‘Oh, I’m so sorry.’ Stella cast an empathetic look. A loud bang emanated from the fire as the logs burned, and as a flurry of sparks billowed upwards, the clock cast its piercing chimes, which echoed around the room. The hair at the nape of Stella’s neck bristled and icy fingers traversed her shoulders and kneaded her back.
‘Yes, well, Stewart was heir to the estate, but now it will pass to Elizabeth, so she’s about to become a wealthy young lady.’ Alex’s mother smirked, glancing at her son.
Stella caught the steely glare Alex shot back. God, they were comparing her to Elizabeth. If they wanted to make her feel even more unwelcome, then mission accomplished. She swallowed, and her appetite ebbed away. An air raid would be better than being trapped here. She sighed, chiding herself for being so selfish.
How was she going to get through this? Her room at Mrs Brown’s was waiting for her, warm and homely. Mrs. Brown would be sat by the fire right now nursing her cup of Horlicks, listening to the BBC Home Service on the radio and Mac, well, perhaps he was at the pub. She clenched her hands beneath the table as Bourn tugged at the bonds of her heart.
After dinner, Stella and Alex retreated to the library, alone. He brought along a bottle of sherry and two crystal glasses, and they sat in front of the fire.
‘I wish you didn’t have to leave tomorrow.’
‘Well, I have something I need to do before I’m back on duty.’ Stella sipped her sherry and looked away.
‘Come back to my room tonight,’ he whispered as he leant forward to kiss her.
She turned her head so his lips brushed her cheek instead. ‘I don’t think that would be right.’ She leant back in her chair. ‘Besides, your parents are here.’ She wasn’t sure what to say, but she wasn’t about to keep up a pretence either.
‘They won’t know a thing. They sleep in the north wing at the far side of the house. Well, I’ll come to you instead.’ Just then there was a knock on the door and his father stood there and coughed as if to announce his presence.
‘Alex, can I have a quick word, please?’
He glanced at her. ‘Back in a tick.’
‘Come to my room if you dare, but I’ll not let you in,’ Stella muttered. She sipped her sherry as she wandered over to the books, her fingers trailing the shelves, raking dust into fluff as she cast her eyes over their spines. To think her mother had thought all this could have been hers. Relief burrowed through her. She had no wish to be part of his family; his parents were cold and interested in one thing only – money. She could kick herself for being so gullible and for hurting Mac in the process. God, Alex had punched him. None of it made any sense.
Time passed, and she wondered what was keeping Alex so long. She overheard raised voices and peered out into the hall, glimpsing the thin sliver of light that spilled from the dining room doorway.
‘Alex, keep your voice down, please. All I’m saying is that you understand our situation and what is expected of you.’ His mother’s voice sounded almost pleading.
‘I know, but really, Mother, you expect me to marry for money. Peter’s gone, and all you care about is this crumbling old pit. I won’t do it. I’d rather take a chance with Stella.’ Alex’s voice was strained.
‘Well, we can’t last here forever, my boy. The place will have to be sold, piece by piece. Is that what you want?’ Mr Russell’s voice. ‘It’s your inheritance, and it comes with great responsibility.’
Stella had heard enough. And what did Alex mean by taking a chance? She closed the library door and drained the last of her sherry in one gulp which burned her throat, and water rushed to her eyes. Alex returned, looking as if he’d just lost his wings.
‘Is everything all right?’ She knew it wasn’t, and now she knew why.
He grabbed his glass and gulped down the sherry before sinking into an armchair. ‘Yes, perfectly fine,’ he snapped.
He was flustered and on edge, and somehow it didn’t feel like the right time to talk about things. ‘Alex, I’m sorry, but I have an awful headache. I think I’ll have an early night.’
He glanced at her, a preoccupied look in his eyes. ‘Oh, well, okay. If you need anything, just say. Goodnight.’ He looked away and stared into the fire.
