by T. K. Chapin
Holding onto my pendant as I watched, I kept thinking about my father. I missed him terribly. Suddenly his first name came over the TV set, “And that birdie will give Greg the lead.” I began to quietly cry. I was relieved nobody was in the break room for my silent breakdown. It was hard enough not being able to control the random bouts of sadness, I didn’t need an audience. I slid my chair back from the table and grabbed a tissue off the counter. Dabbing my eyes, someone came waltzing in through the doorway behind me as I sat back down.
“Hey Claire,” Joshua said, walking by to the fridge. Startled, I jumped and spilled my bottled water. I grabbed my napkin from my sack lunch and wiped it up. Stopping, he asked, “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine…”I replied, wiping up the water.
“You don’t seem fine…” He took a seat at my table. Ugh, just go away, I thought to myself. I could feel his eyes staring at me, but I didn’t look up.
“Just go ahead and ask about the bruises… I’m sure you’re wondering,” I snapped.
He shook his head as he looked down. “You’re bruises are only skin deep Claire, they’ll heal up. I’m more concerned with you crying… Was someone rude out on the floor to you?”
“Nobody was rude…” I looked up at him. I felt vulnerable as I made eye contact with him. “I feel gross,” I said softly.
“Honestly Claire…” He paused for a moment, appearing to be hesitant to continue. “I think you are beautiful.”
“Shuttup…” I replied, wiping my eyes with my tissue.
“No… I’ve always found you beautiful.”
I blushed at his compliment and it made me feel good about myself for the first time in a while. Ever since the incident with Matt, I haven’t felt pretty or beautiful. It’s like Matt beat my self-confidence out of me, or maybe it was just the lingering bruises that made me feel ugly. Regardless, Joshua’s words were sweet and he made me feel good. “Thank you… That means a lot to me.”
“You’re welcome; I am here anytime you need to talk.” Directing his attention over to the TV set in the corner, he laughed. “Why are you watching golf?”
“I can change it off this?” I asked, joining his gaze.
“Yeah…” He laughed.
“Oh…”
“Yeah, we have this new thing called remotes now… they are really cool and can change channels on the TV.” He smiled.
I couldn’t help myself from laughing. He got up and fetched the remote from the counter over by the microwave. Handing it to me, he smiled again. “Chin up Claire…”
Joshua went over to the fridge and grabbed a juice before he headed back out to the floor. Turning the channels with the remote, I couldn’t help but let out a laugh when I thought about the remote comment again.
CHAPTER 9
Throughout the next few weeks, I began building a routine for my new life. I’d work all week long and then muster up the energy to party on Friday nights with Nicole. I did however keep my distance from Max and all of Matt’s old friends that I used to hang with. I didn’t want to be around anything that reminded me of that horrible day.
As I worked at the call center, I became friends with a girl named Kelsey. She was one of Joshua’s friends, and very kind hearted. She had gone through a similar experience that I did with Matt, and she helped me through a lot of the heartache I was experiencing. She’d let me just cry and vent to her on breaks. We became very close in a small amount of time due to the common experience we shared.
“Were you going to come tonight?” Kelsey asked, leaning over my cubicle wall.
“I don’t know…” I replied hesitantly. She had invited me to come to a Bible study that Joshua’s grandmother Sharon put together called Healed and Set Free. It was a small group of woman that got together weekly and worked through their past issues and hurts, but it involved a large portion of God, which I still hadn’t really given much thought about. Every week she would ask me, and she was so sweet and happy about it, it became increasingly more difficult to say no.
“It’ll be good,” she replied. “But if you don’t want to come, I understand. It just helped me so much…”
Shaking my head, I said, “Maybe next time…” I lied, there were no plans to ever go with her. It was on Friday nights, and that was my only night to party with Nicole. I wasn’t really willing to give that up.
“Tonight’s going to be off the hook!” Nicole said, butting into the conversation. Kelsey looked over to her confused.
“What’s going on?” Kelsey asked.
“Mousebat is playing at the Spark. They are awesome!” Nicole replied.
“They’re punk aren’t they?” Joshua asked, walking up to us.
“Yeah, slash screamo.”
“Screamo?” Kelsey replied. “I’m not much of a fan of screamo… just sounds like noise.”
“Yeah, neither am I,” I replied, shaking my head at her.
“A lot of times the lyrics are really good though,” Joshua said.
“Yeah, they are totally awesome! Claire promised she’d go! She only has time and energy for one day a week to party now with working so much, so she pretty much goes wherever I’m going if it’s Friday.”
I mouthed to Kelsey, “Sorry.” I felt bad for ditching out on her group for music I wasn’t even going to enjoy.
“Well maybe I’ll go with you guys sometime,” Kelsey replied, hopeful.
“No… that’s okay,” I said, trying to protect her from falling back into her old ways she had told me about.
“Why?” Nicole asked inquisitively. “She can come along if she wants! The more the merrier!”
I smiled at Kelsey as I shook my head looking down. In my mind, I felt protective of her. Hearing the horror stories of Kelsey’s past and all the bad situations she seemed to get into, I didn’t want her to ever accidently return to the drug life. I’d feel responsible.
