CHAPTER 10
Ilyana:
As expected, the jog back from training was much slower than the jog there. I was starting to feel drained from the day and was surprised to find how much that small surge of power took out of me. Not to mention all the rain and mud, it felt almost therapeutic, but now that we were arriving at the cabin I had a moment to notice that I was not only sopping wet but covered in mud on the back of my legs. I tell Levi to go inside ahead of me and get cleaned up and let him know I need a moment to myself so he heads inside without hesitation.
I pull my hair out of the pony tail and begin to wring it out on the porch and I sit down and stick my legs out far enough to get most of the mud and grass off of them before I attempt to wipe the excess water off of my skin. I notice there are no ATV’s out front and realize Ephraim still hasn’t returned. I feel a small pang of guilt when I realize it is probably my fault, stupid, buzzing, non-powers! I leave my socks and shoes outside the door and give them a sorrowful look when I think about how clean and nice they were, only a few hours ago and compare it to how dirty they are from mud now.
When I get inside, I hear the shower running in the bathroom and I make my way to the table to pick up my cell phone, maybe, just maybe Ephraim has called or sent me a text message, I flip through the phone for a moment and read a message from hours earlier that Alya sent me “Congrats on your first day of training, there is fresh bubble bath and an mp3 player waiting for you in your bathroom!” I make a mental note and then close the message, disappointed to find that there are no messages from Ephraim. I grab my head let out a frustrated growl and mutter under my breath about Ephraim’s disappearing act as I drop the phone back on the table.
I reach for a towel that Levi clearly left out for me and turn my head to begin drying the ends of my hair off when something catches my eye. He’s here. Oh crap! He’s here, and he saw my little outburst. The smile on his face resolves into a laugh and I immediately feel so embarrassed, I have no clue what to do, so I pick up my phone and throw it at him. He catches it easily and apologizes “I’m sorry, Ilyana. I didn’t mean to leave you stranded all day. I can call you now if you like?” I am ashamed of myself but far too proud to admit it and he is in too good of a mood for me to destroy it. I just shake my head “No, that’s alright. It’s just been a long day. I thought training would be more, physical.”
He pulls out a chair for me to sit at the table “Do you want to talk about it?” my first instinct is to say no, but then I realize if I don’t have anyone else left to talk to about it. I take a seat and lean back in the chair refusing to make eye contact “I had a power surge, but I lost it and couldn’t bring it back.” He sits down across from me and nods “You know that’s exceptional that you had one at all though, right? Usually our kind are trained from the time we are small children and by the time we are in our early 20’s we are only beginning to gather enough control of our powers to sense those around us or recognize our own gifts – and that’s only for short spurts with a massive amount of practice. To experience anything on your first real day of training says a lot about you and shows that you are really putting in a lot of effort.” While I appreciate his words, they do nothing to appease my looming sense of failure. “That’s what Levi said too. That doesn’t make it better, I had to work so hard just to start to feel my own ability at all and then I experienced it and the momentary excitement caused me to snap back. I don’t want to spend hours every day just wading through my thoughts so I can slow down enough to start to maybe feel a glimmer of my abilities.” He looks at me and I realize that he gets it, he is a perfectionist just like me and being second best or inferior is not an option.
I realize he might have an idea about what I am going through and it’s I may be able to learn more from him. “Can I ask you a question?” his face turns serious and he crosses his arms for me to continue, before I thought his expression was harsh or mean, but now I recognize this as his business face, when he is offering me his undivided attention. “Levi mentioned that I can make the people around me feel sick, but he can turn his powers off so it doesn’t make him sick. He mentioned he learned to do it much in the same way he learned to first access his powers. If I learned to do that, would I be able to stop making people sick?” his serious expression breaks and he lets out a small, annoyed sound “Levi is so sure he can turn his powers off. He is my best friend Ilyana, I won’t say anything bad about him, but I will say that he is a Nephilim that got injured and has the scar to prove it, that doesn’t happen to us. I think somewhere along the way, his wires got crossed and he lost some of his ability. I don’t believe anyone can just turn it off, our abilities aren’t just what we do, our abilities are who we are. It defines our rank, our ability to be an asset to our team and even how much protection we can actually provide to those around us. That kind of thing doesn’t just turn off.” I understand now why Levi has been fine with his exile, if this is how his best friend responds to the system they are under, I can’t imagine how the elders treated him. “I think you should support Levi more, obviously he’s been through a lot, how much would it hurt you to believe him?” he stands from the table and runs his hands through his hair as he usually does when he is thinking “Believing him, means rejecting the counsel and I am not ready to reject the counsel. Levi is powerful. But he has not always been so good. For a long time he got involved with the wrong people and regularly would go to the wrong places. When he wanted to stop helping the counsel he turned to drugs – human drugs. That is almost unheard of, there is no way of knowing what that kind of thing can do to one of us, because it is something we simply do not do and our bodies were not made to handle that kind of abuse.”
