She nodded. “I wouldn’t have if it hadn’t been for my dad.” She still wasn’t sure if she was doing the right thing, but she’d trust her daddy.
“I know, and I’ll be eternally grateful for his help.” He let go of her hand and took a small bite of his food. “I’ve missed you more than I can say.”
She smiled. “I’ve missed you, too. Losing you was like losing my hand. Something fun would happen and I’d think, ‘I can’t wait to tell Mark.’ And then I’d remember you were married to Jennifer. I haven’t gone a single day without thinking about you.” She hoped she wasn’t giving him too much power over her by admitting it.
“Thanks for saying that. I don’t want to feel like I’m pushing you into a relationship, but I’m so lost without you. I need you in my life to feel whole.”
She wasn’t sure how to respond, so she simply nodded. How could she admit that she needed him to feel whole as well?
After dinner, he walked her out to the truck. “Would you like to go get some ice cream? Maybe walk around one of the outdoor malls?” He couldn’t let the night end yet. He needed to keep her close. His boys would be fine with her parents.
It was still hot out, but it wasn’t as stifling as it had been earlier in the day. June was not a good month to spend a lot of time outside in Texas. “I’d love to.”
He drove through the still busy streets of Arlington to the outdoor mall closest to his home. When she went to open the door to get out, he stilled her with his hand. “Wait.”
She looked at him curiously. “What?”
He moved closer to her across the seat and lowered his head slowly. He gave her plenty of time to back away if she was of a mind to, but she didn’t. She raised her lips to his, wrapping her arms around him tightly.
His kiss shook her to the core of her being. His tongue slipped between her lips, joining hers in a subtle mating dance. His hands pulled her closer against him. Her breasts were crushed against the wall of his chest. After a moment, he pulled away. “I feel like I’ve gone back in time. Wasn’t it just about twelve years ago that we’d go out somewhere and end up in my old car making out?”
She grinned. “It’s been a really long time since I sat in a car with a man making out.” Mark was the only man she’d ever done that with, but she wasn’t going to tell him that.
He frowned at that. He didn’t like the idea of her making out with anyone but him. He wanted to kick himself for the double standard, though. He’d been married for most of the years they’d been apart. Why shouldn’t she have relationships?
“Do you want to walk?” he asked. He tried not to act too abrupt. It was his fault she’d even thought about a relationship with another man.
She nodded, getting out of the truck. “This mall is new. I haven’t been here yet.” So much in Arlington had grown in the past few years. Thankfully all the major streets were still the same and she could find her way around with no problem.
He took her hand and walked with her slowly along the sidewalks. They were all still open, and she stared through the windows. They stopped at a small ice cream shop, and he bought her a cone. “You’re not going to get one?” she asked.
“Nahh. I just want one lick. You’ll let me have that, won’t you?”
She smiled. They’d shared more ice cream cones than she could count over the years. He held the door for her as they left. She licked the cone and held it up for him. He took a quick lick of it and made a face. “You always go for the weird flavors. What is that?”
“You should have paid attention while I was ordering instead of ogling my butt.” She grinned up at him. “It’s Amaretto and I had some Heath mixed in.”
“Next time, I get to pick the flavor.”
She laughed. “Never. If you don’t like my flavors, buy your own cone!”
She couldn’t believe how quickly they’d fallen into the easy camaraderie they’d always shared. She’d never felt as at ease with any other man. She’d dated a bit over the years, but never seriously. She’d always known, deep down, that for her there was only one man. And he was beside her now.
Eventually they found their way back to the truck. He glanced at the clock on the console. “It’s after eight. I guess we’d better head back.”
She nodded. She couldn’t believe how reluctant she was to end their evening together. She slid across the seat and pulled his head down to hers for one more passionate kiss. “I’m not ready to let you go, yet,” she whispered.
He smiled as he buckled his seat belt. “You’re not letting me go. Your dad will still be here tomorrow night. They’ll watch the boys again if you’re up for it.”
She nodded. “I feel bad about leaving the boys out, though.”
“Don’t. I haven’t dated at all since Jennifer died. They know that I’ve been in love with you all these years. She used to yell at me about you every time we argued. So every day or so.”
“I know it’s sad and petty, but I’m so glad knowing you loved me made her life miserable.”
He laughed. “That’s not petty at all. She did everything she could to split us up. She loved the idea of having a man dote on her the way I did you. When I wasn’t the same man for her as I’d been for you, she didn’t want me anymore. Of course, by the time she realized I wasn’t going to worship her, we already had the boys. That’s when she started going to bars every night.”
“I’m glad she’s not your wife anymore. I won’t go so far as to say I’m glad she’s dead, but I’m glad you’re not married.”
He smiled. “I’m glad she’s not influencing my boys anymore. They’re sweet loving kids. I don’t know how long that could have lasted with her as a mother.”
They drove through the streets in silence after that. She thought about how horrible it must have been for the boys and was glad that her parents had “adopted” them. She’d do her best to treat them like they deserved to be treated.
Pulling up in his driveway, Mark killed the truck and turned to her. “Thank you for agreeing to go out with me tonight.”
