by Deanna Chase
Something in me snapped. I knew how I looked to people because I went out of my way to perpetrate the image. Everyone assumed a pretty little thing like me was innocent, that without a man, I was helpless. But, that was only to those who weren’t looking closely enough, which luckily for me, were most. I’d spent enough time taking care of myself to handle a jerk like this.
I held his stare. “I don’t know who you are, and I’m certainly not going to ask around.” I leaned in as close as I could stand and whispered in a voice so low only he could hear. “And you know why? Because I don’t give a shit. Now get your hand off of me, or you’re going to be crawling out of here.”
His grip tightened just enough to be uncomfortable. “What do you think you’re going to do?” he asked.
I knew what I wanted to do, but I couldn’t do that here without people knowing something wasn’t right with me, but I’d learned how to get around that over the years. I’d couch what I wanted to do for something that would be almost as effective.
Kneeing a guy in between the legs works much less often than people think. Men aren’t stupid about that area. It’s the first place they block, so as I jerked my knee up, I knew I wasn’t going to get a clean shot, but I also knew I wouldn’t need one. I just had to connect to his body in that ultra sensitive area to shoot a little pain his way. No one would ever guess that anything abnormal was happening. They’d simply think I’d managed to connect better than I had.
He had no idea it was coming. One second he was leaning over me as the aggressor, and the next he was crying at my feet like a baby.
I took a step away from him, looking for Jonny, knowing it was time to flee the scene before the guy made it to his feet. When I looked around, I found quite a few people, including Jonny, had witnessed the scene.
“Thanks for the help,” I said sarcastically to Jonny. I knew the next time he offered to walk me out, I’d laugh in his face.
“Didn’t look like you needed any,” a deep voice from behind me answered for him. With my back still to him, I grimaced slightly, then turned around, and waited to see if I was going to be fired.
I looked into Cormac’s chiseled face and had no idea what he was thinking. His eyes were intense as he looked at me, and I had a fleeting thought that maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing if he fired me. Just his presence affected me more than any other man I’d ever met. “Am I fired?”
“Why would you be fired?”
Without a hint of emotion shown, I wasn’t sure if he was baiting me or being obtuse. I doubted he was obtuse but I stated the obvious anyway, “Because I attacked your customer?” It was a bit awkward while the man was still lying on the ground, practically at my feet, and still occasionally moaned.
“Yes, I saw. Looked like he had it coming.” He waved over a couple of men whom I hadn’t noticed. “Help Tracker to his car,” he told them, and they each grabbed him under the arm. “Where did you learn to take care of yourself like that?”
He was eyeing me intensely, and even though he couldn’t know that there was something wrong with me, I felt like he did. I don’t know how, but he knew I wasn’t who I pretended to be.
“I took some self-defense classes.” I’d never taken a self-defense class in my life.
He didn’t say anything, just nodded his head. He knew I’d lied… again. I’d done my fair share of lying because of my secrets. I knew the tells people gave and I knew I didn’t do them. I was a good liar. I was pretty confident I’d even pass a lie detector test if I had to. How did he know?
We stood there for a moment appraising each other. I waited, on the inside I was sweating bullets, waiting for him to call me a liar or ask where I’d taken a class, but on the outside I was completely poised. I stood my ground like his equal. He was the owner of the hottest casino on the strip. I’d heard whispers of him having holdings in half of the other casinos in Vegas, which was stunning for a man in his thirties. Me, on the other hand, I worried how I’d pay my rent for a trailer that looked like it’s best years had come, gone, and then been forgotten. But, I didn’t care.
I’d watched people tip toe around him for the last three weeks. If that was the type of employee he needed, better to fire me now. I bowed to no one.
