Wild Cards

by R. C. Stephens

  “Thanks,” he replied with a slight smirk. “You are an exquisite beauty,” he said, leaning in to me, our shoulders slightly brushed. The connection of our skin was like electricity jolting me.

  “So do you throw a lot of these parties?” I asked, unsure of what to say next after his compliment.

  “No, I’m hosting for the first time,” he responded with a smirk, looking down at the orgies beneath us.

  “Oh, so how come you’re not involved in the festivities?” I asked looking directly at him. Two and a half years ago I would have been embarrassed to ask such a question, at least the question would have never dawned on me. But two and a half years ago I was living a different life, I didn’t know this world even existed. I had no need for it. I was happy and content. Not anymore, I’d lost feeling. I’d lost my inhibitions. Everything inside me had died. I craved contact, not love. I’m not sure I’m capable of love after the pain I’d experienced.

  “I only watch, I don’t touch,” he said sternly and his thick accent rolled off his tongue. I’m not sure I heard him correctly. It was acceptable to be an onlooker, but with his looks and sexuality it seemed wrong on all levels.

  “So you’re only holding this party so you can watch people, but you don’t have sex?” I asked, furrowing my own brows now. This man was too beautiful not to engage his sexuality. “Are you a monk?” I asked, throwing him off guard, maybe people aren’t so forward around here.

  “Something like that,” he nodded, almost repeating my curt answer to him earlier.

  “Well, it was nice to meet you Luc,” I said, pulling away from the staircase and walking down the stairs. I felt his eyes on me as I descended the staircase. For some reason I felt a sense of loss walking away from him. Why would someone put themselves through the torture of holding one of these parties and not indulge? Feeling hot and bothered, I made my way to a large chair across from the exquisitely large couch. A moment later a man came up to me and introduced himself. It was the same guy I had watched getting a blow job earlier. The one that was half Caucasian and half African American. His built body and tanned skin were hot, but his eyes were out of this world, an arctic blue I had never seen before.

  He kneeled down in front of me. “Can we play?” he asked kindly. The truth is that I had my mind set on Luc. As beautiful and exotic as this man was, my body didn’t have that humming response I just felt moments ago.

  I nodded and he spread my legs, knowing that this was the better option. “You are the most striking woman in this room,” he said. “I needed a taste of you.” I spread my legs wide for him and he dipped his head between my thighs, licking at my core. He was slow at first. His tongue lashing out at my soft skin caused my need to grow quickly. I leaned back in the chair as my breathing grew ragged and my stomach clenched. I was so turned on by everything I had seen tonight that I needed this. I needed to let go. He began to lick faster, harder, my hips bucked with his delectable tongue. I’m not sure why but I couldn’t get Luc or his tormented look out of my head. I knew I had to focus on the here and now. It wasn’t my job to save anyone, especially when I was hanging on to this life by a thread. As my eyes gazed up, I was taken aback to see green eyes with gold flecks filled with lust and longing staring back at me. The look in his eyes turned me on more and I suddenly felt the need to close them.

  When I closed my eyes it was still Luc I envisioned going down on me and not the stranger in front of me. I had to clear my brain. I hadn’t given a man a second thought in far too long and this couldn’t be good. I willed my mind to focus on the exotic man in front of me doing wonders with his tongue. As the first reverberations of my orgasm hit me, I pushed any thoughts of Luc from my mind and pushed my hips into the tongue that was fucking me perfectly. Only then I realized it wasn’t so perfect. Although my swollen folds clenched and I cried out from his lapping tongue; I forced myself to enjoy this high, this ecstasy with no intimacy. I convinced myself it was all I could handle. When I’d finally come down from my orgasm, the man stood tall in front of me with a sensuous smile. “You’re delicious.” He bit his lip tasting the remnants of my wetness. I didn’t respond as a whirlwind of fear flashed through me. I wanted to look up again but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to look into Luc’s eyes. I was scared of what I would see or want to know. The exotic man in front of me gently kissed my hand and bowed his head. His arctic blue eyes were so perfectly stunning but didn’t make me feel a thing. He walked off and I was relieved that the encounter was over.

