I felt her hand move over my shoulder, then into my hair. She breathed in. “Umm …I dreamed about the way you smell. It’s nice having you here. Let’s not talk about what happened and who’s to blame. Let’s just move on already.”
Blinking back tears, I sniffled, then raised my head. “I think that’s a great idea. We have to start moving forward. Into our future.”
“About that,” she said as she frowned. “I want you to know that I love you. I love you more than I knew I could. That said, I’ve made a decision.”
I was beginning to feel extremely nervous. “About?”
“About you and me. If you still want me to go home with you, I will. I’ll accept your help. I do need it, after all. But I don’t want to make any real commitments until I’m fully recovered. I think that’s best.”
Shoving my hand into my pocket, I clutched the box with the engagement ring inside. My proposal would get an answer at that moment that I wasn’t prepared to hear. “If you feel that way, then I’ll respect that.”
She sighed, obviously expecting a fight from me. “Good. I do love you. I want you to know that. But I need to be sure about me. Thank you for understanding that, Troy.”
“Yeah, I get it.” I kind of didn’t get it, but she was so weak I wasn’t about to get into it with her. As she got stronger, I’d see how things would play out. Maybe I’d get her to agree to marry me before too long. I hoped so.
“Thank you.” She smiled at me and I took a seat next to her, taking her hand and holding it.
“Your doctors are pretty protective over you. I want you to know that one named Troy is a man I want you to watch out for. He’s a Dom who’s a member of The Dungeon of Decorum.”
“Really?” Her eyes went wide. “Imagine that. And what did he say to you?”
“It doesn’t matter. He’s the one who gave me permission to see you. But just watch out. You may not be aware of just how persuasive dominating men with power can be. If he wanted to get into your head, he most likely could. You should know, not many of my fellow Doms are happy with me right now. Not with what happened to you. You might get a lot of negative feedback on your old Dom, my love.”
“I won’t listen to them. They don’t know you like I do.”
“No, they don’t. And they don’t know you like I do, either.” I kissed her hand, then held it to my chest. “Just know that I’ll be taking excellent care of you and everything will be fine.”
She nodded, then yawned. “I’m sleepy. It won’t hurt your feelings if I fall asleep, will it?”
“Not one bit. I’m overjoyed just to get to sit here with you and hold your hand. If you wake up and I’m not here, don’t worry. That just means my hour was up. I’ll be back to spend another one with you in no time.”
A smile curled her lips as her eyes closed. “Good. I love you, Troy.”
“And I love you, Blyss. You sleep now.”
I’d never been more content with just being with anyone in my life. Things would work out for us. They had to.
Blyss
I managed to stupefy my doctors and made a remarkable recovery in less time than any of them thought I would. In a matter of a week, I was released, and Troy was taking me back to his family’s home in Napa Valley. The wind blew through my hair, as he’d left the windows down on his Jeep. We held hands and basked in the warm glow of the sun as we made the long trek from Portland.
After a week of counseling, I felt like I really needed to get some more before I made any big decisions. While I thought I’d only need to stay about a week with Troy and his family, he wasn’t too keen on the idea. He never argued with me. He’d just leave things with a, ‘we’ll see.’ He’d really taken to looking after me. I had to admit, he was great at it. But I couldn’t become too spoiled with his undivided attention. One day, I’d have to do things on my own. My therapist warned me about becoming too dependent on anyone. And I had my old problems to consider.
I was lucky that I’d gotten through the pain meds at the hospital without developing an addiction to them. But I may have developed one for Troy. It was something I’d deal with sooner rather than later. I did need him at that time, after all.
The Napa Valley sign came into view and I began to get jittery. “What if they don’t like me, Troy? What if your mother thinks I’m not good enough for you?”
“They’ll love you just like I do. You don’t have to worry a bit. And you are good enough for me. I know you didn’t know me before, but I wasn’t so easy to get along with. You’ve tamed me, baby.” He chuckled, then took my hand and kissed it.
