by KD Robichaux
Clarice
“CLARICE, WAIT!” Brian calls behind me as I walk as fast as my legs will take me without actually breaking into an all-out run. I have no idea where I’m going. All I know is I need to get away from the two men who were in that room, and I need to do it now.
But I don’t get far down the street before his much longer stride not only catches up to me, but passes me enough to where he’s suddenly making like a wall for me to run right into. He doesn’t embrace me. He doesn’t try to trap me within his arms. And I’m grateful, because I’m scared I would show him a side of myself—an ugly, hysterical, irrevocable side of myself—that would leave me more than a little embarrassed if he saw me that way. Instead, we just stand here, my face buried in his chest, our arms at our sides as he allows me to just breathe him in.
I inhale through my nose, my exhales shuddering and painful as I try to rein my emotions back under control. I feel his pecs flexing, and I imagine he’s using every bit of his self-control not to wrap himself around me, waiting for me to tell him what I need. Exactly what I’ve trained him to do.
I reach up and grasp one of his biceps in my hand before turning my head to the side to rest my ear against his heart. My eyes are tightly closed as I listen to the drum of his pulse, letting it calm me. He’s still alive. He’s still strong, healthy, and alive, all because I haven’t allowed us to give in to our feelings for each other.
“I’m sorry, big guy,” I whisper, and I realize I’ve tried to speak before I’m ready, because tears escape down my exposed cheek. My throat burns as I try to hold in a sob.
“You don’t need to apologize, little one.” His voice rumbles in his chest.
I shake my head against him. “I do, Bri. I thought I could go in there and just breeze right through this shit, but Doc….”
“Yeah. I know, babe. He’s not your average therapist who just bullshits his way through the hour to collect the insurance money,” he murmurs, finally placing his hand around the back of my neck and squeezing gently to massage the tension there.
“I’m so embarrassed,” I admit, my face flushing. “How am I going to face him again after running out of there like a stupid, dramatic girl?”
His chuckle warms me from the inside out, but in a good way, unlike my humiliated blush. “I can assure you, you’re definitely not the first, and you won’t be the last. He’s a tough fucker who will call you out without blinking, but he’s been successful in healing even the most helpless of patients.” He pauses a moment, and then tells me, “If you’d be more comfortable doing your sessions without me in there, I’ll completely under—”
“No.” I shake my head. “That’s ridiculous. There’s nothing I would tell another person that I wouldn’t tell you. You know me better than anyone else ever has. If I have to talk to Doc, you’re going to be there.”
The thought of telling a stranger something I haven’t been able to bring myself to tell Brian feels almost like… cheating. I know how outrageous that sounds, even to myself, but it’s like that part in The Kissing Booth, when Elle asks herself, If you wouldn’t want your best friend to know what you’re doing, should you be doing it at all? He’s my person, my conscience, everything that is good and right in my world. I know it’s strange to think that about a man whose job it is to kill people. But those are terrible people who make this world a scary and bad place, and everyone—and I mean everyone—is better off without them here to wreak havoc.
But it’s been a dream of mine for years to come see Brian’s club. And now that I’ve met Doc and see that I won’t be able to beat around the bush in our sessions, I’m up in the air about whether or not my dream is worth the possibility of losing Brian. If I were to tell them the truth, they’d laugh me off. They wouldn’t take my fears seriously. And that, above everything, would hurt me more than anything in my past.
“I don’t know if I can do this, Bri,” I confess, and his heart begins to pound at my words and he stiffens. I look up into his eyes, seeing the worry there, and it occurs to me he might’ve taken it the wrong way. “The sessions, I mean. I don’t know if I can dig up everything I’ve buried deep and tried to forget for much longer than I’ve even known you. You know me. You know I do my best not to look behind us and am always looking forward to our next adventure.”
He lifts his hand to trace my jawline, sending a thrill down my neck and around my heart. “How about we come to tomorrow’s session, and you decide then? Now that you’ve experienced one of Doc’s appointments, maybe you’ll be better prepared the next time.”
I nod, seeing the hope in his eyes. “I can do that.”
