by T. K. Chapin
“Let’s go check it out…” She said heading over to a little table with a couple chairs. Glancing over my shoulder again, I followed her over. “Now… I need to test the gold first before I can give you an idea of the price. I have to cut a little into the locket.”
“Could you just give me an idea of what it would be worth if it’s real gold?”
“Sure,” She inspected the necklace. “This is eighteen carat gold. These real diamonds?”
“Yes.”
“If they are real, it doesn’t matter, it’ll just be counted with the weight. I’ll weigh it and get you a price we’d pay.”
“Okay, cool…”
She weighed the locket and chain and then went on her computer at the register and gave me a quote. “We could give you eight hundred if it’s really eighteen carat gold like the stamp on it says it is.”
“Okay, thanks,” I replied, grabbing the necklace back. “I’ll think about it.”
“Okay… want to see that ring again?”
“No thanks.”
Walking back out to the parking lot, I put my necklace back on. Maybe a pawn shop could give me more? Heading back towards the direction of home, I stopped into Easy Pawn to investigate how much they’d be willing to give me for the necklace.
As the man held the locket in his hand, he asked, “Were you looking to pawn or sell?”
“Umm…”
“Is it important to you?” he asked.
“Very…”
“Well… If you pawn it, I’d be willing to hold onto it for four months. That way, if you come up with the cash, you can get it back. It’s a good way to go if you just need some money to get you out of a bad spot.”
Nodding, I agreed. “That seems like a good idea, I’d hate to lose it forever. How much can you give me?”
He brought the locket up close and inspected it. “This a real diamond? If it’s real, you’ll get a good chunk of change.”
“Yes.”
He grabbed some kind of tool from a pen holder cup and pushed it against the diamond. It turned green on the LED light at the end of the tool. “You’re right. But I’m curious… Let me check something else really quickly.”
He went over to his computer for a few minutes with the necklace. His eyes widened as he clicked onto something. “What?” I asked, leaning over trying to see the screen.
Coming back over to me, he said, “Just what I thought… this is a Tiffany’s locket… and very valuable. I can give you fifteen hundred cash today.”
I still wasn’t thrilled about parting ways with it, but fifteen hundred could keep me floating for a few months while I try to get everything in order. Plus, once I get everything situated in my life, I could just come back and get it. “Okay, I’ll do it.” Within a half hours’ time I had parted with the one item I had left from my family. I felt bad walking out of the pawn shop that afternoon with a wad of cash and no necklace, but I knew it was what I needed to do in order to help myself and my baby. A locket is a material item, Hope is my future and I have to focus on her.
CHAPTER 25
Walking into the doctor’s office, I was greeted by Mary at the front desk. She has become very fond of me these last couple months. “Hello Claire, how are you this afternoon?”
“I’m fine, you good?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Thirty eight weeks sure came fast, hard to believe Hope can come at any moment!” I smiled up at her as I signed in.
“Time will fly by even faster once she arrives, enjoy every moment honey. Soon she’ll be in college and after that having her own babies!” Mary said.
While waiting to be called back, I thought about the pawn shop, the time was just about up on my necklace and I had finally saved enough to get it back. I’ll be getting it out of there today, I thought to myself.
It wasn’t long before they called me back. After weighing me and taking my blood pressure I was led back to the room to wait on my doctor.
“Strip down waist and below, here is a sheet for you honey, the Doctor will be right in.” the nurse shut the door behind her as she left.
After I got situated, I sat on the bed and reflected over the last several months leading up to this point. I had been volunteering at the soup kitchen, working a job at a department store in the mall and taking free classes at the college to help with getting my GED. I was only a few months away from being able to take the test. Joshua had finally left me alone and gave me some breathing room. Todd and I couldn’t see each other very much, but talked every night. While I was still a ways off from being able to move out on my own, I was on track to do so if I got the shift promotion at the department store I was up for. My new manager was a guy and he was totally ‘no questions asked’ about all the pregnancy stuff, so it was rather easy to get him to agree to me working up until right before I went into labor.
“Hello,” Doctor Lindsey said coming in with a smile on her face. “How are you doing Claire?”
“I wish I could get this baby out of me!”
She laughed as she took a seat on the stool. “It’s been a journey, that’s for sure… how’s the GED course going?”
“Good, I should be able to take the test in a few months.”
“Great… can you lay down for me Claire?” She asked getting the equipment ready. Putting the Fetal Doppler on my stomach, we both listened to Hope’s heart beat loud and strong. “She sounds great Claire.” Hearing her heartbeat always made me feel a sense of peace I never have known before. I knew she was alive and okay when I heard it. It was reassuring, especially when she hasn’t moved around as much since she had gotten bigger and taken up more space.
“Let’s take a look and see what you’re measuring,” Lindsey said.
“Okay,” I replied, sitting up on the bed.
The doctor took the tape measure and wrapped my belly, writing a note down on the paper. Then there was a pause and Lindsey took the tape measurer and did it again, which is not our normal doctor visit.
“What is it? Something wrong?” I asked, leaning my head up so I could make eye contact with her.