Later, as she rested in bed, raised voices drifted up towards her room so she tiptoed across to the door and opened it slightly. Alex’s voice, followed by his mother’s, drifted upstairs, but their words were unclear and muffled. Holding her breath for a moment, Stella caught the odd word – ‘marry Elizabeth’ and ‘disinherited.’ Stella soon gave up as the voices appeared to fade away. His parents didn’t approve of her because she wasn’t an heiress to a fortune, and right now that was a good thing. Mac loved her for who she was. Oh God, please don’t let me have ruined something so special.
Alex’s behaviour with another woman had given her the perfect excuse for leaving. There was no question of guilt or of letting him down or even causing upset, and there was something about the way he’d shouted ‘take a chance with Stella’ that had unsettled her.
Mac’s image sailed into her head, and her heart quickened as she looked forward to returning home. Sleep would be impossible now. She longed to be in his arms, but then out of the blue an oppressive darkness draped over her, pressing down, burying into her bones. The sooner she returned, the better.
The following morning, Stella had breakfast alone with Alex. The one good thing about this weekend was that she knew who she wanted in her life.
‘I wish you didn’t have to leave yet.’ He reached across the table and caressed her hand.
Stella pulled away. ‘I saw you yesterday.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘In the afternoon, outside with that girl. You were kissing.’ She stared into his eyes, and his pupils swelled then he turned away.
‘Oh, I see.’ He took out a battered silver cigarette case, plucked a cigarette, and lit up. He took a drag then exhaled a plume of smoke. ‘It’s not what you think, darling.’
He suddenly struck her as being so calm and collected. ‘You could have fooled me. I’ll guess that’s Elizabeth.’ Alex stared at her without a word. He didn’t even deny it. ‘Well, don’t I at least deserve an explanation?’
‘It’s not my decision, it’s my parents. I either marry Elizabeth, or we’ll lose the estate. Stella, please understand.’ His pleading eyes were pathetic; his weak voice droned on, and he no longer resembled the strong, independent, dashing young pilot she’d met all those months ago.
‘It’s all right, Alex. You don’t need to explain. I understand.’ She sighed.
‘Oh, darling. You really are the best.’ He reached for her hand again. ‘I knew you would.’
Oh God. She saw the hunger in his eyes, she saw desperation.
‘I’m not that understanding. In fact, I don’t know what I’m doing here at all. Why did you ask me to come?’
‘I suppose I thought that if my parents met you, they’d see how happy you make me.’ He sighed heavily. ‘Perhaps then they’d let me decide my own future. I do love you.’
‘Are you sure about that? Because I think your affections lie elsewhere.’ Her cheeks burned with heat and her voice trembled. Alex had strung her along for months, and now he was asking her to be his mistress.
‘This is something to do with that Yank, isn’t it? If he’s laid a finger on you, I’ll kill him.’ Alex’s eyes bulged, and his face reddened.
‘This has nothing to do with him at all. This is about us. We’re not right together.’ Stella’s heart banged in her chest.
His eyes narrowed, and his nostrils flared. ‘We were perfectly all right before you laid eyes on him. Don’t try and fool me. I know what’s going on here.’
‘How dare you? I waited to hear from you for weeks. Not one word. And then I hear you’re drinking with old friends in Cambridge, just along the road. You could have telephoned. Anything could have happened. I had to rely on reports from people back at the station simply to know you were alive.’
Her heart raced and the breath caught in her throat as tears pricked her eyes. ‘That’s not how you behave when you’re in love, Alex. And this is certainly not how you treat people.’
She stopped short, her chest heaving as she struggled for air, and the urge she had in her heart and her whole soul reared up to crush her as the true meaning of being in love hit her with an almighty force. All the doubts ebbed away as a warm glow radiated within her. She was in love with Mac, so much it hurt, and she had to be with him.
‘Yes, and ladies don’t betray their own kind. You’re just as bad as the rest of them. As soon as our backs are turned, you’re tempted with money, and silk stockings, and God knows what else.’
Rage coursed through her veins, but there was no point in arguing. ‘I’m sorry, Alex. I never meant for it to happen, but it has.’ She stared into his eyes.
‘Oh, dear Lord. You love him, don’t you?’
‘Yes.’
His eyes glazed over, and he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat just above his tie.
She looked away. ‘Alex, I said I’d be there for you, and I still can be, but only as a friend.’
