by L.H. Cosway
I stand by a high table a little away from the bar, sucking my drink through my straw and fidgeting awkwardly, willing Nicky to hurry the hell up in the bathroom. I dislike being left by myself in night clubs. When my eyes wander back to the bar I realise that Judy is leaning against the counter and eyeing me while talking to a blond girl who’s standing on the other side. I drop my gaze quickly and look away, pretending not to notice, but knowing that she’s probably saying something wicked about me.
A moment later I sense somebody standing behind me, and I know that it’s Ethan even though he hasn’t yet moved or said anything. Strange. It’s like a picture of him standing there was projected straight into my head. He places a hand on my lower back and then comes around to face me.
“You didn’t call,” he says in a low voice.
“I know, I’ve had a busy week,” I reply, and then look up into those amazing blue grey eyes.
“But you are here now,” he breathes, with the ghost of a smile.
“I am.” I say, and look around in search of Nicky.
“Are you here because you wish to see me, or merely because you are with your friends?”
I hesitate, and then answer truthfully, “Both.” He’s so close that we’re one step away from an embrace, and I don’t know how he always manages to get so near to me without my consent.
“I would hope that the former outweighs the latter.”
“I don’t know.” I tell him.
Now he takes my hand into his and rubs the inside of my wrist with his thumb, it makes me want to melt. Unconsciously I lean nearer to him, getting washed away by his touch. Such a small gesture, but it transports me into a moment where it’s just the two of us sharing something extremely intimate. He looks me over with so much more close attention than any other man has ever given me before.
“I have to go,” he purrs, with a look that tells me he knows exactly how he’s affecting me. “I must attend to some business, but I would like to see you later.”
“I’ll be around,” I reply, my heart speeding up.
“I enjoy your enthusiasm.” Is he being sarcastic? I can’t tell.
My cheeks redden when I say, “Am I that transparent?”
“I wouldn’t say that,” he whispers in my ear, his lips gently brushing my skin. “I will come for you later. Please do enjoy your night with your friends.”
“Thanks,” I say, unable to disguise my smile as he leaves.
He stops for a moment. “I love that dress on you by the way.”
I gulp. “Thanks – again.”
“See you later,” he says and then practically disappears into the crowd, his words sounding like a promise.
When I take a peek back at the bar I see that Judy had been watching the entire exchange. I feel like running home and hiding away for a month when she smiles and waves, but then transforms her wave into flipping me off and her smile into a scowl. I look away and stare at my bottle as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.
While Nicky and the others go to the bar I have a look at the VIP section. Delilah’s there wearing a long lime green dress, she seems to be schmoozing with several men in designer suits. I wonder what exactly it is she does here. I mean, she seems to work here, but I just can’t tell at what. It looks as though she’s carrying out some kind of business deal, and it unsettles me because I can’t imagine any kind of business being done in the VIP section of a night club other than something to do with drugs or criminality.
With my attention on Delilah I fail to realise that the girls Dillon and Amanda had skipped in the queue outside are making their way toward me with revenge in their eyes. They put their drinks down on the table I’m standing at, crowding it so as to shove me away. I have no fight in me when it comes to the warfare of night clubbing Goth girls, so I accede defeat and step aside.
I lean against the black metal railing around the steps that lead to the dance floor and make an attempt at finishing my drink. I look to the VIP section again to see if Delilah’s business dealings have progressed. This time Ethan is standing beside her, but he’s not looking at any of the people around him, he’s looking directly at me and he seems angered. He must have seen those girls bully me out of the table, he raises his brow as if to ask why I allowed them to do it, but I just shrug and turn away from him.
My bullies are the usual kind of girls you’d find in a place like this, faces full of metal, huge hair of a variety of colours, stylish tattoos and stylish clothes. The sad thing is that I used to be one of them. The even sadder thing is that I’m not better now, I’m worse. I feel like the ghost of the girl I once was. Empty.
It’s not like I’ve outgrown the Goth thing, it’s more like I’m still Goth but without any kind of conviction or belief in what I am. I have no zest for life, or to be different, and the only reason I look half decent is because Nicky chooses all of my clothes for me and does my hair and make-up.
I used to love to read, but now all I do when I’m at home is sit and stare dead eyed at the television. Even at the new job I’ve started, before I would have been excited by the fact that Marcel and Gabriel believe I have some magic about me, even though I don’t believe in it, before I would have revelled in the attention. But now I just want them to quit their fascination and get on with their lives.
The funny thing is that Ethan’s advances are the only exception to the deadness I feel inside. When he looks at me I feel like a hundred light bulbs have been switched on in my body, like a thousand butterflies are fluttering about in my chest. It puzzles me. How can I be numb to all stimulants other than him? Is it a warning of danger, or a sign that I should be with him?
Nicky brings me a shot and I knock it back before finishing off my Bacardi. I may not have much determination these days, but I have tonight and that’s to get drunk. It’s the only way to stop my constant introspection. My questioning of why it is I feel the way that I feel. Maybe it’s because the man you loved killed himself not three months ago, says a tiny voice in my head.