SEVERAL HOURS LATER, we’re in Brian’s truck, heading to Corbin and Vi’s new house for dinner. I’m pretty nervous about seeing him again, since the first and only time I met him before had been that day in Afghanistan, and he hadn’t been the nicest person toward me. Brian assures me he’s a completely different person than the one I met, but first impressions and all that.
When we pull into the driveway of the pretty white two-story plantation style home, I see several people sitting on the wraparound front porch, and my heart begins to pick up its pace. These are Brian’s people. These are the most important people in his life, the ones he sees every day, who he works with, trusts with his life, and the ones who have helped mold him into the person he is today. I have no idea what he’s told them about me, or if we’re showing up and I’ll be a big surprise to everyone. All I know is he told me to throw on some clothes after we had the best shower sex in the history of ever in his massive shower as he described everything he’d imagined when I caught him fucking his fist in Afghanistan. Then he told me we were heading to Corbin’s for a new weekly tradition that started about a month ago when his wife Vi demanded they all meet up on Friday nights for dinner before they went to work at the club.
“Do they know I’m coming?” I ask him when he reaches for his door handle.
“I had a long talk with them the night before you got here. They’re excited to meet you, lover,” he promises, and I give him a nervous smile.
“All right. Let’s do this,” I say, and he hurries around the front of his truck to open my door.
“Awwww, he’s being such a gentleman!” I hear a woman’s voice coo from the porch, followed by a couple rounds of shushing.
“Oh hush,” comes a different female voice. “I was thinking the same thing, Vi. And why don’t you open my door for me like that?” she asks, and I pull my lips between my teeth to keep from laughing. Brian’s always done that for me. He said his momma would kick his ass if he didn’t open a door for a lady.
“There are no doors on a motorcycle, doll. Sheesh!” comes the reply.
Oh my gosh. That was Seth! He’s the only one out of the guys who rides a motorcycle, as far as Brian’s told me. And suddenly I’m completely giddy to meet everyone instead of anxious.
“Yeah, but we have my car.” And that confirms it. That was totally Twyla.
Excitement gets the best of me, and I pick up my pace, forcing myself not to break into a run. When we reach the steps, everyone stands up from their rocking chairs to greet us except for the dark-haired woman who’s currently holding a sleeping baby in her arms, but she beams the most beautiful smile at me when our eyes meet.
“She does exist!” The voice I recognize distinctly as Seth’s comes from a handsome bearded man with laughing eyes. “Nice to meet you, Clarice,” he tells me, holding out his hand. But I shove it to the side and wrap my arms around his neck, doing a happy little dance before pulling away.
“Oh my God! You’re Seth! I feel like I already know you. I’ve heard so many conversations between you and the big guy on his missions. Thank you so much for all the shit you give him. Happy to know I’m not the only one,” I ramble. “I’m serious. If I didn’t have Bri, I’d totally make you my BFF.”
“Hey! That’s my bestie. I will fight you,” the dark-haired woman holding the baby calls, and when I peek around Seth’s sho
ulder, she grins and winks at me.
“Um, both you bitches need to back off. That’s my husband you’re fighting over,” the beautiful woman next to Seth, with a cute black bob and thick-rimmed glasses, says with a chuckle. I glance down to see her rubbing her small baby bump and smile.
“Oh my gosh, Twyla. You’re pregnant?” I choke out, my eyes getting misty. I look up at Brian. “You didn’t tell me?”
“Don’t look at me with those accusey eyes. I only found out this week. I got so busy with all the Doc sessions and preparing for your visit I totally forgot to tell you,” he replies, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
“I guess that’s acceptable,” I grumble, turning back to Twyla. “Congratulations, you two. I’m so happy for you I could seriously cry. Brian’s told me so much about all of you. I feel like I’ve been right here with y’all through everything.”
A man covered in tattoos, wearing a black V-neck tee that shows off the top of his chest piece, steps up on the other side of Seth. “Which is surprising to hear, since none of us even knew you existed. Well… except me. I met you a long, long time ago. And I just wanted to say I’m sorry for how rude I was back then.”
