by A. Destiny
“She’s not lying,” I say. “It makes sense. It’s why he never made a move. Megan said he thinks of me like a sister. Obviously, she was telling the truth. He fell for her. He told her about our routine. Clearly, he wasn’t that impressed at the end, and he went for her instead. He just felt sorry for me.”
I feel sick saying it, but there’s a note of truth in the words, like a part of me knows reason when I hear it.
Riley sighs.
“Just try not to think about it,” she says. “You’ve got an act to prep and a show to rock. Don’t let one boy ruin your entire vacation.”
I nod, but that’s easier said than done. First the trapeze, then Branden . . . it’s like nothing I actually wanted to happen during spring break went right. I should have just stayed home. At least then I wouldn’t be going through so much heartache.
“Come on,” she says, nudging me. “You still got me. I’ll make sure you have a great camp. First stop: juggling practice till your fingers bleed!”
I try to smile and let her lead me inside the tent. I wish I could share her enthusiasm, wish I could just let it go as easily as she does. But all through practice, I can’t focus on anything but my own thoughts. I can only go over last night and wonder where I went wrong.
Then, near the end of practice, it hits me: I didn’t do anything wrong.
It’s just that there was never any competition. Megan was always going to win Branden in the end—she was talented and smart and gorgeous. She’d already known him for years. She went for what she wanted.
Believing Branden might go for me had just been a lie I was telling myself. And that lie had finally died under the spotlight of truth.
• • •
It’s hard to concentrate on anything besides my overwhelming desire to be anywhere but camp. Not even Riley and Tyler’s antics can cheer me up. I spy Branden sitting next to Megan at lunch, and that just makes it worse. He looks over at me, once, and gives me a sad smile. I don’t return it, just look back to Tyler and try to follow along with whatever joke he’s telling. I don’t even have it in me to pretend to laugh at the punch line. I just sit there and stare at the table and wonder if it would be a bad idea to call home and have my parents pick me up.
“You’re really letting this get you down, aren’t you?” Kevin asks.
I hadn’t even noticed him sitting beside me, I was so out of it. He gives me a comforting smile.
“Yeah,” I admit. Both Riley and Tyler are totally caught up in their joke. It’s like they’re in their own little world.
“Well,” he says, “I wouldn’t worry too much. You’re a talented girl, and gorgeous. What you did onstage last night showed the mark of a true star. If Branden is too blinded by some silly girl, it’s his loss, not yours. Any guy here would be lucky to call you his girlfriend.”
His words warm a side of my heart that had previously been numb. Had I ever been complimented by a guy like this? Told that I was talented and pretty? I mean, sure, he’s gay, but that doesn’t take away the sincerity behind it.
“You mean it?” I ask. I feel a little pathetic voicing it, but I’m not above feeling a little pathetic right now.
“Of course I do,” he says. “I thought that the moment I met you. You’re going to be big, Jenn. You just have to start having some faith in yourself. I do. Heck, we all do.”
And then, in spite of everything, I smile.
“Thanks, Kevin,” I say.
“Of course,” he says. Then he leans over and wraps me in a hug.
“What did I miss?” Riley asks, poking her head next to mine.
I giggle.
“Get in here,” Kevin says, and pulls her into the hug as well.
“Lovefest! I want to join!” Tyler runs around the table and wraps his arms around us, squeezing tight.
I fall into a burst of giggles.
• • •
Even though I still feel a little crappy after lunch, and even though I do go call my parents, I don’t ask them to pick me up. Instead I tell them that I’m having a great time and that I can’t wait for them to see the show on Saturday. Which, once I say it, I realize is only two days away. Two days! I have to put an act together in two days! When I hang up the phone, Branden is almost entirely pushed from my mind. It’s hard to worry about boys when you have a routine to practice. Even when said boy is as perfect and frustrating as Branden.
When I leave my room for the practice tent, my bad luck turns even worse. I run straight into Megan.
