by Wilde, Rhea
Lauren’s logic made perfect sense to me. But that still didn’t stop me from being upset. I had the perfect evening planned. I could feel the tears starting to come back as I thought about how things were supposed to be between me and John. Lauren put her hand on my leg and again tried to console me.
“You’ll get over it,” she said to me. “It wasn’t even that long. It’s not like you’re getting a divorce or something.”
“It feels like it.”
“Oh, Vicki. Now you’re just being dramatic.”
She stood up from the sofa and poured both of us a glass of wine. She handed the glass to me and I hesitated to take it from her.
“Go ahead,” she said.
“I’m not thirsty.”
“It’s not about that. Look at you. Your boyfriend just dumped you…”
“Don’t remind me.”
“You did your makeup and your hair. You’re wearing a little sexy black dress. You might as well get drunk. Maybe we can go out later tonight.”
“No,” I shook my head. “I’m not in the mood for that.”
“Well, you can at least drown your sorrows. It’s not like you’re drinking alone like some alcoholic.”
I shook my head at my friend then started to laugh. I took the glass of wine and gulped it, desperate for any relief from the hole I had in my chest. I sat on the couch and watched my friend grab the other plate of food.
“You know, this is really good,” she said as she ate the rest of my dinner.
“Yeah, yeah, I know. I already heard that before.”
“No, Vicki, I’m serious. How come you never cook for me?”
“I… I don’t know. Do you want me to cook for you?”
“It’d be nice. But you don’t have to. I’m not going to sleep with you either way. There’s something about cooking a man a meal to let him know how you feel.”
“Yeah…”
I took another gulp of wine and looked out of my window toward the skyscraper just across from us. I could feel Lauren’s eyes on me as I felt the alcohol slowly beginning to take its effect on me.
“He does have a point though,” she said to me.
“What?” I jerked my head toward her.
“He has a point. I mean, I’m not saying he’s right. I’m just saying—”
“Lauren, he asked my permission to fuck one of his coworkers.”
“Right. That’s what I’m saying. He asked for your permission.”
“And the answer should be obvious. I’m not going to let him just cheat on me like that.”
“Technically, it wouldn’t be cheating since you’d be letting him do it.”
“…I don’t believe this. Not you, too.”
I shook my head in disbelief. I couldn’t believe my best friend was trying to make the same point he was. I knew that I had some alcohol in my blood but I was sure I was hearing it come from her as well.
“I know, I know,” she said. “You want to settle down with a nice guy. Minivan, white picket fence, 2.5 kids, suburbia. I understand that. But things are different these days. People are more open with their sexuality.”
“People are more open about discussing their sexuality. They don’t go around fucking everything just because they’re attracted to it.”
“Right. And that’s exactly what John did. He asked you if it was okay and you said no.”
“Are you actually taking his side?”
“No. I’m just saying that you two weren’t meant for each other. You wanted two different things. He wanted the freedom to sleep with other women and you wanted a monogamous relationship. You two were incompatible.”
“Am I wrong in wanting a little exclusivity in my relationship? We all like sex. There’s no need to give in to every little desire.”
Lauren sighed then began to laugh at me. I took another swig of wine and stared at her.
“You’re laughing again,” I said.
“Hey, he was just being honest. You have those same desires. Don’t tell me that you haven’t walked by some hot guy and just wanted to jump all over him.”
“Sure, I’ve had fantasies. But I’ve never acted on them. I know how to control my instincts.”
“You have a vibrator.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Well, you have those desires and you have to satisfy them. What’s the difference between using some little toy and using another person?”
“Oh, come on, Lauren. There’s a difference. It’s just a toy. It’s not another person. It’s like a toothbrush. It’s easier to replace these things than an actual person. It’s not like I have men lined-up waiting outside for me when I need a new one.”
“That’s actually not a bad idea, Vicki.”
She started to laugh at me once again. I rolled my eyes at her and sighed, the pain of my break-up still fresh. As terrible as she was at trying to cheer me up, she did manage to get my mind off of everything I was feeling. I was grateful that she lived just down the street from me because I didn’t know what I would have done if I had to wait any longer.
I sat there on the couch and finished the glass of wine she had poured me. Lauren stood up from the sofa and looked around, pondering what to do next. It was the first night off I’d had in months. I needed to do something to keep my mind off of everything that just happened.
“So, what do you say, Vicki?”
“What do I say to what?”
“Do you want to go out tonight? I might have to borrow one of your outfits but that’s okay since I look good in pretty much anything.”
Lauren posed in front of me. She looked like some kind of clumsy model who had no idea what she was doing. I closed my eyes and started to giggle at her, the alcohol now clearly taking its effect.
“No,” I said as I shook my head. “I’m not in the mood to go out tonight.”
“You’ve been planning this day for weeks. You can’t spend it in the same spot you were while you were working. You need to get out and live a little. Maybe there’s some cute guy out there waiting for you. He can make you forget all about John.”
