t been any space between them. Was that it? Or was it the look in Lindsey’s eyes that made it different? She’d seen that look in Lindsey’s eyes before, and she wondered what it meant. Well…she kinda knew what it meant, didn’t she? She wasn’t that out of touch.
She turned slightly, absently watching Jack and Lindsey on the pier. The dogs were with them and it looked like they were trying to do a group jump, but Barney wasn’t cooperating. She leaned back, wetting her hair as she looked up into the cloudless sky. Oh, what a gloriously lazy day it had been. And how very lucky were they to have their own private swimming pond, with a waterfall, no less?
She heard laughter and running, and she looked up in time to see the four of them jump off the pier together. Well, Barney was bringing up the rear, but at least he jumped. Jack and Lindsey tried to beat Max to the ball, but he was winning the race. His mouth closed around the ball seconds before Lindsey reached for it.
“Now we’ll never get it back!” Jack laughed.
“It’s about time to head to the house anyway,” Lindsey said. “Burgers,” she reminded him.
* * *
Hannah was glad she’d packed dry clothes for them. Even though the water shorts dried quickly, it was nice to get out of her bikini top and into dry clothes. She’d also remembered to pack Jack’s iPad, and he was sitting on the sofa playing his game.
“My parents are coming to visit on Saturday,” she said.
“Oh, yeah? Staying the night?”
“Yes.” She poured them each a glass of wine. “Margie and Dennis will come for dinner too.”
Lindsey was slicing the tomato, and she looked up from her task. “Do they get along?”
Hannah shrugged. “As well as can be expected for having absolutely nothing in common.” She paused. “You want to join us?”
“Oh, no.” Lindsey shook her head. “Nope. You’re not dragging me into that,” she said with a laugh.
Hannah laughed too, but she’d hoped she would say yes. Lindsey would be a buffer, for one thing. And, well, she and Jack were used to seeing Lindsey every day. And lately, they shared dinner quite often as well. Of course, would she really subject Lindsey to Margie?
“I don’t blame you. God only knows what Margie would say to you.”
“What are you serving?”
“Lasagna.”
“If it’s anything like your spaghetti and meatballs…tempting.”
Hannah laughed. “You’re too easy.”
Lindsey wiggled her eyebrows. “Yeah…but not that easy!”
Before she was even conscious of it, her hand was on Lindsey’s arm, her fingers tightening affectionately. “I’ll save you leftovers.”
“Deal.”
As nonchalantly as she could, she released her hold on Lindsey, smiling as their eyes met. “Sorry. I…I touch when I talk.”
Lindsey’s expression turned serious. “I normally do too. But…”
“Do you? I haven’t noticed. With Jack, yes, but not me.”
“Well…”
“Oh. I see.” She nodded, understanding Lindsey’s hesitation. “Because you’re gay, you think it’ll make me uncomfortable.”
Lindsey took a pickle from the jar and put it on the cutting board. “Yeah. I mean, straight women, sometimes—”
“Don’t,” she interrupted. “The fact that you’re gay doesn’t even register with me. You’re just Lindsey, my friend.” This time when she reached out to touch Lindsey, it was intentional. “I like you. You’re not going to scare me off if you touch me.”
“Thanks.” She sliced into the pickle, then looked up at her. “I like you too.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Lindsey wiped the sweat from her brow as she leaned against the oak tree, enjoying the shade it provided. Perhaps tackling the garden on a hot July day wasn’t the best plan she’d ever had, but at least it was a plan. She looked at the dent she’d made, thankful that the garden had appeared worse than it actually was. She would get the leaves and debris out, then see if she could get the old tiller started. A couple of runs with the tiller should break the soil up and deter weeds from growing. Then, come fall, she might actually make rows and plant something. Her grandmother would be proud.
Yeah…she would be. She had her bird feeders filled, the deer feeder was filled with corn and the water mister in the bird garden did a steady business. She looked over to the house, to the deck, almost expecting to see her grandmother sitting in the nook on the side, her binoculars in her lap as they often were. The chair was empty…a reminder.
It didn’t have to be empty, though. She could take her morning cup of coffee out and sit there. That had been her grandmother’s quiet time. Her grandf
ather knew to leave her alone until she was ready to come in and start breakfast.
