“Talk to me,” I whisper against her warm skin. She’s drugging me.
“Ahhh—can’t! Too much!” she gasps. She starts to pull frantically on my clothes and I shake my head without lifting it. My brain can’t keep up with all the sensation.
“Not yet.”
“Why?” she whines, sliding a hand under my shirt and up my back. She wriggles restlessly against me, provoking a cascade of shivers with every motion.
“Too much!” I echo. “Slow down!”
I’m still learning what she likes and, happily, it’s going to take a while. My thumbs trace the undersides of her breasts and her skin is like silk. I spread my fingers to cover more of her and feel as well as hear her sharp inhale. With an effort I lift my head to look at her. That lush mouth I’ve fantasized over endlessly is parted and her eyes are wide.
“What are you doing?” she whispers. “Don’t you want to come?”
Every part of my body aches for her, but I prop myself on my elbows and let my fingers trail lightly over her breasts as I hold her eyes. I nod. “But first I want to figure out what feels good, remember?”
For a moment we’re held in suspension, eyes locked, bodies pressed close. Then she releases a breath and relaxes. Her eyelids flutter lower and her hands come up to tangle in my hair, pulling me back down to her breasts.
“Okay,” she sighs.
I nuzzle my face against her deliciousness. “Tell me!”
And this time she does. As my hands drift slowly down her torso, exploring, she whispers what she likes and how it feels until I’m completely dissolved in desire for her. Her legs part and my fingers slide under her panties, stroking. She lifts her hips and I tug them off before devoting myself to cataloguing every quiver of response from her.
“Noah!” I recognize that tone. She’s close. I lighten my touch and lift my mouth from her awesome breasts to watch her with wonder. She’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen, ever imagined.
“Noah!” I recognize that tone too. She’s frustrated and desperate to come. I chuckle and drop a quick kiss on one heaving breast.
“What do you want? How do you want to come?” The talking thing we did was good practice. Making out with Holly feels both startlingly intense and very familiar. It feels perfect.
Her eyelids drop closed and I wonder if she’s embarrassed. Then they open and her gaze is hot and bold. “Your mouth,” she says, her breath catching. “I’ve been fantasizing about your mouth on me, my mouth on you.”
And all the air is sucked out of my body and replaced with sheer want. God, she’s amazing! I may say that out loud because she smiles and I’m drawn to her pouty lower lip. I lean forward to suck on it as her hands start creeping down my chest.
My smile wavers as her hands reach my shorts. I pulled on a loose pair of basketball shorts after my shower and they are not providing much protection from her marauding hands, which are now rubbing and stroking me.
“Stop that!” I pant, though my body has other ideas. “I’m not done with you yet.”
Her eyes narrow and her sexy mouth purses. “I haven’t even started with you.”
Before I can grasp what’s happening she’s pushed me onto my back and she’s leaning over me with a naughty grin. Her hands are everywhere, pulling off my clothes, stroking down my arms.
“Where did you get these biceps?” she asks, then her mouth lowers to lick my nipple and I jolt.
“Two for one at the store….” Her mouth is moving down my stomach. “Holly!” I want her mouth so badly I’m afraid I’ll short-circuit a fuse and crash again.
“Mmm?” I know that sound too. That’s the teasing hum she makes when she’s focused on turning me on. It’s totally working. I have to brace my body against this onslaught of pleasure. When she runs her tongue around the tip of my throbbing erection I let out a groan and clench my fists.
“That’s better,” Holly whispers and I can feel her breath against me. “That’s how you sound when you’re losing control.” She takes me in her mouth and I’m like a runaway train. Despite my pleas for her to slow down it’s not long before I come—hard. Then I return the favor, still shaking while I worship her with my mouth. She’s so sweet and delicious and sexy and all I ever want. She comes—hard, and we both fall back against the bed, breathless and spent.
“God, I’m so sore,” I say when I make the mistake of sitting up. I look down at my legs in confusion—they don’t look as useless as they feel. My whole body seems to be in shock, struggling to catch up to the day’s experiences.
“That’s supposed to be my line,” Holly giggles and I tug on a lock of her springy hair. She sits up too and stretches slowly, which does wondrous things for her naked body and for mine. She grins at my expression, then scoots toward the bottom of the bed and puts her hands on my legs.
“Tell me if it hurts.” She massages the tight muscles of my calves, working her way up to my quads, and I exhale slowly.
“Ahh….” I slump back against the headboard and watch her, flooded with tenderness.
“You didn’t manage that so well, mister,” she says lightly.
“Which part?” I ask, only a little smugly. “Ouch!”
“Yesterday. Running so long and disappearing on me. Were you running away?” she asks curiously. I forgot how direct she is.
I sigh. “Not on purpose. I thought I’d get my long run out of the way. I didn’t realize I’d be so wiped afterwards. I am sorry, Holl.”
I feel a little shamefaced because maybe I was avoiding her on some level (it sucks to be raised by shrinks! I know too much about delusion and denial). I was nervous and horny. I’m still nervous, though a little less horny.