I understand what he is saying and though I don’t support him or necessarily agree with him, I can see his point. I decide to tread lightly and move onto what will hopefully be a lighter topic. I ask him about his day and how his sister is. His eyes light up, he disappears to the other room and comes back in holding a book in a really odd way, almost like he is embarrassed to have it. I wait for him to move closer but he hesitates “Now, I know it may sound crazy, but there’s this idea about who you might be. I’m not saying it’s right, but as your trainer, I feel like it is my responsibility to explore the possibility regardless.” I lift up my hands to stop him “Is this more about that whole Chosen One thing? Because I think you are all insane if so.” He looks surprised at first then a look of recognition spreads across his face “Levi told you?” I am hoping I didn’t just get Levi in trouble “No, I asked Levi why everyone is handling me with kid gloves and literally leaving me in the woods instead of taking me to the enclave where I can actually receive constant training and maybe even have my own place to stay.” I realize my hands are balled up into fists as I am speaking. He puts his hands out to calm me down “Relax, it’s not a bad thing. I was just surprised for a second. I was about to tell you anyways. I am sorry you feel like we have abandoned you in the woods though – it won’t always be that way. The book actually mentioned something that might help you.”
Just then Levi walks out and looks at the book that Ephraim has now placed on the table. His eyebrow quirks up and he addresses Ephraim “How is a book about Fairy Tales supposed to help her?” then he turns to look at me “You do have your own place to stay, for now it is right here. But, you need to make yourself at home before Alya does it for you and paints the bedroom walls hot pink.” I chuckle at the thought and then realize he has been listening a lot longer than I thought, he pulls up a seat next to me though which is oddly comforting, because at least it lets me know he is not mad at me for talking about him.
Ephraim opens the book to a page that he has carefully folded and instead of mourning the poor page in the book that is now looking crumpled, I decide to skim what he placed in front of me, it looks like a typical old fairy tale, a woman overcoming the odds that are stacked against her, she finds the man of her dreams and manages to save the day, all before I even have to t
urn the page! After I finish reading, I sit back and look at him, I know he isn’t stupid, but how he could buy into this is beyond me. “So, again, how is this supposed to help me?” he folds the book shut abruptly and responds “We need to find your anchor, it will bring your abilities into focus and maybe it will make your training easier.” For a moment I allow myself to hope and ask him about the anchor “So, I take it we are not talking about a literal anchor. What would my anchor be and how do we find it?” he explains that it would probably be something tangible or something I am attached to, maybe an old piece of jewelry or something similar. I think as hard as I can and realize I don’t really have any attachments and most of my jewelry was purchased from the dollar bins at the mall that I promptly wore and lost – I really hope I didn’t lose my anchor but then I realize I am being crazy.
“Ephraim, I appreciate what you are doing – really. But there is nothing I am attached to like that. I think we are all just tired and want some answers that probably aren’t even out there yet. I would like a training shortcut, but unless something presents itself, we are just going to have to keep doing this the hard way.” He gets a grave expression on his face “I am not willing to agree with you for good, but I will let it go for now if that is what you need.” Levi asks to hold the book, Ephraim hands it to him and he walks off to his room with it. I begin to stand to go get cleaned up for the evening but Ephraim grabs my arm and stops me “How do you feel about training with me tomorrow for a change of pace?” I feel excited at first, but then I think about my lack of control over my powers, even if it is only an annoying vibration to him for now, we have no way of knowing that it will stay that way, I can’t risk hurting him and Levi doesn’t even have to sense it at all. I offer him a small smile and catch his eyes when I look up “As much as I want to train with you, I think I maybe gained some real momentum today with Levi, I would like to see if we can take it further tomorrow.”
He takes his hand off my arm and for a moment looks as if I rejected him, I quickly grab him by the arm, not willing to let him shut down again after all he shared with me today. I stand on my toes and lean forward in an effort to get closer to eye level with him – though he still towers over me “Ephraim, it’s not you. Levi just helped me shut my mind down, I have never been able to do that and I am not sure if I am even capable of shutting down like that around you.” I recognize what I just said only after the words have already spilled out of me, I break eye contact and prepare to walk away, but he pulls me closer and it finally happens. He kisses me. I expect the earth to shake and the sun to break out, but instead I realize it just feels nice. I feel safe and secure with him. I can feel his passion pouring over and for the first time in my life I realize that someone out there wants me as bad as I want them. I grab the collar of his shirt and struggle to pull us closer when suddenly Sasha walks in and starts whining and I pull away.
Shock sets in at what I just did and I have no idea what to say. I can barely look him in the eyes now and just moments ago I was drawing on him like a wild teenager. My cheeks are flushing and I look up to say something and he interrupts me “I’m sorry Ilyana, I shouldn’t have done that.” Then he walks back outside into the rain without sparing me a glance. I begin to question how it could feel like I have lost something when I knew all along that it was never mine to begin with.
The Fallen Ones Page 11