CHAPTER 18
Ilyana:
We reach the cabin at dusk. Ephraim is looking more bewildered than I have ever seen. The entire run back he kept muttering about the encounter in the cave with Kailand. I can tell that he is at war with himself, trying to bridge the gap between the Counsels actions against this group of Nephilim and what we are planning to do for them. I want to help him, but I have no clue how. I head to the kitchen to see what food I can make to bring to them all tomorrow.
I am surprised when I walk in and find Levi pulling out stew meat and vegetables to prepare. I smile at the sight, we prepared dinner for today before we ever left for our run, I know that he is preparing it for Kailand and the other captive Nephilim. I kiss him on the cheek and whisper a small thanks to him as I reach past him and get the flour to begin making a simple bread. He smiles in acknowledgement and we work together in an amiable silence. He learned so much today and I did nothing to warn him. So, I can understand why he would need silence right now. I just feel so lucky I didn’t lose his friendship. After a few minutes of digging around in the cabinets, I find all of the ingredients I need to bake the bread and begin to mix it. He moves his ingredients into the stew pot and I catch him looking at me, I know he wants to say something but I find myself interrupting him “Levi, I really am sorry. I just wanted to say thank you for not being angry with me. You have proven to be the best friend I could ask for in my short time here and I should’ve given you more credit and told you about Kailand when I first found out about that cave. I just – I just didn’t really know what to think of it myself until today.”
He reaches over with his left hand and tousles my hair like a big brother “It’s okay, little one. I would’ve had a hard time believing it all if I hadn’t seen it for myself today. I would’ve done the same thing as you.” I can tell things are completely okay between us and I let out a contented sigh. Just then, Ephraim walks in, the tension in the room raises to incredible heights and I realize his forgiveness won’t be as easily gained as Levi’s. We wait for him to say something, but instead he walks out on the side porch past us. I wipe my hands on the towel and follow him out after asking Levi to give us a moment together he nods and continues cooking.
When I step out on the porch I find Ephraim heading to the shed where they park the atv’s to protect them from the rain “Ephraim, we need to talk.” He turns around and I his expression is angry “Now you want to talk? That’s amazing, because I wasn’t really sure you were capable of talking.” I draw my lips in a tight line to keep from arguing with him. I deserve his anger after the way I broke his trust and withheld the cave from him. He steps forward and grabs my face roughly and carefully punctuates each word he says to me “Why. Would. You. Not. Tell. Me?” I realize it isn’t just anger I see in his face, but something far worse - hurt.
I feel my eyes begin to water and I grab his hands that are still resting on my face to keep him from pulling away and leaving so much unsaid between us “Ephraim. I am so sorry. I never thought I was keeping anything from you or from anyone, part of me was so shocked that I thought I was dreaming, I kept waiting to wake up and then realized it wouldn’t happen when I went back to the cave again today. Before you showed up, I planned to tell you and Levi both, even though I didn’t know how to. Please, please forgive me! I never wanted to hurt anyone at all, especially you. Won’t you forgive me? Can’t we all move on from this?” the tears are falling and I realize I am begging him, pleading for him to understand me. He pulls back and I let my hands fall, he turns away and begins pacing, I can see he is running his hands through his hair and though his back is to me, I feel thankful that he is not just running, he turns once again to face me and starts taking slow, deliberate strides towards me once again “Ilyana, don’t you understand anything?” I am not sure how to answer him, he continues to move closer, like a predator stalking his prey “You don’t need my forgiveness.” I find my heart rate quickening as he moves closer, fearing what he will say to me. He picks up his pace and is right against me, he has me backed up to the side of the house and both of his hands are pressed flat against the wall on both sides of my head, he is so close I can feel the heat from his breath “You have me in the palm of your hand, Ilyana. You have weakened me. Before you ever thought to ask for my forgiveness, I gave it to you. You could break me Ilyana, and I would still find myself thanking you for it. Just grateful for any scrap of attention you give me. - No other person alive can say that.” He reaches his hand into the back of my hair and roughly pulls my head up to face him “I hate, that you hold that power over me.”
I don’t know what I was expecting to happen next, but I was not prepared for this, before I could react he picked me up off the ground by my hips and pressed me into the wall. His mouth crashes into mine roughly and though my lips sting, I don’t refuse him. He kisses me desperately and I know that this isn’t a romantic kiss, or even necessarily an angry kiss. It is him searching for some confirmation that I feel the same, that I won’t break him. I cannot give him my heart right now, but I can promise him that I would never seek to hurt him. He pulls back after a moment and looks at me questioningly.
I put my hands on his chest to create some distance “Ephraim, nothing in me would ever want to hurt you, I’m sorry that I hurt you. But please know that me being quiet, had nothing to do with you. I did not consider how my silence might make you feel.” He takes a step back and I can tell I did not respond how he hoped. I grab his face and pull it towards me to make eye contact before I continue “I am glad to know that you have my back. I think I have known it all along. Me not telling you, has nothing to do with me questioning your loyalty and everything to do with me questioning my own sanity. I know better now though and just like you forgave me the moment I hurt you, I was sorry the moment I realized I did. I need you to understand that I have your back too. As your friend, I would never want to stab you in it.”
He pulls back and laughs “Friend?” he shakes his head and looks at the ground “I trust your heart, Ilyana. I would absolutely never hurt you under any circumstances. But I need you to know, that nothing in me wants to be your friend. But I want you so badly that I will settle for whatever you are willing to give me.” I can feel my face redden, but for once his words don’t excite me, they terrify me. Unsure of how to respond I remain silent until he speaks up again “I need to go back to the enclave. I just need some time to think and I can’t do that effectively when I am near you.” He walks towards the shed again to get the ATV and this time I don’t stop him.
The Fallen Ones Page 19