“I know,” she says, then falls silent. I’m getting more nervous now. Maybe we should have talked before we fell into bed together. I’m trying to sort out what to say when she changes the subject, telling me about Matt and Annika, about her course schedule this fall, about her new dorm room. Then she picks up her phone and gasps.
“It’s already 7 a.m.! I have to get back before the others wake up and realize I’m gone. That would be awkward to explain, wouldn’t it?” She glances at me then dashes around the room, throwing on clothes and muttering to herself. I miss her already.
I frown. ‘We could tell people, right? That we’re….”
We look at each other and the awkward silence stretches. Shit!
“Friends with benefits?” Holly says brightly, turning to the door. “You’re right! They’re going to figure out soon enough anyway. See you later!”
“Holly—” I want to grab her and hold on tight, but I’m still naked and moving gingerly. The door slams behind her.
16
Holly
For people who claim to be good at talking, Noah and I already screwed up. I know we need to talk about our “relationship status” (God help us!) but I’m afraid. Yes, afraid. I think of Noah’s refrain about relationship problems: “why don’t they just talk already?” and cringe. But it’s his fault too!
Over the next few days we avoid each other, exchanging friendly texts but making sure not to be alone again. I’m a little unnerved. Apparently this sex thing is at least as strong as the friend thing we had going. Who knew? And I’m not sure what that means. Except that there is no chance in hell we can go back. He’s way hotter than I realized and that sex was way too good to give up. In fact, it was a revelation.
Suddenly I stop short. Was that actually sex? I huff out a breath in exasperation. All those orgasms and I’m still not sure what “counts”?
I’m like a dog with a bone so I bring it up over brunch with the gang on the weekend. I know! Stupid! But I want some answers and what am I supposed to do? Google it? The six of us are squeezed into a booth at the diner nearest to campus when I drop the bombshell.
“So how would you define sex?”
I take a sip of coffee and study my friends over the rim of my cup. I get a range of reactions. Lani looks completely unperturbed. Her br
ow furrows slightly with thought. Kyle leans back and looks at the ceiling, as if rolling his eyes wouldn’t demonstrate enough impatience. Matt and Annika both lean forward, ready to thrash this out. And Noah? My eyes meet his and skitter away because alarmed is the only word that comes to mind. But really, he should know by now what he’s getting into with me.
“Now there’s an interesting question, Ms. O’Neal!” Matt drawls. “The American expression ‘sleeping together’ covers a whole range of intimacies.”
Annika snorts. “But why be so America-centric? Sleeping together could well mean just sleeping in other cultures.”
“That speak English, of course. And I don’t think ‘America-centric’ is a word, sweetheart.” Matt grins at her.
“Oh? What is the word for Americans who don’t know their butts from their elbows?” We all crack up and Annika frowns. “What?”
“It’s ass, not butt,” Lani corrects gently.
“But it’s the same thing!”
“Yes, but the expression only works with one word not the other one,” she explains.
Annika mutters something in another language. When Matt quirks an eyebrow at her she says, in her adorable foreign accent, “There is an Estonian expression for people who live like bears in a cave and think the whole world is dark and filled with bats. Your ignorance astonishes me.” She sniffs, chin high.
“Good one!” Matt says admiringly and the corners of her mouth turn up ever so slightly.
“Plato’s cave,” Noah adds, nodding. He’s shoveling food into his mouth like there’s no tomorrow. And I’m assuming he hopes to change the subject.
“But really!” I insist. “Is it only penis in vagina?” Everyone at the table groans and there’s a chorus of “must you?” “really, Holly?” I blink at them. “What are you offended by? The question or the vocabulary? Or am I being hetero-normative? Let’s narrow the question down to straight sex.”
There’s another chorus of responses. I hold up a hand to silence them and shrug. “It’s a legitimate question! Why shouldn’t…any orgasm count as sex? Or what about…phone sex?” Out of the corner of my eye I catch Noah’s horrified expression before he ducks his head again. “Or…sexting?” I add quickly as a red herring. I look around the table and I’m not sure who I’m fooling.
“Well, obviously it’s not orgasms. Plenty of women have sex without orgasms, sadly.” Lani looks so sorry as she says this that I want to grind my teeth.
I try to rein in my discomfort since I was the one who brought the subject up. But Annika and Lani? They probably never had bad sex in their lives! I think of all the awkward bathroom encounters I had in high school with near strangers and all the mechanical couplings I had with Ravi and droop. It’s not shame I feel but some regret. I want to own my sexuality and my choices, and those experiences were fine but now they seem like a waste of time.
“Why bother defining what is or isn’t sex?” Noah is looking at me now and I know he senses my tension. “It’s like gender or race or…psychiatric diagnoses or criminal behaviors or anything else we try to label and control. These definitions don’t do justice to the range of experiences people have.”
“Well said!” Lani says, beaming at him. “No labels!”
“Man, that was smooth! I want to embroider that on a doily and hang it up in my house,” Matt adds. Annika kicks him under the table and he flinches.
“It did sound like something you would say, didn’t it?” Noah says, hiding a smile.
“Sure did! That’s why it was awesome!”
The conversation devolves into bickering and teasing and I retreat into myself, wondering at the muddle I’m in.
