by London James
Rowan sips his Shirley and hums. “Yeah, I’m not real sure what to do about that.”
I can’t help but stare at him as he does that. Every move he makes, he makes it seem like a graceful, choreographed dance. It’s beautiful and serene. The way he holds the glass, his fingers wrapping around the expensive crystal, gently, but still with a firm hold.
It’s kind of like the way he holds me. Carefully, but meaningfully. I can’t remember a time where he wasn’t eye-catching. All the women wanted him, and he dated a few, probably had sex with a few. And my teenage heart couldn’t even think about that. I’d always get so sad and down knowing he wanted others, but not me.
Now it isn’t the case, is it? I’m blinded by the confusion, the pain of losing my mom, my love for Rowan that never went away. Is it these four walls we are stuck in? Is that why this is so easy right now, not that love is easy—it never is—but is that why we were able to push through all the anger to get here, to this moment? What happens when we walk outside the door, back to the real world? I have to go to work, and so does he. Will these past few days be written history right alongside everything else?
It’s a hard pill to swallow. All the times he climbed up my bedroom window, sneaking in to watch Grey’s Anatomy. He said he hated that show, but I think he loves it, or he wouldn’t have kept watching it with me. And the school dances. I smile on the inside, not wanting to give away what I’m thinking. Even if he was dating another girl, Rowan did the thing he was never supposed to, he either broke up with them right before the dances or he would not go with them because he always went with me.
I swallow the emotion trapped in my throat, threatening the way I breathe. I stare inside my drink and sip from the small black straw. The sweet grenadine hits my tongue, but it does nothing to yank me out of the memories. All of them, written in history, never to be relived again.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks.
“Nothing, just the past, is all. We really were inseparable.” The only reason why we aren’t now is because of me. All the reasons or excuses I can think of to tell him why I did it, none are good enough.
He clears his throat and takes a large gulp of his drink. “Yeah, we were.”
The emotion and heartache on his face is all it takes to break me in. “Remember the bonfire?” I ask. Right as the words left my mouth, I knew I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m currently thinking of Malcolm and how Rowan acted. He was so protective.
I hit the bottom of my drink, slurping past the ice. Then lean forward to pour another Shirley. “Do you want another?”
The silence is deafening before he says, “Sure.”
I pour him another glass and scoot back on the couch again, pulling my legs up to the side. I should have never mentioned the night of the fire. It was the night we had sex for the first time, and the moment I left him, dropping him like he meant nothing. But he always meant everything.
“I remember,” he says, twirling the straw around in his drink. “I remember you coming to the fire looking so beautiful; it took my breath away. That little plum dress hugged all your curves just right. You took my breath away. You always did. I had planned on telling you that night how much I loved you, even if we were going our separate ways. I had to tell you how I felt because it was about to burst out of me.”
“I was going to tell you too,” I answer.
“And then Malcolm fucking pushed himself on you. I about lost my damn mind.”
“I remember,” I nod, suddenly feeling cold as a shiver works through my system.
“I saw red. I wanted to kill him for putting his hands on you, on someone that wasn’t his. I felt so protective and possessive. I knew right then that anyone else touching you, would make me feel like that.”
My body heated with nerves from the memory of feeling Malcolm against me, pushing me against the tree. “I appreciate you coming to my rescue. I don’t think I ever said thank you.”
Rowan leans forward and puts his elbows on his knees. “You never have to say thank you for something like that, Everly. Anyone decent would have done it.”
“Yeah, but it was you who did it. How many people were there, and you stepped up? Who knows what would have happened.” I don’t even want to think about it.
“And then we had sex in my truck,” he says flatly.
I don’t think I can ever think of that experience with no emotion. “It was the best night of my life, Rowan.”
He snorts and snatches the straw from the cup, tossing it on the floor. He downs the rest of his drink, the ice clinking together as he turns the glass up. “You sure knew how to show it.”
The first tear breaks free from the hatred in his tone. “You don’t understand.”
“Make me understand. Make me understand how you can say you love me so much, and then leave me like I didn’t mean shit to you. Do you know what it did to me, Everly? Do you know how depressed I got? My heart was numb. I didn’t start to feel it again until two years ago. I was finally getting over you, I think. But then every time I thought I was, you’d pop back in. And I’d fall all over again and start at square one. I was ready to give it all up for you. I was ready to follow you to the end of the fucking world because you were my world.” His eyes turn red as tears threaten his eyes.
“That’s why I left. It’s why I never answered your calls. I wanted to be with you, Rowan. I cried every night for you. I missed you so much. I couldn’t sleep the first year without you. I was so used to your arms wrapped around me. But I couldn’t be the reason why you didn’t go for your dreams or mine. You always said you were going to be successful. You were going to be rich. And I didn’t want to be the one holding you back. We could have resented each other.”
“And I resented you anyway.”
“I know,” I say. “But your dreams came true.”
“My dream was you, Everly. All the money, the company, it would have happened either way.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing. I’m sorry,” I say.
“You should have talked to me. You shouldn’t have taken that opportunity away from me. I deserved that.”