  Something felt off with me that night, and I didn’t like it. I had walked in there so sure of myself, so comfortable with finding a stranger to interact with. Now after one single and brief encounter, my head felt muffled, as did my heart. It scared me; panic was beginning to take hold on my throat. The truth was, I felt like things were just getting started with the exotic man before he walked off. I still needed more sex to quell my swollen folds. I knew I shouldn’t look for Luc even if I was being honest with myself, because he was exactly who I wanted, but it wasn’t just sex. I wanted to understand his pain. Just thinking about it made it sound messed up, but doesn’t misery love company? I didn’t need someone to fix me anyway; I was not fixable. As the torrent of thoughts caused my panic to rise, I knew I needed a distraction, one free of emotional baggage.

  I searched the room for another partner, but everyone on the main floor seemed taken, so I sauntered back up the long winding staircase, naked this time. My earlier insecurities about my rather simple lingerie had melted away and I was back in my element. Carefree and numb I took the stairs briskly.

  Upstairs I passed Luc gazing down on the crowd. I felt like he was watching me but he wouldn’t turn his head to acknowledge me. I was unsettled by the fact that I found his lack of acknowledgement irritating. I could tell I affected him somehow. I entered one of the bedrooms. A sexy blond man was watching a threesome on the bed. He was sitting on a long chair with his legs spread out in front of him fully erect. His dark brown eyes were swallowed by the darkness in the room. He noticed my entrance and sat upright.

  “Would you like to ride me?” he asked as if he asked if I’d like a drink of water. This was what I liked about parties, the openness; the take what you want attitude, the lack of judgment.

  “Why, yes, I would like nothing more,” I replied sarcastically, swaying my hip and moving in closer to him. He was not fazed by my attitude, and I was pleased to finally have a prospect, a way to make me feel something. Luc was clearly not capable of giving me what I needed. I lifted my right leg and stepped over his thighs, getting ready to seat myself, when he held my waist preventing my descent. Of course! A condom how could I forget? I inwardly chuckled. It’s fucked up but dying of a sexually transmitted disease was probably not the best way to go. As that thought passed through my mind, I recognized how messed up I really was. It didn’t matter; there was no one to care about me anyway.

  The blond man reached over to a side table where a large bowl of condoms were provided. He took a condom and slid it over his long hard girth. He wasn’t whom I wanted in that moment, but there was something about Luc that was too intense anyway. Luc was making my body feel things that I knew it shouldn’t. Another reason these parties were good for me, it was about play and fulfilling needs, not about feelings. Luc may not know this, but he was wearing his feelings on his bare arms and I couldn’t deal with that. He’d clearly been through something harsh, but it wasn’t for me to find out. Not then and not ever.

  As the blond guy pushed his dick into my folds, a cold slither made its way up my body and stopped at my heart. Maybe my heart had turned cold. Maybe I was no longer capable of love. I closed my eyes and gave in to the moment. The stranger grabbed my waist and helped me push into him harder, the friction building. Another female in the room was having the world’s longest orgasm and her sexy moans spurred me on, wanting what she was experiencing.

  Suddenly the door swung open, the sound caused my eyes to jerk open. Luc was standing in the entranc
e, his chest moving rapidly, his jaw taut and his eyes lacking emotion. I paused for a moment feeling exposed. Although I didn’t understand why I would feel this way. I continued to thrust onto the hot blond in front of me. My eyes locked onto Luc but he didn’t flinch, his erection stood visibly flushed through his boxer shorts.

  Something about him turned me on more. The look of lust in his eyes, he wanted me but it was something deeper…I moaned, rocking my hips faster. The man took his thumb and circled my clit, causing me to cry out even more as Luc clenched his fists at the side of his body. As I came down from my high, Luc walked away looking visibly irate. My body was limp as I lay beside the man, trying to catch my breath.