He slowly looked me up and down. He was testing my mettle, trying to get me to shrink back, to break the silence first or bend in some telling way that would prove my inferiority. I wouldn’t. What would normally be an insignificant amount of time dragged by, second after second, until he raised his eyebrows and tilted his head toward me in a silent acknowledgment. I’d passed. I didn’t know exactly what I’d passed, but I’d passed. It wasn’t surprising to me that I wasn’t fully cued in on what had gone down. This was the second time I’d had real interaction with him. Whatever rules he lived by, I decided, were not the run-of-the-mill existence.
“I’ll have someone walk you out.”
“I don’t need an escort.”
“Buzz, walk Jo out.”
I didn’t ask how he knew my name, let alone my nickname. I worked for him, along with hundreds, likely thousands of others. Maybe he made it his business to know everyone. I wasn’t going to make a big deal over it. I’d let his guy walk me out if he wanted to. I wasn’t going to be greedy with my victories.
“I’m fine.”
“I know.” And as quickly as that, I was dismissed. He walked off in his own direction while his big blond brute followed me in mine.
I left Buzz at the bus stop on the strip, but I didn’t feel alone until I was in my trailer, hours later.
Chapter Four
The church was deathly quiet when I walked in the next afternoon. I’d started looking for my parents the day I had turned eighteen. No one had been willing to talk to me before then. I never understood that. It was my history; I had a right to know. Turned out, there wasn’t much to tell. The only thing I had found out was that a priest had dropped me off at the hospital, but no one had bothered to write his name down at the time, or perhaps they had simply lost the record.
This was the thirtieth church I’d visited. My steps echoed off the high ceilings as I walked down the aisle. I was running out of churches to go to in the area. I’d have to expand my search radius again, soon.
“Can I help you?” I turned to find a middle-aged nun behind me.
“Is your priest in? Or do you know where I could find him?”
“I’m sorry, but we aren’t holding confessionals, today.”
“No, I’m not here for that. Is there any chance I could speak to him?”
“I’ll go see if he’s available. Wait here.”
I wished that my life could be simple enough to just give a confession and move on, that I could fix my problems that easily. This was one of the oldest churches I’d been to, about twenty minutes outside of Vegas. I sat down on the hard wooden pew and gazed at the afternoon sun streaming in through the stained glass windows. I could smell the age of the place, the scent of incense that had been burned over and over again still lingered in the air and I wished I could just let it all go.
I didn’t even want to know these people who had given me up. They had abandoned me to a cruel world, and I had no love in my heart for them. When I had been a young girl, I would daydream of them coming and saving me. Those days were long gone. If I could walk away from this chase, I would. I didn’t have that option. Every year, things got a little stranger. I was afraid of what I was becoming. The only thing I wanted from them was answers, and they’d better be ready to give them.
“Miss?” I turned to see an elderly man, probably in his mid seventies, with thin white hair. “You asked to speak to me?”
“Yes, if you have a moment? I had a couple of questions.”
“Sure, what can I do for you?”
He smelled of soap and detergent, as he sat down next to me on the pew. If I hadn’t been through this so many times, I might have actually felt awkward. I had initially. I’d even gotten butterflies the first few times, thin
king that I might finally get the answers I craved. Now, I just felt jaded, but I started my questions, anyway.
“Did you find a baby about twenty one years ago?”
His face changed instantly, and I knew I had finally found the priest who had brought me to the hospital. He reached down and took my hand in his. I swallowed back my unease at being touched but didn’t pull back.
“You’re her? I remember it like it was last night. Your eyes were so unusual. I’d never forget them.”
“Could you tell me what happened?”
“Yes, I still remember the night. It was a late Sunday evening in the middle of January and cold. I think it actually even broke a temperature record that day. I had just locked the doors not fifteen minutes before, and was gathering a few things, when I heard a light banging at the door. When I opened it, there was a beautiful young girl there covered in blood, with a small child not more than a year old. I let her in immediately. She was bleeding heavily from her side, so heavily that I was worried about even waiting for an ambulance. They aren’t always so quick to get out this far. I left her to go grab car keys to drive her to the hospital myself. When I got back, she was gone and you were sitting on the bench crying. You were swaddled in a blanket covered with your mother’s blood. I called one of the nuns, Loretta, to help me and I drove you to the hospital.”