“Tamed,” I mumbled. Maybe I had tamed him. He was adamant that we’d never do any type of BDSM stuff ever again. And I wasn’t to even ask. ‘You’re to put that shit out of your head,’ were his exact words.
The vineyard could be seen just after we fell off the last hill. “There it is. Succulent Winery. What do you think?”
“It’s gorgeous. Wow! And you have no want to stay here? Odd, don’t you think?”
“Well, this life is a little too peaceful for me. Or it was.” He kissed my hand once more. “With you, I might find this is the place for us.”
‘Us’ was a word he said a lot. Even though I kept telling him I wasn’t sure about a future together, he insisted on using that term.
I had been a ‘me’ and only ‘me’ for a long time. But I hadn’t been the ‘me’ I was now—the girl who had some real shit going on in her life for once. I was no longer the idle person who read about other’s trials and tribulations. I had my own to consider, ponder, and generally worry about. Where would I live? What kind of car would I buy? How would the upcoming school year be?
I thought about a lot of things. But living a life of luxury in Napa Valley wasn’t one of them. Yet, Troy was always there in the background of every thought I had, as if he had nothing better to do than hang out with me. It was stupid, and that was one of the reasons I thought of him like an addiction. If you were a drug addict, you made decisions based on when you’d need to get a fix and how far that drug was away from you at all times. That’s exactly how I thought about Troy.
It wasn’t healthy.
When we pulled into the very long and winding road that led up to the monstrous house, I was close to passing out. “And here we are.”
The front door opened and out ran a tall, lithe, woman with dark hair and deep brown eyes. “You must be Blyss.” I was wrapped in her arms upon my exit from the Jeep. The woman smelled like sugar cookies and her arms were warm and welcoming. I’d never felt more welcomed in my life. She stopped hugging me to hold me at arm’s length and look me over. “You are lovely. I can see why my Troy loves you so much. He talks about you all the time.” She put her arm around me, leading me toward the front door. “You can call me Gloria. I’m so happy you’re here. You and I are going to be great friends.”
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Gloria. Your son has told me all about you and his family. You all sound wonderful. And it’s so nice of you to take care of me in my time of need. I have to admit, I’m more than a bit embarrassed about it.”
“Nonsense,” she said as she opened the door. “We’re all just human, after all.”
I was taken aback by the grandeur of the entrance hall. The ceiling was sky high and I could see the stairwell of three floors above us. “This is a gorgeous house, Gloria.”
“And this is only the entrance, Blyss.” She gave my shoulders a squeeze as she looked over her’s to see where Troy was. He was a good ways behind us, as he’d grabbed our bags. “Tell me, dear, do you want your own room, or do you want to stay with Troy in his? I want you to make the decision. Not him. I’ll not be allowing him to rule over you like some kind of a Dom. Not in my home!”
Her honesty was a bit overwhelming. “With him. If that’s okay with you. He’s not overly dominating with me. You don’t have to worry about that.”
“Okay, then.” She led me through a grand room filled with leather and antiques,
then we went up a staircase and off to one side. “This is the children’s wing. Our other sons no longer liver here and my husband went on a fishing trip to Mexico. He’ll be back next week. You two will have this wing to yourselves. Are you okay with that?”
I was more than okay with it. It had been too long since Troy and I had been intimate. One can’t get busy with nurses and doctors coming in and out of your room. “I’m okay with it.”
She pushed open one of the large, ornate, wooden doors, and there was a living room. “This is Troy’s suite. Go inside, settle yourself in, then have Troy bring you down to the kitchen. I have a bottle of our best wine breathing. We’ll have a little cheese with it and get to know one another. Doesn’t that sound nice?”
“It sounds fantastic. Thank you, Gloria. We’ll be right down.”
Troy made it in, dropped the bags on the floor, then hugged his mother. “Missed you, Mom.”
