She wasn't certain why the idea of sewing with a friend appealed to her so much, but the mother of the family she'd lived with in Beckham while she was teaching frequently had friends over in the afternoon, and they would sew together. She would listen to the laughter from her room while she graded papers, desperately wanting to be part of it, but not having the courage to ask.
Jesse came out after a while and interrupted her thoughts, bringing her a lantern. "Can you see well enough to keep working?" he asked.
She shrugged. "Mending holes is easy. It's not going to look great regardless, so how much light I have isn't a big deal."
He sat beside her on the swing, moving the extra clothing items out of his way. "Thanks for working so hard for us. Dinner has been wonderful the past two nights. I had no idea you were such a good cook."
Anna nodded. "I'm glad you've enjoyed it." She stared down at the mending for a moment, not certain what to say to him. It felt so awkward trying to talk to him now that they weren't fighting all the time. "What are your favorite foods?"
He thought about it for a moment. "I like roast a lot. That's why I was trying to learn how to cook it. I like pies and cakes. I have a real sweet tooth. I love to have flapjacks for breakfast, but I have no idea how to make them, so I haven't had them since Deborah died." His face took on a look of sadness after he mentioned his wife.
"You still miss her a lot don't you? Even after three years?" Anna was surprised to see that. The people she knew who had lost spouses had remarried quickly.
He nodded. "I promised her I would never love anyone else. I don't go back on my promises."
She was surprised by his comment. "But even wedding vows say 'til death do us part.' No one expects you to remain faithful after death."
"I expect me to." He couldn't explain it, but he felt like his love with Deborah had been so pure and true, he couldn't imagine settling for anything less.
She felt like his comments gave her no hope for the future at all, and she was certain it should upset her, but it truly didn't. If he couldn't see that she was worth giving up his love for a woman who had been dead for three years, then he wasn't worthy of her anyway. She wasn't certain how she'd handle having no children of her own five years down the road, but she decided she'd try not to borrow trouble. There was enough that found her on a daily basis for her to worry about what would happen in five years.
"You don't think it's in the realm of possibilities that you could meet someone down the road who wouldn't make you forget her, but would make you feel like you could live again?"
"No, I really don't. I have Ernie, and he's all I really need." He stood up and walked toward the back door. "I appreciate all you do, but don't think I'll fall in love with you." The door closed firmly behind him, leaving her alone in the darkness, with only the lantern.
She felt a tear trickle down her cheek. She wasn't in love with him, but she realized she could be. She was married to him, and had given up the right to love anyone else in the world, but he'd let her know in no uncertain terms that he would never love her. Would she be able to live with that? Or would she soon want more from him?
Chapter Six
Anna was up earlier than usual the following morning so she could have breakfast ready for Jesse before he left for work. She'd never really thought about that aspect of being a wife, and realized that she'd really been spoiled by sleeping in as late as she had most mornings that she was teaching. With school starting at nine, she'd slept until half past seven most days, eating what was left from the family's breakfast.
Now that she was a ranch wife, she felt like she needed to be up as soon as the sun was, so she could have breakfast ready before her husband was even awake. She walked outside and collected the eggs before deciding to whip up pancakes and bacon for breakfast.
As she was putting the bacon on the table, Jesse came down the stairs, his hair rumpled from sleep. He was wearing just his work pants, and she blushed, looking down when she saw his bare chest. The people who ran the orphanage where she'd grown up had been extremely careful to keep any sort of nudity behind closed doors. She had never seen a man's bare chest before, and she felt her stomach quickening as she saw her husband's.
With her eyes still averted, she said, "Breakfast will be ready in ten minutes or so. I just need to fry up the pancakes."
He nodded, noticing her discomfort at his bare chest immediately. He pulled the shirt he carried over his shoulders and headed outside. "I'm going to milk the cow. I'll be back in about ten." He slammed the screen door as he left the house, chuckling to himself. His little schoolmarm was more of a prude than he'd realized.
Anna could breathe again once he was outside. She carefully poured four small circles of the batter onto the greased skillet and watched over the pancakes ready to turn them as soon as the bubbles began to form. She couldn't stop thinking about how sexy her new husband had looked with no shirt on, and she realized that she really should try to stop thinking of him as anything other than her employer. When she thought of him as her husband, it brought back their kiss in the schoolhouse, still the only real kiss they'd shared.
Ernie stomped down the stairs and stopped beside the table. "I'm hungry." It was quite clear he hated asking her for anything, but he needed to eat.
Anna turned to him and smiled. "Good morning, Ernie. Pancakes will be done in a few minutes. Go ahead and wash your hands, so you're ready to eat as soon as the food is ready."
Ernie walked toward the pail of water she had sitting on the work table. "Yes, ma'am." He didn't seem eager to do as she asked, but he didn't seem like he wanted to disobey her either. His automatic obedience was all she asked for. Hopefully he would do it with a smile in time.
She put the overflowing plate of pancakes on the table just as Jesse came in with a pail of milk. "You want me to set this on the work table?" he asked, clearly unsure of how she wanted things done.