“You know,” she says when I’ve taken a few steps past her, “Branden’s a really good kisser. It’s a shame he wasn’t interested in you. Well, shame for you. It’s definitely not his loss.”
I turn around, rage boiling out of nowhere. The last thing I need, however, is to get kicked out right now, so I try to keep the anger in check. With my luck, Leena’s probably in her room, overhearing every word.
“Why are you like this?” I ask. “Are you really that sad of a human being?”
Clearly, that’s not what Megan was expecting. She raises one perfect blond eyebrow and gives me a look like she’s re-evaluating me.
“Is that really the best you got?” she asks finally.
“You think you’re so cool,” I say, “but I’ve watched you in the cafeteria. The only people who’ll talk to you are your sisters. So if winning Branden or whatever you think you’re doing makes you happy, do it. I just hope you’re actually happy.”
Then, before she can make a good comeback, I turn and storm off down the hall.
“Yeah, well, you’re ugly!” she calls. I just shake my head and don’t look back. She’s not worth the trouble.
• • •
In spite of the anger that’s still shaking through my veins, when I find Riley again I actually feel kind of good about myself. I’ve never really stood up for anyone before, let alone myself, and it feels nice. Empowering. Especially since I didn’t sink to Megan’s level; I never knew revenge on the high road could feel so good.
“You look . . . actually, I don’t know how you look right now,” Riley says. “You’re a strange mix between smiling and vengeful. Like some evil cat overlord.”
I grin and pick up the juggling balls on the side table.
“I just had an interaction with Megan,” I say, tossing Riley a few balls. The other kids in the juggling tent have already starting practicing; the air is filled with music and the thud of juggling props.
“That explains the vengeful,” Riley says, tossing the balls back. This back-and-forth passing has become our warm-up; it’s hard to believe that last week, I couldn’t even juggle two balls by myself. “But where’s the happy coming from? Did you punch her?” Her eyes light up at that, which just makes me smile harder. The idea of little Riley getting into any sort of fight is kind of hilarious. Though I’m sure she’d pack a punch if she tried.
“No,” I chuckle, “I didn’t punch her. I just told her off and wished her well and left her in the hall.”
“That’s . . . really strange. You do realize you’re really strange, right?” She tosses the balls a little faster, and I hustle to keep up with the new speed. It’s not the same tempo as the music, which really throws me off. “You’re supposed to be all mean and witty, not give peace talks.”
I shrug, which is amazingly hard to do while juggling. It nearly makes me miss a pass.
“It just didn’t seem worth it,” I say. “I’m not about to fight her, especially when I only have to see her another two days. After the show, she’s history.”
“What about Branden?” Riley asks.
I drop the pass. The ball rolls away, but I don’t go to catch it—we’re juggling seven now, and if I run for the missed ball, I’ll screw up the rest.
“What about him?” I ask.
“Well, you still like him, don’t you?”
I open my mouth to say, No, of course not, why would I like someone who played me like that? but then I realize . . . I do still like him. For
some strange reason, I haven’t given up on him, not entirely.
“Ugh,” I say instead. I can’t tell if I’m disgusted at him or at myself.
“That’s what I thought,” she says. “You’re not very good at hiding your emotions.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Not right now.” I glance around. Although the other kids are all intent on their practice, the music isn’t loud enough to drown out the conversation. I know it’s no better than school—they’re probably listening in, waiting to have something to gossip about later. “Anyway, what’s the plan for the routine? We’ve only got two days.”
“Well,” she says, doing a quick spin in place and just making the next catch. “I was inspired by your singing last night.”
“I’m not singing,” I interrupt quickly.
“No, no,” she continues, “I meant more your moves. I think we should choreograph something, make it more of a dance and less of a normal juggling routine. I mean, how often do you see two chicks juggling together?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “I’m guessing the question was rhetorical, so probably not very often.”
