He smiled his thanks and reached for his rifle.
“Which way will you head?” Jake helped him with the last of his gear.
While Wolf and Jake discussed potential hunting areas, Rachel listened carefully, knowing the time might come when she would have to hunt for herself and Nathan. She tried to follow the conversation, but she got confused when they used terms that were foreign to her. She gave up, deciding to ask Jake when they were alone.
“Good night, Miss Rachel.”
“Sleep well, and good hunting. Be safe, and come home soon.”
Wolf stood in the doorway with his gear over his shoulders, looking every inch the hunter. But the sadness in his eyes brought tears to hers. Without a word, he walked out, closing the door behind him.
Jake gathered her into his arms. “Don’t worry about him, honey. He’s a tough one.”
“But he misses his wife so much, it breaks my heart.”
“Wolf will survive. And he’s got Calvin.”
She snuggled closer to Jake, comfortable in his arms. When he kissed her forehead, she lifted her face to him, contentment filling her. This is where I belong, she realized.
Jake teased her with kisses, avoiding her lips until she couldn’t breathe for wanting him. Finally, she took matters into her own hands, turning to catch his mouth with her own. Desire flashed between them, contentment turned to hunger, comfort to raging need.
The groan that came from Jake vibrated to her center. When he swept her into his arms, her head spun with dizzy delight. Still they kissed. Rachel helped untangle them from the curtain covering her bedroom doorway, making sure it was closed before Jake carried her across the tiny room.
He set her on her feet, and she seized the opportunity, releasing the buttons down the front of his shirt as fast as her shaking fingers allowed. At the same time he worked on her bodice. When it gapped open over her breasts, he left the rest and bent to her, suckling her through her chemise.
Rachel’s knees turned to water. She would have fallen if not for Jake. He slipped one arm behind her to hold her up, while his other hand dispatched her remaining buttons.
She couldn’t touch enough of him. Her hands roamed the bronze skin of his chest and shoulders, around his back and down to the waist of his trousers. She felt Jake quiver and wondered with growing excitement if she’d made that happen.
Jake teased both nipples with long fingers before pushing her gown from her shoulders. Hooking his thumbs in the straps, he pulled her chemise down to expose her breasts. The cool night air brushed her heated skin, making her aware she was nearly naked. She wanted to protest, but Jake covered her with his hands and any remaining sense she possessed fled. There was only Jake and the fire he was building inside her.
When he urged her toward the bed, Rachel went willingly. She took his hand and stepped out of the pool of gown and chemise at her feet, slipping her feet from her shoes at the same time. She watched Jake as he yanked off his shirt and sat on the bed to tug off his boots. When his eyes met hers, she stepped forward into the shelter of his thighs.
Jake smoothed his fingertips from her knees to her hips, then around to her buttocks. Urging her closer, he planted kisses on her belly and lower, until she was certain she’d perish on the spot if he didn’t stop. Growing bold, she fisted her hands in his hair and lifted his mouth to her breast, begging him to feast.
When he took her flesh into his mouth, Rachel’s knees failed her and she tumbled forward. He rolled with her until he lay on top, never releasing the sweet temptation of her breast. She was all he remembered and more.
He took advantage of their positions to explore more of her. She gasped when he nuzzled her jaw and nipped her earlobe.
“You’re beautiful, pretty girl. Perfect.”
She tried to speak but he covered her mouth with his own, stopping the words. Propping himself on an elbow, he yanked at his pants, shoving them down his legs until he was as naked as she. For an instant, he just stared at his dark hand on her pale skin. So different. She thrilled at his strength and gentleness, opposites wound together in one wonderful man.
“Jake?”
His gaze jerked to hers, twin fires raging in their depths. “Are you sure, honey?”
She gave him the only answer she could manage. Smiling, she let her hands skim his chest, returning to his nipples when he groaned at her light touch.
“Like this?”
He didn’t answer, only pressed forward into her hands and let her lead the way.