“Sgt. Lowe,” I breathe, hardly able to speak. Because the man before me may favor the heartbroken person I met in Afghanistan, but now, he’s practically glowing with happiness, and I know for certain Brian was right. I shake myself. “Corbin, I mean. Sorry. Oh gosh, I’m so happy you got your wife back. Oh, shit. Why am I so weepy?” I fan at my eyes.
He chuckles, and I barely contain my groan as he tries to lighten the mood by saying in a put-on creepy voice, “Hello, Clarice.”
Before I can pretend to laugh, Seth cuts me off. “Ugggghhh, seriously?”
“What? The Silence of the Lambs. I thought you’d be impressed I actually used a movie quote,” Corbin says, his brow furrowing at his friend.
“Maybe if you got the quote right, fucker.” As if I didn’t like Seth enough.... “Hannibal Lector never says ‘Hello, Clarice’ in The Silence of the Lambs.”
“Bullshit. Everyone knows that line. Even people who haven’t seen the mov—”
Seth shakes his head. “Negative, Ghost Rider. Dr. Lector tells the FBI trainee, ‘Good evening, Clarice,’ at one point, but after someone misquoted the line, everyone remembered it the wrong way. It was so popularly remembered incorrectly that they put ‘Hello, Clarice’ in the sequel. But it was never in the original classic. Google it if you don’t believe me. It’s called the Mandela Effect.”
“Who needs Google when we have a literal genius on the payroll?” Corbin concedes.
“This is the first time in my life I wasn’t the one who had to explain that shit.” I grin at Seth, and I feel Brian’s arm come around me before he pulls me into his side.
“Oooo, someone’s getting a little possessive,” Seth teases him. “Don’t worry. I’m no longer Mr. Steal Ya Girl. Ouch!” He rubs at the spot on his chest Twyla just smacked. “What, doll? Geez! I said no longer!”
“Quit picking on Brian,” she scolds at her husband. “This is a big deal for him.”
Seth’s face softens before turning his eyes to mine. “It really is great to meet you. Even though it’s kinda fucked up we never knew about you.” He narrows his pretty hazel eyes up at his best friend. “But I can see he wanted to keep you all to himself. I’d be nervous to introduce my girl to the awesomeness that is me too.” At Twyla’s light growl, he grins. “Kidding. Sorta.”
“I’m Vi, by the way,” I hear coming from behind everyone, and they part down the middle so I can see the woman in the rocking chair clearly. “I promise I’m not trying to be rude. This little guy was just too big to come out on his own three weeks ago, and I had to have a C-section. And Daddy still gets pissy when I try to walk around, even though I’m fine now.” She squints at Corbin before blowing him a kiss.
I wiggle out of Brian’s hold and make my way over to her, kneeling beside her. Without disturbing the sleeping little angel in her arms, I squeeze Vi’s bicep, smiling up at her. “I know you don’t know me yet, but I’m so, so happy for you. Thank you for being one of Brian’s first friends when he joined the army and got stationed here. Who knows what he would’ve been like when I met him in Afghanistan if you and Corbin hadn’t pulled him out of his funk with rock climbing?”
Her eyes alight with surprise and then warmth. “Man, he really has told you every little detail about all of us, huh?” At my nod, she continues, “Which totally explains why he’s such a grump all the time.”
I tilt my head to the side in question. “A grump? Brian?” I glance over at him, my brows furrowed. “He’s the sweetest and happiest person I know. I’ve only seen him grumpy a handful of times in more than a decade.”
A hush falls over the group, and I look around, confused at all their shocked faces.
It’s Seth who breaks the silence first. He bursts out with contagious laughter that spreads across the rest of the friends. Except for Brian. He crosses his arms over his chest and raises his brow at me. I can’t help but giggle.
“Obviously, he saves all his happy energy for you, Clarice,” Vi says. “When he’s home and not on a mission, he’s like a lost—”
“All right, guys. Shall we head inside? I’m starving,” Brian interrupts her, taking a step toward me.
I stand but lean down to her ear before he pulls me away. “We can talk later,” I stage-whisper so he can hear.