“You did,” I concede. “I know that now. I made a mistake, but it was never a mistake giving my virginity to you, Rowan. All my firsts are with you. That means something to me.”
“It was my virginity, too!” he shouts, the vein in his forehead popping out from the frustration. “It was my virginity, too. I had never had sex before, Everly.”
“What?” I whisper, the drink nearly falling out of my hand. “That’s impossible. All the girls…”
“All the girls meant nothing to me like you did. I thought dating would eventually dim my feelings for you. But no one ever did. Sure, I kissed a few people, but I never wanted them the way I wanted you. I guess you could say I waited for us to have the opportunity. I wasn’t sure if it would ever happen, but having sex for the first time, I knew it had to be with you.”
The breath leaves my lungs in a big swoosh. I don’t know what to say. My entire body is shaking from shock. “I had no idea.”
“You didn’t stick around long enough to find out.”
“You felt like you knew what you were doing. I would have never known. Unlike me,” I say, pushing my hair behind my ear. “You made the experience amazing, Rowan.”
“You felt so good. I can’t even put into words how amazing it was. Everything fell into place for me that night. I knew I had to be with you,” he says.
“It’s still amazing.”
He nods, “It only gets better.”
I finish my third drink by the time we are talking about this and walk over to the bar to make another since the pitcher is empty at this point. Alcohol always makes things easier to talk about. Otherwise, I don’t think I would have talked to him about it. I should have. I know that. I’ve known that for a while now.
“I still love you,” he says in a low hush.
I sit my drink on the bar and strut over to him. I tak
e off the straps of my dress on the way over. He uncrosses his legs and spreads them wide. Rowan’s arms rest on either side of him. His pants tent higher and higher the further I drop my dress below my breasts, and that’s all it takes for it to fall to the floor.
He sighs as he looks my body up and down. “So beautiful.” He runs his hands up my belly, placing it over my heart. “I think I’ll always love you to the point of madness, Everly.”
“I’ll always love you too, Rowan. Until the end of time and space.”
The vodka gives me the courage to do what I want. I straddle his waist, the tent in his pants from his erection grinding over my slit. I start rocking slowly, wanting to build the pleasure and anticipation. Rowan’s hands slide around my hips, placing them at the curve in my lower back, right above my ass.
“Make love to me,” I whisper against his mouth, but the words come out as a desperate moan.
“Gladly,” he answers, before taking my lips with his. The kiss is smooth, soft, careful, gentle, and I can feel the love pouring off him in waves, speaking with his body since he can’t talk right now. He cups my face with his hands to control the kiss as I dry hump his straining cock.
Something about it seems so simple. It feels so good because it ramps up the need and desire that much more. Our breaths mingle, and we both let out harsh exhales when the grinding starts to get out of control.
My fingers grip the hair curling around the back of his neck. And he makes sure he has a tight hold on me as he brings us to the plush, carpeted floor in front of the fireplace. He thrusts forward, hitting my swollen clit with every thrust.
“Why does this feel so good? I haven’t done this since I was a teenager,” he jokes, but it ends on a long groan when I tilt my hips down, hoping he understands I do not want to talk about his past lovers.
He steals my mouth again in a fevered kiss. He is thrusting against me hard now, and my bare back slides against the carpet, burning the sensitive flesh between my shoulder blades, but I don’t care. I want all the pain, all the marks, all the burns, and bites, and everything else that comes with being wrapped up in Rowan’s embrace.
“Your skin,” he whispers against it. “So soft, so flawless.” He leaves a kiss on my shoulder before moving to the other side and lavishing the curve, so it doesn’t feel left out. He licks across my collarbone. “We should get married,” he says, the words a caress across my breasts.
“What?” I don’t think I heard him correctly. There is no way he said what I thought he said. The blood rushing through my ears must be impairing my hearing.
He kisses a pathway down the middle of my stomach, dipping his tongue in my navel. “Let’s get married. Why not? The house has too many memories. We can do it. Then we don’t have to feel pressure about marrying anyone else.”
It makes sense.
“I’ll marry you whenever you want, Rowan,” I say, meaning it, too.
He smiles as he hovers over me, brushing his finger down my nose. His plump, red lips fall to mine, and his fingers dance up my side, tickling the curve of my breast. “I like that you don’t wear underwear under your clothes. It’s so much easier to have you whenever I want.”
“I don’t wear them because of that,” I tease. I usually do wear underwear, but I’m not going to tell him that. I haven’t been wearing any, in hopes he will want me and take me. Just like he is now.
“I’m going to pretend it is,” he growls, running his index finger down my sternum.
“You’re over dressed,” I stutter as he cups my pussy.
“Always so wet,” he grins, before he rips his shirt in half. Buttons fly everywhere and bounce against the glass of the fireplace.
My hands roam over the plains of his chest. The perfect canvas. His hair is soft against my palms as I migrate down his tapered waist. His abs are morsels that I want nothing more than to taste them. When I get to his belt and undo it, the heavy metal clanks against the floor.
Rowan sits up, flexing his muscles, and the thick ropes that hold his body together show, making my mouth water. He unbuttons and unzips his pants, and his bush shows right away along with the thick base of his cock.
