by Helena Rac
“Uh-oh,” I giggle. “I think I got carried away.”
“I beg to differ. I think I did,” Luke counters while looking at me like I’m candy. “I’ve been waiting to lick icing off your mouth for over a year now, Tessa. Your lips taste so fucking sweet.” He sneaks in kisses between the last three words, and I am in heaven. At least that’s what I imagine heaven would be like for me.
“Yours too,” I whisper.
He leans his forehead against mine, the tips of our noses touching affectionately as we experience the aftereffects with measured breaths.
“What you do to me…” he remarks absentmindedly, kissing my forehead. If he only knew what he does to me too.
How did you get here, Tessa? Just a fling, remember? A charming, sexy fucking fling. A fling that appears to be quickly veering out of my comfort zone of predictable control.
“Cupcake?” he offers with a smile. “Don’t want it to go to waste, after all.”
“Only if it comes with more of this.” I smile, then kiss his mouth softly. We continue this game of cupcake kissing back and forth, with small pecks and intense make-out sessions in between bites. I have to admit it’s one of the most delicious games I’ve ever played. And when the game’s done, I snuggle up against Luke, and we just gaze at the night sky above us and the serene beauty of the garden.
“So, here we are.” Luke states the obvious when we pull into the visitor parking spot of my building, letting the words hang suggestively in the air.
His hand is on my knee, touching my skin gently but purposefully. It’s been there most of the ride back. His closeness, his scent, the slightest touch of his fingers – all are making it extremely difficult for me to stay on my side of the car. I’m not sure that just-a-kiss will do it for me tonight. I really, really want more than kisses from Luke. But my mind and its innate ability to overthink almost everything messes with my head. Play hard to get. Jump him! Make him really work for it. Don’t make it too hard! Ugh!
“Mm-hmm,” is all I manage.
“Come here,” he says as he reaches his hand behind my neck, his fingers tangling in my hair, bringing my face within inches of his. He doesn’t wait a moment longer. Unlike me, he knows exactly what he wants to do and just goes for it.
His lips lock with mine and his tongue searches, explores. I lose myself in the embrace and react, guided only by ecstasy. I fumble with my seatbelt, then jump onto Luke’s lap, wrapping my legs around him as best as I can. It’s not extremely comfortable, but that thought evaporates before I fully process it because I’m instantly distracted. I feel him thick and hard through his pants, pressing against me in just the right spot. He feels like he’s ready to burst at the seams.
His hands fumble underneath my dress and then grab at my butt cheeks, his fingers interlocking with the lace of my panties. My body gives in to an uncontrollable need as I rock against him. My fingers are making a mess of his hair as our tongues continue a tangled and urgent make-out session. God, I love the way he kisses me. I moan as the friction stimulates that very sensitive spot in my panties. I’m impatient. I reach down to his belt buckle and try to get it undone.
“Fuck, Tess,” Luke says almost breathlessly as he pulls away from my face suddenly. “We can’t do this now. Not like this…” He’s clearly turned on, so his words confuse me. He must sense it because he tries to explain himself. “Tessa, I’m just trying to be a gentleman tonight,” he clarifies. He’s obviously still feeling guilty about the movie incident. “Trust me, I want you so badly right now,” he continues, as he pulls me closer, “I can’t even begin to describe. But I don’t want to fuck it up this time around. I don’t want our first time to be in the front seat of a car – a car that’s not even mine.”
“Oh, okay.” I’m surprised, but I also understand his hesitation. Now that I have a moment to process, this isn’t the place I want it to happen either. And I know I’m not ready to have him come upstairs. That would be committing to too much, too soon. I have yet to have a guy stay over at my place since Jason left. And I don’t really want to think about that jerk right now.
The reality is that Luke and I barely know each other. I know having him come up would be too fast, too fuck-the-consequences for me. Not how I normally do things. So yeah, just-a-kiss will have to do tonight.
“I have some catching up to do with Marcus tomorrow, but I really want to see you after I’m done. Can I? See you again, I mean?” He holds my gaze, his eyes expectant.