  Chapter 4

  Luc

  I watched as she left the penthouse. Her green eyes searched the place before she disappeared through the front door. A part of me hoped she was searching for me, that she felt the same connection that I did speaking with her. When she looked into my eyes with her vibrant emerald ones, it was almost as if I felt at home, such an odd thing to happen by just looking at a person. It actually scared the shit out of me. I didn’t host the party to find a soul mate; I hosted the party to fill my empty home with people, to feel lust, not love. I guess Vicky was right to laugh about me being a monk. It’s been two years since I got into this lifestyle. I kept to my oath of no women, drugs, or alcohol. I always enjoyed sex and considered myself good at it.

  A lot of women were attracted to me, and I continuously turned them down, even the ones that offered sex with no strings attached. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t handle the contact. I’ve caused too much damage and the chambers inside me that hold my demons need the restraint, I cannot engage in ecstasy, I cannot fulfill my own need. I’m scared of what feeling does to me, I’m scared of love breaking me or the person I’m with. I’m scared of my family finding out again if I do find love. All these factors reinforced my need to be alone, my need to hold myself together and not fall apart.

  Despite my internal arguments, I watched as she threw on a black coat and disappeared through the doorway. The rhythm of my heart quickened, as I feared never seeing her again. The thought sickened me. I wanted to see her. I wanted to know her. Dr. Davies said I should look for a relationship. I knew that finding a girl at a sex party was an odd place to look for a relationship. The mere word relationship sent me into a panic, but I was overcome with need to know this woman more. My desire for her drove me, but it was more than that. The sense of longing crept up my chest, and the way she made me feel when she looked into my eyes. I wanted to go after her… you fool, I said to myself. Leave her alone, she’s but a girl, but I couldn’t help myself. My heart and mind were divided. My heart pushed me into my bedroom to get dressed quickly and run after her. I threw on a blue sweater and jeans and ran toward the door. I worried that she was new to this city and alone. I knew what it was like to be alone in a big city.

  On the way out I grabbed my leather jacket and went down the elevator, hoping I didn’t miss her. I hoped. I hadn’t hoped for so long, the emotion almost seemed foreign. What did this girl do to me? By the time I reached the elevator and it descended to the main floor, she was gone, but adrenaline kept my blood pumping hard and my need to find her even stronger.

  I ran out the main doors into the cool night air, turning my head left and then right. There she was walking down the street. I let out a long breath. Is she crazy? I thought to myself. It was a good neighborhood, but it was still New York City. She shouldn’t be walking down the street dressed the way she was at this time of night.

  “Hey, Vicky!” I called out, accidentally startling her. She flinched and turned her head. Her green eyes narrowed and when recognition crossed her face her shoulders sagged. I walked to her, two steps at a time, closing the space between us.

  “Hi,” she replied cautiously, probably unsure why I followed her outside.

  “You shouldn’t be walking down the streets alone at this time of night, it’s dangerous and your dress is well, uh, uh.” I was at a loss of words, this didn’t happen often, this girl was undoing me and my need to protect her became instinctual. “I have a bike I can give you a ride,” I offered, exhaling the words briskly.

  “You drive a bike?” she asked with a surprised tone. Her quirky smile warmed my heart. This was bad.

  “I have other cars, but yeah, it’s my preferable mode of transportation,” I explained.

  “No, I uh… didn’t mean anything by it… you just don’t seem like that type, I come from a small town and a lot of people have bikes, I just….” she trailed off not finishing her sentence.

  “Can I give you a ride home? I’m really not comfortable with you walking on the street alone.” I smirked feeling nervous. Shit! What was wrong with me? I don’t get nervous around women.

  “I was going to take the bus, I’m just not sure which one it is yet,” she replied quietly, she wasn’t looking into my eyes and I wanted her to. The strong willed woman that was bustling with self-esteem at the party was no longer present. This girl was soft, shy, pure. She was like a wild card, I didn’t know what to expect.

