by KD Robichaux
His mouth opens and closes a couple times, not knowing how to answer. Finally, he says, “I guess I could talk to Doc about that too.”
I laugh lightly. “Don’t get your panties in a twist, big guy. I’m only teasing. I figured we could either take turns, or to save everyone from any confusion, I could top while we’re at home, and you could still be your fully Dominant self at your club. Or, fuck it. We could always fight for the position,” I tell him with a wicked grin.
“You think you could take me, little one?” he asks, a smile in his voice as he leans closer to the phone, his tone all deep and sexy and giving me chills.
I bite my bottom lip then lick the top one. “Oh, I could totally take you, big guy,” I purr.
“Fuck me,” he growls, reaching below the camera’s view to adjust what I know is a very blessed package.
“Plan on it,” I chirp. “Anyway, I gotta get some sleep. Gonna wake up early and finish some edits, and then I’ll be heading your way.”
“All right, beautiful. Text me when you’re leaving,” he orders.
“Will do. Night.” We hang up, and I roll onto my back, staring up at my ceiling for a long while.
When he asked me to come stay with him and see his club, I immediately said yes. Because there’s nothing in this world I want more than to spend every spare second I can with him. It was my knee-jerk reaction. But now, half of me is regretting it.
When we meet up for his missions, we’re on even ground. It’s neither of our territories. We’re in a hotel, somewhere away from where each of us lives, surviving out of suitcases. Nothing is personal except for what our bodies share. I’m so scared that once I step into his space, not only will Brian feel like home, like he always has, but his actual home will feel like home. And it will be so much harder for me to leave. So much harder for me to keep my walls up.
So much harder to keep him safe from me.
Brian
“YOU SEEM ANXIOUS today,” Doc tells me, and I realize my knee is bouncing. The irritating squeak of leather is my own damn fault. I halt the movement and try to relax into the couch inside his office. “Are you usually this way before you see Clarice?”
I shake my head. “No. I’m usually excited, a little anxious to get to her. But I feel like I’m gonna fucking blow a gasket today waiting on her to get here,” I answer honestly.
“Why do you think that is?” he asks in his therapist’s voice, putting his pen into position on top of his notepad.
“I don’t fucking know.” I run my hand through my hair. “Everything, I guess. Will she like my house? Will she like my club? What will she think of my friends? Just… everything.”
“Her opinion matters a lot to you,” he states.
“Her opinion is the only one that matters to me,” I correct, looking him dead in the eye.
He looks into his lap to jot something down. “What do you think would happen if she didn’t like your house?” he prompts, and it makes me stop to really think about it.
“I….” I pause, and then restart. “She’s… she’s optimistic. She’s very laid-back and just goes with the flow. Honestly, I think she’ll really like my house. We have the same taste in a lot of things.”
“And the club?”
“She went with me to a lot of the clubs I visited when deciding what to use and what not to use for Club Alias. When you, me, Seth, and Corbin had our meetings about all our findings, a lot of my notes were her point of view, since I thought it’d be good to get the female perspective instead of just us guys.” I ponder on that for another moment. “And we always find a local BDSM club to visit after every mission, so I have a really strong sense of what she likes and dislikes about each of them. I think she’ll love ours.”
“And your friends?”
I can’t help but smile. “Now that I think about it, I know she’s going to love you guys too. Seth especially. Since I have to work with him on the phone a lot during my missions, she’s heard him on speakerphone. And you know Seth. He can’t just answer your damn questions and end the call. That fucker’s got to joke around and shit. I’m surprised he’s never heard her giggling in the background before.” I rub the back of my neck. “She’s always been curious about you. She knows you found me through her article, and she was there from day one, when you contacted me and asked me to join your team. She’s got you up on a pedestal, like the leader of a team of superheroes.”
He smiles slightly and shifts in his seat. “I don’t know about all that—”
“Cut the shit, Doc.” I interrupt his usual modesty. “You know you’re a badass. Fuck off. This is supposed to be about me.” I chuckle.