She shook away her thoughts, not wanting to sink into a pit of depression. Not today. Not when the day loomed long and lonely. It was amazing how quickly she’d settled into a routine with Hannah and Jack. And how lost she felt when that routine was broken. But she supposed spending the day apart was good. She was getting far too attached to them as it was.
She smiled. Attached? Yeah…that was a safe word. Being attached to someone was completely different than being attracted to them.
“Who are you kidding?” she murmured. She was both and she knew it. Her fear was that Hannah would suspect. Despite her words that it didn’t bother her in the least that Lindsey was gay, she might keep her distance, pull away from her. Hannah might decide that the three of them were spending too much time together. She might…
No. It was nearly the opposite. Hannah was getting closer, if anything. She couldn’t remember the last time that they hadn’t spent the day together. And dinner? Yes, sharing dinner had become a ritual for them too. And the goodbye hug? Yes, that was a ritual too.
Lindsey leaned on her rake, thinking back to last night. Dinner had been simple: hot dogs and a can of chili. Jack thought it was the best thing ever. Their after-dinner glass of wine turned into two as they chatted. Hannah had once again asked her to join them, saying she’d love her parents. Lindsey had almost given in. It wasn’t her parents she wanted to meet…it was simply spending time with Hannah and Jack that she wanted. So she’d declined, using Margie as the excuse. But when she’d gotten ready to leave, Hannah’s hug was a little tighter, a little longer. Lindsey could still feel Hannah’s breath as it tickled her ear, her whispered words still fresh.
“We’ll miss you tomorrow.”
When they pulled apart, their eyes held. Lindsey thought for one crazy second that Hannah was about to kiss her. The moment passed and Hannah had squeezed her arm, telling her that her parents would leave before noon on Sunday.
Sunday. Tomorrow. It was her turn to cook. She thought she’d get the smoker going and see if she could duplicate her father’s ribs. They’d have a play day on the river with the rope swing. And dinner out on the deck.
Tomorrow.
But today still seemed endless. And cleaning out the garden in the heat of the day seemed stupid. So, she tossed the rake down and went back to the house. Max was on the kitchen floor—in the cool air-conditioned house—watching her from the window. His tail wagged when she opened the door, but he made no move to get up.
“Want to go swimming?”
She’d pack a few beers and take the Mule down to the river and cool off. She could kill a couple of hours there. Then she’d grill some chicken for her dinner. Maybe watch a little TV. Head to bed early.
And then it would be tomorrow.
* * *
Hannah sat down in the rocking chair with a sigh, her gaze going up into the sky, glancing over the stars before landing on the woods, the trees, the trail that was obscured by darkness. Their trail.
She sipped from her wine, not really surprised by how much she’d missed Lindsey today. She was thrilled to see her parents, of course. But…something was missing. And it was Lindsey. Dinner had seemed a little bit empty, despite the conversation. Margie had even been tolerable…yet she missed Lindsey. She missed the easiness of their friendship, the companionship that Lindsey offered. Jack missed her too. He talked about her so much, Margie was starting to roll her eyes. She smiled as she recalled Jack telling everyone about them riding the rapids without tubes. She thought Margie was going to have a stroke.
The back door opened, and she turned, finding her mother standing there, a wineglass in her hand.
“It’s a little warm to be sitting outside, but I thought I’d join you.”
Hannah nodded. “I’m used to it, I suppose.” She motioned to the other rocker where Lindsey sometimes sat. Then she looked down, picturing Lindsey sitting on the porch itself, leaning against the railing. That was her favorite spot. She looked over at her mother. “Dad go to bed?”
“He’s in Jack’s room, telling tales, no doubt.”
“I’m so glad y’all came.”
“It’s been good to see you and Jack. We talk on the phone, but it’s not the same.”
“I know.”
“And you’re still coming for Labor Day, right? I’ve already told Trisha to save the weekend for us. It’ll be cramped, but it will be so nice to have both my girls at home.”
“Yes, we’re still coming,” she said, even though she’d forgotten all about the plans her mother had made. She wondered what Lindsey would do. The thought of Lindsey staying here—alone—for the holiday made her heart ache.
“You know, I was hoping we were going to meet this Lindsey person that Jack talks about nonstop. When you’d said that you’d made friends with her, I didn’t realize you spent as much time together as Jack indicates.”
Hannah nodded. “I invited her to dinner, but, well, she’s…she’s not big on crowds,” she offered as way of an excuse. “But yes, we’ve become friends. I’m embarrassed how I acted when Jack first met her,” she said with a laugh.