“No,” I shook my head. “I’m done with that.”
“…You’re done with what? Cute guys?”
“Yes. I’ve had it. Every cute guy I’ve met has had something wrong with him.”
“Wow, I didn’t realize you were drunk already.”
“Lauren, I’m serious!”
“No, you’re drunk.”
I sighed as I tried to tell my friend how I was feeling. I didn’t know how to put it into words. It was like I had already accepted everything that happened between me and John.
“No, listen,” I said. “Every instinct about every guy I’ve ever met has been wrong. Just when I thought they were ‘perfect,’ they turned out to be some creep or asshole or someone who couldn’t keep their dick in their pants. So that’s it. I’m done. I’m not going to let my feelings and emotions get the best of me. I’m not going to let some cute guy trick me into thinking that he’s perfect when in reality I’m just looking past his flaws. I’m taking a break from dating.”
“Who’s talking about dating? I’m just looking for a guy to fuck.”
I rolled my eyes and sighed at my friend. She began to playfully thrust her hips at me while I did my best to ignore her. She moved up closer to me and started banging her hips against my face. I put my hands up to block her.
“Stop!” I said as I started to laugh. “Can’t you just be serious for once?”
“That’s your problem, baby,” she said in a tone mocking a suave man’s voice. “You’re way too serious. You need to loosen-up. And I’ve got just the thing to loosen you up, baby.”
“No thanks. You know I have a vibrator for that.”
“Oh, come on, Vicki,” she said as she stopped and took a seat next to me. “You know that’s no replacement for a real man. You just said it.”
“I know. That’s why I’m able to separate the two. That’s what I�
�m going to miss about John.”
“The sex?”
“No! Everything else. The conversation. The way he told me he liked my cooking. The way he worked hard and stayed late at the office. It’s all of the little things. I can replace the sex. That’s not really a big deal.”
“Fine. Let’s go out and replace him then. You don’t need to look for a guy with a great job and a good pedigree. You’re not trying to have anyone’s babies. You’re just looking for a guy who can make you scream. Who cares if he doesn’t make that much money? Hell, who cares if he even has a job? Let’s go find a guy that’ll bang you and make you forget all about all the ‘little things’ you love so much.”
I looked at my friend as I considered her proposal. I decided that I was in no position to jump back into a relationship. I had sworn myself to stay away from men. For how long, I didn’t know. Whatever it was I was looking for, I knew I wasn’t going to find it in this city.
“Forget Mr. Right,” she said to me. “Let’s go have fun with all of the wrong ones.”
“I can’t.”
“What? Why not?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m changing but it just isn’t the same anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t sleep with a man if there isn’t anything there. I want some sort of connection with him if I’m going to lie down naked with him. Without that, it’s just so… unfulfilling.”
“Are you telling me an orgasm isn’t satisfying?”
“It is… It’s just… Orgasms are better when they’re with someone you care about.”
“…They should put that on a greeting card.”
I grabbed the throw pillow right next to me and playfully hit her across her chest. She fell onto the sofa right next to me. I sighed as we stared at one another.
“You really mean it,” she said to me. “You’re done with guys.”
“I don’t care if the most amazing man in the world knocks on my door right now. I’m not going to fall for him. From now on, I’m going to take my time. This is my life. I’m in control. The meaningless sex is over.”
“Vicki, you’re 25 years old. You have plenty of time to go sleeping around and still find your dream man.”
“No. Sex is fun but I’m not interested in driving in the fast lane any longer. I know what I want now. It’s not out there at some nightclub.”
“Okay,” she sighed. “We’ll just stay in tonight. But as soon as you’re feeling better, we’re going out so that I can find someone to fuck me at least.”
I giggled at my friend with a smile on my face. I could feel the mascara on my face beginning to dry up on my cheeks. The tears were gone and I no longer had any need for the tissue in my hand. I sat there and stared at Lauren, enjoying this sudden moment of clarity. It had happened quicker than I expected. Breaking-up with John made me realize exactly what I was looking for.
“Hey, Vicki.”
“Yeah?”
“I know this guy. He’s really good in bed and—”
“No, Lauren.”
“All right. I was just making sure… Can I at least borrow your vibrator tonight?”
“Don’t you usually carry yours around in your purse?”
“…I forgot to change the batteries.”
I laughed at my friend then pointed toward the drawer where I kept what she was looking for. While my friend searched for the batteries, I leaned up against the couch with a mild feeling of serenity. Nothing went how I planned it but at least I was no longer in a bad mood.
Chapter 3
I took a few days to myself. It was one of the bonuses of finishing an assignment. It wasn’t long before I found myself back in my boss’s office, waiting for his opinion on my latest offering.
Patrick Kelsey was a man who’d seen a lot in his time. He had spent nearly his entire career at The High Standard. He worked himself up from a lowly intern all the way up to Editor-In-Chief. He knew what it took to get people to read his magazine without filling it with the trashy gossip that caught most readers’ eyes. Despite his hard demeanor, I knew that it was only a result of wanting to put out the best product he could. Whenever he decided to rip my head off, it was strictly business and nothing personal.