“Do you remember what she looked like?”
“She looked like you. You could’ve been twins.”
“And she just disappeared?”
“There was so much blood, but when I looked for her outside she wasn’t there. Even after I returned from the hospital, I couldn’t find a trace.”
“Did she say anything to you?”
He shook his head. “No, but I did find something that night. Come with me and I’ll get it for you.”
I stood and followed him into a back office. Shelves packed to the brim lined the walls. I was surprised they were still even clinging to the walls and hadn’t crashed down from their awesome burden.
The priest was surprisingly spry for his age as he dragged a step stool across the room.
“I think it’s here. Ah, yes! Here it is.” He climbed down with a single sheet of paper in his hand. “It was lying on the pew right beside you.”
I took the sheet and looked at it quickly.
A golden child born and left will be the hope of those bereft. When eternal lilies bloom after a torturous night, the giver of gifts will stand for the right. The one who’s sought is suddenly found, it will come time to stand their ground. So comes the reckoning where many fall. Tis not the end, but the start of it all.
“Odd, right?”
The priest’s voice distracted me and I looked up at him. “Yes. You really think this was left by her?”
“Yes. It was left right beside you. In the excitement of the moment, I left it behind when we went to the hospital. I kept it, figuring I’d give it to you at some point. Then days turned into weeks and years. I’d forgotten about it until you came here today.”
I nodded, absorbing the fact that maybe she hadn’t wanted to abandon me. For some unknown reason, it hurt worse knowing that. It had been easier to wall off those emotions behind anger than to consider perhaps I had been wanted. The strange note added to my bewilderment. It was hand written, but looked as if it had been pulled from a book.
“Would you like to come have a cup of tea? I’ve always wondered what happened to you.” He reached out and grasped my hand.
I pulled back, and I saw understanding in his face. Logically, I knew he hadn’t had a hand in how my life had unfolded from that point, but in my heart, I felt just as abandoned by him as by everyone else. I had no desire to retell the story of neglect and abuse, and I felt no obligation to paint a pretty picture to ease his conscience. He had been one of many who passed the buck and left an innocent child to fend for herself. Not once in the many years of my life had he come by to see if I was okay.
“Thank you for your time.” I felt a twinge of remorse when I saw his face sadden, but I ignored it, just as he had ignored the baby he had dropped at the hospital.
I tucked the mysterious note into my purse and I walked out into the dry heat that came at the end of spring, but I didn’t mind. I closed my eyes as I looked up and let the sun’s heat sink into my skin before I walked back to the only bus stop in the area. I didn’t own a car, not wanting the additional debt on top of tuition bills and rent, but I was doing so well in tips lately that I had started to consider it.
I took the bus to Lacard, not home, because I had a shift tonight. Even with all the passengers and lots of stops, I still got there an hour early, so I went to have a coffee and stroll the mall. My nerves were raw, and the priest’s words buzzed in my head like an angry swarm from a disrupted hive. Was my mother dead? I’d grown up believing I was abandoned; now I didn’t know what to think. The note made no sense at all other than the golden child born and left. I was light blond, naturally golden tan and one hundred percent left.
I was gazing at the storefront, feeling akin to an emotional zombie, when I caught a glimpse of him in the reflection off the glass. He stood across the aisle, was in his early twenties, and the epitome of average, not too tall or short, not good looking, nor ugly. He was the perfect tail, or would have been if I hadn’t noticed him on the bus ride over here.
I’d learned to take care of myself. That meant being aware of any possible physical threat, even if it was someone who blended into the background. There was still a chance it was a coincidence. The Lacard had the best mall on the strip nestled in its enormous walls, and it drew all sorts of foot traffic.