When Rachel urged him into her arms, he didn’t fight it. She shifted, making room for him between her thighs. Taking his time, he eased into her softness until he could go no farther. Her breath hitched at the sensations exploding in her body. He stayed still, giving her time to adjust to his presence. Then, he started to move, and led the way to heaven.
She met him, thrust for thrust, lifting her hips to meet him. As her whimpers turned to moans she couldn’t control, Jake fused their lips, drinking in her cries of ecstasy as they both flew over the peak and into the sun.
They floated back to earth together, wrapped in each other. “Am I too heavy?” Jake tried to lift his head to look into her eyes, but he let it fall back to her shoulder, as if he didn’t have the strength.
“You stay right where you are. I don’t ever want you to move.” Rachel wiggled a little, a happy laugh escaping.
“You’d better hold still, woman, or I won’t be responsible for what happens.”
“Will you take your staff to me?”
She bit her lip, unable to believe she was actually teasing him. She didn’t know she had it in her, but she wanted to see his smile. Jake moved his hips and her thoughts splintered. She moaned at the pure pleasure, and just like that he was stiff as a...a staff.
“You’re a bad influence on me, Rachel.”
“Um,” she sighed. “I certainly hope so.”
Much later, they lay wrapped up together, warm despite the fact they were on top of the blankets.
“Jake, are you asleep?”
“How could I possibly sleep with you in my arms?”
She smiled and kissed his shoulder. Temptation whispered in her ear, and she teased his skin with her fingers, brushing his nipple until he captured her hand in his own.
“Stop it, woman. I’m trying to let you rest. It’s almost morning.”
Rachel snuggled closer, so at home in his arms, she couldn’t imagine wanting to be anywhere else. She relaxed with a yawn. “I love you, Jake McCain.”
“You can’t, honey.”
Rachel held herself perfectly still, waiting for him to say something else, to tell her he was only teasing. But he stayed silent. What could he say?
“I don’t understand,” she prompted. “You can share what we did last night, but I can’t love you?”
He heaved a sigh and pulled her closer for an instant before relaxing his hold. But he didn’t release her. “I know it’s selfish of me, but I can’t be sorry we made love. Still, I’m not the right man for you.”
“I think you are.”
She couldn’t believe they were discussing this while lying naked together in bed. Rachel sat up and turned her back, shivering in the cool night air. “This is because of your mother, isn’t it? Because she was an Apache?”
“A man like me doesn’t belong anywhere, honey. You don’t want to live like that. Believe me.”
“How can I when you won’t explain?” She crossed the room for her wrapper to cover herself. “Please, Jake. I need to understand.”
He pulled on his trousers and went to the tiny window slit cut into the wall. Staring out at the fading night, he was quiet for so long she thought he wasn’t going to answer.
“I told you how my parents met. We traveled a lot, place to place, campfire to campfire. We never had a home. I was five, maybe six, when my mother was followed out of town by a drunken bully and cornered near the river. He was huge, at least to me. When Mama screamed, my father came running and
was stabbed in the chest trying to protect her. He died before morning.”
“Oh, Jake, how horrible.” She wrapped her arms around his waist, trying to offer comfort.
“We buried him at sunrise, packed up what we could carry, and returned to her village.” He ran agitated fingers through his hair. “A couple of years later, she was gathering food,” he continued, the memories racing across his features. “I was chasing a rabbit when I should have been protecting her... I heard her scream a second before the gunshot. She was dead by the time I got there.”
“Who would do such a thing?”
He didn’t acknowledge her question. “The chief of our village already despised me because I was half white, an abomination. The fact that he loved my mother and I let her die... When they buried her in a tiny cave overlooking the river, they buried me with her.”
“That’s barbaric,” she whispered. Jake spoke so matter-of-factly, but she could hardly breathe, imagining the terror of the child he had been.
“I deserved to die. I didn’t save her.” Jake rolled his shoulders to release some tension. “Once I accepted that I’d been left there to die, I tried to dig my way out, but they’d placed a big rock in the opening. I had plenty of air to stay alive, but no food or water.”
