by Hope Ford
Because I can’t go another second without touching him, I reach over and put my hand on top of his on the console between us. “I’m good with it.”
He turns his arm around until his palm is up, and he wraps my hand in his. I smile over at him as he looks at our intertwined hands. His is dark and scarred, with traces of gunpowder embedded in his skin. Mine is innocent and clean in comparison. In so many ways we are so different. But I’ve never felt any safer or more cared for as his thumb strokes across mine soothingly.
He pulls into a cute little subdivision with houses that all look alike. He parks on the street in front of a brick house with flowers on each side of the walkway and an American flag waving on a post. All the potted plants, the beautiful flowers, the welcome sign, all of it, makes you happy just looking at it. But my heart stutters in my chest, knowing what pain is happening inside.
Cole walks around the truck and helps me down. I grab his hand and walk with him to the front door.
Peggy is a pretty woman in her late thirties or early forties. She seems genuinely happy to see Cole and surprised to see me.
“I brought my friend with me. I hope that’s okay. Peggy, this is Hope,” he tells her.
We’re following Peggy through her house and stop in the kitchen. “Absolutely it’s okay. Hope, it’s so nice to meet you. We can have some tea and sit on the back porch. Cole, Jeremy is out in the garage if you want to go see him.”
Cole looks at me questioningly, and I nod my head, assuring him I’m fine.
I can’t help but watch him walk away, appreciating the way his butt looks in his blue jeans.
I blush when I realize that Peggy caught me ogling him. But we both have a good laugh over it.
I follow her out to the porch, and we sit in rocking chairs looking out at her backyard. Like the front, there are flowers everywhere. ‘I love all your flowers.”
She smiles, taking a sip of her tea. “Thank you. When Jeremy went in the service I started gardening. It sort of helps me deal with stress.” She laughs then, pointing out at all the flowers taking over the majority of her yard. “You can tell I’ve been stressed a lot.”
I ask her about her kids and learn that she and Jeremy have fifteen-year-old twins, a boy and a girl. They both play sports; their son plays baseball, and the daughter plays basketball. We talk for what seems like hours about nothing and everything.
She of course asks about me and Cole. When I tell her that this is our second date, she seems openly surprised. “And he brought you here? To deal with this?”
I laugh then. “Oh, he didn’t want to. But when he told me about you and Jeremy, I wanted to come. I wanted to meet you, but I don’t know how to explain it. It’s obvious that Cole’s hid himself from the world because of his scars…”
“Scars! That man is gorgeous. No one cares about those scars,” she huffs, and automatically I like her more than I already did.
“I agree. He seems to think I care about his scars, but I barely even notice them.”
I’ve always been the type to put it out there. Some people appreciate that, and some people don’t. “I’m sorry about your husband’s injuries. Cole told me a little about it on the way here.”
She stops rocking for a second and then starts again. “Yeah, I was just happy to have him home alive. I didn’t care about his injuries; all I cared about was having my husband back. But he’s determined that the kids and I would be better off without him.”
She shrugs her shoulders easily, like it’s no big deal. But I can tell it’s a huge weight she’s carrying on her shoulders. “Cole said that in the army, Jeremy took care of his whole group—squadron, I think he called it. I imagine that he was the same way here, with his family. Always taking care of you all. And I guess with his injuries, he thinks he can’t do that anymore.”
Peggy huffs, “Stupid man. I don’t need him to take care of me. We just need him here with us. We can take care of ourselves.”
I lean up in my rocker and cover her hand that is gripping the side of her chair. I hold on to her, wanting her to hear my words when I say them to her. “I know that. We women can take care of ourselves. There’s no doubt about it. Especially if he’s been gone a long time, you’ve had to take care of everything. But maybe—and tell me if I’ve overstepping because quite frankly we just met.” I laugh softly. “But maybe Jeremy needs to take care of you. He needs to know that he is needed, and you can’t do this without him.”