“Maybe next time,” Kelsey replied, glancing over at me with a smile.
I couldn’t help but grin. I think a part of me knew at the time that she was already aware that I’d decline to go to her bible study every time she’d asked, but she did it anyways, because she kept holding onto the hope of one day hearing a yes.
Suddenly, the big screen up front started lining up callers that were trying to get through to our idle phones. Then a scrollbar ran across the bottom, letting us know that there was an internet outage of the service area our call center covered, Texas.
“Oh boy… Nothing like an outage to screw up the last hour of work,” Joshua laughed as he sat back down to his computer.
“Yeah, perfect,” Nicole replied, rolling her eyes as she headed back to her seat.
Sitting down at my computer, I logged back into the queue and began taking calls.
After the stressful last hour of work, I decided to go for a walk downtown at Riverfront Park to unwind. When I was living back at home, I’d go for walks around the block for as long as I could remember. It started back when my mother would walk to help strengthen her back and I’d tag along. She’d usually have headphones in, and I would just think the entire time I walked by her side. Time to think was important to me; it helped me understand the world, at least to some degree.
Arriving in the parking lot with Nicole’s bike she let me borrow, I locked it up at the bike rack near the Butterfly Sculpture. I grinned as I thought back to being a child and visiting Riverfront Park with my family. I hadn’t been there for a couple years and it was the one place in town I had some of the fondest memories of my parents and our family.
The kiddie amusement park rides under the pavilion, the arcade just off to the side of them and the giant cookouts with the Forester’s group my parents belonged to. Those were the best summers of my life, and in those days I had no clue how good life truly was.
Walking across the bridge, I stopped and looked out over the falls that were rushing beneath the bridge. They roared furiously as thousands of gallons of water rushed over the top and into the base of th
e waterfall.
Glancing further down the path over the bridge I noticed a family. The mother was trying to wipe ice cream off of the toddler’s shirt that was in the stroller, while the father was looking over the ledge with the older girl, probably about eight or nine years of age.
Seeing that family made me long for my own; what were my parents doing right now? I wondered. Then I thought of Todd, I hadn’t phoned him in over a week. Crap, I suck at being a good sister. Thinking back to what Kelsey said last week about God healing her heart from her past and making her happy… I thought for a second, what if it really works? Then I thought about my parents dying, me getting beat up… so I pushed the thought aside quickly and dismissed it. I didn’t believe in that God stuff and a life without my vices didn’t sound the least bit appealing. The family walked past me and I smiled at them.
“Hi,” The mother said, flashing a quick smile.
“Hi.”
Watching as they continued, I could picture myself with my own family. Dad holding Todd and I’s hands while Mom walked along side of Todd. The memory felt so real, I could even feel the happiness of that moment. Turning my attention back to the falls, I continued to watch them for a little bit before walking the rest of the park.
Later that evening, I arrived back at Nicole’s house. When I came in through the garage and into the kitchen, I was surprised to find a piece of mail from my parent’s attorney sitting on the kitchen island. Picking it up, I opened the envelope to find a letter from the lawyer with a check. The letter went on explaining how my parents’ bank accounts were finally closed out, and it turned out they did after all have a little money stashed away in an obscure savings account. But it was in my mother’s maiden name, so that was why they hadn’t discovered it up until now. Since the church had already paid for all the funeral arrangements, the check was mine. Well, mine and Todd’s. The check was for ten thousand dollars. My jaw dropped as Nicole came into the kitchen.
“What’s going on?” She asked on approaching.
Flashing my check, I said, “My parents had some cash after all! I have ten thousand dollars!”
A big smile crossed her face. “Nice, what are you going to do?”
“Well, I probably want to give Todd some, but I’ll get a car and move out.”
Nicole looked a little sad. “Really? You’re just going to up and move out?”
I laughed. “Yeah, I want my own place! No offense!”
“That’s great news,” Nicole’s mom said, walking into the kitchen. “When can we expect you to be gone?”
“Well, I got to get a car and then find a place to live… but it should be pretty quick.”
“Excellent,” she replied exiting the room with a cup of tea in hand.
“Jeez…” I said.
“I know, right?” Nicole laughed. “Let’s head towards the Spark. We’ll grab some food on the way over.”
“Sounds great, I’m starving.”
CHAPTER 10
Weaving through the crowd at the concert I made it over to the bar. Well, it was the place they served soda and water for the concert goers. They didn’t have the bar serving alcohol during the concert in the attempts to make it friendly for people under twenty-one. The Spark had tried giving out bracelets to people twenty-one and over, but they caught too many older people giving their drinks to the younger kids and they ditched the whole thing as a result.
“I’ll take a lemon-lime soda,” I shouted, leaning over the bar to project my voice over the concert behind me.
As I waited for my soda, a guy pushed up beside me. “Hey… You’re attractive,” he said, slurring his words. He, like most of the people there, did their drinking before coming, so the rules didn’t really matter to them.
“Hey… you’re not,” I replied quickly. The guy was actually really cute, and in a previous life I would’ve flirted back, but I had no desire to date anyone right now. Especially some drunk I just met at a concert.