“You’re measuring small. Shouldn’t be anything too serious, but we need to do an ultrasound and take a look at what’s going on to be safe.”
“Small? Like Hope is shrinking?” I asked alarmed.
“No. Let’s just get you into the ultrasound and I can tell you more at that time, okay? I don’t want to speculate.”
“Okay,” I replied, laying my head back down.
“Just a minute Claire, we need the ultrasound machine down the hall. Go head down there and lay down, it’s the second room on your left.”
Nodding, I headed down to the room and got comfortable on the patient bed. Everything better be okay, I thought as I became increasingly worried with every passing moment. We heard the heartbeat so she is alive, I don’t know what could be wrong. Could the drugs from my past make her grow abnormal? I’ve been clean since I found out, but I still worried my bad choices affected her before I knew about her.
A few minutes later, the doctor looked at me. “Looks like you’re getting your wish.”
“What do you mean?” My pulse was quickened and my worry soared.
“You’re having a baby today!” the doctor replied.
“Today? I still have a couple weeks…”
“Your amniotic fluid is leaking and the baby needs to come out now.”
“My baby is hurt?” I began sobbing.
“No… just needs to come out. If we left her in there is a chance of infection settling in, no one wants that to happen. We need to get you over to the hospital and induce you.”
“Why? Is the baby going to be hurt coming out this early?”
“No, babies born after thirty seven weeks are perfectly healthy. It’ll be okay.”
Relaxing, I took a deep breath and got dressed before heading back out to my car. By the time I got over to the hospital parking lot, my hands were shaking I was so scared. I can’t do this
alone, I thought looking up at the hospital building. I called Jennie.
“Hey… could you come up to the hospital?”
“I’m on my way.”
There were no questions asked, not even what hospital I was at. She just said she was on her way and hung up, which made me realize she was probably keeping tabs on me. I was too thankful to be annoyed, I felt loved. I was glad she was coming and that settled my nerves some, but not entirely.
Coming into the hospital’s lobby, a receptionist greeted me and asked what she could do for me. After I explained my situation, she ran over to the entrance where a bunch of wheel chairs were sitting and fetched one for me. Then, she proceeded to push me down the hallway to the elevators. On the way up, she asked if I was excited.
“Scared and excited,” I replied holding onto my tummy. As the doors opened on the delivery floor, I felt a kick from Hope. Looking down at my belly, I smiled. “You get to come out today!”
Getting into my room and changed into my hospital gown, I was getting more nervous as the nurse asked questions and another nurse started an IV. After the IV, she placed some monitors on my heart and belly. After they made sure everything was reading correctly on the screens they both left after making sure I didn’t need anything else. One promised to be back quickly with the drugs to induce me. Glancing over at the clock, I saw it had been just about twenty minutes since I phoned Jennie.
Just then, Jennie walked into the room and rushed to my side bending over and giving me a hug. “Oh Claire!” she said through the sniffling and tears. She smiled warmly as she looked into my eyes. “I’ve missed you so much!”
“I can honestly say I missed you too… My baby’s name is going to be Hope.”
“That’s so cute! I love it.”
Pushing her back softly, I was curious by her calmness. “Did you know?”
“Dale and I knew all along honey,” she said, touching my chin.
“What do you mean? How is that possible?”
“Doctor Hall is the doctor we see…”
“So? Oh wow… so he just told you? Isn’t there patient confidentiality?” I asked, slightly defensively.
Jennie laughed a little. “Robert and Dale go back to middle school, so not really when it comes to family.”
“That means that day I came home…” I said, as I realized Dale did know.
“And he fixed that chicken noodle soup, yep, he knew.” Jennie pushed a strand of hair back behind my ear.
“That’s why he gave me such a big helping.” My eyes watered. That meant that Dale and Jennie had known all along. And that meant my thinking of them being unaccepting to my pregnancy was false. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Would it have changed anything?”
I had to think about it for a second, but after doing so, I knew I would have still left. “Well… no.”
Jennie nodded. “You needed space and time to sort this out. You know we would have been there to help you if you asked. I am so happy you called me, Claire. Thank you for letting me be here for you today. I’ve prayed and prayed this would happen!”
I smiled at Jennie, “Prayers do get answered it appears.”
“You ready to have a baby?” My nurse asked as she came in with the Pitocin to induce me with, hooking them up to my IV, she said they will monitor my contractions on the screen and check dilation every so often. She checked me to see what I was at, and much to my surprise I was already two centimeters dilated. I guess my Braxton hicks had paid off this last week.
The nurse left after telling me I can have an epidural at any time, and she showed me the nurse call button if I needed anything. It could be quick, but it could be hours too, it’s up to Hope from here on out. My nurse did mention if Hope hasn’t come in twenty hours we will have to do a C section because the chance of infection is greater, so with that deadline in mind I began whispering to Hope that she better hurry.
Two hours later the contractions were coming regularly and I called for the epidural. I wanted to try and do it without the epidural, but there was no way. It was too intense with the Pitocin.