“Not gonna happen, lover,” he grumbles before asking the group, “Is Doc coming?”
Twyla replies, “Yeah, he had a late appointment and then was swinging by his house to pick up my sister.”
“Ah, fuck,” comes out of my mouth before I can stop it, and all eyes turn to me as my cheeks grow warm. “Uh, sorry. My session didn’t go too well with him earlier. It didn’t even dawn on me I’d have to face him tonight after running out of his office.”
“Oh, please, girl,” Vi starts. “I’ve stormed out a few times. He’s freaking psychic, or clairvoyant, or whatever the hell it is where he can read your mind. But I promise he doesn’t take it personally and he won’t hold it against you.”
I relax tremendously. I’d been worried about the next time I’d see Doc again, if I’d be scolded for cutting our session short.
“When we go inside, be careful not to let the door slam. If we wake Genevieve up and she hears Seth’s voice, she’ll never go back to sleep. We’ll be eating dinner out on the back patio tonight. Corbin is grilling chicken and beef for fajitas,” Vi tells us.
“Yeah, Seth. So keep your loud ass quiet,” Corbin adds.
Seth smirks. “Don’t be jelly your toddler loves me more than you.”
“She doesn’t love you more. She just identifies more with your maturity level,” Corbin taunts, and Seth sticks his tongue out at him, making me laugh. But we all shut up as soon as Brian reaches for the screen door handle, unwilling to face Vi’s wrath.
We make it to the kitchen without being too loud, and I follow everyone’s lead when they get their own drinks out of the refrigerator before going out the back door to the patio there. It’s as if the wraparound porch has been stretched out several yards, fitting a badass outdoor kitchen with a huge round table large enough to fit all of us and then some.
“You think he’ll ever let me climb the damn stairs again, or will I be forced to live on the first floor until he can carry me up at night for the rest of my life?” Vi grumbles as she steps through the back door, her arm hooked through Seth’s. She walks slowly and slightly hunched forward, and it makes my own womb ache watching her.
“You’re technically not supposed to be carrying the baby around anyway for like, three more weeks, sweet cheeks. Give yourself time to heal. Corbin is just trying to take care of his most prized possessions. Think of it as his way of making up for lost time. You know he still feels guilty for that shit,” he tells her softly.
She sighs. “It’s been three years since we got back together. He do
esn’t need to feel guilty anymore.”
“Babe, he’ll feel guilty for missing out on that decade for the rest of his life. Just let him dote on you. Enjoy it. You deserve it. You just birthed two whole humans in as many years. Let it happen.”
I love seeing their friendship. If it wasn’t my first time meeting everyone, I would snap photos of these precious moments, but they’d probably find it weird since they don’t know me the way I feel like I know them already.
Corbin exits a couple minutes later, and he comes over to where Vi is seated at the round table three seats to the right of me and hands her a baby monitor, kissing her forehead before making his way over to the grill. I assume he’ll sit next to her in the empty seat to her left, as Brian slides out the one next to it before wrapping his arm around the back of my chair. On the other side of Vi is Seth, then Twyla.
I look up just as a stunning blonde walks through the back door, singsonging a hello to everyone as she heads straight for the seat next to Twyla. This must be her sister, as the blonde kisses her on the cheek before leaning over and kissing her belly.
Twyla giggles. “Is this the greeting I get to look forward to for the next five months, Auntie Astrid?”
“I gotta make sure she comes out knowing who her favorite aunt is. When it was just the two of us growing up, I didn’t have any competition. Now I’ve gotta beat out this bitch.” She gestures to Vi with a playful smile and then spots me. “Oh hell. Not another one. I’m gonna have to up my game.”
I choke out a laugh. “Nice to meet you too. You must be Astrid,” I tell her, and she gives me a genuine smile.
“And judging by the way Brian looks as if he’s finally extracted the stick that’s perpetual betwixt his buttocks, you must be Clarice. You have no idea how excited Neil was when he came home from work the other day after Brian told him about you,” Astrid confides.
“Neil?” I look between her and Brian, but before either of them can answer, Doc takes the seat next to her, which puts him right next to me, completing the circle.