She and he rocked as they hugged. “And I missed you. I’m over the moon that you’ll be staying with us for a while.” She stopped the hug and looked at me over her shoulder. “You do know that it’s been my dream to have my sons marry and move back here with us? Has my son told you that?”
“He has. And I think it’s a lovely dream.” I took a seat on the long chenille sofa and put my feet underneath me.
“We’ll be down soon, Mom.” He kissed the top of her head, then sent her out of the room, closing the door behind her and looking at me. “Don’t let any of this overwhelm you, Blyss. It’s just a home.”
“A giant home,” I added as I fanned myself. “One that will require me to build up unused muscles just to get up those stairs.”
His smile made me smile as he came to sit next to me. “I have to admit that I love seeing you here in my room. I could get used to this.”
“You have your Navy thing, and I have school,” I reminded him.
“I know. But this could be home. One day.” He tapped my chest. “If you play your cards right. I’m just saying.”
“Home, huh?” I looked around and sighed. “There are much worse places to call home, aren’t there? One could get used to this.” I took his face between my hands and rubbed noses with his as we’d started doing at the hospital. “How you spoil me!”
“I prefer to think of it as taking care of you, not spoiling. You’re far from spoiled. That said …” He pulled something out of his pocket and placed it in my hand. “That’s for you.”
He’d put an envelope in my hand, and I looked at him quizzically. “And this is?”
“Open it and find out.”
I did as he’d said and found the check from the club. Shock zipped through me as I saw the dollar amount. Nearly a million dollars!
“NO!”
He nodded. “Yes. That’s your money. The money I paid for you. The club didn’t even take their cut. You got it all. Plus, you’ll be getting five hundred thousand dollars a year from The Dungeon of Decorum for the injuries you incurred while on their property. Is that an amount you approve of? If not, I can renegotiate the settlement.”
“Are you kidding me?” I shook my head in disbelief. “Troy, I’m a rich woman!”
“You certainly are.” He pulled me to him and kissed me with a hard kiss. “And I love you.”
I settled back and gazed at him. “And that’s the cherry on top, isn’t it? Your love? I feel like I’ve died and gone to heaven. I’m wealthy, loved, and right now I’m staying in paradise.”
He got up and picked me up, taking me to the next room. “This is our room, Blyss. That’s our bed. This never has to end.”
“Marriage, huh?” I looked around the room, then at him. “Let’s don’t talk like that yet. Let’s let all this settle in my head for a bit.”
He sighed as he rested his forehead against mine. “As you wish, my love.”
Putting me down on his bed, he pushed me back very gently, even though my wounds had healed. I looked up at him and found so much in his eyes. I knew he loved me. There was no doubt. I loved him too, but my life was changing at a rapid pace. Adding marriage was just too much.
“I do love you, Troy. I really do. Please don’t ever think I don’t.” I ran my hands through his thick hair.
He licked his lips, then kissed me. It was soft, sexy, and inviting. My lips parted, accepting him. Our tongues glided and touched, sending energy from one end of my body to the other. It felt as if things were going right back to the way they were meant to be. And that’s when I got a chill that told me to watch out. That was the first time I’d gotten that feeling. The kind of feeling you get when you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I had a gorgeous man who loved me desperately. I had more money than most. I had it all. Now, who’d try to end me?
Troy pulled his mouth from mine, as I’d clutched the collar of his shirt. “You okay, baby?”
I couldn’t seem to let him go. “I suddenly got really afraid that this great time might not last.”
“We’ll have troubles now and again, Blyss. Nothing goes smoothly forever. And if it did, what would be the fun in that?” He pried my hands off him and pushed them to the sides of my head. Then he kissed me again. “Don’t be afraid what might happen. Just love me here in this time and space.”
My apprehension eased, but I felt it linger in the back of my mind. A new thing to fuck with me, it seemed. Would life ever just get easy for me?
Troy
The week flew by and I could see Blyss was getting antsy about leaving. “I should go find an apartment near the campus, Troy.”
