But how will I do this? She must freaking hate me right now!
I am not going to wait. I will tell her now. No guards. No masks. No prides.
Right now, she could be in her room, crying her heart out because of me again. No, I promised myself I will not hurt her anymore. She can do whatever she wants with what I am going to tell her. But I will say it to her anyway…
That I love her.
And if she chooses to start over… even without our memories together… I will make that chance count. Instead of waiting for me to regain my memories of her, we will just make new ones… happier ones.
I took a deep breath and I prayed for a little bit of luck. Looks like I was gonna need it. And then I shifted the gear to reverse and turned the car back around.
Ch
apter Thirty-Four
SOMETHING BORROWED:
A bride must complete her outfit by wearing something that is not hers. Suggestions would be tiara, hair clips, gloves, jewelry and the list go on and on.
Astrid.
My heart pounded in my chest. But I know that I shouldn’t panic. This is Bryan! He was one of my best friends before we decided to become more than friends. I know him. Once in his life, I loved him. And he loved me. He will never hurt me physically… or will he?
“Bryan…” I breathed. “Are you okay? You look… drunk.”
He laughed. “Oh, I am more than that! And I like it!” His eyes gleamed with mischief and I got even more scared.
“Wha-what do you want?” I asked him, taking a step backward.
“Ha!” He sighed angrily. “You still don’t know what I fucking want?” He took a step forward. “What’s the matter, Astrid? Is your Prince Charming breaking your heart?”
“No…” I started.
“Liar!” He shouted. “I know everything, sweetheart!” He looked at me angrily. “Why do you put up with him? Why do you allow yourself to hurt over and over? You’re erased from his memories. Accept that! Move on!”
I was shocked. My family didn’t even know about Ryder’s accident. How could Bryan know?
“How… how do you know that?” I breathed. Half of me wanted to know the answer, and the other half is thinking of a way out.
“Oh, little Astrid. I know! I know everything about you! I care for you! Ryder… just wants you for a playmate and has conveniently forgotten about you.” He laughed. “You were heartbroken for months. You didn’t even tell your family about his tragedy… well, now, it’s more your tragedy! Because the only person being hurt by all this… is you.” And he laughed, an evil laugh that made me want to smack his face, but I didn’t want to provoke him.
“I don’t… understand how you… knew all these.” I whispered, taking a step back, and fidgeting at the table beside me, trying to get hold of something that I can use as a weapon against him, in case he decides to go psycho.
“Your young employee… Rose… she’s a talker… especially after sex!” Then he laughed loudly.
And whatever control I have in my body, that was gone in an instant. I got so mad at him I couldn’t help it. He’s Geena’s husband! How can he cheat on her like that?
“You son of a bitch!” I said to him angrily. “How could you cheat on Geena?”
He laughed. “You expect me to be faithful to her? I don’t even love her. There was only one woman I could have been faithful to.” He looked at me sadly.
“You weren’t faithful to me!” I hit back.
“I would have been! If you threw me a bone! I have needs, Astrid! I’m a man. How could you have forgotten that? If… if you didn’t… then we would have been married by now. I would have been happy! I would have made you happy! And you won’t be here, eating your heart out because of him!”
I shook my head. “Don’t pin this on me, Bryan. If you really loved me, you would have waited. Ryder would have waited. He was willing to. Because I was more important than anything else.”
I saw wrath in his eyes. “Ryder, Ryder, Ryder! You worship him like a god and he doesn’t even remember you! He even pulled out his investment on your business! He doesn’t care! Now, here you are! Homeless! Where is he, Astrid? He walked out on you! I would have fought for you! I would not have given up so easily!”
Tears stung my eyes. I wanted to shout at him and deny everything he just said, but I know he was right. Ryder didn’t remember me, and he didn’t even care that I would be homeless after he pulled out his investment in my business.
My defenses crumbled for a minute. And Bryan saw that window. I hate it that somehow, he still knows me. He still knows when I am being weak or defensive. Or when I was lying.
In two long strides, he was able to close the gap between us. He grabbed my waist and pulled me to him.
“Forget Van Woodsen, Astrid! I’m here now! And I will never let you go again!” He said. His breath smells of alcohol, smoke and something else I could not place. Up close I could see just how red his eyes were and how his cheekbones were protruding, like he lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw him.
I watched in horror as his face descended towards mine. I took a deep breath, pulled back and used all my efforts to push him away. When his grip was still too tight, I started hitting frantically, scratching and screaming. For the first time, I realized that my pretty long nails have another useful purpose.
I got him on the cheek, he staggered back from the pain and that gave me a little room to get away. I ran behind the counter, putting some distance between us.