The nurse came in smiling like always, “I hear you want your epidural? Let me check you really quick honey and then he’ll be right over to get you some relief.” Her smile was beginning to annoy me, almost everything was, and breathing through the contractions was about all I could manage.
“Oh wow Claire! You are already nine centimeters, almost ten! You’re about to have this baby! The epidural would be pointless at this point, you can do it honey, you got this!”
Wiping my eyes through the tears, I smiled and nodded confidently. “Okay.”
Jennie said she was going to phone Dale and let him know what was going on and to bring everyone up to the hospital and to the lobby. I agreed with a nod and watched her as she walked towards the corner to call Dale. This day was the day my baby girl was going to come into the world and my life would change forever.
Thirty long minutes later, Lindsey walks in and washed up. And then put on her operating scrubs while the nurses got my legs into position. Without their help I couldn’t have moved, the contractions were relentless and I was so weak from the pain of it all.
Holding my hand as the nurses got everything ready for the doctor, Jennie didn’t let go.
My bed was raised up and all the lights pointed at me, in my worst moment of pain I felt vulnerable and exposed. Once the next contraction would hit I forgot about everything besides the desire to push.
“Okay Claire your contractions are coming nice and strong, use them, and with your next contraction I want you to hold behind your knees, bring your chin down to your chest and push. Every contraction we are going to do this until Hope is in your arms okay honey? When the contraction stops, or when you can’t push any longer, just relax a second, breathe, and then get right back at it.”
Those seconds felt like hours, and minutes like years as I felt the worst pain ever. Jennie was saying Bible verses by my side holding my hand, while the nurse was on my other side, encouraging me to breathe and push and kept telling me how great I was doing.
After thirty minutes of pushing Lindsey said, “Claire, I want you to know your baby girl has a full head of hair! Her head is almost out; keep pushing so we can get those shoulders out and then she’ll be here!”
Hair… she has hair. I didn’t even have heartburn though. I gathered up all my remaining energy from somewhere deep down in me and with my next contraction pushed with all my might.
I felt the exact moment as she left my body and then seconds later… darkness.
CHAPTER 26
Coming alert for only a moment, I could faintly hear voices. The words were unrecognizable. The darkness remained and I was unable to open my eyes or make a sound in those few moments, quickly I fell back asleep.
Some inconceivable time later I again gained consciousness, but remained in the darkness and I was unable to move or speak. Feeling fingers in the palm of my hand, I focused on the touch until I fell back into my slumber.
Slipping in and out of consciousness, I would feel those fingers and hand in my palm, I eventually was able to squeeze them, helping myself to hold on for just a bit longer. My squeeze was followed by voices booming over me as I slipped back into my unconsciousness.
And then it happened, I opened my eyes. Staring at the white ceiling, my vision was blurred and I wasn’t able to move anything more than my hand. I squeezed the hand that was in the palm of mine and I could feel a tear trickle out from the corner of my eye.
“Claire?” a man’s voice said. Leaning over me, I saw it was Joshua. He looked so rough, like he had aged ten years since I last saw him. When my eyes fell onto his, I began crying. I felt so scared, seeing him helped a little, but my confusion was intense. What happened? Where’s my baby? I wondered. “It’s alright Claire… I’m here,” he said, cupping my face with his hand. I saw tears running down his cheek and the warmth of his hand was comforting against my cold cheek.
Handing me a glass, I could see so many emotions play across his face. I was thankful he stayed silent while I gathered my thoughts. I needed a minute to focus. Drinking a sip, I tried to speak again.
“Where’s my baby?” I managed to say in a soft whisper.
“She’s okay… she’s at your Aunt and Uncles.” She’s safe, thank God, I thought, relaxing back into my bed.
“What happened?” I asked, getting my voice back more and more.
“You slipped into a coma,” he replied softly. “You’ve been in a coma for a whole month… I was so worried, we all were.”
“A month?” My lip began to quiver as I cried more. Tears ran down my cheeks. My baby’s first weeks were already gone and I wasn’t around to see them.
“Hope’s okay,” Joshua said, grabbing onto my hand.
“Just stop talking to me; I can’t handle hearing anything else, give me a minute…” He took a seat back in the chair next to my bed. “Where’s my aunt Jennie? She was with me, I need to know more.”
“She’s down in the cafeteria.”
Just then Jennie came walking into the room. Dropping the to-go box in her hands, she ran to me. “Claire!” She shouted as she began crying. Hugs, kisses and sniffles followed as she embraced me.
“How’s my baby?” I asked, grabbing her arm.
“She’s doing well; everybody has been helping a lot with her at home.”
Everyone but me, her mother. One month into her life and I’ve failed her. I know it’s not my fault, but I can’t help but feel guilty. She needed me, and I wasn’t there. Tears threatened to fall again, but I held them back, determined to do better from here on out, I glanced at Joshua as he spoke.
“She’s adorable,” Joshua said, smiling over at me.
Jennie nodded in agreement. “I’m calling Dale to let him know you’re up.”
“Have him bring Hope please?” I begged her; surely they would let me see her. Hold her. My heart broke at the thought of them saying no, and trying to tell me that I was somehow too weak or something.