I join Amanda on the dance floor and Nicky and Dillon follow. Amanda has short electric blue hair and a septum piercing, she’s the one I mentioned is into the vampire thing. I still plan on introducing her to Lucas. Perhaps they’ll bond over their unusual shared interest. Dillon puts his arm around me as we dance to Adam and the Ant’s “Stand and Deliver”.
When I spot Lucas standing at the steps that lead to the dance floor I take the opportunity to ask if he’d be interested in meeting Amanda. I tell Nicky I’ll be back in a minute and pull my way out of the crowded dance floor. When I approach Lucas he grins in that usual predatory fashion.
“Hi,” I say nervously.
“Hello, what can I do for you Tegan?” He’s still wearing the ear piece alongside a black shirt and slacks, which probably means he’s in work mode tonight.
I point to where my friends are dancing. “You see the girl with the blue hair?”
“Yes,” he replies, looking at Amanda and then back at me.
“Do you think you’d be interested in seeing her sometime? Like maybe going on a date or something?”
“Are you trying to set me up with your friend?”
“Yes - obviously,” I say sheepishly.
“Am I the kind of man you would trust with your friend?” he continues.
“I can’t see why not, well, actually she likes the vampire role play thing too, so I thought you two might get on.”
He narrows his gaze when he looks at me now. “I don’t think so, I’m not into wannabes.”
“Huh? But aren’t you all wannabes?” I say a little harshly.
“No – no we are not.”
“So there’s a hierarchy to the sub-culture?” I probe.
“You might say that.”
“Okay then, I just thought I’d ask anyhow.”
I turn to leave but he grabs my arm. “You really want me to see your friend?”
“I was only trying to be nice.” I shrug.
&n
bsp; “Maybe I’ll show her a good time then,” he smiles, and for some reason it makes me shiver. “I’ll see her later,” he finishes before walking away.
I figure it’s about time I get another drink if I’m drinking to get drunk, which is a completely obscene thing to do, but I crave the numbness it brings. Of course. Of course. At the bar I try to get the attention of the tall guy with the dreadlocks, but before I know it Judy is standing in front of me and waiting for me to tell her what I want.
“So are you going to be one of his stalkers now?” she asks.
“I’m not stalking anybody thank you very much.” I tell her.
“He hasn’t called you back has he? And now you’ve just coincidentally happened to come to this night club of all the clubs in Tribane open on a Friday night, and not with the intention of bumping into Ethan at all, I’m sure.”
“Why do you assume that your bosses’ love life is any of your concern?” I ask, my tone less than savoury, the girl is grating on me and I’m sick of her thinking she knows it all.
“Just looking out for him is all,” she hisses. “I wouldn’t want him getting pestered by some psycho one night stand who’s developed an obsession now would I?”
“I am not and never will be a one night stand. Not with Ethan. Not with anybody.” I tell her while inadvertently tapping my short fingernails on the counter. Judy is really ticking me off.
A moment later Ethan’s velvet voice asks from behind me, “Have we got a problem here Judy?”
She coughs nervously and then replies, “Nope,” seemingly embarrassed at having gotten caught in the act.
“We’d better not.” He turns to me. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I reply, making an effort to hide the fact that Judy was so getting to me.
“Judy, my dear,” says Ethan in a disingenuous voice, falsely polite with what sounds like a subtle threat. “Your job is to serve customers, not to talk to them. So get on with the serving and you will not charge Tegan for any of her drinks tonight as she is a special friend of mine. Are we clear?”
“Clear as crystal boss,” says Judy, all of a sudden becoming jittery and looking like she wants to hide away and cry. Quickly she goes to the opposite end of the bar and serves her next customer.
“You don’t need to give me free drinks,” I say, uncomfortable with him giving me anything for free. I don’t know where this feeling comes from. Perhaps it’s my inner feminist urging me to be independent. He trails a hand along my arm.
“Call it a treat. I’m sure money is going to be tight for you until you find a job.”
“I’ve already found one,” I tell him proudly.
He narrows his gaze. “You did?”
“Yes, aren’t you happy for me?”
“More disappointed that you won’t be coming to work for me.”
“Well you shouldn’t be. I like to be independent anyway.” I say smiling.
“So where’s the job?” he asks, still stroking my arm.
I look at his hand. “Are you always so tactile?”
“No. But I like to touch you. It soothes me.”
I laugh. “Maybe that’s because of all the magic my new boss thinks I’ve got in me. Although it’s more likely that he’s just mental.”
He stops stroking abruptly. “Magic? Who told you this?”
“My new boss.” I answer. “His name’s Marcel Girard.”
Ethan’s expression turns hostile. “You’re working at Indigo?”
I nod. “Do you know it?”
“Yes I know it, tell me what exactly Marcel said to you?” he pushes.
“About the magic?”
“Yes.”
“Well, when we first met he told me I had a magical aura, but he couldn’t tell what it was. So he got this other guy who works there called Gabriel to see if he could tell what it was and…”
Ethan cuts me off. “Gabriel,” he says the name in a faraway voice, and several emotions pass over his expression.