‘I don’t need more friends; don’t you see?’ He stubbed out the cigarette, grinding it down forcefully in the ashtray.
‘Well, that’s up to you, but I can’t be anything more, not now.’ Stella turned her head to gaze out of the window, following the ripples of fields stretching out across the land, wishing she was crossing them, racing north, racing towards Mac. ‘Take me to the station, please. I want to go home.’
He tried to dissuade her, but she refused to listen. Half an hour later, reluctant and sullen, he threw her suitcase into the car. His parents were nowhere to be seen, and he made no excuse for their absence. The journey to the station was quiet. A crestfallen Alex had lost his carefree manner. If it were not for the fact that she knew his age to be twenty-three, she might have mistaken him for a man in his mid-thirties.
When they arrived at the station, he cut the engine. ‘Darling, you know I love you.’
‘I thought so once, but you have someone else now, and she clearly adores you. If we’re honest, there’s always been someone else, hasn’t there?’
He shifted his gaze.
‘Well, there’s nothing more to say. Take care of yourself, Alex.’
He grabbed her hands. ‘Don’t leave me, please, Stella.’ His beseeching eyes, bright and glossy, were tinged with pain. ‘I don’t love her. It’s my parents, I can’t let them down.’
Yes, that was what led her into this mess in the first place, and as she stared into his desperate eyes, her heart twinged because he was now trapped. ‘Alex, I’m sorry, but I don’t love you. Marry Elizabeth and be happy.’
‘But I want you.’ He brushed her cheek with his fingers. ‘I have to marry Elizabeth, but it’s you I want. It’s you I need.’
‘You can’t have both of us.’
His eyes frantically searched hers. ‘Well, think about it, we could still be together, and no one need ever know.’
God, he was serious. ‘But I’ll know, and I won’t be your dirty secret.’ He lunged forward and kissed her, a hard, suffocating kiss, crushing her chest, taking her by surprise.
She pushed him away as a fire rose in her belly. ‘Alex, stop!’ Her pulse raced as she shoved him with all her might. ‘How dare you?’ She stormed out of the car and grabbed her suitcase from the back seat as he looked on.
‘It won’t last, you know. Everyone knows that Yanks love them and leave them. All too soon he’ll be moving on, and you’ll be left behind.’
He was wrong. ‘Alex, take care of yourself.’ She paused, taking one final look at him before leaving.
‘Stella, wait, please.’
She saw him get out, but she kept on walking. When she reached the platform, she sank down on the nearest bench, her heart still whooshing in her ears. The wind picked up, and a bracing breeze penetrated her bones, and she shivered. She heard the roar of Alex’s car engine and turned to glimpse the flash of ice blue whipping around the corner, out of sight.
She wondered if Mac was flying today. She tried to shake off the bad feeling that swelled inside her. The station bustled with people, and a sea of khaki flanked the platform with bulky kitbags. The war was never far away. She glanced up at the station clock. Please God, don’t let it be late.
Chapter Fourteen
An Awakening
Stella leaned her bicycle up against the wall of the Hardwicke Arms. She was meeting Vera for lunch and had been surprised to hear from her so early that morning – more so because she hadn’t seemed her usual, effervescent self. Still, it would be something and nothing. She sighed, having heard no word from Mac at all; she had half expected to find him waiting at the station for her, but the platform had been empty except for the guard. Lord, she’d made a mess of everything.
The quaint village pub was dark inside, with a low, beamed ceiling. She spotted Vera sitting at a table by the window, near the open fireplace. Two American airmen leaned against the bar chatting with locals only to pause and exchange glances as she strode by.
‘Hello, Vera. It seems busy in here today.’
‘I got you a drink, love. So, how was Devon?’
‘It was all right.’ Stella sipped her port and lemonade, aware of her friend’s scrutinising eyes.
‘Really? I’d never have guessed.’ Vera raised her eyebrows and then continued to light her cigarette.
Stella sighed and looked out of the window. ‘It was bloody awful. Let’s just say Alex isn’t who he seems. Still, I’m glad to be back.’ She forced a smile. ‘So, what can we have for lunch?’