No underwear.
“I’m not the only one,” I wink, teasing my fingers along the edge of the pants, and where his shaft shows.
His body trembles and goosebumps rise on his skin. He is a godlike Adonis, and I’m his for the taking.
His Everly.
I want him to own me. And I will own him. For the rest of my life. Until the end of time and space.
Chapter 23
Rowan
Maybe it’s just the alcohol running through my veins that’s giving me this wild abandon and carelessness of the repercussions of what will happen if she and I get married. I hope it isn’t. I want us to move forward. I want us. The world feels so good and right with her beneath me, staring at me with want and love.
I shuck off my pants, kicking them who knows where. I don’t really care. I want to make love to her all night, slow and steady. I want to pour all of my emotions into her. These past few days have done nothing but remind me how much she and I need to be together.
We have a lot to work through, but I know we can do it. We are here for a reason. And yes, the reason is ugly and painful because our parents died, but we were able to be there for each other, and that broke the barrier of despair and longing, and we fell into each other again.
When I’m naked, I curl over her again. My arms cage her head in as I lean on my elbows and situate myself between the apex of her thighs.
“Hey,” I say, wanting to slap myself from how lame it sounds.
“Hi,” she smiles.
That beautiful smile that makes the small dent in her chin a little more prominent. My eyes roam her face, and my fingers play with the ends of her hair, loving how soft they are, so smooth. Her long, lashes flutter as I run my nose down her cheek and lick her earlobe, blowing cold air on it.
Her fingers react, clutching fistfuls of my flesh on my chest. She pulls a few pieces of hair, but the pain is just the right amount of pleasure. I settle my cock between the folds of her pussy and push forward, sliding between them as they hug me. I moan while she whimpers as I brush over the swollen flower of that sweet, tender pearl.
I lower myself down against her body. Chest against chest. Skin against skin. The heat from the fireplace radiates over us, adding to the sweat that has already started to build against our skin. The girth of my cock spreads her folds to the max, those sweet, juicy folds that I want to suck into my mouth.
The sounds of us grinding against each other get louder with every second that passes because she gets wetter and wetter, her juices releasing from that tight hole.
“Rowan,” she whimpers, stretching her head back, revealing the tendons of her neck.
“Yeah, baby?” This time, I let out a soft whimper as her clit drags across the nerve on the underside of the crown of my dick. “Fuck, I’m not even inside you, and I could come right now.” It’s true. She has my balls rolling and spine tingling. I’m going to have to come before I get inside her.
“Do it,” she says. “We can go all night. I love it when you come. It turns me on so much.”
I grunt, laying my forehead on her shoulder as I thrust. I can’t stop moaning. I don’t know what broke inside me. Maybe it’s because I let all the pain go, and now I can feel everything intensely. My nerve endings are about to explode.
“You’ve been my only,” she drags her lips across the shell of my ear.
I pull back and hold her face with my hands as I whisper, “You’ve been mine too.”
“No, Rowan. You don’t understand. You’ve been my first, and you’re still the only one I’ve ever been with sexually. No one but you.”
A squirt of come spews from my slit, and my mouth falls open on a painful moan. I’m trying to hold my orgasm back. I’ve been her only lover. Something about being the only one that has ever touched her makes my cock get harder than ste
el, and my orgasm builds in the shaft. I look down to see come slowly dripping from the small hole, begging for me to let it go.
“You’re serious?” I ask with disbelief. She is so beautiful. Surely, she’s had boyfriends.
Her throat bobs, and her face turns red with embarrassment. “I’ve never even sucked a cock before the other day,” she admits.
And the filthy words leaving her sweet fucking lips that were wrapped around my dick send me over the edge. I drop my head and bite the skin of her shoulder as I release my come all over her pussy. I feel it coating my cock like lubricant and dripping off her folds, dropping beads of fertile gloss onto my sack.
“Oh,” she moans, “Oh, God. Rowan, don’t stop what you’re doing.”
I’m only coming, and eventually that will stop, but the last spurt hits her clit, like a bullseye. And with no penetration or hands, Everly is convulsing beneath me, shuttering as her orgasm rips through her body.
I guess my orgasm really does turn her on. Something in me tells me to scoop my come up and push it inside her with my fingers, so that’s exactly what I do. I shove in, three fingers deep, making sure my seed is coating her walls in some way.
The flush that takes over her face travels down her neck and chest. She hides her face behind her hands and moans with shame. “I can’t believe that I did that.”
“So fucking hot,” I growl, inserting my fingers into her wet pussy. “I love that I’ve been your only.” I push deep until my knuckles are against her pussy, unable to go any further.
Everly’s hand slaps against the carpet, and she tries to curl her fingers to grab onto it, but she can’t. Her chest is rising and falling, her back arching, those pink nipples hard and pointing to the ceiling. “I’m going to come again if you keep doing that,” she gasps.
“This?” I ask, like I have no idea what she is talking about, but I curl my fingers, pressing the pads against the spot inside her.
“Yeah, that,” she stutters. “That, that, that,” she chants as another orgasm rips through her.