Her face softens at my words, and it’s like a light bulb goes off in her head. She’s staring back at me for the longest time, and I’m worried that I did indeed go too far. What do I know? I’m just an outsider looking in.
A lone tear rolls down her cheek, and before I know it, the floodgates have opened. I stand up, pulling the other woman into my arms. She cries, sobs wracking through her whole body as she holds on to me like a lifeline. I don’t say anything. I don’t want to tell her it’s going to be all right and everything will work out. I don’t have any idea if that is true. So I just hold her and let her cry. Obviously, this has been bottled up inside her for a while now, and she’s held it back. I hold on to her and let her get it all out. I clench my eyes shut because I can feel the hurt and anger she’s held on to for who knows how long.
A movement in the corner has me raising my head, and I’m looking straight into Cole’s eyes. Concern is written on his face, and I lift my lips into a half smile, wanting to reassure him in some way. It’s obvious how much Jeremy and his wife mean to him, and like him, I want them to be all right. He watches us for the longest time, his gaze unreadable. Only when Peggy starts to pull from my arms does he go back in the door he was standing at.
“I’m so sorry, Hope. You have to think I’m crazy. Goodness.” She pulls a tissue from her pocket and wipes her eyes and nose. “You just met me, and I’m crying on you like a baby. I won’t be surprised if you never want to come back here again.”
I know she’s embarrassed. I know already what a strong woman she is, and she probably never lets go like that. “There’s no reason to be sorry. Sometimes it’s good to let it out. I’ll let you repay the favor to me sometime.”
She nods her head and falls back into her chair. I set easily down beside her and start to rock again. We talk more about her kids and about how I want to be a nurse. Time slips away from us as our new friendship builds over tea, flowers, and trying to solve the world’s problems.
6
Cole
“Everything okay inside?” Jeremy asks me as I walk into the garage with two soft drinks. We’ve already talked for awhile, and I can tell he doesn’t want me here. He’s mad at the world, it seems, but I don’t care. I’m not leaving here until we have a discussion, and he realizes what he’s doing to his family. Cheap talk is over and done with.
I shrug my shoulders, not knowing what the right thing to say is. Do I tell him that his wife is falling apart inside? Do I tell him that he’s pushing away the woman that he’s sworn to love for the rest of his life?
“Peggy’s crying.” I tell him softly, handing him his drink.
He takes a deep breath and lets it out loudly. “I’m destroying her, Cole. Fuck, she deserves better than this,” he says, waving his hand at the wheelchair he’s in. Jeremy lost both legs from the knees down. For a man that has always been so active and independent, I understand how he must feel.
I stare at the can in my hand and try to think of things from his perspective. I can’t tell him what he’s feeling is a bunch of shit. If I was in his place, I’d probably feel the same way. Hell, I don’t want to saddle a woman with me because she’d have to look at my ugly mug for the rest of my life. But it’s different with Cole and Peggy. They were together way before any of this happened.
I know it’s going to piss him off, but I say it anyway. “What if Peggy was in some sort of accident and she lost both her legs? Would you leave her?”
He grinds his teeth together. “Fuck you, man. I’d never leave her. And
you can forget the psycho-babble bullshit. I know what you’re doing.”
“What if she pushed you away? Wanted you with another woman. One that could walk and fuckin’ dance. That could do anything.”
He just stares at me, refusing to answer.
“I’m being serious. What if another woman came in here wanting your love and she had all those things? Would you go to her? Would you take your kids and have them call her Mom from then on?”
His hands grip the sides of the wheelchair. “Fuck you, Prince. You know I wouldn’t. I love my wife. And my kids have a mother.”
“Okay. Now you have the bum legs.”
He throws his arms up. “I have no legs!”
I sit down until we’re at eye level, and I lean toward him, my arms on my knees. “Right. You have no legs and you’re pushing your wife out the door. You want her to find someone else. You want your kids to call someone else Dad.”