“What about doing online classes from here, like we talked about?” I asked her as she swung on the porch swing on the back patio. I’d found out that she could easily do the classes and I could take an extended leave of absence from my naval obligations. I just felt like she was jumping the gun, wanting to hop back into her old life. “Don’t you like it here?”
“Are you kidding me? Who wouldn’t love it here? I mean, your mom and dad are spectacular. Like no one I’ve ever met. You’re so lucky to have them. You really have to make more visits to your home, Troy. Your mom told me you hardly ever visit. This is the longest you’ve been here since you have been in Navy.”
“And I’m not trying to leave now. You are, though. Why is that, exactly? Because I think you’re trying to run away from your feelings, Blyss. Am I, right?”
“By going to school, I’m running away from my feelings? I don’t see how you even came up with that.”
“So tell me what’s wrong with staying here and taking some more time for ourselves. Tell me why you feel the need to rush off after only a week here? Do you really hate it? Just tell me if you do.”
“I don’t hate it.” She cast her eyes down and got off the swing. “It’s just all a bit too comfortable. That’s all.”
“Excuse me for making your life easy, Blyss!” I rolled my eyes and went to take her by the arms. “Look at me.”
She pulled her eyes up to meet mine and I found defiance in them. “I love you. But I want to know I can do things on my own, too.”
“I think you’ve already proven that, Blyss. You’ve lived your life alone up until you met me. I think if you’re addicted to anything, the way you say you are to me, it’s being a loner.”
Her shoulders slumped and she sighed. “Maybe you’re right.” Then she looked back at me. “But I need to know that for myself. I need to be away from you. If I miss you so badly that it hurts, then it’s you I’m addicted to.”
“You will miss me that way. And I’ll miss you that way. That’s what people in love do. They miss the fuck out of each other. You’re not stupid. Stop acting like you are. And stop trying to run away from what we have. This is a real life, Blyss Danner. Deal with it!”
“It’s not that easy, Troy. You don’t understand. I know things won’t always be good. I just know it.” She jerked her shoulders, and I let her go.
I could walk away from her. I could let her go. But what would it accomplish?<
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“You know your therapist told you that she needed to see you more, but you haven’t gone to this new one but once. Why is that?”
She turned away, unable to look at me. “It’s because she thinks you and I are great for one another. Okay? She’s one of your high school best friend’s mothers, for Christ sakes! She’s never going to tell me that I need you too much.”
“Maybe because she’s smart. I have to admit, you do need to finish college, if for nothing else than to learn more about your own mental hang-ups.”
Her hands flew into the air as her face turned red. “You don’t know anything! Nothing at all! I have issues.”
“Yeah, I know.”
She stopped then. Her brow furrowed and she walked away from me. She went inside, and I took her place on the swing to think about things. Things like why I was trying so fucking hard to get her to stay with me.
I’d miss her, but she’d miss me too. She’d come back. I knew she would. I shook my head. That was a lie. I didn’t think she’d ever come back if she left. I knew she’d go back to being a loner. It was safe that way. She would never admit it, but she wanted that safe little life back.
How could I blame her?
If it hadn’t been for my fuck up, she’d never have been nearly killed and she might not think that way. She was going to move in with me. She’d said so that very night. I just needed to give her the beastly man I could be for a week, then we’d put that whole thing behind us and be a couple.
But I’d fucked up. In the last inning, I’d lost the ball. And I’d lost her.
That spirit of adventure she’d found was gone. Poof!
Back to the quiet life, with no emotions or people who could love or hurt her. That’s where she felt the safest. And that was no one’s fault but my own.
That’s why I didn’t want to let her move into an apartment near campus. I’d lose her forever. I knew it with every fiber of my being. She would go back to the place she felt safe. It was no longer in my arms, the way it had been before I’d sent her down that hallway at the BDSM club that took her away from me entirely.
For Love & Torture_A Submissives’ Secrets Novel Page 58