He was barely a decade older than I was. All of the stress of running a publication got to him though. His hair had shifted from a solid black to salt-and-pepper gray from working here. The wrinkles on his face were the result of constantly furrowing his brow and all of the smoke that filled his room. Sitting in his office was like sitting in a war zone. He might have been used to the smelly and smoky atmosphere but I couldn’t wait for him to say that I had done what I needed.
I sat in front of his desk and watched him. He paced back and forth with a copy of the article that I had written for him. His eyes scanned the paper over, his lips occasionally moving as he mouthed some of the words. The look on his face was one of constant strain. Whether or not he was enjoying what he was reading, I couldn’t tell. Through no fault of his own, he had a permanent scowl on his face.
He lowered the paper from his field of vision and slowly looked over at me. As he stared at me, I did my best to fight the smile from creeping onto my face. I knew that he only looked angry. More importantly, the piece I had written for him was done to the best of my ability. It was the result of several weeks of hard work.
“Did you check your facts on this Morrison fella?”
“Yes, sir. Everything is accurate.”
“Did you double-check them?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“Did you triple-check—”
“Boss, those are the facts. I wouldn’t put anything in there if it weren’t true. Most of the things in there are straight from his mouth.”
“Really? And did he know that you were recording him?”
“Well… Not exactly. But that’s why there aren’t any direct quotes from him. All of the information has been confirmed by all of his associates. I stand by everything I wrote.”
“Yeah, I’m just making sure.”
“You know you don’t have to worry about that when it comes to me, boss. Everything in there is fact.”
Mr. Kelsey threw the article I wrote on his desk then reached for his pack of cigarettes. I watched him smoke and wondered if there were anything else he needed. The last thing I wanted was to sit here and deal with his second-hand smoke when I didn’t have to.
“I’m not surprised,” he said, exhaling a line of white smoke through his mouth. “A City Council member using funds to satisfy his drug addiction… I don’t know where you come up with this stuff, Victoria.”
“I had a lot of people help me with it. A lot of people were willing to talk. It wasn’t really a big secret. I just thought it was time for the truth to be put down in writing. Roy helped me out a lot—”
“Yeah, yeah. You don’t have to break it down for me. I give you the reins because I trust you. That’s why you’re my favorite reporter.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“So, what’s next?”
“To be honest with you, I haven’t thought that far ahead. But I’m sure something will come to me.”
Mr. Kelsey looked at me as he flicked some of the ashes into his trash can. He smiled for a split-second before returning to the familiar frown that was always tattooed on his face.
“I need something for next month, Victoria. Can you get it for me by then?”
“I’m sure it won’t be a problem.”
“All right, get out of here and get to work. Make sure that Omar gets a copy of this so he can look it over.”
“Of course.”
I stood up from the chair and made a beeline out of his office. As soon as I stepped outside, I took in a huge gasp of air. The rest of the office wasn’t perfect but it was significantly better than the office my boss kept himself confined in. Now I had to focus on the process of trying to figure out what my next story was about.
I had more leeway than all of th
e other reporters on the staff. While they all had to deal with a bevy of editors before they even had a chance to tell Mr. Kelsey their idea, I was free to write about whatever I wanted. It didn’t give me the freedom to do anything I pleased, however. I knew that I would lose my freedom if I wrote something that didn’t require any investigating.
“Well, well, well. Look who decided to stop by the office.”
I turned my head and looked over at the cubicle just a few feet away from me. I smiled at the woman who was spinning around in her chair. She was a busty blonde woman who looked like she didn’t have any place in a magazine office like this. She was dressed in a shirt so tight you couldn’t help but notice how generous her genetics were. Her skirt was barely long enough to cover everything important and her heels were inching closer to stripper territory. She even wore makeup even though everybody was too busy to bother paying attention to her.
“Hello, Lily. What’s new in the world of celebrity gossip?”
“Oh, Victoria. I know better than to try and humor you with the lowly trash I write.”
We both laughed along with one another. Lily Beverly was The High Standard’s resident gossip columnist, though you would never know it. I was more than happy to put my name on everything I wrote but Lily went by an alias to keep her name in the clear. That’s what happens when you deal with rumors and speculation instead of actual facts. Despite the contrast in styles, we both dealt with finding out secrets buried within the city. She just didn’t bother digging as deep as I did.
“What did Patrick say to you?” she asked me.
“Same as usual,” I shrugged.
“Yeah, I figure. It must be nice to have weeks to put a single piece together.”
“Hey, I’m working every single day. Investigating takes time. Maybe you should try it.”
“No thanks. I’ll stick to gossip. That’s the only thing people read these days.”
“Yeah, you’re right about that…”
I didn’t mind what Lily wrote about. As long as people were reading it, I couldn’t argue against it. She was lucky enough to have her anonymity protect her from anybody who complained about alleged lies and slander.