  “Please, you would really make me feel better if I gave you a ride, at least I would know that you are safe,” I tried hard to convince her and even pouted a bit in the process. She really had me for a loop. I was out of my comfort zone. I didn’t offer women rides on the back of my bike; that would involve contact. The contact would make me panic, and I would be the weak person that my father always told me that I was. Mmm, but the thought of her sitting on the back of my bike with her arms wrapped tight around me caused naughty thoughts to erupt in my head. Get a grip, Luc, you just want to protect her. I realized in that moment that I was a stranger to her, that I may be scaring her too.

  “Okay,” she shrugged her shoulders with her arms wrapped tightly around her waist. She was shivering and I wanted to take care of her. Warm her up.

  “Sorry, I see that you’re cold, it’s pretty windy on the bike, I hope you’ll be okay. Here, take my jacket,” I said, taking off my leather jacket and passing it to her with a lopsided grin that made her smile. Shit, my chest was melting from her smile.

  “Uh, thanks.” She took the jacket hesitantly and put it on. It looked massive on her small frame.

  “Follow me, I keep the bike on ground level,” I said, gesturing for her to follow me back to my building.

  I pulled the bike out of a niche at the side of the building. I paid a large sum of rent to be allowed to park it there since the place was truly meant for storage. Vicky climbed onto the back of my bike and I revved it up. My chest felt warm as I readied to drive.

  “You’ll need to hold on and please wear this helmet,” I said, turning and passing her the only helmet I had. I wasn’t used to having a passenger.

  “Ah, sure, right,” she stuttered, placing the helmet on her head. Then she wrapped her arms around my waist, holding on tight. This felt too good. I liked her on the back of my bike. I tried to control my wandering thoughts because there were a number of places I would have liked to have her. It had been more than two and a half years since I had engaged in sex, having her in close proximity was undoing me, but not because I was hungry for sex. I could have had sex at all the parties I had attended over the years. Many women had offered themselves and it did nothing to me, it was something about her that was driving me wild.

  “So what are you doing in town?” I asked, turning around before I started the bike.

  “It’s complicated,” she responded, looking tired.

  “Yeah, life is complicated.” I wondered what made her so sad. A face like hers should be smiling all the time.

  “Where are you headed?” I asked, realizing I didn’t know which direction to drive.

  “Queens, Motel Lafayette,” she said quietly.

  “Okay, I haven’t heard of it. I will put it into my phone,” I said, typing in the address. I was familiar enough with New York to know it looked like a bad area.

  I began t
o drive, it was a cool night and the air was colder with the bike speeding down the road. Although I had to admit that I was a lot more cautious with her on the back of my bike. I was being extra careful, and remembering Dr. Davies' story about the man that was afraid of heights and how cautious he was with his family on the bridge. It made me think that Dr. Davies may be right that I was not dangerous. Maybe.

  She placed her head against my back to block her body from the wind. I reveled in her touch. Her small body pressed up in to me, turning me on.

  After driving half an hour we were at our destination. A part of me wanted to ask her out for coffee and get to know her. Another part of me warned that she was too good for me, and if she knew the truth about who I was she would go running.

  The entrance to her motel looked appalling, grungy, and decrepit. There were a lot of sketchy looking people roaming the streets. It was not safe and the thought of her going up to her room alone made me cringe.

  “This is where you’re staying?” I asked surprised.

  She climbed off my bike, and took off my helmet, passing it back to me, then my jacket. Then she placed her hands on her hips. “Yeah, you got a problem with it?” she asked, oozing attitude.

  Shit, I offended her, I didn’t mean to.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way, it looks dangerous here, it’s not a place for a girl like you,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.

  “Really? What kind of girl do you think I am, Luc?” she persisted with her hands still hanging on to her tiny waist.

  “A girl from a nice family,” I responded.

  Her jaw became tight and her eyes went wide and watery. Shit, talking about putting my foot in my mouth.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it, please just let me walk you inside, the place looks dangerous,” I said, stepping off my bike and parking it on the side of the road. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was stolen by the time I got back.