Bryan touched his cheek. It was bleeding a little bit from the scratches I gave him. But instead of getting mad, he only gave me an evil grin. The kind that says I actually turned him on rather than discouraged his advances.
“That’s the Astrid I like! Feisty!” He said, starting for me again.
“Don’t come any closer!” I shouted at him.
“That’s impossible, sweetheart. I’m attached to you. You pull me a like a moth to a flame!” He took another step forward.
There were some figurines or plates in the counter, I didn’t check to see exactly what. But I just kept throwing things at him, sending each piece shattering to the ground.
I hit him hard on the shoulder. He stared back at me, his eyes narrowing from the pain. “That’s it! You’ll regret that!” And he lunged forward.
I ran, but he was too fast.
He grabbed me by my waist and lifted me as if I weighed nothing. He dropped me hard on the counter. I whimpered from the pain as I felt my back hit the hard countertop. He held me there, pinning both my shoulders down.
“You thought you can fool me for a second? Really, Astrid? Van Woodsen was never your type! I know that! You never go for rich jocks! Even when you were in high school, you steer clear of popular kids! You always want out of the limelight. They all fell on your feet but you never entertained any of them! You didn’t want guys with big egos and deep pockets! You have this stupid thing of wanting to be the center of a man’s world. You wanted a man who thinks he has enough, as long as he has you!
I struggled to get away from him. But he leaned forward and pressed his body against mine to prevent me from escaping.
“I was that man, Astrid! Van Woodsen is the epitome of the guys you were avoiding ever since you were a teenager! You expect me to believe you are happy with him?”
I took a deep breath. “Ryder didn’t have to be rich! I would love him even if he was poor! Because he is a hundred times the man you are, Bryan!”
“You whore! You made me wait years for nothing! And what? Van Woodsen had to wait one night to pop your cherry? You sold yourself to the highest bidder! How much?”
“You bastard!” I screamed and then I gathered all my remaining strength to kick my knee up to his crotch. He let go of me, backing away, feeling the pain.
I pulled myself up and ran to get some distance between us, but he was fast to recover. He pulled my hair and I screamed from the pain.
“You slut! You will pay for that!” He sc
reamed. “I’m not waiting anymore! I will take what is rightfully mine! You don’t know how sorry you will be after I’m through with you!” Without releasing my hair he pushed my head down with intense force.
I had no way of escaping that blow. I felt my head hit the counter top with a big thump. I wasn’t even able to scream.
I fell to the floor. Barely conscious. I wanted to get up, and fight. I was afraid of what Bryan will do to me and I wasn’t even awake to defend myself. I felt a warm gush of hot liquid on my forehead. There was a sharp pain on my wrist as I realized I landed on broken shards of glass.
I tried to push up, hoping that Bryan will not come for me yet. I needed a little more time to get back on my feet and fight him off, or at least try. I waited for him to haul me up, but somehow, he didn’t come for me again. I heard his voice… shouting and cursing in the background. But my vision is blurring. The noises around me are slowly fading. And then I felt darkness taking over, and I realized in horror, that this could very well be the end.
***
Ryder.
In less than ten minutes, I reached our neighborhood. I was tempted to go home instead, but I looked across the street and realized that I cannot chicken out now. Every second I spend away from Astrid, just might be widening the gap between us.
There was a car parked in front of John’s house. A Boxster. I guess Astrid’s roommate is home.
Great!
I didn’t make a good impression on this guy a couple of days back. I doubt he will let me through the door now. He seems so protective of Astrid. And I don’t know whether to feel good or bad about it.
Good, because somebody is protecting her, while I was being an ass. Bad, because… damn! I’m jealous! The reason why I didn’t like the idea of her living with her good-looking friend is because I was so insecure and jealous. I wanted to be the one protecting her. But I don’t know how to get her back, after all the hurtful things I said and did to her these past couple of months.
I took a deep breath and stared at the skies.
Help me, God!
I was about to ring the buzzer when I heard voices from inside the house.
“Van Woodsen is the epitome of the guys you were avoiding ever since you were a teenager! You expect me to believe you are happy with him?”
“Ryder didn’t have to be rich! I would love him even if he was poor! Because he is a hundred times the man you are, Bryan!” I heard her shout angrily. My heart swelled at hearing this.
But who was she fighting with?
“You whore! You made me wait years for nothing! And what? Van Woodsen had to wait one night to pop your cherry? You sold yourself to the highest bidder? How much?”
His words boiled my blood. I don’t care who he is. No one can talk to Astrid like that and get away with it. I reached for the door and turned the knob but it was locked.
“You bastard!” I heard Astrid scream and I felt cold. I knew I have to do something before she gets hurt.
With all my strength, I kicked the door. The lock gave. I immediately ran inside.