“Fair enough. And what about Corbin?” he asks.
“That should be interesting, to say the least.” I grin.
He looks at me curiously. “Why’s that?”
“Corbin met her in Afghanistan. I don’t know if he’ll remember her or not. It would’ve been around the time he got that call from Vi,” I reply.
He grimaces and nods. “Ah, yes. Have you kept Clarice updated with all that?”
“Of course. When you, Seth, and I decided to add Corbin to our team, she questioned me repeatedly whether I thought it was a good idea or not. He was a real hothead, pretty insufferable back in the day, and she witnessed it firsthand. But she was very happy to hear that after ten years, he finally got the love of his life back. And now she’s excited to see how he’s changed.”
Doc sits up straighter in his chair. “Now that’s a story I’d like to hear.”
“Well, as it so happens, that’s the beginning of where you wanted me to pick back up today.”
“Well, perfect. And since I think you’ve finally realized you have nothing to worry about as far as her liking your house, club, and friends go, let’s proceed, shall we?”
Damn Doc and his fucking brilliant diversion tactics. I roll my eyes at my inability to see what he was doing the whole time we’ve been talking. But with my anxiety now at a minimum, I begin to speak.
Eleven Years Ago
FOB Salerno, Afghanistan
“THEY WANTED ME to feed you some shitty-ass dog food they were trying to pass off as—” Clarice halts midsentence, carrying in a tray with my dinner on it, like she’s done for every meal the past week and a half, seeing I’m not alone in my room in the same small clinic I’ve been in since the IED. “Oh, sorry! Didn’t mean to interrupt,” she says, smiling at Corbin.
He looks from her back to me, lifting a brow. “I wasn’t aware they allowed American civilians to play nurse when they came to do a different job entirely.” His voice is full of irritation.
“They’re short on staff. Most of the doctors and nurses had to go to the bigger hospital to care for the soldiers hit by the IED. They allowed her to stay here until I’m ready to be discharged, as long as she doesn’t leave the clinic without a commanding officer,” I explain.
He turns to Clarice, and I can’t see his face, but if her reaction to it is anything to go by, it can’t be a pleasant one. “Well, isn’t that nice? Women all over the world breaking the rules and getting whatever they want, not caring about the consequences or who they may hurt in the process,” he seethes and then faces me once more. “You’d be better off taking care of yourself, Glover, instead of becoming used to someone else being there for you.”
His face is angry, but I can see the pain in his eyes. Without thinking, I reach out and grasp his arm. “I was there the day you met her, Corb,” I speak low, so no one outside the flimsy walls can hear. “I was at your wedding. Vi loves you more than anyone I’ve ever seen love another person. There’s no way, man. There’s gotta be something wro—”
He jerks his arm free, cutting me off. “It’s Sgt. Lowe, Specialist,” he snaps, and even though it shouldn’t—since he is my higher up—it hurts, because, before he got that call from his wife a couple months ago, he was my best friend. He’s the one who pretty much taught me everything there is to know about being a soldier i
n the U.S. Army. He’s been there for me since the day I stepped off the bus from boot camp. Yet, he won’t allow me to be there for him during a time that would kill a weaker man than Corbin Lowe.
Without another word, he brushes past Clarice and leaves, nothing but agony written all over his features.
“Geez, who pissed in his Cheerios?” she asks, finally coming in all the way and setting the tray in my lap.
Instead of plopping down into the chair like she’s been known to do, she walks around to the other side of me and slides into the other cot she’d highjacked from the empty room next to mine. She’d set it up a few days ago right next to the one I lie on, telling me she sleeps better knowing all I’d have to do is nudge her if I need her throughout the night. I swear, this woman.
“He a member of the He Man Woman Hater Club?” she adds, stealing a roll off the tray.
I shake my head. “He recently separated from his wife. Something that absolutely blows my fucking mind. It just doesn’t make any fucking sense.”