“Witty,” He replied with a chuckle. “You pretty into this screamo stuff?”
Shrugging, I replied, “Meh… it’s okay,” as I tried seeing where the dude with my drink was behind the bar. Please make your way back here quickly server guy! I thought to myself. Seeing him stop at another person and take their order, I sighed heavily.
The guy pushed up against me a little closer and began to lean into my neck. Cringing as I tried to back up, suddenly he was ripped away from me. Looking over to see what had happened, I saw it was Joshua.
“Is this guy bothering you?” He asked, glancing down at the guy lying on the ground.
“He was a little close for comfort… Thanks.”
“No problem…” He replied, keeping his eyes locked on the guy.
“What are you doing here Joshua? I thought you had a Bible study?”
“I don’t go to those. Didn’t Kelsey tell you it’s a woman’s Bible study?”
“Oh yeah, that’s right.”
“Plus screamo is cool, figured I’d come check it out since we were all talking about it earlier.”
“Cool,” I replied. My soda finally arrived, and I tipped him a few bucks.
“Thanks,” the server said, heading down the line to serve more people.
“So you liking the band?” Joshua asked, following me back over to Nicole.
“They’re okay…”
“That last song they did, about the sun and the stars was pretty awesome.”
Looking over my shoulder, I said, “It’s so bizarre you can focus on the lyrics while they are screaming their heads off.” But we were too close to the front now and he couldn’t hear me. He pointed to his ear and shook his head, so I stopped and came right up to his ear and repeated it, “It’s so bizarre you can focus on the lyrics while they are screaming their heads off.”
He laughed, leaning into my ear, “You gotta listen to what’s being said to appreciate it. That’s my take on it.” I nodded and smiled before we continued onward.
Getting back over to Nicole, we found she had made a new friend judging by their lips being locked. As she pulled away from engaging in a very inappropriate kiss, she glanced over at Joshua. “Decided to come hang out I see.”
“Introduce us to your new friend,” I said, looking over at the skinny guy with tattoos, black spiked hair, and a goatee.
“This is Rad.”
Joshua laughed as he turned away, trying to contain it.
“What’s your problem man?” Rad asked, pushing Joshua in the shoulder.
Joshua put his hands up as he replied, “I just heard something funny a few people away.”
“That’s what I thought…” Rad replied sniffing a little as he wiped his nose and took a step back.
“Nice to meet you Rad,” I said with an extended hand.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah… So you guys party or what?” Rad asked.
“Hell yeah we do!” Nicole replied.
Looking over to Joshua I saw him stepping back.
“When you guys bouncing?” Rad asked.
“Here in a few. There’s one more song I think,” Nicole said.
“Cool.” Pulling out his phone, Rad looked up at Nicole. “What are your digits? I’ll shoot you the address of my buddy Clay’s house.”
“What’s going on there?” I asked.
“Just a party… ya know… a good one,” He replied, sniffing again. He seemed shaky and nervous the entire time he spoke and I didn’t like it. It reminded me of Matt’s older brother Norman. He was bad into meth and acted in a similar way. I was into having a good time, but I wasn’t a fan of anything crazy like that.
After giving him her number, He pulled Nicole in for another long kiss. Gross, I thought to myself, you don’t even know the guy. Glancing back over to where Joshua was standing only a moment earlier, I saw he was gone. “Where’s Joshua?” I asked.
Nicole stood on her tip toes and looked over the crowd. “He’s heading for the exit.”
“What?” Weaving through the seas o
f sweaty bodies, I found the back exit that led out to the cars. Stepping outside I looked around and spotted Joshua getting into his car.
“Hey, where you going?” I asked, approaching his car as he turned the key over.
“Got a text, someone needs a ride.”
He seemed a little upset in his tone. “Why do you sound mad?”
Joshua looked back at the door into the concert. “I know guys like Rad… they are bad news Claire.”
“So? Why’s that your problem?”
“It’s not my problem… but it still affects me, I care about my friends and those types of dudes are just bad news.”
That was kind of sweet, but I didn’t understand why Nicole mattered to him. She was just a girl that he worked with and went to school with. I didn’t like how that made me feel either. Like I had some sort of claim over Joshua since we joked around at work, which was bizarre. Still, I had to ask, “Do you like have a thing for Nicole or something?”
“Nicole?” He laughed. “No, not at all… she’s just a friend and I worry.”
I couldn’t help but smile to myself hearing it. Glancing back towards the metal graffiti tagged door when I heard it open and the sounds roaring from inside, I said, “I better get back in there… it was nice seeing you.”
“Same to you,” He replied with a nod as he backed out of the parking space.
Coming back at the tail end of the song, I found that Rad had already left. So after the song ended, Nicole and I made our escape.
Arriving to the party, I felt immediately like we needed to leave. When we walked into the house, we spotted people smoking rock over on the couch. One person was coming out of the bathroom with a belt around their arm.
“Let’s go,” I insisted, tugging on Nicole’s shirt.
“Chill… Let’s find Rad, there are a lot of people here… I’m sure not everyone is being that extreme.”
“Nah… I don’t feel like this is right…” I turned and headed for the door.