She was appalled. “No one stopped him?”
He shrugged, a quick, jerky motion that betrayed his pain. “It was his right to decide.”
She dropped onto the bed, unable to comprehend such hatred. “How long were you in there?”
“Three days. Finally, I heard horses near the river. I was certain they’d returned for me, but no one came. When the sounds began to fade, I started to scream. Footsteps come closer. I heard voices. As the rock was moved aside, I was blinded by the sunlight. All I saw was the outline of a man, but I knew he wasn’t from my village.”
“The Ranger,” she whispered.
Jake nodded, a short, jerky motion. “Captain Jacob Robert McCain, of the Texas Rangers. He and Mama couldn’t have children of their own, so he took me to his home and they raised me as their son. I owe him everything, even my life. The debt seemed immense for a young boy. It still does. I repaid it in the only way I could, by becoming what he was, following the example he set.”
“He must have been so proud of you.”
“He never said. I never asked. He died the summer I turned thirteen.”
Rachel’s heart broke for him. “Oh, Jake...”
“He was gunned down in front of me, and I couldn’t do anything to save him.”
Rachel couldn’t stop the tears that started. Jake had lost so much.
Jake glanced over his shoulder, his eyes glittering in the candlelight. “I know they never regretted taking me in, even at my worst, though it took Mama years to convince me. But they suffered because of me. Folks didn’t look kindly on white people taking in a savage. I think they were waiting for me to show up to dinner and scalp all their guests. Guess they didn’t know Indians have guns now, just like real people.” He laughed, but it sounded raw in the quiet night.
Rachel held him close and laid her head on his back. “I’m sorry that you were treated so badly, Jake. They were ignorant, frightened fools. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be happy. You’re a good, honorable man. You didn’t choose the circumstances of your birth. You can only be judged on what you make of yourself, and you have much to be proud of.”
Jake stuffed his feet into his boots, and snatched up his shirt. “I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. But while the good people of all the towns like Lucinda will gladly let me kill the outlaws that threaten them, not one will invite me to sit at their table. I’m still a savage in their eyes. That will never change. As my wife, you wouldn’t be welcome, either. And you’d sure as hell never be allowed to teach their children.”
•♥•
Morning was a long time coming. Rachel huddled on her bed, fully dressed and shivering, but it had nothing to do with the cool air. Jake was still in the cabin, probably stretched out in front of the hearth. She’d almost gone after him when he walked out, but lost her nerve. Instead she’d pulled on her clothes and sat down to wait for dawn.
Now, hours later, she still didn’t know what to say. No matter how bad Jake made it seem, she couldn’t believe there wasn’t somewhere that he was welcome, where he felt at home. They could live close to his mother. Or they could go somewhere that he’d never been, start over. She didn’t care, as long as she was with him.
The snort of a horse broke into her thoughts. That would be Wolf leaving. Would Jake go with him?
She jumped to her feet and ran to the front door. He couldn’t leave her alone here. She yanked open the door, surprising both men.
“Rachel, what’s wrong?” Jake took a step toward her.
“Nothing.” She drew a couple of breaths to slow her racing heart. “I heard a horse. I was afraid...that is, I thought you...” She stammered to a halt.
Jake raised one eyebrow, anger simmering in his eyes. “I’m seeing Wolf off. Go back inside. I’ll join you in a minute.”
She retreated into the house. Her heart still pounded an unsteady rhythm in her chest, making her light-headed. Leaning against the door for support, she closed her eyes and cursed her cowardice. If Jake wanted to leave, she had to let him go. She could survive without him.
She banished the tears that threatened. She had more important things to do than feel sorry for herself.
Pushing away from the door, she crossed to the old sea chest. Lifting the lid, she removed the clothes she used in the mine and set them aside. She’d slipped them in with the clothes she’d washed for Wolf and the boys. The worst of the dirt came out of them, but the knees were hopelessly stained. No matter, they were only going to get dirty again.