“Practically never,” she replies. “Normally it’s just guys who do partner juggling. Girls are expected to be pretty gymnasts and wear sparkles.”
“I thought you liked sparkles,” I say.
“Sure, when I want to be wearing them. Otherwise, it’s the patriarchy, man.”
I laugh. “Okay, okay, so to fight patriarchy we’re going to do a dance juggling routine.”
“Yep!”
“I don’t see how that helps any.”
“It probably doesn’t,” she says with a shrug. “But that doesn’t mean it hurts to try! If nothing else, it will keep your mind off things.”
“Wait . . . this isn’t just some grand scheme of yours to get Branden back for me, is it?”
She gives me her most innocent, winning smile.
“Me? Scheme? Jennifer, it’s like you don’t even know me.”
“Oh, I do,” I say with a laugh. “And that’s precisely why I’m asking.”
She just keeps smiling and changes up the juggling pattern. I don’t ask her again, but I’ve got a funny feeling I already know the answer.
Chapter Nineteen
By the end of that afternoon’s practice, we have the rough skeleton of an act. Which is good, since according to our instructors, we’ll have only one more session to practice our act before everything gets put together for the first run-through tomorrow afternoon. So, a few more hours to fine-tune, and then we get to practice with the rest of the camp. Then it’s showtime.
“I can’t believe it’s almost over,” I tell Riley as we walk to the cafeteria.
“I know,” she says. “Stupid spring break not being long enough. But don’t worry, we’ll all still be in touch. This is just the beginning!”
In spite of her enthusiasm, I still feel low. I was getting used to the circus life—up early for breakfast and training, practicing all day, and hanging out with friends every night. It’s going to be really hard to go back to normal school after this.
As we’re heading back in, one of the acro boys I’ve seen hanging out with Branden jogs past. His short brown hair kind of glimmers in the sunlight.
“Hey, you’re Jenn, right?” he asks, turning around and keeping pace.
“Yeah,” I answer.
“You were awesome last night.” He gives me a grin. “You’ve got a great voice. Anyway, I’ll see you around.”
Once he’s turned around and headed into the cafeteria, I turn to Riley and give her my what was that all about? look.
“Looks like someone’s making new friends,” she says, wiggling her eyebrows.
I laugh. She loops an arm around my shoulder. “Kinda nice living in the spotlight for once, isn’t it?”
I nod. “Especially when it’s not for something embarrassing.”
“Just wait until the end of our act,” she says, giving me a squeeze. “It’s going to blow everyone out of the water.”
“You’re really optimistic.”
“Nope, I’m a realist. I just know.”
We’re in line by that point; the cafeteria is already filled with the other troupers, all of them looking a little winded and tired. But there’s an energy here, an excitement, and I’m not certain if it’s because we’re about to go see a professional circus or because we’re all part of one. I glance over and see Branden sitting at a table with his other acro friends. He’s facing away, so he doesn’t see me, but I still look away immediately. Riley catches my gaze.
“Ignore him,” she says. “He’ll realize he made a big mistake soon enough. Maybe even in time for the dance tomorrow night.”
“So much for being a realist,” I say. She doesn’t respond.
We grab our dinner and head over to where Tyler and Kevin are already sitting. They seem deep in discussion, but when I sit down, it’s clear they’re talking about routines.
“I just don’t know if we’re going to have enough time,” Kevin says.
“Time for what?” Riley asks.
“He wants to do a duo act. Hand-to-hand.” Kevin doesn’t seem very excited about it.
“I just think it would be fun,” Tyler says. “You’ve already admitted to basing acro before, and I can easily handstand off you. All you need to do is not move.”
“Sounds fun. And dangerous,” I say. “Are you going to do a full act?” Because if my little experience has shown me anything, it’s that these routines take loads of time.
“No way,” Tyler replies. “The acro group is doing a big finale sort of thing after our individual acts. I just thought it’d be kind of cool to do some hand-to-hand during it. No one else is.”