“Yes, yes, please,” escapes me without much thought, and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m so in lust with Luke right now or because I have subconsciously decided that spending more time with him is in fact what I’d really like to do. Maybe a combination of both?
He smirks like he’s got his way again, and I wonder if I am ever going to be able to resist him, given how easily I’ve managed to change my mind at every crossroad so far.
“You’ve got yourself a second date, stranger. Gloat all you want.” I’m a weakling.
“Oh, trust me, I’m gloating. Told you I had a good feeling about tonight. I always trust my instincts.”
A realization hits me. “I guess I need to trust my instincts more.”
Luke kisses me in response. “That may be an idea worth considering. Do you want to come by my place tomorrow evening?”
“I’d love to.”
“I’m staying at my dad’s condo for a few nights. He’s away until Tuesday night.” I’m by no means ready to meet Mr. Callaghan Senior, so that added intel for clarification is welcome and very considerate. “I’ll text you the address. Seven o’clock?”
“Sounds good.”
“It is good. Otherwise I would have been deprived of this,” he kisses my mouth, “and this,” he kisses just below my ear, “and this,” he trails kisses down my neck, “and a few more things I can think of. And that would have been one fucking problem,” he growls.
I really like the sound of that. Flashes of what tomorrow night will likely bring cross my already over-stimulated mind. Tomorrow suddenly seems like such a long way away. I would have settled for a sequel to the movie incident right now, but since Luke is trying to be a gentleman tonight, I guess I should hold back too.
“Definitely a good thing,” I whisper in his ear, and then I nuzzle against him.
“Tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay.”
He gives me one last kiss before opening the car door. “I’d walk you to your door, but that would only lead to trouble, so you’d better go before I change my mind and have you rough and hard right here,” he commands in that deep voice. The thought of the scenario he just painted so clearly makes my head spin. In any case, the trouble will have to wait until tomorrow.
“Fine, till next time.” I smile.
I can barely find my feet as I walk toward the parking garage elevator. My body is trembling with the aftereffects of the evening and with the anticipation of what’s to come. When I finally find myself in my apartment, I shut the door behind me and lean against it, taking a deep breath, debating what to do next. I am so worked up, I can feel the heavy wetness in my panties. But I don’t want to have a fantasy of Luke be the end of it for me tonight. Not when I know now that Luke is real and back in my life. And I am going to see him again. Elated, I go to bed, very much looking forward to tomorrow night. And my dreams? Very interesting and definitely NSFW.
Chapter 11
I feel the warmth of the sun’s rays poking at my face through the shades, awakening me from my slumber. I’m rested and excited. No, ecstatic. My date with Luke was the best first date ever. I can’t wait to tell Rose all about it. She’ll be so happy for me, although I bet she’ll hate me just a little too. She’s the queen of worst first dates, seriously.
As I’m thinking about last night, I feel a hint of panic. Did I imagine it all? Am I going crazy? God knows how many times my fantasies have gotten the better of me. For a minute I worry that the date with Luke was just a dream. I close my eyes an
d try to picture it all in my head again so that I can hold onto it for a moment longer.
My phone buzzes, bringing me back to reality. Crap, it was all just a dream, wasn’t it? I grab the phone off my nightstand and read a text that makes all the particles of my fragile universe fit into a perfect realm again.
Hope your dreams were as sweet as mine.
I can’t help but smile. Oh, they were sweet. I touch my lips, feeling a lingering swelling.
Even sweeter, I type back excitedly.
Can’t wait to see you tonight, cupcake.
I can’t wait either.
I bolt out of my bed and nearly face plant as I trip over my own feet and catch myself inches above the floor. Epitome of grace, Conte! I shake it off and hurry to the bathroom to start what I can only anticipate is going to be yet another exhilarating day. Because I’m seeing Luke again tonight. Tonight!
I’m like the Energizer Bunny, too excited to stand still. I put on a pair of running shorts and a sports bra and head out for my morning run. I know I’ll have to keep myself busy throughout the day as I count down the minutes to our date. I know that the nerves are eventually going to creep up on me the closer it gets, so I have to remind myself to think of anything but until such time as it is absolutely necessary. Of course, that’s easier said than done.