Trying to confirm my suspicions, I walked down a wing that carried only two stores, one lingerie and the other shoes. I discreetly glanced around and found I was alone. I ducked into the shoe store for a few moments, and pretended to be interested in a pair of boots, all the while eyeing the hallway out front. When he didn’t follow, I relax a bit and then made my way back out and into the main thoroughfare. I scanned the area with my peripheral vision and inwardly cringed. I spotted him as he lingered in front of the dress store I had left. Walking slowly, I stopped and paused at a cart in the center selling earrings, and I saw him start to move in my direction again but stopped when he got within twenty feet.
I looked down to check the time, I had to head in to work, or I’d be late for my shift. I held my phone up, and I tried to catch the reflection of the guy on the screen. I walked briskly and tripped. My legs swung out up in front of me and I landed in an undignified lump right in front of Godiva Chocolates. I heard a few young giggles that attested to my audience. Little jerks. What were they doing in a casino mall anyway? Didn’t their parent’s ever hear of Disney World?
“Are you all right?”
A male palm hovered a few feet in front of me, waiting to assist. My eyes followed the arm up to look at the well-groomed man attached. He was tall; even from my current vantage point his height was obvious. His polo shirt and khakis did little to hide the trim lean build of someone who exercised regularly, and probably had a few marathons under his belt. As a runner, I could always spot another. I waved his hand away and jumped to my feet quite smoothly.
“Yes, I’m fine. Thank you.”
“I’m Vitor.”
“Thanks again. Sorry, but I’m in a bit of a rush. I’m going to be late for work.” I hurried off before he had a chance to ask my name. From the expression on his face, I knew it wasn’t a reaction he was used to getting. It wasn’t how I would normally treat someone just trying to help me, either, but my unease was growing by the minute. This was the second day in a row I felt like I’d been followed. It was becoming a bit too much for me to ignore or excuse away. I didn’t want another problem, and I certainly didn’t need one.
As I hurried into the back staff rooms, I felt a little of the tension release. No one but casino staff could follow here. I only had a few minutes left now before I was due on the floor, so my respite was short li
ved. I’d barely stepped onto the casino floor before Arnold was already calling me.
“Can you do me a favor?”
“Sure, Arnold. What do you need?” I tried to play nice with Arnold. He was the gate keeper to the best shifts, plus, I thought he was a nice guy everyone walked on.
“I’ve got a new girl training tonight and some guy just threw up on her. I know, gross,” he said replying to my silent but strong reaction. “She’s hysterical in the women’s bathroom. I’ll call down for it, but I need you go to laundry and inventory and pick up a new uniform for her.”
“Sure, but I don’t know where it is.”
“Go to the basement level one. Take a left out of the elevator; make a right at the first corridor, and then the third door on the right. Thanks.” Before I could ask another question, Arnold pulled out his phone and walked away, heading toward the bathrooms.
Left, right, right I repeated to myself, wishing I had a pen to jot it down on my palm. I’d always been direction deficient. Leaving the floor, I walked to the staff elevators in the back and got in. I looked at the buttons and hit B One, that had to be it, I figured. The elevator doors opened at my selected floor to reveal all cement pathways, in stark contrast to the lush gold and red carpeting of the casino upstairs. Cinderblock walls coated in a dull grey utilitarian paint and dim fluorescent lighting above that flickered slightly gave me an eerie feeling, similar to the opening of a horror film.
I had expected to see some sort of signs, maybe a couple of arrows taped to the floor, but there was nothing. I turned, turned again, and started to count the doors to the right. When I got to the third it was locked. Maybe it was the one on the left? I counted the ones on the left and bingo, the third door opened.
All I could see were tall, box-filled shelves that climbed all the way to the ceiling. It looked like storage. There had to be some uniforms somewhere around here. “Hello?” I called out, but there was no answer, so I went farther in the room and tried to find someone. The aisles went back farther than I would have imagined, and the immense scope of the room impressed me.