"Let's have it with our breakfast," she suggested. "I like milk with my pancakes." She set the syrup on the table along with the butter, before taking her seat at the table with her new family.
Jesse said a quick prayer for them all before reaching out to stab one of the pancakes with his fork. He added butter and syrup before adding some bacon to his plate.
Ernie watched his father get the food, wondering if the way Anna cooked would make his father fall in love with her. He had decided to call her Anna, because it didn't feel right to call her Mrs. Hoover. That had been his mother. He wasn't about to call her Ma, either, because it would feel as if he were taking something from his mother.
Jesse gave him a look. "Eat up, boy. You're working with me today, since there's no school, and I need you to have plenty of energy to help me get some of those fences mended." He knew Ernie wanted to spend more time working with him whenever he could and with school out, it would be a good time.
Ernie's face perked up at the idea. "I don't have to stay home today?" He practically bounced in the chair at the idea of helping his father for a change.
Jesse shook his head. "Nope. I can use the help."
Anna looked at Jesse, nervous about broaching the subject she knew she needed to discuss with him. She'd seen several fights about money between married couples when she'd boarded with families. "I need to go into town for supplies today. We're almost out of flour and sugar, and I want to buy some fabric to make some new clothes for Ernie. His pants are all too short, and most of them are torn."
Jesse nodded slowly. "I guess that's all right. Can you hitch up the team yourself, or do you need help?"
Anna stared at him with surprise. How would she have ever learned to hitch up a team. She'd barely touched a horse in her entire life. They simply weren't available at the orphanage. "I'll need help. Hitching up teams wasn't something taught to girls in the orphanage where I grew up."
Jesse shrugged. "I'll help you hitch them, but you'll have to have whoever's around later unhitch them. There are usually men all over this place." He still was
n't certain what each man on the ranch did for him, but they all seemed to be working all the time. He'd get a handle on things soon, he hoped.
She nodded, agreeing to ask whomever she needed to ask. She wasn't sure if she should ask him for money or if that would seem like she was out of line. As she was debating what to do, he added, "There's money in my bedroom on the dresser. Grab what you need."
Anna smiled, letting out a sigh of relief. He didn't seem to be as close fisted as the other men she'd been around. That was a good thing.
Once the breakfast dishes were finished, she stripped all the beds and washed the linens, hanging them to dry, taking a minute to get some money from Jesse's dresser, before getting into the wagon and heading into town. She'd never driven a wagon before either, but she'd been in enough of them that she certainly knew how.
She started out at little more than a crawl but slowly drove a little faster. By the time she got to town, she felt like she was driving at the same speed as everyone else on the road. When she reached town, she tied off the wagon and jumped down, going into the mercantile with the money she had, looking around her, trying to decide exactly what they needed. She should have made a list.
Mr. Stemmons smiled at her. "You find what you needed the other day all right? I saw you sitting with the new family at church yesterday."
Anna nodded. "I married Mr. Hoover. That's why I'm back in town today. I need to buy some flour, sugar, and some fabric for new clothes for Ernie." She was embarrassed to admit to the fast marriage, but she'd gotten the impression that was pretty normal here in Wiggieville.
Mr. Stemmons didn't even blink at her words. Obviously he thought nothing of a woman marrying a man she'd just met. "How much flour?"
He worked on getting her order together while she looked at the different fabrics available. She found a few colors she liked for new shirts, and some good strong denim to make some pants for both Jesse and Ernie. She chose some yarn as well, wanting to make scarves for Christmas presents. She'd been told Texas was much warmer in the winter than she was used to, but there were still days when it was very cold and difficult for a man to be out without his face covered to protect it from the wind.
After she'd paid, Mr. Stemmons loaded her wagon for her and she started toward the ranch. She spotted Mr. Hanson at the telegraph office, obviously sending a telegram trying to find another teacher. She just smiled to herself. She was in a better position as a ranch wife than she'd ever been in as a teacher anyway. As a mother, she hoped he'd find a new teacher soon. As a recently fired teacher, she hoped the search was long and arduous.
Lunch that day was a simple affair. She made creamed potatoes with small chunks of bacon throughout. It would be enough to satisfy her men, but was simple to cook and left her time open to do the others things she needed to do. While she worked, she thought about the circumstances she'd found herself in and made a decision. As much as Jesse didn't want a wife, she was going to be his until one of them died. She believed in the sanctity of marriage too much to be willing to settle for anything less than a lifetime with him.
She decided she would spend all her time cooking and cleaning and being the best wife she could possibly be, whether he appreciated her for her work or not. Maybe with time and patience, he would realize that she was the wife he'd needed all along and things would change between them. If not, she was more than willing to be a good wife to him. It was what she'd agreed to do, and she would do it to the best of her ability.
While they ate, she couldn't keep her mind off the kiss they'd shared at the schoolhouse. She watched his mouth as he chewed, thinking about what his lips felt like on hers. She tried not to be too obvious about it, but she simply couldn't tear her eyes away from his mouth, wanting it to be on hers again desperately.
Jesse felt Anna's eyes on him throughout the meal, wondering what had come over her. She had never watched him the way she watched him then, and it made him more than a little uncomfortable. At one point, he caught her eye and raised an eyebrow questioningly. She blushed pink and looked down at her plate, but the next time he looked up, she was staring at him again.