His face is red, and I can tell he’s about to blow. “You want to give up on the last twenty years of your life together, after you promised her forever, because you are hurt and don’t know how to be a man right now. Fuck, man, I know it sucks. I know better than anyone everything you sacrificed. But I can’t stand by and watch you sacrifice this.” I stand up, towering over him and point inside the house. “Peggy loves you and will love you no matter what. You’re killing her by pushing her away like this, and the only reason I’m not whupping your ass right now is because even though you’re a dumbass she’d still come in here and be mad at ME for wiping the floor with you even though we all know you deserve it right now.”
Jeremy is just staring at me, and the defensive look on his face, even though it’s still there, has softened a little. He doesn’t say anything, and I get it. Jeremy is a badass, always has been. And he’s not one to talk about emotions and shit like this. Fuck, none of us are. “Please, try, Jeremy. I can’t stand by and watch another man take your family because I’m telling you, you push her away, someone is going to snag her up. Will you be able to live with yourself after that?”
He seems lost in thought, so I sit back down and drink my now lukewarm soda. Neither one of us are much for talking right now, so I sit back in my chair and we watch the night go by in Jeremy’s neighborhood. There’s people outside working in their yards, kids skateboarding and riding bikes—the whole world is going on without anyone realizing the heartache that is happening in this house.
Jeremy interrupts my thoughts. “You done analyzing me?” he asks with a grunt.
I nod my head, knowing that I need to keep my mouth shut now. I’ve said what I’ve come to say. The rest is up to him.
“Go get the girls. I want to meet this woman that’s got you acting like some kind of emotional pussy now.”
I shake my head, laughing at him, but do as he asks.
Hope and Peggy come out and sit with us, Hope beside me and Peggy beside Jeremy. Hope has obviously won over both of my friends because we’re all laughing at the stories she’s telling of working at the bar. At one point, Hope pauses for a minute, and her hand goes to her chest. I’ve only had my eyes on her since she’s come out here, so I look where she’s looking and it appears Jeremy has reached over to hold Peggy’s hand, and she’s smiling at him. The way they’re looking at each other fucking makes me want to put my hand to my chest as well. Maybe Jeremy’s right: I am an emotional pussy now. I look over at Hope, and she’s now staring at me knowingly, and fuck, I want to kiss her so bad right now.
We stay just a little longer before I tell them we have to get on the road. When we leave, I promise Peggy that I’ll bring Hope back, right after I promise her that I’m not going to fuck this up.
We drive just down the block, and Hope’s voice fills the cab of my truck. “I like your friends.”
“They liked you,” I tell her instantly, reaching for her hand on her lap. She grabs on to me easily, threading her fingers with mine. She holds my hand on her thigh as her other arm wraps around mine.
“Do you think they’re going to be okay?” she asks quietly.
If she’d asked me that earlier, on the ride here, I would’ve told her I didn’t know. I know how bad all of this can fuck with your mind, thinking you’re not worthy. But now, seeing Jeremy and Peggy together, I hold on to hope that they can work it out. “I think they will be.”
She sighs with contentment.
“I know I should be telling you how sorry I am that our second date was spent like this, but I can’t. I’m glad you came. I think Peggy needed someone to talk to. She seemed a lot less stressed when we left than when we got there.”
She leans toward me, her breasts grazing my arm. “She did, didn’t she? She is so nice. I really do like her.”
We talk for the next hour about everything and nothing. My phone dings with a text. “Can you check that?” I ask her, handing it to her.
“It’s from Jeremy. You sure you want me to read it?” she asks.
“Sure.”
She opens the messaging app and starts to read. “Thanks for coming by. I’m going to do better. And thank Hope. My wife is smiling for the first time in a long time. Don’t fuck this up, buddy. She’s the real deal.” Hope stops reading and excitedly asks me, “So that’s good right? That sounds like they’re going to work on it. Right?”