My morning high funnels into one of the fastest runs I’ve ever done. Just as I’m getting out of the shower, my phone rings, and I notice it’s Clara. Shit! In my bewildered obsession with Luke and all that’s happened, I completely forgot about the promise I made to her before I left the club Friday night. I was supposed to call her. Two days ago. I’m surprised, actually, that she lasted this long.
“You never called me back,” she says without even a hello.
“Hi, Clar.” I try to sound cool and collected. “I know. I’m sorry, I’ve just been … busy.” Very convincing.
“Sure you have.” I know my sister well. From the way she says it, I’m pretty sure she’s implying something. How would she even know?
“I have been. Weekends are always crazy at the bakery, and with your wedding a week away…” Ugh! It’s no use. When Clara makes up her mind, she’s made up her mind.
“Mm-hmm. Busy with Luke?” She cuts straight to the chase, just as I expected.
“Luke?” I’m failing miserably to sound unaffected. The eagerness in my voice betrays me.
“Come on, Tessa. He called me on Saturday, clearly smitten, wondering where he could find you – where you lived, where you worked.” So it was Clara, giving Luke all the intel he needed to practically stalk me. Just as I expected. “I know you said nothing happened between the two of you before, but I caught more than a few glances between you guys on Friday night. And I saw a spark in your eyes I haven’t seen before. Like, ever. So something tells me there’s a ‘you and Luke’ conversation to be had.”
She’s good. Perceptive. After all, Friday night I was working really hard on what I can now only refer to as the Flushed Down the Toilet Plan. I wonder what I should tell her. Should I tell her anything? Normally I would, but it’s never involved anyone she knows before. Especially someone who is one of her future husband’s best friends.
I have to come clean. Otherwise, she’ll just dig up the truth herself. And the last thing I want her to do is harass Luke about it.
“Fine, you got me. Things got a little heated between Luke and me on Friday.”
“Oooh. How heated? Like ‘we kissed’ heated, or…?”
“Um, more like ‘I was doing most of the kissing’ heated.” I let that sink in for a moment.
“What? Tessa! You didn’t!”
“I kind of did.” I hurry up and add, “Oh, and we went on a date last night,” hoping she’ll take the bait because TMI is never enough TMI with Clara. She’ll want more.
“And?” she continues expectantly.
“And we’re having another one tonight.” There it is again. My voice is overly enthusiastic. What is wrong with me?
“And? How did it go?” She’s persistent, as always.
“And … we’ve kind of hit it off.”
“Oh my god, Tessa, that’s great!” she squeals in her typical over-the-top reaction to just about everything. Coincidentally, that’s one of the reasons I love her. “I want to hear more, please please please? You’ve gotta give me more.”
I take a steadying breath before saying what I haven’t acknowledged out loud before. “I think I really like him. And I’m going a bit crazy,” which is the understatement of the century, “because I’m really scared that I’ll end up getting hurt again.”
“Tessa, how many times have we had this conversation before? Honestly.” She sounds exasperated. “You can’t just shut down every guy who has even the slightest interest in you because of what that jerk did to you three years ago. You need to relax and let things play out. Let go of those inhibitions and find that heart of yours again.” She says it with such sincerity that she nearly has me convinced. Maybe I can in fact find my heart this time around. “I don’t want to sing it, but I will if you need more convincing. Let. It. Go.”
“No no no. Please don’t sing.” I laugh and stop her before she starts. Clara is tone-deaf. Horribly, brutally tone-deaf.
“Fine, I’ll spare your ears this time. But take this as a warning. Next time you won’t be so lucky.”
“Point well taken.”
“Good. I’m just so excited for you and Luke, I want to squeeze the life out of you right now.” Clara’s hugs can in fact be suffocating. “Wouldn’t it be great if things worked out?”
“If they work out, then I’m dating someone who lives miles away, all the way across the Atlantic,” I reply. “That’s exactly why I’m questioning whether this is something I should be getting myself into in the first place.”