“No one else could,” Kevin says with a smile. “Fine, twist my arm. I’ll do it.”
Tyler hugs him. “I knew you would! There’s a hand-to-hand act tonight that I’m hoping we can steal some tricks from.”
“Um, I don’t think I’m comfortable doing tricks you haven’t tried before.”
“Well then, we’ll just borrow some choreography or something. Speaking of,” Tyler says, turning to Riley and me, “have you two decided what you’re going to do yet?”
I don’t even have time to open my mouth and respond; Riley immediately launches into her grand plans for our act, including the music and a few moves she credits to Tyler.
“It’s going to be fabulous,” she finishes. “We tried some of the choreo this afternoon, and it fits with the passes perfectly.”
“Do we have a theme yet?” I ask, because I can’t imagine them doing a full show without any sort of story line.
“It’s going to be really loose,” Kevin says. “I overheard some of the coaches talking. They’ll announce the official theme tomorrow, but I guess it’s just going to be something like Space Exploration.”
“Oh man, I hope so.” Riley’s eyes practically glow. “We could do our routine in space go-go outfits, kinda like in The Jetsons.”
I laugh. “I don’t own a go-go outfit. And I only watched The Jetsons, like, once.”
She shrugs. “I’m sure the costume department will have something.”
At that moment, someone slams into my back, making me spill the glass of milk I was holding all over my tray.
“What the—,” I begin, then cut off when I hear Megan’s snicker. I’m also pretty certain I hear Sara mutter, “Really, Megan?” I try to take a deep, calming breath, but Riley beats me to the punch. Almost literally.
“Watch it,” she warns, jumping to her feet. Her hands are clenched into fists, and she’s glaring at Megan with spite in her eyes.
“This doesn’t involve you, nerd,” Megan says coolly. Her sisters flank her like a pair of blond bodyguards, though neither of them look entirely comfortable with what Megan just did. Especially Sara, who’s staring at her sister like she’s the biggest jerk in the world.
Which, of course, she is.
Riley’
s knuckles go white. Even Tyler and Kevin are standing on the other side, watching the show warily. I reach out and grab Riley’s arm to prevent a swing. I’m still sitting down; I’m not about to engage in this. Not with all the coaches around.
“She’s not worth it,” I intervene.
“Funny, that’s what Branden told me last night.” Megan’s words slash at my heart. Sara puts a hand on her arm, though Megan’s not gearing up for a fight. Physically, at least. She’s working the emotional damage angle. “Guess that’s why he chose me.”
I grit my teeth. My own hands clench.
“Is there a problem here, ladies?” comes Leena’s voice. She strides up behind the sisters and places a hand on Megan’s shoulder.
“Of course not, ma’am,” Megan says, putting on her sweetest voice. “Jennifer was just a little clumsy, that’s all. Leaned back and accidentally bumped into me. That’s all.”
Then she flips her hair and walks away, her sisters trailing obediently behind. Another apologetic glance from Sara. Which is fine and all, but I really do wish she could put a leash on her sister or something.
For a moment, all of us stand there, staring at the retreating sisters. Leena looks bewildered.
“There’s always one,” she mutters to herself. Then she shakes her head like she just caught what she said, her cheeks flushing pink. “Is there something going on between you two that I should know about?” she asks, going all businesslike again.
I shrug. “Not really.”
Riley opens her mouth like she’s about to protest, but I yank her arm and force her back to sitting down. She says nothing.
“Okay,” Leena says, disbelief clearly laced through her words. “If something happens, let me know. We don’t want any bad blood in this show.” She glances back to the triplets, sighs, and looks to me. “Anyway, great job last night. We’re looking forward to what you guys pull off for Saturday. Enjoy the show tonight.”
Then she leaves.
“Ugh,” Riley grumbles once Leena’s out of earshot. “I really want to deck that girl.” She looks to Kevin. “If only you were doing hand-to-hand with her. You could drop her on her stupid face.”