She smiled. “I had a wonderful time. Thanks for inviting me.” She moved across the seat into his arms again. She wondered how long they’d be able to hold out if they kept kissing as much as they were, and then her mind became mush and she could think of nothing at all again. How could she possibly think with her arms around Mark?
His lips strayed to the side of her neck while his hands roamed up and down her back. One hand slipped around to her breast and cupped it in his huge palm.
She let out a low moan and arched into his hand. “I forgot just how good this felt,” she whispered.
He groaned and gently bit the side of her neck. “Let me call your parents and see if the boys can spend the night. Come inside with me. I’ll remind you how good everything feels.”
“I can’t. My parents raised me better than that.” She didn’t like giving that answer, but for now, it was the only answer she had.
He sighed and pulled back, looking into her eyes. “You still holding out for marriage?”
She blushed, but nodded. “Yeah.”
He let out a low groan and pressed his forehead to hers. “It was really hard to kiss and walk away when we were teenagers. It’s even harder now.”
“I’m sorry.” She said the words with feeling. She was sorry. She didn’t want to cause him any discomfort, but she wasn’t going to betray her principals.
He brushed his lips quickly across hers. “Sorry for waiting for marriage? Why? We decided to do that together when we were fourteen. I can’t fault you for it. I can wish it was different and want to drag you off to my bed, but I won’t criticize you for it.”
She smiled, kissing his chin. “I appreciate the understanding. If it helps at all, if I listened to my body, I’d be under you in bed spreading my legs for you right now.”
He choked for a moment, staring at her with surprise. “You’re a little freer with your words than you were twelve years ago.” The words helped and they d
idn’t. They made it harder to let her go, but he was thrilled to hear she felt the same way he did. After all they’d been through, the passion wasn’t going anywhere.
She giggled. “I’ve grown up a bit during that time. I do want you, Mark, but I’m not ready yet.”
He nodded. “I understand, but if you want to walk into your parents’ house tonight, instead of being carried to my bed, it’s time for us to go in.”
She leaned forward and brushed one more quick kiss across his lips. “I’ll dream of you.”
He smiled. “I always dream of you.”
They got out of the truck and walked to the door hand in hand. She opened the door and found her parents sitting at the dining room table playing a board game with Michael and Matthew.
Beth looked down at their linked hands and met David’s eyes. They both seemed to be trying not to smile. Susie had no doubt they were thrilled with the situation. She wasn’t going to comment on it, though, and hoped they wouldn’t either.
“It’s time to go boys. It’s late and we need to be up early.” Mark gestured for the boys to get up as he spoke.
Both boys let out a loud groan. “Can we finish our game first, please, Dad?” Matthew asked.
Mark shook his head. “How about you stay here again tomorrow night, and I take Susie out again?”
Michael smirked. “Are you guys gonna kiss?”
Susie laughed. “We sure are. You wanna watch?” She was teasing them, of course. Mark had never felt comfortable kissing her in front of her parents. She was sure that he’d never kiss her in front of his sons.
“Ewwwwwww,” Michael yelled.
“Gross!” Matthew said.
Mark grinned. “Whatcha think? Should we torture them?” He knew she hadn’t planned on him agreeing, but he was sure willing. Why not?
“Absolutely. I can’t think of anything more fun than torturing a couple of nine year olds.” She tilted her face up to his to wait for the kiss.
He pulled her to him and tipped her dramatically back over one arm, giving her a loud smacking kiss on the lips. She giggled as she listened to the boys making gagging sounds in the background.
After a moment, Michael said very seriously. “Dad, you need to marry Susie. We need a mom. She’d make a good one.”
Susie stiffened and stood up awkwardly. She wasn’t going to think about what had happened to their wedding plans before. She’d found the wedding dress she and her mother had picked out the summer she’d graduated from high school in the closet in her old bedroom. She’d told her mother to burn it when she’d found out Mark was marrying Jennifer, but her mother obviously hadn’t listened.
She simply said, “Good night,” and fled to her bedroom. A couple of fun nights with Mark was one thing. Could she even contemplate marrying him again? Her heart beat quicker at the idea. Yeah, she could think about it. But would it be the biggest mistake of her life?
Chapter Five
Susie walked slowly down the aisle in her beautiful white dress toward a man with his back to her at the front of a church. She felt all the old feelings racing through her body. Finally, she would be Mark’s wife. They would spend their lives together as they’d always planned. She was almost to the front when he turned. He was laughing at her with Jennifer’s face.
She was jarred awake and glanced at the alarm clock next to her bed. It wasn’t even five yet. Mark dropped the boys off at six. She sighed and dragged herself out of bed. She got into the shower and let the water pound down on her. She stayed in there a long time just thinking about her life. Had she made a huge mistake by allowing Mark back into her life? If it weren’t for her mother, she’d head home immediately.
She dressed slowly, and walked to the kitchen to fix breakfast. Her dad’s favorite had always been French toast, so she mixed the eggs and milk up and got out a loaf of bread. While she waited for the skillet to heat, she set the table. Her dad wandered into the kitchen yawning as she plopped the first six pieces onto a platter. She took the bacon from the microwave and set it on another plate in front of him.