“You embarrassed me!” Noah hisses as soon as we’re alone. We all left the diner together but the others drove back to Matt and Kyle’s to do more unpacking. That means only Noah and I are walking back to campus and we can no longer avoid each other. It’s Saturday and classes have started but there’s not much work yet. I shrug, hoping I look more nonchalant than I feel.
“Oops!”
Noah looks offended so I go on.
“No one knew it was us!”
“Of course they knew it was us!”
“So what?” I shrug again but my heart is beating fast.
“Holly!” he says in that warning voice that’s kind of sexy. I panic.
“You should know what I’m like by now, Noah! I’m a loose cannon. You’ve said so yourself!”
He stops suddenly and grabs my elbow to turn me to face him. “Are you trying to scare me off?” He’s frowning but there’s also something else in his tone. Amazement maybe?
“No, I….”
He starts walking again and I scramble to catch up to his longer strides. And I don’t know what I was trying to do! I’m a complete and utter mystery to myself! Please tell me what I want, I think pathetically.
“Because that would mean this meant something.” He drops that all casual-like and I stumble on a non-existent crack in the sidewalk. “How very interesting,” he muses. And shit, he’s good! I’m in awe of his relationship management skills.
“Damn you!” I mumble, beaten. For now. “I better go home and lick my wounds. Maybe I can come back to fight another day!” I mutter. To myself, I think, but he hears me because he whips around and leans down close to my ear.
“I’ll happily lick your wounds for you, Holly.” He grins at my expression, and he can’t even see the heat flashing over my skin. Yet. He takes my arm again and redirects us toward his dorm room. I follow, unresisting. “Let’s go. You’ll feel better after I make you come.”
He’s right, I think dazedly an hour later. I do feel better. But What The Hell? Who is this guy who looks like my best friend but knows my body better than I do? Who is this girl who looks like me and likes it so much?
“So was that sex or not?” He’s rumpled and satisfied too. Well satisfied, I must say. I admire his long lean body from under my lashes.
“Damned if I know!” I grumble.
He laughs. “Who cares anyway?” He starts to pull his pants back on and I frown.
“Don’t you? You’re the virgin! You’re the one who’s supposed to care!” I’m not sure how I feel about the fact that his virginity is such a turn on for me. He doesn’t seem to care at all, which he proves immediately.
“Not really. This whatever-we’re-doing is awesomely great even without sticking my penis in your vagina.”
He gives me a pointed look as he buttons his shirt and I blush furiously. It’s one thing for me to say it, in general, and another for him to say it, about us. We seem to have some tacit agreement not to go “all the way.” Yet. Maybe it would be too serious, too complicated, too intimate. For whatever reason, we’re clearly not ready.
Unless he just doesn’t want to. Because I’m bad at it. Because really why would he want to wait otherwise? He’s still a guy even if he’s the best one ever. Maybe I’ll disappoint him and ruin his first time. Maybe he’s just practicing on me before he moves on to someone better.
Oh, shut up, Holly!
My annoyance with myself spills over at him because I’m the one who should be in control here. I’m the one with more sexual experience so he doesn’t get to tease me! I remind him of that curtly, but he just looks indulgent.
“It’s about quality, not quantity, Holl!”
Gah!
17
Noah
“So what’s up with you and Holly?”
I wondered who would break first and be the first to ask outright. Matt leans against the kitchen counter, throwing popcorn into his mouth and watching me. We’re at the girls’ suite but Holly’s not home yet. We all tend to hang out here a lot since their dorm is close to all our classes.
“Dunno.” Since I anticipated this question one might think I had an answer prepared. One would be wrong.
“You’re hooking up though.” This is a statement, not a question, which makes it a little easier to handle.
“Ah…sort of
.”
Matt looks amused. “Hence the need to define sex?”
“Well,” I hedge some more. I’m not averse to talking to him. I just don’t know what to say, even to myself. We’re three weeks and many incredible orgasms into the semester now but Holly and I are no closer to naming what we’re doing.
Matt shakes his head, looking more sympathetic than amused now. “As someone who spent months trying to figure out what I was doing with Annika, I feel for you.” He slaps a hand on my back, grabs a soda from the fridge, and heads back into the living room. I follow, my emotions churning.
Matt nudges Annika to make room for him on the sofa and they fold themselves into a corner together. Her eyes lift briefly from her book.
“We should start charging them for food, Lani. These guys are here all the time and they never stop eating!”
“We feed you at our place!” Kyle protests. He’s sitting at a table frowning at his laptop. Lani is on the floor stretching out her legs. I drop onto the floor too and wince at the pain in my right knee.
“When’s your race again?” Lani asks, watching me.
“Four weeks.” I rub the knee absently.
“I want to run a marathon next year!” Annika announces to the room.
“I love it. But I hurt all over.”
“Try this,” Lani says, moving toward the wall. “Lie down and scoot your butt as close to the wall as you can then lift your legs up straight.” She demonstrates, making an L shape against the wall.
“Why?” I ask, shifting gingerly.
The Lesson Plan: Extra Credit, Book 3 Page 8