Her excitement is contagious, and I laugh with her. “Yes, it sounds really promising. And he’s right, you know?”
“What do you mean?”
I squeeze her thigh. “You are the real deal. I don’t want to fuck this up, Hope.”
She lays my phone on the console and grabs on to my hand again. “Well, keep up the sweet talk and you won’t,” she dares me.
I’m calm and cool on the outside, but inside I’m sweating bullets. I know me. I know what an asshole I’ve been the last year, and the chances are that I’m going to fuck this up. I have to do whatever I can not to do just that.
As soon as we get into the city limits, I start to dread it, knowing this night is about to be over. It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask her if she wants to go get something to eat, or hell, if she just wants me to park somewhere so we can talk some more.
When I get to the only red light in town, I turn to her, still not sure what to say.
She releases my hand and reaches for me, cupping my jaw. “So are you taking me home with you?”
I blink twice, wondering if I’m sure I heard what I thought I heard. “Do you want to go home with me?”
She doesn’t even hesitate. “More than anything.”
7
Cole
The whole ride to my house, I keep waiting to see if she’s going to change her mind. I should warn her because I’m pretty sure once I have her, I won’t be able to let her go. Is she only wanting one night? Because she’s already infiltrated my mind and my heart, and now my body is reacting to her like a man that hasn’t eaten in a month.
As soon as I pull into the driveway and park, I’m jumping out to go help her down. I lift her easily from the seat, and I can’t resist any longer. I let her body slide down mine, and as soon as her lips are within range, I kiss her. This kiss is nothing like the one last night or earlier tonight. This one is raw and leaves me wanting more. Her legs circle my hips and her arms go around my neck. Kicking the door closed, I walk her up the path to the front door. I struggle with unlocking the door and pushing it open, but I refuse to put her down.
I walk her to my bedroom, saving the grand tour for later. When I walk into room, she drops her legs, and I set her feet on the floor next to the bed. She reaches for the buttons of my shirt, but I wrap my hands around hers to stop her.
Her eyes, filled with heat, look up at me.
I hold her hand against my chest. “You should probably know that this”—I point to the side of my face—“is not the only place I have scarring.”
She reaches up and brushes her hand lightly across my cheek. Her gaze is intense, and she nods her head. “Okay, so should I tell you now th
at I’m not perfect either? I have stretch marks and…”
I scoff. “It’s not the same.”
She shrugs her shoulders and starts to undress. All I can do is stare at her and wait for her to peel off each piece of clothing. With every bare piece of skin I see, the blood rages even stronger through my veins. She’s watching me, almost like she’s wanting to know what I think.
“You’re beautiful, Hope. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
It’s her turn to scoff, but when she drops her panties to the floor and she’s standing before me without a stitch of clothing on, I want to drop to my knees and thank whoever or whatever brought her to me last night.
Her body is perfection. Her softly rounded belly, curvy hips, large breasts… she’s everything a man could want. And she’s mine. At least for tonight. The thought that one night is all this is burns through my chest. I rub my palm against my heart as if I’m trying to soothe the pain.
I’m speechless, staring at her, and I can’t help shifting my stance, cupping my cock in my pants with my hand and adjusting myself. She follows my movements, and her eyes spark with the knowledge of what she’s doing to me.
She puts her hand up on her hip. “We doing this or what?”
I smirk at her sassiness but nod at her, and she reaches for me. I still her hands again, but she shakes her head this time. “I want you, Cole. I want you more than anything. Please, let me do this.”
Taking a deep breath, I release my hold on her fingers, and she goes to work unbuttoning my shirt. I can’t look at her, knowing I won’t be able to stand seeing disgust in her face.
She tugs my shirt from my pants and pushes it off my shoulders. It drops to the floor, and immediately her hands are all over me. She’s caressing my scarred skin, and everywhere her fingers go, her mouth follows. I can’t think straight with her lips on me.