Lifting out clothes, blankets, and books, she emptied the chest and took stock, separating the things she’d take along. The rest, she set aside. She’d leave them here for the next occupants of the little house.
She went to her bedroom and surveyed her clothing. Leaving her gray wool dress, undergarments, one shawl, and her nightclothes, she carefully folded the few remaining things and carried them to the chest.
“There’s still plenty of room for Nathan’s things, and the rest of our books and my box.” She continued to mumble to herself as she packed. Her medicinal herbs and liniment went into a cloth bag on top, where it was easy to get to should they be needed. Then she retrieved the little box holding her most treasured possessions.
She opened the lid and stared at the photo of her mother. Though the frame was broken and slightly askew, the love shining in the woman’s eyes remained steady. Rachel sighed. “Mama, I think I finally understand.” She traced her mother’s face once with her fingertips before closing the box and tucking it into the nest of blankets and clothes.
“What are you doing?” Nathan thumped down the steps and stopped beside the chest. “Why are you packing?”
“I’m not,” she hedged. “I’m just putting away some things we don’t need right now. Spring cleaning.”
He eyed her as if he didn’t believe the explanation, but let it go. “Where’s Jake? He promised to teach us to ride.”
Calvin came clattering down the steps and the two boys raced each other to the door. When they flung it open, she tried not to look, but she couldn’t help herself. Her stomach clenched when she didn’t see Jake, but she spotted Griffin in the little corral. He was still here. The thrill of relief she felt was followed quickly by shame. If he wanted to go, she had to let him ride away. She couldn’t hold him here.
Closing the lid of the chest with a thump, she put bread and butter on the table, and sliced a platter of cold venison for breakfast. When Jake and the boys came inside, she slipped out, needing to be alone.
“Rachel?” Jake followed her to the porch.
“I need to visit the privy, and I want to take a walk. I won’t go far, I promise.”
She didn’t stop until the privy door closed
behind her. She waited a few extra minutes, wanting to be certain Jake was inside with Nathan and Calvin. Peeking around the door, she was glad to find she was alone. The cabin stood open, but at least Jake hadn’t waited for her to come out.
She slipped around the corner of the little structure and walked into the hills, away from town. The quiet morning lent her a measure of peace. She would miss this the most, the windswept silence, the land made up of so many shades of brown and green she couldn’t count them, the warm spring air that carried the scent of wildflowers.
Rachel plucked a primrose blossom from the grass and twirled it between her fingers. She hadn’t realized how much she loved this place until she was faced with leaving. But she would go. The narrow-minded citizens of Lucinda had left her no choice, really. They’d decided she was a fallen woman...and perhaps she was.
Images of the night before filled her mind. Jake’s kisses had easily driven all the lessons she’d learned from the Reverend out of her mind. Not even the memory of the cane striking her hands and back could make her resist his touch. Everything she’d been taught about proper behavior for a woman faded away when he held her.
She tossed the blossom to the ground. Perhaps she was unsuitable to be a teacher, but that didn’t make her a bad woman. She would find other work, perhaps as a cook or a housemaid. She could still spin yarn. Maybe she would build a loom and weave blankets to sell. If Jake didn’t want her, she would manage to support Nathan on her own.
She turned back toward the house and spotted Jake and the boys with Duchess. She’d forced herself to get acquainted with Jake’s packhorse the previous evening and had been rewarded for her efforts when the little animal lipped at her hair and skirt, looking for a treat. Rachel still couldn’t approach Griffin or the big gray horse, which Calvin had named Smoke. Both were just so huge. But the chestnut mare was smaller and much gentler. She’d be a perfect mount for the boys to learn to ride.
In no hurry, Rachel strolled toward the house, watching Jake’s hands as he tended to the little horse, all the while explaining what he was doing to his rapt audience of two. By the time she was close enough to hear the words, Duchess was saddled and ready to ride.
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