“Why? I heard what you said to him. What’s the story?”
I spend the next several minutes telling her all about Corbin and his sweet wife—well, soon-to-be ex-wife. But seeing the way it confused and upset me, considering how they were some of my closest friends, Clarice changes the subject several times, while we both eat dinner, until I completely forget about the not-so-great visit from Sgt. Lowe.
“Smithfield’s,” I reply, answering her question of where the first stop after my deployment is going to be.
“Like… the barbecue joint?” she questions, her face scrunching up.
“Fuck yes. You bet your sweet ass I’m going to devour like four of their pulled pork and coleslaw sandwiches.” My mouth waters just thinking about it.
“Not what I was expecting. But I guess real food will be high on my priority list too,” she concedes.
“What did you expect?” I prompt, nudging her lightly with my elbow.
“Oh, I don’t know. A porn shop, maybe, seeing how that shit is illegal here.” She chuckles. “Or even better, a bar to pick up some chick. I bet that line works great.” She drops her voice low, mimicking a deep male tone. “Hey, baby. I just got back from a deployment, fighting for our country. Wanna make it with a real-life hero who hasn’t seen a pair of tits in a year?” She cackles, and I look at her with feigned disgust.
“There is so much wrong with everything you just said.”
“Yeah right. How?” She pokes me in the ribs.
I playfully swat her hand away. “One, that’s a no on the porn. I don’t need to spend money on that shit when I’ve got better material in my spank bank.” I tap a finger on my temple. “Two, I don’t pick up chicks at bars. I happen to have a pretty high level of respect for women and have never had a one-night stand.” Her eyes widen at that, and she looks like she’s about to ask something, but I cut her off. “Three, it wouldn’t be a year since I saw a pair of tits, because I’ve seen yours like five times now,” I remind her, and she throws her head back and laughs. Exactly what I was aiming for. I fucking love it when she laughs. She does it with her whole body, shaking while her face alights, filling the whole clinic with noise and joy.
“Okay, okay. Rewind. You’ve never had a one-night stand before?” she questions, and I shift a little in my cot. We’ve talked about nearly everything under the sun this past week and a half, but our conversation has never delved much into the sexual category. This is surprising, now that I think about it, especially since we’ve showered together several times, and she caught me masturbating.
“No,” I reply.
“And you’re not a virgin. So… what? Tell me everything,” she probes, flipping onto her stomach and propping herself up on her elbows. “And don’t play hard to get. Kiss and tell, big guy.”
“You’re a nosy little thing, aren’t you?” I lean over and put the now-empty tray on the chair, and then roll onto my left side to face her, scrunching up my pillow between my head and shoulder. “There’s really not much to tell you. I’ve been with two girls. Well, women. Whatever. I lost my virginity my junior year of high school to my girlfriend at the time. I must not’ve been very good, because we never did it again after that. We broke up soon after, couldn’t tell you why.”
Her brow furrows. “Was she a virgin too?”
“Yep.”
“Ah, well that explains it.” She nods like she’s come to some conclusion.
“What explains what?” I ask, watching her smile form.
She props her chin on her hands. “She didn’t know she’d struck gold.”
“Still not following.” I poke her side like she does me, making her squirm.
“Um, hello? You’re 6’8” with a dick that’s well proportioned with the rest of you. And you used that monster to take a girl’s virginity. She probably thinks you scarred her for life, when in fact, she will regret not hanging on to you once she sees what else is out there.”
She says it so nonchalantly, like she’s talking about the weather, that I just stare at her and blink. There are no words.
She thumps me lightly on the forehead. “Did your brain just short-circuit?”
I swat at her hand again. “You kind of just blew my mind.”
She giggles, and I feel the sound hula-hooping around my heart. “Geez, Bri. You’re so sweet it makes my teeth hurt. Did you really not consider…? No. Of course not.” She shakes her head. “You would think she dumped you because of something you did wrong. Not because she couldn’t handle all of what God blessed your hot ass with.”