As soon as they were done eating, Ernie rushed off to play for a few minutes before he returned to work with his father. Jesse stood, placing his hat on his head as he headed for the door. Before he reached it, he turned to her, finding her still watching him. Instead of speaking, he walked back to her and grabbed her to him, crushing his lips down on hers.
Anna clung to his shoulders, thrilled to finally be kissed by him again. As long as he showed her some affection, she felt like she had some hope. He let her go as suddenly as he'd grabbed her, and she stood with her back against the work table, her breathing uneven. What was that about?
Jesse strode from the house, refusing to look back, because he was afraid if he did, he would drag her off to his bed. The woman played with every one of his senses, making him feel like the lowest form of a worm, because she made him feel like a man for the first time in years. He wanted to remain true to Deborah in every way, not spend time pining after his new wife. He had to get hold of himself.
Anna stood motionless for several minutes, wondering what had come over Jesse. The kiss had been so out of character for him, that she truly wasn't certain how she should react. Should she kiss him when he returned for the day to welcome him home from work? Should she pretend nothing had happened? She thought about it for a moment before deciding to follow his lead. He knew what he wanted from her, even if she didn't.
She forced herself to return to work, knowing that she had several things left to do, but for the remainder of the day, her mind was on her husband and the kiss he'd shared with her.
Before the men were done with work for the day, she'd replaced all the linen on the beds and scrubbed the upstairs of the house. She felt like she had everything in order for her friend to visit the following afternoon. She was pleased with the day's work.
Jesse stalked toward the house at the end of the day, determined not to even look at his pretty little wife. When he stepped in the door, the smells from the beef stew she had made for supper filled the air. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes glorying in the scents. He wished she was a bad cook, so he wouldn't have anything to like about her, but she just kept disappointing him.
He walked to the basin and washed his hands, not paying any attention to her.
Anna watched Jesse carefully as he came in the house, wishing she knew the right way to act after the kiss they'd shared. Did the kiss mean he wanted her to share his bed now? She didn't know, but she would if he wanted it. Somehow she'd always been afraid of the marriage act, but with him? It seemed like something she wouldn't mind too much.
She set the big pot of stew on the table, hoping this time she'd made enough for them to have leftovers for lunch the following day, and set down the fresh rolls she'd baked that day. "Where's Ernie?"
He shrugged. "He had to feed the cows before coming in to supper."
Anna frowned. She felt very strongly that meals should be at a set time, and Ernie being late upset her more than it should. She recognized that it really wasn't the fact that Ernie was late for the meal that was upsetting her, but that it was how uncomfortable she felt with Jesse. She didn't care though. "I serve supper at five. He should be in here and ready to eat at five."
Jesse's eyes met Anna's for the first time since he'd walked in the door. "Are you telling me that my child shouldn't have to do his chores?" Why did she suddenly think she had the right to dictate to him? Was it because he'd kissed her?
"I'm telling you that I expect everything to be sitting at the table ready to eat at five. I work hard to make certain everything is ready by then so the two of you can eat on a schedule. Not coming home when you should is unacceptable. It will make the food that I worked very hard to fix cold."
Jesse walked toward Anna coming close to her and staring down into her blue eyes. "Really? You do realize that this is my home, and he's my son?"
Anna to
ok a step closer bringing them chest to chest. "We're married and that makes him my son as well. I'm the one cooking and cleaning so this is my home. I want him here eating by five." She knew she shouldn't be so bold as to call his home hers, but she was so angry she couldn't stop the flood of words flowing from her mouth.
"And you think you should get your way with everything you do, don't you? What kind of orphanage brings up a woman to be so spoiled?"
She couldn't believe him. How dare he accuse her of being spoiled? And just think, she'd thought about sharing a bed with him earlier! "Orphanages do many things but they do not spoil children. I was anything but spoiled. I had almost no free time as a child, because we were always required to work to grow our own food. I spent the winter months cooking and sewing, and the summers weeding and planting. Ernie has had more free time in the last week than I had in my entire childhood. I ask for only one thing from you, that you be here on time to eat supper every night and you bring Ernie with you. That's not too much to ask, and you know it as well as I do!" Her voice was getting louder with each word, until she realized she was all but yelling at him. She couldn't recall anyone in her life ever making her as angry as the man standing before her.
"You have no right to tell me what I should and shouldn't do for my son. I love Ernie, and I don't care a whit what you think about him or anything else. He's mine."
She wanted to hit him. "It's not easy suddenly having a wife with a brain, is it? Was your first wife so blindly obedient that she had no mind of her own?" Even as she said the words, she knew she was overstepping her bounds, but she couldn't call them back. He had to realize she was her own person with the capability of thought. Whatever else happened between them, he would respect her.
He couldn't believe she would say such a thing about Deborah. "Don't mention my first wife to me. You know nothing about her."
"I know she was a perfect wife in your eyes. How do I become perfect? Stop thinking? Just say so. I'm sure I can figure out how to shut off my brain."
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