“Do you know him too?”
“I do.”
“Small world eh,” I laugh to try and lighten the mood.
“Tell me, how did you come to work in that shop, do you have any connections to the owner?”
“No, I just went in and Marcel got all razzed up about how I’ve got a magical aura.”
Ethan nods, his eyes turned to cold steel. “Yes, and I’m sure he just jumped out of his seat to give you a job.”
“You wanna tell me what’s up?”
“You can’t work there.”
“Oh yeah? Why not?”
“You just can’t, listen to me Tegan.”
I’m extremely confused by all of this, but before I can question Ethan further one of his security guards comes and whispers something in his ear.
Ethan turns back to me. “I have to go. I’m late for a meeting. I’ll be a half an hour, will you wait here until then? I need to talk to you.”
“Okay, I’ll be around with my friends.”
“Thank you,” he replies and places a kiss on my hand.
For the next while I join Nicky, Dillon and Amanda who are sitting at a table, and we have some drinks and catch up on what’s been going on in each other’s lives. Two hours pass before I see Ethan again, his meetings must have taken longer than expected. He brings me out the back to his office. His desk has rows of orderly paperwork, a telephone and a laptop. I sit down on the small leather couch. Ethan paces back and forth for a moment and then sits down beside me.
He runs both hands through his hair and lets out a sigh. “It’s been a long day, sorry if I’m a little tense.”
“That’s okay.”
At this he turns and looks at me, his beautiful eyes seeming a small bit tired. “Could you tell me Tegan, what did Marcel and Gabriel conclude about the magic they sense in you?”
“Why are you so concerned? Are they in some kind of scary cult?”
“No – they are not in a cult, but they may have ulterior motives.”
I almost laugh, what are they, comic book villains? “You think so?”
“It’s a definite possibility.”
“You seem to know something about them that you’re not telling me.” I add.
“Tell me what they told you.”
“Oh God – well, Gabriel said that somebody cast a spell on me a long time ago, a spell intended to conceal and protect. I wasn’t really listening much, I’m not big into that kind of thing.”
Ethan laughs. “Me neither.” Then he shakes his head and laughs some more. Although it feels like he’s laughing at me.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing.”
“Hmm, well, whatever. Are you going to tell me why you’re so freaked about me working at Indigo?”
“It’s too coincidental.”
“What is?”
“That you were drawn to that place and that you made my acquaintance within the same few days.”
“And?”
“Do you remember when we first met? When Lucas, Delilah and myself found you…intriguing?”
“Yes.”
“Well, it’s just too much of a coincidence that Gabriel happened to see something unique in you also.”
“Are you all on drugs by any chance?”
“No, but it’s difficult because there’s so much I can’t tell you.”
I sigh in exasperation. “Now I’m even more confused.”
“Let’s not talk then,” he says and leans over me, his body right next to mine on the couch. His eyes seem to sparkle and brighten.
“Do you know what it feels like when I’m near you?” he asks intensely.
I shake my head.
“It feels like my entire body is vibrating with the undiscovered energy that lies inside of you, I need to discover it Tegan.”
“I bet you say that to all the girls,” I manage to mumble. His face is sincere and handsome, and something else. Hungry? If only I could affect all men in this way. If only I could ha
ve affected Matthew in this way.
As Ethan ventures to get close to me my heart is still in recovery. It would be reckless to let it fall again. It would be very…very…reckless. But oh God as he runs his fingers down my bare arm I feel like I’ll explode if he doesn’t continue. I seize up for a moment, but then I will myself to relax. He puts his hand on the base of my neck, causing my head to tilt back. Then he runs his fingers along the length of my neck and down to my chest before stopping as though he’s feeling for my heart beat.
He looks into my eyes. “Your heart beats so quickly,” he says and then exhales heavily, his breath smells like mint and lemons.
I shift back, embarrassed by his observation.
“No, stay,” he whispers. “I want to examine you.”
“Excuse me?”
“I want to discover what it is about you that’s different.”
“I don’t think you’ll find anything of interest.”
Ethan laughs and continues moving his hands about my body, when he gets to my hips and begins to push up the hem of my dress I grab both his hands.
“My apologies,” he says, “I just – got caught up in acquainting myself with your body,” and then he shoots me a lazy smile.
“Well you’ll be acquainting yourself with a slap in the face if you don’t cool it.”
“How do you know I’m not into that kind of thing?” he grins like a panther on the hunt.
I don’t have anything to say to that. I shift away from him, putting some distance between us.
After a couple of beats I look at him again, and his eyes are focused on my chest. I wave my hand in his face. “Can you focus for a minute?” I ask.
“I can’t help it, I want to taste you.” Then he traces the outline of my lips with his index finger. “You’ve got a beautiful mouth.”
I’m wordless as his fingers come into contact with my lips.
“Do you think you might let me kiss you?”
“Not at this moment in time.” I tell him, not trusting myself.
“I look forward to kissing you, and doing other things to you, if you ever allow it.” He breathes.
I glance away, and then up at the clock on the wall above his desk, the time is two-forty-five in the morning.