That's when I finally cried. It had been awful. Mum had been so brave as Dad and I walked down to the operating theatre. She held both our hands and was more worried about the two of us than herself. She kept telling us she would be fine and not to fret and that she would be back before we knew it.
How could she be so strong? It should have been us trying to comfort her!
They wouldn't allow us go into the theatre with her. Her eyes flashed with a hint of the sheer panic she clearly felt as she was pushed through the swinging double doors, alone.
We walked back to the family room in silence. Simon hadn't come down with us and went in search of refreshments instead.
We'd spoken to the surgeon that morning who assured us she was going to try to remove the entire tumour. She hoped there'd be no lasting damage, but she couldn't guarantee it. She was concerned the tumour was very close to the optic nerve, and there was a chance it could affect her sight and also her personality.
However, this wasn't the worst case scenario. The worst case would be if she couldn’t remove the whole tumour. However, the surgeon wouldn't know until she opened Mum up and got a good look at what was actually going on in there.
I'd been stunned.
What if she couldn't get it all? Would she die? I didn't want to actually verbalise my fears, but it was obvious we were all thinking the same.
They expected the operation to last up to six hours, so we had a long wait ahead of us.
"You okay, Geri?" Simon sat next to me on the uncomfortable plastic seats.
Dad had stopped crying and sat looking down at his wringing hands.
"I—erm. I'm fine."
He handed me a cup of watery looking tea.
"Thanks, Simon. For everything!" I put my hand on his knee. "I don't know what I'd have done without you."
"Hey, hey, hey, now stop that! I told you I would be here for all of you, and I meant it. Now come on, chin up. We'll get through this. You'll see."
The next few hours were the worst of my life. Mum had been taken into surgery at 10am and we expected her back by around 4pm. When the clock ticked past five, I was shaking uncontrollably in my dad’s arms, convinced of the worst.
"What's taking so long?" Dad kept saying over and over.
"I'll go and see if I can speak to anyone," Simon said.
He came back a few minutes later with a smile on his face.
"They've brought her back up and she's in the recovery room."
"Oh, thank God for that. Is she okay?" I held my breath waiting for his reply.
"They said she's still asleep, but we'll be able to see her soon. The surgeon will be out shortly to talk to us." He sat in-between us and put his arm around me and a hand on Dad’s arm.
It was another twenty minutes before Doctor Price came into the cramped little room. She sat across from us, and our knees almost touched. The look on her face was unreadable, and I felt faint until I realised I was holding my breath.
Simon, Dad and I huddled together all holding hands, braced for the news.
She cleared her throat and also put her hand on top of the jumble of hands in front of her.
"How is my wife?" Dad asked.
"She's holding her own at the moment. We removed as much of the tumour as we could, but unfortunately we were unable to get it all."
The sound of us all exhaling was deafening.
"We sent the mass to the lab and won't know if it is malignant until we get the results back."
I could hear the sound of someone sobbing and glanced at Dad, who had silent tears rolling down his face. It suddenly struck me that the sobbing was coming from me! I wiped my eyes on a screwed up paper towel and tried to calm down.
"What does it mean? Will she die?" I asked.
"It’s very early days yet. The tumour had progressed a lot further than we initially thought, and it caused complications."
"How is she? Can we see her?" I asked.
"Not yet. There is something else I need to tell you first."
My stomach flipped. This is it! I thought. I knew it!
"As I mentioned, there were a few complications during the procedure, and I'm really sorry to have to tell you that Grace suffered a stroke!"
None of us made a sound. We all just sat staring at her, waiting for her to continue.
"Unfortunately, she had to be resuscitated, but she is now comfortable, although still unconscious. We won't know the extent of the damage until we run some more tests."
"You just told us she was okay. Then in the next breath you say she stopped breathing and has had a stroke!"
Simon pulled me to him trying to calm me down, but I'd gone too far.
"No, Simon. Leave me alone." I shoved him away. "So now what? Could she be a cabbage! Is that what you're telling us? Is she a cabbage?"
Simon pulled me into his arms again and began stroking my head.
We all looked at the doctor, waiting for the news none of us wanted to hear.
"I don't know. Let’s not jump to conclusions. As I said, we need to run a few more tests and wait until she wakes up. I know it's not the news you wanted, but we did explain to you beforehand that there was a risk with this kind of operation. I'm sorry." She sighed. "I did say that your mum was holding her own, and she is right now."
I wanted to scream, but instead my body was racked with the deepest sobs, and the empty gap in my stomach was almost painful. Dad looked so frail. I got onto my knees at his feet, and together we cried and cried.
The doctor had gone when I next looked up, and Simon was standing, looking out of the window, with tears running down his cheeks.
God, this was awful!
Chapter 28
Grace could hear lots of activity around her but couldn't open her eyes. Where the heck am I?
Her thoughts were woozy and her throat so painfully dry that she couldn't swallow. There was a beeping to her left and somebody holding and stroking her left hand. She was so tired.