The house was a mess, like somebody played tug inside it. There were shattered pieces of broken glass all over the floor. The furniture was in disarray.
An unfamiliar man registered in my brain. He had his back on me, and he was holding Astrid in front of him.
“I’m not waiting anymore! I will take what is rightfully mine! You don’t know how sorry you will be after I’m through with you!”
I went for him, but I was too late, he banged Astrid’s head on the counter top. She fell to the floor unconscious.
My heart pounded inside my chest and I felt a sense of terror that I have never felt before. The sight of Astrid, limp and barely breathing blocked me out. No one can hurt her! Whoever does will pay! And I saw nothing else but red after that.
I went for her assailant. I pulled him away so he cannot come for her again. My leg hit a piece of furniture behind me and I slightly lost my balance. The guy launched a punch at me. He got me straight on the side of my head. I fell back. And suddenly, I felt dizzy. Like everything is blurry.
But I know I have to get up. I have to protect Astrid. She has no one else but me. And I will die first before I let anything happen to her. I stood up and went for the guy blindly.
I didn’t stop to check who he was and I didn’t care. I punched him and he fell over. I mounted him, not giving him a chance to get back up, and I just kept punching.
He already has scratches on his face and his arms. It looks like Astrid put up a good fight after all, but he was just too strong for her.
My blood froze at the thought of what he would have done to Astrid had I not decided to come back for her, and if Astrid was not able to put up a little fight, buying me time so I can save her.
Wrath enveloped me at the thought that he might have killed her had I been too late. I kept punching, not caring about what part of his face breaks.
Then suddenly somebody pulled me from behind, preventing me from throwing in more punches. I struggled to get away. I struggled so I can come back and beat the life out of the asshole who hurt Astrid.
Then I heard a familiar voice call out to me. “Ryder!” He was holding me on my shoulders tightly, preventing me from moving towards the guy again. “He’s out, man! He’s out! You could kill him!”
I looked up, and found that it was John who was holding me back. I pushed him away from me.
Then I remembered Astrid. I pushed John out of the way and practically crawled to where she was. She was still unconscious.
I felt her pulse.
She’s alive.
Relief swept through me. I gathered her in my arms and held her against my chest.
I stared at her beautiful face. Her blush was gone, her skin was almost white, except for the blood that is staining her forehead and cheeks.
She was so brave! She gave Bryan a good fight! And I was so happy. Because if she didn’t, I would not have made it in time to save her.
I leaned down and kissed her blood-stained forehead. I held her to me. I closed my eyes and remembered the first time I woke up in the hospital and laid eyes on her. There was an unfamiliar knot in my stomach and my blood heated up just at the mere sight of the woman I didn’t recognize from my past. I have wanted her. But I didn’t understand those emotions yet. So instead of exploring what I feel for her, I shut her out. And I hurt her in the process.
Months before I returned to Malibu, she had been living in my house because I asked her to. My house has a central alarm system and panic buttons that would immediately alert the authorities. She would have been safe there.
But no! I pulled out my investment in her business, causing her to move out of her own place and finding friends who will be kind enough to take her in. And that asshole ex of hers followed her here.
When we were fighting, she was telling me that she doesn’t want to be my toy. And stupid me! I could have kissed her senseless and told her that she was never a toy to me. I could have told her that I remember even a little bit of her. I should have told her that I loved her and I wasn’t letting her go this time, no matter how many times she shut me out or turn me down. I should have told her what I really feel… I should have done everything else… except for walk away!
I looked at her almost pale face, her bloody clothes and her limp body, I know I shouldn’t put any blame on anybody. No! Her ex-fiancé didn’t do this to her. I did! I can come up with a thousand excuses, but deep in my heart, I know… I did this to her!
From the moment I opened my eyes at the hospital, all my actions were leading her to this fate, this day. I know I cannot blame anybody else. It was all me. I did this to Astrid… the woman I swore to protect, the woman I would go to hell and back for…
And for the first time in many months, I really cried. Tears poured from my eyes as I held her to me and inhaled her sweet scent mixed with the rusty smell of her blood. Her scent reminded me how much I loved her. And the smell of blood reminded m
e of all the ugly things I did to her.
I was only a couple of minutes away from losing her. And I haven’t even told her that I love her. I didn’t even apologize for everything that I did. She didn’t even know that I have changed… that I was no longer the man who woke up in the hospital not knowing who she was.
The ambulance finally came. John tapped me on the shoulder. When I looked up at him, he was beckoning me to let Astrid go, and let the paramedics attend to her.
I reluctantly let her go. John pulled me up and pushed me to go outside the house. I caught a glimpse of Bryan who was also unconscious on the floor, paramedics already putting him on a stretcher.
Knight in Shining Suit: Get Up. Get Even. Get a better man. Page 45