“I remember. You thought she was an imaginary friend of his.” Her mother set her rocker in motion. “Is it true what Margie said? That her whole family was killed?”
“Yes. It’s very tragic. And she still has some bad days but, for the most part, she’s no longer grieving.”
“And what about you?” her mother asked quietly.
“Me?”
“Do you have bad days? Do you still grieve?”
She opened her mouth to speak, but she wasn’t sure what to say. No, there were no bad days. There were no more tears. Did she still grieve? She was almost ashamed to admit that, even at night, alone in her bed, she no longer felt the emptiness of James’s absence.
“Honey, it’s okay.”
“Is it? He died in March. It’s not even August and I’m—”
“Living your life. Death…grief. There are no rules.”
“He was sick for so long and…and we knew what the outcome was going to be. I keep telling myself that that’s why I’m not hurting like I should be. I was prepared. James was prepared.”
“You had closure.”
“Yes. I think that’s the difference between me and Lindsey. A plane crash. The whole family.” She turned to her mother. “I can’t even imagine her grief.”
“No, I don’t think anyone could. But Jack seems quite fond of her. Maybe that’s helped both of them. Jack is like a completely different little boy than the one who cried so at the funeral.”
She nodded. “Yes. Lindsey has filled a void in his life too.” She smiled. “I’m quite fond of her as well. She’s been a savior for us this summer. We’ve become…close,” she said carefully. What did that mean exactly? They were friends. Yet…they were more than friends. Weren’t they?
“I worried about you leaving San Antonio, leaving your friends behind. I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to find someone here that you could connect with.” She laughed quietly. “I pictured you turning into a younger version of Margie.”
“What? Bitter and unhappy?”
“Oh, she does have some issues, doesn’t she? And my goodness, she nearly cringed every time Jack mentioned Lindsey’s name.”
“I know. She gets that from Lilly. Apparently some family feud from way back in the day.”
“That’s too bad. Just wasted energy.”
“Yes, it is. But I doubt she has any interest in changing.”
“Speaking of changing, has she gotten over you redoing the kitchen? It’s looks very good, by the way.”
“Thanks. And no. I guess you didn’t hear her snide remark about Lilly not even recognizing her own kitchen. I don’t know what the deal is with her, but she never lets me forget that this is still Lilly’s house and not mine.”
“Would you have interest in staying here permanently? I thought…well, I ho
ped you’d come back to San Antonio.”
“I don’t know. We said we’d give it a year. Once Jack starts school, we’ll see how it goes. He’ll make new friends here. If he likes it, do I move him again just because I might not like it here?”
“You’re still so young, Hannah. In time, you’ll want to date again, surely.”
Hannah laughed. “That’s what you’re worried about? Whether I’ll be able to meet some nice man here?” She shook her head. “That thought hasn’t even crossed my mind. I’m focused on Jack right now.”
“Eventually you’ll need to focus on yourself, though.”
“Mom…I’m doing okay. Emotionally, I’m in a good place now.” She turned to her. “I didn’t expect to feel so…so content here. And at first—as you know—I wasn’t. But now…I’m happy. Jack’s happy.”
“Having your own private section of river helps, I’m sure.”
She nodded. “Yes, having Lindsey in our lives is the biggest thing.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Jack did his best Tarzan yell as he swung off the rope, landing with a splash out in the river. It was yet another glorious summer day, and Hannah was sad to think that they were coming to an end. This was Jack’s last week of freedom, as he called it. Even though he groaned and complained about school starting up again, she knew he was excited. He’d pretended not to enjoy the shopping trip for new clothes and school supplies, but she saw through his guise, catching him organizing his stuff in his new backpack.
She used her hands to paddle her float upstream a little, then relaxed, watching as Lindsey joined Jack at the swing. They’d hardly had any rain during the summer months, but the river was still flowing enough to float. The rapids, however, were now too shallow to be much fun, even though they’d gone there to play just the other day.
Play. Now that Jack would be in school, she imagined that their playtime would cease. At least during the week. She sighed, knowing she would miss it…would miss seeing Lindsey every day. She couldn’t recall the last time that they hadn’t spent the day with her. Even last week when she’d taken Jack shopping, they’d been back by noon and were in the water by one. She supposed the last time they’d been apart was the weekend her parents had visited, over a month ago now.