“This looks great, Susie. Thanks.”
“I had to fix your favorite, Dad.” She’d learned from her mother that anytime her dad was home was a time to celebrate. They’d taken turns pampering him with special meals.
David smiled at her. “How was your night with Mark?”
She sighed. “It was great. I felt like I’d turned back time.” She paused for a moment while she flipped the bread on the griddle. “I don’t know if I can do it, though. I forgive him. I honestly do. The problem is I just don’t trust him anymore. I can’t believe that he really loves me and wouldn’t hurt me again.”
“I know. Take it slow, and see what happens. I really think he’s the only man for you, so I want you to give him a chance.” He buttered his French toast and added syrup as he spoke. “If it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t work out. But if it does, you’ll have the life that you always dreamed of.”
Susie dropped the toast onto a plate and looked at her dad for a moment. “But what if he breaks my heart again?”
“Let me ask you this. Is your life happier with him or without him? How many times have you thought about him while he wasn’t with you? How many other men have you dated who made you feel like Mark does?”
She sighed and shook her head, turning back to the griddle. “You know that I only go on first dates. No one is like Mark. He’s my best friend and the only man I’ve ever loved.”
“That makes it all worth it.” He ate a bite of his breakfast with his eyes closed. His little girl made the best French toast he’d ever tasted. Not that he’d tell his wife that. “I’m not just saying all this so you’ll move home to Texas either.” He winked at her. “Although, I’d love for you to make me breakfast every morning.”
She laughed. “I know that, Dad. You wouldn’t want me to live so close and be miserable.”
“Just see how it goes. Go out with him tonight. See if the old feelings are there.”
“That’s what scares me. The feelings are there. How can I feel so much for someone who has hurt me like he has?” Why didn’t a heart have a switch to be shut off whenever necessary?
David shrugged. “You heart knows its mate. You can’t lie to it.”
The front door opened and Mark and the boys walked into the kitchen. “Mmm. Breakfast smells good,” Mark said. He gave Susie a surreptitious look, hoping she’d gotten over whatever had caused her to run from the room the night before. He walked over and dropped a quick kiss onto her cheek. “Does it taste as good as it smells?”
She smiled up at him, unable to keep the nerves from her eyes. “I hope so. Dad’s certainly happy with it.”
Mark sat down at the table and fixed himself a plate. Susie put one last plate into the microwave to keep it warm for her mom and joined them at the table. The boys were already forking food to their mouths.
Mark took one bite and closed his eyes. “This is so good. What do you do different from everyone else?”
She shrugged. “Not much. I just enjoy cooking.”
He noted the red circles around her eyes. “Did you sleep okay?”
“I tossed and turned most of the night. When I finally did sleep, I had a nightmare.” She forked up a bite of food avoiding his gaze.
“I’m sorry. Do you need to cancel tonight?”
She thought about that for a minute. It would be a great excuse to slow down wherever they were headed, but she couldn’t let herself take the coward’s way out. She shook her head. “With Dad home, I can get a nap today. He’ll swim with the boys.”
He quickly finished eating and squeezed her hand tightly. “I’ll shower and change when I get home so I’ll be about twenty minutes later than usual. Maybe we can see a movie tonight?”
She smiled tiredly. “Sounds good. I’ll look forward to it.”
“Walk me out?” he asked.
She pushed her plate away and stood. She couldn’t force food down this morning any
way. She followed him outside and turned to him. “What’s up?”
“You seem really down this morning. You okay?” His fingers stroked her cheek as he asked. “I wish I could stay home and be with you, but I have a project that I have to finish.”
“I’m okay. I’m just nervous about starting a relationship with you. It’s hard to start trusting again after everything we’ve been through.” She felt like she needed to be totally honest with him. He had a right to know that the idea of a relationship with him made her nervous.
He closed his eyes for a moment. How could he convince her that he was going to cherish every moment they had for the rest of his life? “I’m sorry. I wish I knew how to convince you, but I don’t. We’ll take it one step at a time. Okay?”
She nodded. “Just don’t expect me to make any major changes quickly.”
He took her hand and pulled her to him, simply wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly. “I love you, Susie. I’ve loved you my whole life, and I’m never going to stop.”
She buried her face against the side of his neck. She loved being so close to him. As he held her, she felt her body relax. “I hope not,” she whispered.
He dropped a quick kiss to her lips and headed toward his truck. “How long will your dad be home?”
“He’s leaving Monday morning.”
“How about spending the day at Six Flags with the boys and me tomorrow?” He wanted to spend some time with her and the boys acting like a family. Maybe it would convince her she needed to stay.
She grinned. “I haven’t been to Six Flags since I quit working there when I started college. I wonder if I can find my way around without the employee passages.”
“Is that a yes?”
She nodded. “I’d like that.”
“Don’t tell the boys yet. I’d rather surprise them in the morning.”
He got into his truck and drove away. She watched him go wishing the past had been different. She wished the two boys sitting with her dad were her own, and not Jennifer’s. She wished he was coming home to her tonight and they could sleep together in his big bed. She sighed. Wishing got her nowhere.
Lies Page 4