‘Don’t get too excited. There’s a choice of pickled egg sandwiches or tongue. As the landlord said when I pulled a face, “There’s a blooming war on, you know.” Stuffy old beggar. I told him, “You could have fooled me”.’
Stella laughed, but her friend wasn’t laughing at all; in fact, her eyes were serious, and she fiddled nervously with a ring on her finger.
‘What’s wrong, Vera? Has something happened?’ Perhaps she’d broken up with Sam.
Vera took a long drag on her cigarette, then exhaled, watching as a group of GIs strode in through the door. ‘Well, the thing is, while you were away, Mac had an accident.’
Stella froze. ‘Oh, God. Is he all right?’ A wave of fear surged through her and the breath caught in her throat.
‘Yes, he’ll be okay. Don’t worry.’ Vera reached across the table and squeezed Stella’s hand. ‘They had a crash landing and Sam said a fire broke out, and Mac went back inside for his tail gunner.’
Stella sat for a moment in silence, numb with shock. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out, and tears clouded her eyes. ‘When did it happen?’
‘Saturday afternoon. He’s not that bad, I promise you. It’s not serious, just a few burns.’
The hairs at the nape of her neck stood on end and an icy prickle spread down her back. On Saturday night, as she’d thought of Mac, that awful, oppressive feeling had shrouded her. She swallowed. ‘Burns are always serious – don’t you remember that night? Where is he now?’
Stella recalled those young men after the crash. The blackened arm hanging limp from the stretcher, and the screams and cries of the remaining crew trapped in the inferno. Cries that the fire deftly smothered. She shivered and her chin trembled as Mac’s image slipped into those flames.
‘He’s at the base hospital.’
‘I have to see him.’ A single teardrop bounced over her lashes, and she swiped it away with her fingers. ‘What about the other man?’
‘He died. He got hit during the mission.’
‘Poor Mac.’ Stella shook her head. Thank God he was alive. She plucked the cigarette from the pack in Vera’s outstretched hand, lit it with trembling hands, and took a drag.
‘He’s a hero. Sam reckons he’ll get a special medal for this.’ Vera flashed a reassuring smile. ‘Come
on, love, he’ll be all right.’
Stella didn’t care for bravery or for medals. She wanted Mac to be well and in one piece, but he had burns, and she knew what that entailed. ‘Oh God. You’ve seen them, afterwards. Those young men.’ Tears ran down to her mouth, and she licked her lips and sniffed, the bitter salt reminiscent of sea water. No, she couldn’t bear to lose him, so it didn’t matter how injured he was. She didn’t care as long as he recovered.
‘Come on, Stell. Sam’s seen him, and he said it’s mainly his hands.’ Vera put her arm around her. ‘He’s in the best place, love. You’ll see, they’ll fix him up, and he’ll be back in no time.’
Stella wiped her tears away, aware she was attracting attention. As she glanced up, the GIs at the bar stared at her, concerned looks on their faces as they muttered between them.
‘Don’t mind them, they’re friends of Sam’s from the base.’ Vera finished her drink.
Stella felt an icy chill wrap around her. They knew it was serious, she could tell.
Later, when she returned home, she almost trampled Mrs Brown, who was in the hall by the front door unbuttoning her coat.
‘I’m glad I caught you. Can I use the telephone please – I have an urgent call to make,’ Stella gasped, trying to get her breath back having cycled like fury all the way home from the pub.
‘Well, yes, dear. Is this anything to do with that young man of yours? I don’t know, the youth of today.’ She shook her head. ‘Are you all right? You look very flushed.’ She put her basket down on the hall table, but Stella breezed straight past without a word and picked up the telephone. It didn’t take long to get through to the base, but the doctor had been reluctant to tell her anything.
Stella found Mrs Brown busy making a pot of tea. What’s happened?’
‘Mac’s in hospital, but the doctor says he can’t have visitors as they’re moving him to Addenbrooke’s. I need to find out when I can see him.’ Her eyes misted over, and her lower lip quivered as she fought hard not to cry.
THE BEAUTY SHOP Page 13