She must have gone to sleep because she could sense that it was dark around her, although she still couldn't open her eyes.
Someone was whispering, and the beeping still continued.
"Mum?" Geri said. "Mum, can you hear me?"
It felt as though she was in a dream. She tried again to open her eyes, but it was useless. There was more whispering. However, she couldn't make out the words.
What was happening?
She tried to lift her hand, but her arm felt like a ton weight. There was something scratchy in her throat she noticed as she slipped back into a soft, fuzzy, warm sleep. There was something she needed to do—now what was it? She couldn't remember.
She just needed a little nap and then she would do it, if only she could remember what IT was.
Somebody was scratching the bottom of her left foot. She wanted to kick them away, but her body felt as if it had turned to stone. There were people talking again. She could hear Max talking to another man but couldn’t tell what they were saying.
She was confused and tired. So bloody tired and her head ached. Where was she? She felt she should know, but it was just out of reach. She wished somebody would stop that incessant bloody beeping. She couldn't concentrate.
Max was kissing her cheek and telling her over and over again that he loved her, but she still couldn't open her eyes or move at all!
Max was talking about their wedding day thirty-one years ago.
"You were so beautiful, still are, and the envy of all my pals. I couldn't understand what it was you saw in me. I prayed every night for the first twelve months hoping you wouldn't realise you'd made a mistake."
She tried to squeeze his hand, but it was hopeless. She hated hearing him like this. She'd loved him from the moment they’d met. He was ten years older and had seemed so sophisticated and sexy.
They'd been introduced through mutual friends. She was working with the wife of one of his good friends and was invited to their home to celebrate their first wedding anniversary. Max caught h
er eye immediately and he blatantly stared at her from across the room until he got his friend to introduce them.
They spent every moment they could together from then on and got married four months later. They started trying for a baby almost straight away, but it just wasn't meant to be. Then, five years later, after they had resigned themselves to the fact there would be no children, she found out that she was expecting a baby.
Geraldine had been a miracle child to them. They hadn't used any precautions after she was born, and yet no more babies came along. But they were okay with that. Geri had lit up their lives and they adored her. Max had always spoiled her rotten. Now their baby was going to have a baby of her own. Although the situation wasn't ideal, things would be okay.
She could hear that beeping again! It reminded her of a hospital—was she in hospital? She vaguely remembered something, but what was it? She still couldn't open her eyes or move a muscle.
There had been a bit of commotion earlier after Max had been talking to her. Geri had been there too, and she was crying. Why was she crying? Her head was spinning with unanswered questions.
Her head ached as she began to remember. She'd had an operation. Well, at least she wasn't dead, that was a bonus. Why couldn’t she open her eyes though—or move? What had happened? She was sure this wasn't supposed to be happening.
Gosh, she was tired.
Chapter 29
This was terrible.
The doctors didn't know what to do. They were avoiding us as much as they could, and when they were in the room they had that look in their eyes. God, how I hated that look.
All we'd been told was that there was no medical explanation why Mum hadn't woken up. She wasn't in a coma they said. But there was something obviously very wrong.
It had been three days now since the operation, and Dad was going out of his mind. He wouldn't eat, drank very little and only then when one of us stood over him until he did.
He hadn't been home for a change of clothes or a shower and was beginning to pong a bit, but he'd promised to have a wash later on. I'd brought him some clean clothes and shaving stuff from my last trip home.
Simon had been great. He'd called all the family, and warded off the hordes of well-wishers that kept turning up at the hospital unannounced with huge bunches of flowers, and generally kept everything ticking along.
He'd just popped out to call Kevin to give him an update. It was funny, but I no longer cared about Kevin and all that had gone before. I was just relieved that Simon and I were mates again. I don't know what I'd have done without him.
He walked back into the room.
Dad was talking quietly to Mum. On and on he went. All we could hear was a steady mumbling drone, but it seemed to make him feel better so we left him to it.
Simon came to stand behind my chair and began rubbing my shoulders.
"Is Kevin coping without you?" I asked.
"Seems to be. He sends his best wishes to you."
"That's nice," I said absently.
"There's something we need to talk about, Geri. Shall we go for a coffee?"
That had my attention. "What is it?" I asked, snapping my head around to look at him.
"Come on." He held his hand out towards me. "We'll bring your dad a sandwich back. Is that okay, Max? We're just going to the canteen."
"Wha ... yes, fine, whatever," Dad said impatiently, annoyed to have been disturbed.
We held hands in silence all the way to the canteen, my mind racing. Was he planning to go back home and leave me again? I didn't want to know.
We ordered coffee and a couple of tasteless sandwiches.
"I still haven't heard any more from James about Carl. I know Vinny's charged him and he's been refused bail, but I wanted to go to see him."
I was talking ten to the dozen just to avoid what I thought was coming.
"Best you just focus on your mum for now. You'll make yourself ill at this rate," he said.
"I'm fine—and besides I need to get out of here for a while."