“What you’re getting yourself into is a fun little fling, and if it turns out to be more than that, well, then you can figure it out. If it doesn’t, then who cares?”
Apparently I’m the only one who cares, since Clara and Rose both seem to have the same idea. I’m starting to realize I may not be a believer in this fling thing that I’ve somehow convinced myself into. Even though I have yet to admit it to myself, I feel like I’m crossing that imaginary boundary faster than I ever thought was possible and heading into uncharted territory. The closer I get to moving past it, the more it’s making my heart ache, my head hurt, and my fears resurface. But the sexually stimulated parts of my body – they most definitely want to cross it. Tonight.
“I just don’t want to make things awkward, you know?” I admit. “I mean, your wedding is less than a week away, and I don’t want to mess things up for you and Marcus. It’s your day, and I don’t want anything to overshadow it.”
“God, Tessa, stop being such a drama queen. We’re all grown-ups here. Whatever happens, happens! I’m just glad to hear there may finally be someone out there who you are even remotely interested in, enough to at least try. So just go for it. I couldn’t be happier for you if Luke turns out to be the one.”
The One. Clara has always believed in true love, in finding that mythical creature. Even with bumps along the way, she’s finally snagged a One for herself. Her new goal in life, it appears, is to find Ones for her dearest friends and, especially, her sister. I’d never let her know, but sometimes, against my nature, I even get caught up in it and find myself believing in The One. Unicorns, however, can kiss my ass.
So I have to remind myself to take baby steps. Even if those baby steps are happening slightly faster than I anticipated or can control.
“You always make things seem so simple. How do you do it?”
“It really isn’t as hard as you think it is,” she replies, deadpan.
“Very funny. Okay, I’ll try,” I say as convincingly as I can manage.
“And you need to fill me in on all the details,” she warns.
“Of course.”
“And don’t forget – you’ve still got one a
mazing cake to make!”
“I haven’t forgotten, and amazing it will be, don’t you worry.”
“I know it will be. You’re awesome. Talk soon, okay?”
“Okay. Love ya.”
“Love ya too,” she says and then hangs up.
My sister’s words of wisdom might be just what I need to convince myself that I am not at all crazy to be getting involved with Luke. As a matter of fact, as if I couldn’t be more excited already, I’m distractedly giddy with the thought of seeing him tonight. Clara is right. I need to put myself out there and trust Luke more than I’ve ever allowed myself to trust the opposite sex before. And that – that is going to be one of the hardest things to do. After Jason, the one thing I learned was to trust no one but myself.
I’m honestly hoping to keep my mind off Luke so the day isn’t torture, but Rose is at Lovely Cakes when I arrive, waiting like a hawk to hear how last night went.
“So?” she asks while handing me a cup of strawberry-peach white tea, my favorite summer blend.
“So?” I question back, taking the warm cup from her and holding back the grin that is nearly ready to burst on my face.
She gives me the you-know-what-I’m-talking-about look. “Sooo … how was last night?”
“Wonderful.”I smile from ear to ear as I take a sip of the fruity, sweet, fragrant goodness.
“I’m so happy it went well, considering how anxious you were yesterday.”
“Me too.”
I tell her about the dinner, the walk through Millennium Park, the cupcake, our first kiss, and the kissing that followed (because there was a lot of it). Like a sponge, Rose is soaking it all in.
“And?” she asks expectantly. I know where she’s going with it.
“And?” I pretend to be clueless again. I love the worked-up look on her face.
“Did you guys do it?”
“Really, Rose? Remind me to talk to HR about appropriate conversations in the workplace,” I tease, and she just shrugs like she’s not bothered by it at all. Of course I knew she was going to ask. Our relationship crossed the employer–employee boundary long ago, and having her as a friend is really quite nice. But sometimes I forget how no-nonsense she can be. “No, we didn’t. But it was close.” I grin. “Luke was being a gentleman and thought we should hold off until we’re in a more appropriate setting. Doing it in the car wasn’t quite what he had in mind.”