This makes me grin. “You think I’m hot?”
She groans, grabbing her pillow and hitting me with it before stuffing it under her chest. “Have you looked in a mirror… like ever? Besides the fact that your height automatically gives you an advantage above most men—pun completely intended—you’ve got those killer eyes with lashes I’m severely jealous of. The scruff you’re rocking? Panty-melting. And even when you’re shaven… bro, you could carve things with that jawline. Brad Pitt could use you as a jaw double. And a lip double, in fact. You and ya damn pillowy lips. They’re like a fucking Target ad.” She sings in a hypnotist’s voice, “’Look into my eye,’ the bull’s-eye says. ‘Come buy all the things you never knew you needed.’ But it’s your fucking lips instead. ‘Come over here and kiss me, Clarice. Come press your lips to the sexiest pair you’ve ever seen on a guy. You know you want to see what it feels like.’ And so I did. And they were magical little—”
I can’t stop myself. I shut off her tirade, slamming my mouth down on hers after lunging across the short space between the wooden frames of our cots, and the rest of the world ceases to exist. This isn’t the short and sweet little peck we shared in the shower that first time. No. This is the kiss all other kisses will forever be compared to. She whimpers as my tongue parts her lips to dance with hers, and I deepen the caress, rolling her to her back so I can delve even deeper.
It’s not until her leg wraps around my injured one as she tries to pull me closer that I suck in a breath at the sudden sharp pain. I want to kick myself for being such a pussy, because the sound makes her pull back to look into my face to see what’s wrong. She must realize her position, because she jerks her leg back.
“Oh my God, Bri. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking,” she whispers, and I shake my head, leaning forward to continue our kiss, but she sits up abruptly to check on my bandaged calf. “Fuck. I’m so sorry, big guy. I—”
She looks about ready to burst into tears, so I wrap my arms around her and lie on my back, pulling her down until she lies in my cot with me, snuggled to my side with her head in the crook between my shoulder and chest. “I’m all right, pretty girl. Don’t worry about me.” I stroke her hair, trying to soothe away the tension I feel coiled in her limbs. “Shh, beautiful. I’m okay. I’m invincible, remember? A goddamn superhero, you called me, right? Your tiny little leg bumping my booboo ain’t no thang,” I tease, and I finally feel her rela
x, melting into my side.
Just when I think she’s fallen asleep, her sweet voice comes quietly. “So who was the second?” she asks, and it takes me a minute to realize she means the second woman I’d been with.
“My senior year of high school, I had a girlfriend I was really close to. But we wanted different things out of life. We stayed together through that summer after graduation, and then she went off to college and I joined the army. There wasn’t any big drama or anything. We enjoyed our time together, and then we went our separate ways,” I tell her, and she tilts her head back to look at me.
“I take it your anaconda didn’t scare her off,” she probes with a smirk.
I let out a bark of laughter before shaking my head. “Nah, she didn’t seem to mind it.”
“Atta girl.” She winks. “So that’s it? You haven’t been with anyone since you joined the army?”
“No. I never thought it would be a good idea to try to have a relationship when you pretty much have to be married to your job. Having to be away months and even a year or more at a time… that didn’t seem the best environment for a lasting relationship, and I’m the kind of guy that if I know it’s going to fail from the beginning, then I won’t start it. Why put yourself through all the hardship, when you know you’re not going to turn up the winner?”
She furrows her brow. “Haven’t you ever heard it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?”
“Yeah. And that’s bullshit. I’ll avoid the heartbreak and just focus on what I know I’m supposed to be doing,” I tell her, although that doesn’t seem quite right. Because I’d take a chance on Clarice, even not knowing if it would last or not. I’d be willing to take the chance of us failing if it meant I’d get to be with her for any length of time. But she’s special, unlike anyone I’ve met before, and treats me differently too.
“I can definitely respect you on that one. I’m the same way,” she replies, taking me by surprise, especially after her last question.