"What about the baby?"
"Baby?" I had to force myself to say.
"Yes, Geri—the baby, our baby. I'm worried about you and our baby."
I looked down at my stomach. Although it was a bit rounder I hadn't thought it was obvious I was pregnant. My boobs had filled out a lot, but I'd been wearing baggy clothes. I was shocked he knew. I intended to tell him eventually, but not yet, not while Mum was so sick.
"Simon, I ..."
"Your mum told me. She wanted me to know," he said. "I didn't say anything at first because I wanted to give you a chance to tell me yourself, but I'm worried about you, Geri. I think you need to see a doctor."
Still, I couldn't say anything. I was gobsmacked that my sneaky mum had told him. But I couldn't be angry with her. She'd always known what was best for me before I knew myself, which shouldn't come as a surprise. Nevertheless, I wished she'd given me a chance to do it in my own way. I looked up at him.
"Okay." I shrugged. "I was going to tell you, but the time just didn't seem right."
He nodded. "I know things haven't been ideal between us, and now all this mess with your mum ..."
"I'm glad she told you, and I'm sorry I lied about it. I hated you at the time though."
"And now?"
"Now what?"
"Do you still hate me?"
I reached across the table and held his hand. "Of course I don't. It's funny, but it's taken something like this to make me realise I could never hate you. We're best friends, have always been best friends. We should never have taken it any further than that."
"I don't regret marrying you, Geri. I only regret that I couldn't stay married to you. And of course I regret hurting you. I'm delighted we're going to have a baby together."
"I'm scared. What if Mum can't be there to help me?" I whispered.
He jumped up and came around the table, kneeling at my side.
"Oh, babe. She'll be around I promise you. And so will I, so you don't need to be scared."
He pulled me into his arms, and that's when the floodgates opened. I let all the built up anger, frustrations and sadness pour from me with each sob, and afterwards I felt so much better.
Chapter 30
Max was still talking. Telling her how much he loved her over and over again. Grace wanted to comfort him, but it was all just too much like hard work.
"Come back to me, my love. I need you here. My life is nothing without you."
How stupid, she thought. He's a fit man in the prime of his life—well, maybe a little past the prime, but still.
"Without you I have nothing. I am nothing," he continued.
She tried, once again, to open her eyes. It was difficult, but she tried with all her might, and she felt them flickering and eventually open.
She couldn't talk though. She pulled the tube from her throat, and even then she still couldn't talk. Her mouth was too dry.
"You have Geraldine," she eventually managed in a hoarse whisper.
Max almost fell off his seat when he heard her voice.
"You have Geraldine," she repeated. "And the baby."
"Oh, my sweet darling, you're okay."
She shook her head slightly. "No, Max, listen to me. I need you to be strong for me. No matter what happens, you need to promise you'll look after Geri."
"Shhh! Don't talk like that now, sweetheart. You're going to be fine. You'll see."
***
As we got back to the ward, there was a commotion coming from Mum’s room. Dad stood outside in the corridor and he looked so lost. Everything seemed surreal.
"Dad!" I shouted. "Dad! What happened?"
He stood, vacantly looking at me, wringing his hands and shaking his head. His mouth opened and closed, but no words came out.
A nurse came out of the room and herded us into the family waiting room.
"Can you tell us what's happening?" My whole body shook uncontrollably.
"I'm sorry, we don't know yet.
Doctor Price will come to see you as soon as she can." Then she was out of the door and hurrying back towards Mum’s room.
Dad was staring out the window.
"Dad," I said again. "Dad! Look at me." I held his upper arms and shook him slightly.
"She woke up and seemed fine. Then, all of a sudden, the alarms started up and they shoved me out of the room. Oh Geri, what if she doesn't make it?"
"Don't talk like that, Dad. Of course she'll make it." I looked over at Simon for support.
"Geri's right, Max. She'll be fine."
His eyes told a different story though.
It seemed like an age before the nurse came back into the room, but it was probably no more than five minutes.
"You can come through now," she said before scurrying off back in the direction of Mum’s room.
We were close on her heels and all shocked to see Mum awake.
Her eyes filled with tears as she saw us.
"Now, she needs her rest, so please keep this brief," the Doctor informed us from the back of the room.
Dad stroked Mum's face, and huge tears dripped onto his cheeks.
Mum looked at me.
"Hey you," I whispered. "You gave us all a scare, you know."
She closed her eyes again, and Doctor Price stepped forward. "I think you should leave her to get some sleep right now."
"She's right, Dad. Let's go home for a couple of hours. You could do with a rest yourself."
While Dad was getting his things together, I signalled for the Doctor to come into the corridor.
"What happened?"
"I'm not too sure, but I believe she forced herself out of her state and her system seemed to go into shock. She should be fine now. She will need to sleep though, but you'll see a difference when you come back later. I'm sure."
Dad and Simon joined us in the corridor. Dad looked much happier than he had in ages.
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